Just a thought in my head... I have a lot of strange thoughts in my head.

Chapter One: The True Origins of the Greek Gods:

Let's face it. If you've read Greek mythology, you know there are some parts that are awesome, and amazing... then there's those eyebrow-raising, questionable completely inconsistent moments.

But I am here to educate you on how the myths really should have happened. Or might have happened. (If you haven't read them before, read them before this. Most of this is not true)

So naturally, we should start at the beginning.

The Rise of the Titans and the Birth of all these monsters we hardly hear from again:

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Eart-

Whops! Wrong story.

In the beginning, there was the Mother Nature or Earth, or whatever you call her, named Gaia, and the sky, named Uranus. So naturally, they fell in love, since there was no one else to fall in love with, and eHarmony wasn't an option or a "thing" yet, and had a bunch of kids.

How the sky can get the Earth pregnant, I have no idea.

Anyway, they had a bunch of kids with one hundred hands... which I guess didn't raise any eyebrows, and a bunch of kids with one eye...which also apparently didn't raise any eyebrows, either. Seriously, Earth+ Air= dust. A dust baby would make more sense, than this!

Now Gaia was a good mom... for a little while.

She let all her kids frolic over her body, chucking rocks at everything, tearing up the ground, causing mass destruction, blowing stuff up, and doing chaotic things because that's what a good mother should do.

Uranus, on the other hand, was a little creeped out by all these weird hundred handed, mutant, rock-chucking children, who seemed to like to destroy stuff, dramatically wave their arms, and scream, so he decided, that the natural thing to do was to lock them up in Tartarus, the deepest pit of hell imaginable.

Why?

We don't know. Maybe they didn't do their homework or maybe he didn't want to raise them, or deal with their teenage years, paid for their overly expensive education, making sure that they stayed out of prison for a couple more years, or do anything that had to do with parenting.

Naturally, (man, I like using that word) Gaia is not happy with this, I mean, damning your kids to an eternity of torment, fire and pain is a BIG no-no... and without Mom's permission. Unspeakable!

So Gaia went to some other kids she had, who looked more... normal, than the other ones, called the Titans. Because siblings totally get along all the time, so if one's in a pickle, other siblings would come to the rescue.

Get real, Gaia.

If your siblings got eternally grounded, you would probably take all their stuff... or destroy it.

The Titans were more like the first cavemen... I mean, they weren't very smart...at all. And there were twelve of them. Tethys, Theia, Cronus, Rhea, Oceanus, Hyperion, Coeus, Crius, Phoebe, Themis, Iapetus, and Mnemsyne. But no one really cares about any of the other Titans except Cronus and Rhea. They actually got somewhere in life...

Well, at least Rhea did...

Gaia goes to her children for help... because that's a great idea on a parent's part... and comes to the conclusion that Daddy's not so great. But how should we take care of this problem?

Sit down and talk about it?

Nope.

Go to family therapy classes?

Nope.

Divorce Daddy?

Are you kidding? Nope!

Mother Earth reached the totally legal solution, of cutting up Daddy into little tiny pieces, castrating them, and throwing them into the sea, because you know, by the wise words of Mother Gothel, from Tangled "Mother knows best!"

Again, why?

Maybe Uranus forgot their anniversary, or her birthday, wouldn't cook dinner, or left the toilet seat up one two many times. But the lack of communication in this family is amazing. COMMUNICATE, PEOPLE!

Gaia, then fashions a sythe made of stone, and gives it to Cronus, the youngest of the children, because sure, your gonna have your smallest, scrawny child defend your entire family... Nice move, Gaia.

So Cronus released his Clinon-like siblings, and cut up his Dad into tiny pieces and cast them in the sea, forming Aphrodite, but we'll come back to her. After recycling their father, the Titans took over the Earth.

Cronus locked up his mutant siblings back up in Tartarus, became a self-proclaimed king, and took his sister, Rhea as his wife, because inbreeding is totally O.K and hygienic!

So clearly there must be a lesson in this:

1) Don't do this.

2) Don't listen to Daddy. Mother knows best.

Please R&R!