Disclaimer: Kairan Akiyama does not own Kingdom Hearts II. This fic might have YAOI and/or SHOUNEN-AI (man-sex/boy-love) undertones, not sure which yet. If you don't like YAOI and/or SHOUNEN-AI, you'll be warned well in advance. Oh, this contains explicit language, like fck; so be on the look out for F-bombs.
KAI-SAN: Thought of this while at work…at least five times. I might actually follow-through this time.
NIGHTSHADE: You know if your bosses ever find this, your ass is fired.
KAI-SAN: They'd have to know how to use a computer first.
-x-
KAI-SAN: So ya, this is what I think sometimes at work.
NIGHTSHADE: And there was much rejoicing.
KAI-SAN: If there is, um…sexual activity, it'll be mentioned prior; so no bitching about seeing boy parts touching other boy parts.
NIGHTSHADE: Don't like YAOI and/or SHOUNEN-AI? Don't read properly labeled chapters. Duh.
Enjoy the ride.
Xemnas Reports
This manuscript and its contents were found scattered about in different worlds and hopefully reconstructed in the proper order. As they have been translated from Xemnas' half-ass chicken scratch, some artistic liberties have been taken for phrasing. The views expressed represent those of Xemnas and the translator, so don't get your panties in a twist.
-x-
These particular pages were uncovered in the basement of the abandoned manor in Twilight Town. Upon restoration, they appear to be a list of totalitarian suggestions.
-x-
(SHOUNEN-AI-isque)
Chapter I: Rules of Tyrannical Rule Leadership
Rule One: Don't treat your underlings like underlings. They'll have revenge by doing the work poorly, betraying you, or setting your stuff on fire.
Rule Two: Even though they are just underlings, use big, important sounding words when you give them jobs like physical task executive, food nutritional specialist, and posterior osculator (ass kisser).
Rule Three: Don't speak in different languages around your underlings. They'll begin to disregard what you say in one language and take offense to what you say in another. Even though that paranoia may be true.
Rule Four: Continuously reminding your underlings that they are "slow" is not a confidence builder. If you want them happy (to an extent), use backhanded compliments like "I've never seen anyone (insert job here) like you." They're too stupid to know you're insulting them.
Rule Five: When your underling has enraged you past a comfort level, get rid of it. Use the most painful way possible. He pissed you off, didn't he? A scalping is the least you could've done to the ungrateful bastard…
Rule Six: Your life outside of work is your own damn business. Photos, letters, and interesting conversation starters (handcuffs) have no place being where your subordinates can see them. They'll begin to think you're "just like them" and not so bad. Prove them wrong. Kill relatives if you have to, show no mercy. Tis better to be feared than loved and that kind of shit.
Rule Seven: No office affairs. All you need is your lover consort sex monkey bragging to the others about how much he gets and how often. And Heaven help him if he says he's seme!
Rule Eight: Feed your underlings. Occasionally.
Rule Nine: Pay your underlings. By letting them live.
Rule Ten: Destroy reminders of underlings that have a cooler weapon than you. It will piss off the hero later.
Rule Eleven: Don't go to the New Year's party and expect to be in charge; they've been planning it all year and there's no way in hell you'll get out of it with your dignity.
Rule Twelve: After the New Year's party, get new underlings. And have them bury their predecessors.
Rule Thirteen: Don't (when fighting two adversaries) try to turn them against one another. It won't work and you'll just piss them off even more. You're screwed after that.
-hateshi nai-
And so the first chapter (no matter how short it is) is completed. What are you opinions? Let me know and I'll load chap. 2, kay? Arigatou-gozaimasu, ja ne.