STARGATE SG1
Genre : Romance/Drama Sam/Jack
PG
Disclaimer : don't own them. Don't own the song neither.
Title : I don't know.
The song is 'I don't know' written by Jean-Jacques Goldman and interpreted by Celine Dion
Author's notes : it's just a little story I've made in half an hour. Hope you like it even if it's really corny. By the way, English is not my mother tongue. Sorry for the mistakes. If someone wanna be my beta reader. Would be great !!
STARGATE ROOM
I am looking at them. Unable to move or to speak. He seems so happy.
How did it happen ? I can't really explain. All I know is that on a bloody morning
I have understood that she was taking him away from me.
As usual, I've closing myself, working harder and harder. But this time it was useless. It didn't work. I couldn't deny my feelings anymore. So I have just accepted it.
I've let myself dying inside. I even didn't try to talk with Janet. I've functioned on an automatic mode.
And now… I'm looking at them unable to react.
We are a little group of friends. The general, Janet, Teal'c and some other soldiers. I can even feel the presence of Daniel. How I wish that he was there.
Some of the soldiers have organized a surprise for him and they're playing a song. I can't tell what it is as my mind is really unable to think.
All I can do is remembering what he said to me.
Flashback
« Carter ! »
I turned back to see my colonel running to me.
« sir ? »
« we have to talk. »
I nodded. We entered into my room.
« Carter, how did you dare to speak that way to Laira ? »
« I… »
« listen to me major, you hadn't the right to speak like that ok ? You believe to know everything ? It's maybe right for your science but it's totally wrong concerning the relations with the other persons. You don't know… »
I didn't answer. I was shocked. He saw the tears in my eyes. His eyes became suddenly less furious.
But it was too late. I didn't answer. I wanted to scream and explain him that I loved him and that was why I didn't like her. But I stayed quiet.
He was certainly right in fact. I lowered my eyes and left him. He didn't try to stop me. I ran into my lab and since then, we haven't talked anymore. Sure we've talked like a major and a colonel but because we had to.
End of the flashback
So now, I'm looking them talking and laughing. We're wearing our uniform.
I feel a presence beside me.
« Sam ? »
I turned my head to see Janet looking worrying at me.
« Are you ok ? » she asked me really concerned.
« no. » I whispered.
She put her hand on my shoulder to comfort me. I know that she knows.
I smile sadly.
I saw the general walking towards the micro. I don't understand all he says. I manage to comprehend his last sentences.
« Colonel Jack O'Neill, I was proud of having you under my command. We will miss you. » Everyone applauses his discourse. It must have been touching because I can see the tears in Janet's eyes.
I know that it will be my turn soon. Everyone had to prepare a little speech for his departure towards Edora. I watch Teal'c walking solemnly to where the general was.
« O'Neill, by your side, I have learnt so much. You have offered me freedom.
You are my friend. »
I stop listening because it's too hard. I just try to concentrate myself on the last words as I am to pass after him. That's over. Oh. He hasn't finished yet.
« well, O'Neill, I just want to add that Daniel was proud of being your friend. I'm sure that if he was with us today, he would have tried to keep you here. »
I'm shocked. I am here and I do not act. I am just looking, observing. I let her win. I can't believe it. I feel my cheeks blushing. Not because I'm shy of speaking but because I'm angry against myself.
I know that I have to go on the stage.
I took the micro. I closed my eyes. I don't manage to speak. My speech is so banal. As usual, the thanks, the admiration… I can't do that. I know everyone is looking at me. But I don't care. All I know is that it's my last chance. I open my eyes.
I meet Janet's eyes. They're full of tears. I also meet the gaze of general. He nods as if he knew what I am going to do. I am searching for his eyes. I find them. He looks at me and I just melt. I turn and whisper something to one of the musician. He nods with surprise in his eyes.
A soft music begins and I know I have no choice. I wish the Earth will open under me. I… it's beginning.
« A mountain of stone, a door of steel
Can stand in my way, I'd go on.
Brutal machines, unbending laws (I know what I'm talking about with these regs)
Can't slow me down, I'd go on.
I've learnt how to deal
And when to fight
(it's true I have learnt that)I know what's real, I know what's right
I'm not afraid, a wounded dove
I can be tender in a world so tough
(I know they don't really see me as a woman but if he gave me a chance, maybe I could show him that I'm loving…)I'm sure I could face the bitter cold
(and he knew it too. I can't stop myself remembering one of out first mission when we've found the other Stargate.)But life without you, I don't know.
(no, I don't know.)The wind of the hearts can blow me down
But I get right up
And I stand my ground
I've tasted fear
My share of pain
(it's true, I've lived a lot of painful experiences in my life but I think that this one must be one of the hardest.)The wasted tears of love in vain.
(how many times did I cry. He doesn't know. No one does).I've held you tight
Pushed you away
(I am responsible. He wanted to be closer. I was afraid. I pushed him away with the Zarta'c and each time he wanted me to go fishing with him.)Now with all my might I beg you to stay.
I stop singing. I feel a lump in my throat.
I hear the guitarist playing. I start again
I know what I want
Know what I need
There's just one thing
I must believe
Deep in the night by a dying flame, you will be there
When I call your name.
I feel tears rolling down my cheeks and then I realize that I have done that in front of them. I feel so shamed. And I will be a lot more when he will go.
I don't know what to say, don't know what to do.
I don't find the courage to look at him nor another. I just lower my eyes.
Suddenly I feel a hand in mine. I raise my eyes and I see him.
He has tears in his eyes. He put his thumb on my face and wipe my tears away.
I can't turn my eyes from his beautiful brown eyes but from the corner of my eyes I see that everyone is leaving the room. I see Janet leading Laira out.
He put a tuft of my hair behind my ear.
I close my eyes and shiver at his touch. I feel him kissing me gently. I answer back with all the love and tenderness I can show.
He looks at me and smiles.
I whisper : « will you stay ? »
« yes I will. I love you. »
I smile. « I love you too. »
We stay like this in each other embrace. I know and he knows there's no need for words right now.