Don't Call Me That
"Oh, Allen-kun!"
The silver-haired boy turned slightly at the sound of his name, a wry smile playing across his face. No one else called his name with such a mixture of surprise and mild annoyance.
"You're back," Lenalee smiled as she approached him. Her short hair was in disarray – had she just returned from a mission, too? – and she looked sleepy. He resisted the urge to reach out and ruffle her hair fondly. Lenalee was such a child sometimes.
"Yes, I'm back."
"Welcome home," she spoke almost automatically, pausing when she was a few steps away from him. "How did it go?"
He shrugged – the case had ended in a satisfactory manner. There wasn't much to say about it.
"It was all right."
She cocked her head at his tone of voice. He saw the uncertainty in her gaze, and silently prayed that she wouldn't comment, wouldn't look at him with those worrying eyes and gently ask if he was all right. To his utmost relief, she seemed to decide that she'd imagined it and offered him another small smile.
"I'm glad to hear it. Brother wanted to talk to you about something… I think he was in the records room. Shall I take you there?"
"Yes, please." Allen still hadn't gotten used to the new Headquarters – the building was large and beautiful, but it didn't feel like home, not the way the previous Headquarters had. He'd felt comfortable there, safe, even. And now…
Maybe it's just because you didn't know about what you are when you were there.
"Allen-kun?" Lenalee stared at him with a puzzled expression. "Are you all right?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine." He shook his head slightly and made a big show out of cleaning his ears out with one finger. Lenalee continued to stare at him for a few moments before laughing aloud in delight.
He stopped abruptly, his stomach jumping. Not now, not now!
"I'm not really used to this new you, Allen-kun," the female Exorcist commented with a grin, "but I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually." She beckoned to him with one hand. "Now come on, Brother tends to get impatient these days."
"Yeah, okay." He trailed after her, making sure to stay a few feet behind her. His eyes were immediately drawn to the crystal rings around her ankles – he'd noticed, with growing disturbance, how his gaze was often drawn to Lenalee's new Innocence form. Was there some sort of a meaning behind it?
"Allen-kun," her voice sounded out again, and she sounded vaguely frustrated. "You seem very distracted. Is something wrong?"
"No!" The single word burst out of him with more force than intended. "I mean, no, nothing's wrong," he amended.
Too late. Lenalee's eyes narrowed slightly at the hesitance in his voice.
"I wish you wouldn't keep secrets from me, Allen-kun."
He let out a hiss of breath. "Everyone has secrets, Lenalee."
She tilted her head to one side and studied him curiously. "I suppose so," she finally agreed after a long pause. "Just tell me if it's anything really important, all right? There's no need to keep everything to yourself all the time."
I can't tell you. No matter how much I want to, I can't.
"Oops! We'd better hurry. Brother's bound to be annoyed now." Lenalee's feet tapped against the ground as she picked up her pace. "Hurry up, Allen-kun."
"Lenalee?" Her name came out before he could react. "Maybe you shouldn't call me –kun anymore."
She paused, clearly puzzled. "Why… why not?"
"Um, because…"
For the second time, Lenalee turned to look at him. "What should I call you, then?"
"Just… just don't call me anything. Please." It was hard to get rid of his politeness, even when he was doing something like this.
Her forehead puckered. "Allen-kun…? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Just don't." He closed his eyes. "I've been feeling so strange around you lately – it bothers me. I keep feeling nervous and frustrated and anxious and so many other emotions. It can't be right. It doesn't feel right."
Lenalee stared at him. "Allen-kun… I don't think that's supposed to feel bad," she said softly. Not for the first time, Allen noticed how pretty she looked with her shorter hair framing her face.
No!
"I…" Suddenly bold, opinionated Lenalee looked shy. "I feel that way sometimes, too. When I'm with you. But it doesn't feel wrong to me."
His stomach dropped.
His hunch had been right.
He had feelings for Lenalee Lee… and she had feelings for him.
This can't be happening…
"Listen to me, Lenalee," he spoke gently, stepping closer to her – because this was going to be hard enough, and he didn't want to make her hurt any more than she needed to – "I think you should…" He paused, uncertain about how to phrase what he was about to say.
Her eyes widened ever so slightly, and he saw that she'd guessed.
"Why?" Her voice shook – she'd been crying far too often, and it hurt him to see strong Lenalee in tears – and her probing gaze rested on him. "Why… I don't understand…"
"Lenalee, please…"
"No!" Her voice rose, and her face hardened. "Tell me what's going on, Allen-kun. I've had enough of your games. The world doesn't rest on your shoulders alone."
She whispered the last sentence, but he could still hear it, and it shot him through the heart because she was right.
"I don't know what sort of a hero-complex thing you have going on," she continued in a softer tone, "but you're not alone, Allen-kun, and I can't see how you can still think that."
He clenched his left hand into a fist. "Just listen to me, Lenalee," he told her quietly. "Listen to me, and then tell me you think I'm being a bratty child with a hero complex."
"I don't – " Lenalee began to protest, but Allen raised his right hand to silence her.
"I feel strange when I'm around you, I won't dispute that. It's not always a bad kind of strange. But the point is – am I really the one feeling this?"
"That's ri – " Lenalee stopped suddenly, her eyes reflecting her realization. "Oh," she whispered.
"I don't think you fully understand the graveness of this situation," he told her. "I have no idea what the 14th is playing at, and I don't want you dragged into this, too. I don't want you to get hurt, Lenalee."
Her eyes began to glow hotly. "That's ridiculous!" she burst out, her cheeks reddening in anger. "Why would he be interested in me, Allen-kun? It doesn't make any sense."
Allen made an irritated noise from the back of his throat. "Get a grip," he snapped, and Lenalee flinched at his harsh tone. "Don't be so naïve! You're the first Exorcist to have a Crystal-type Innocence – why wouldn't he be interested? I don't know if he's playing with my emotions to keep close to you or not, but I don't want to risk anything."
Her jaw line tightened. "I understand your concern, and it's gratifying," she spoke quietly, "but I can take care of myself, believe it or not."
"That's just it – what if you can't?"
"Excuse me?" Lenalee stared at him in disbelief. "What… what are you trying to imply, Allen Walker?"
She hadn't called him by his full name in a long, long time – had she ever? – and it stung.
"I'm not trying to imply anything," he replied in a defeated tone. "I'm just telling you… don't… don't get your hopes up."
The anger faded from her eyes, and a look of bitter amusement replaced it. "Oh, I don't need you to tell me that, Allen-kun."
She turned so that her back was facing him. "Thank you for protecting me, Walker-san. Shall I take you to Brother now?"
AN: I wanted my first Allen+Lenalee piece to be nice and fluffy, but, well… ):
I could be totally off here – I'm only on chapter 177, after all – so forgive me if anything said disagrees with Hoshino-sensei's plot. I don't know if this has been done before, but I don't have the patience to sift through all the fanfics, so yeah…
I know some people see Lenalee as weak and too damsel-in-distress-ish, but I admire her courage and spirit. I also kind of like the fact that she's content to admire Allen from afar. Work comes before love, after all.
Please feel free to critique my characterization or anything else! I'd like to ask you to be gentle, but in any case, I'm open to any sort of comments that can help me grow as a writer.
1,304 words.
Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-man. That belongs to Katsura Hoshino.