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Dr. Phill interviews Snidley Whiplash
Please don't sue me, Dr. Phil. You're the only shrink EVERYBODY'S heard of.
Forgive me for having this really weird habit of analyzing fictional characters.
I got this idea from: The Perils of Discovery" by Sailor Twilight Assassin.
"So, what's with you and Nell, anyway? Why are you always kidnapping and trying to murder that poor girl? What did she ever do to you? What do you get out of it?" Dr. Phill asked.
"She made me fall in love with her! Or at least, in lust. And she's a GOOD girl, a disgusting namby-pamby! One who only loves conditionally, not unconditionally!" Snidley replied.
"What do you mean?" Dr. Phill asked.
"She can only love somebody if they are NICE to her. If they are polite and kind and good and don't hurt her! She actually has self-esteem and self-respect and a strong self image. So if anybody tries to hurt her, she'll actually pick herself up and walk off. And henceforth avoid that person like the plague, if that's a viable option!" Snidley replied.
"Good for her. All humans should act that way." Dr. Phill said.
"Isn't that kind of political incorrect? Saying one way of acting is good for ALL people? That some can't get their jollies from hurting others or from being hurt?" Snidley asked.
"That's unhealthy." Dr. Phill replied.
"But that's why I HAVE to kill her! Before she corrupts me!" Whiplash began.
" Before I give into the temptation to be GOOD and NICE and KIND just so I can have her! I LIKE being evil and mean and nasty!" Snidley continued.
"I don't want to change! I have to kill her before I change for her sake...even if I KNOW it's way too late!" Snidley explained.
"She'll never trust me! She even has trouble trusting that goody two shoes Dudley, since I've come so close to killing her so often! She can only trust his horse, since it can't hurt her! I MUST kill her before she corrupts me into being GOOD!' Snidley said.
"That's really sick and depraved." Dr. Phill said.
"Thank you, I try." Snidley replied.
The End.