Hunger
Warning: Slash.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders.
Pairing: Onesided Johnny/Ponyboy.
Note: I've just noticed I have one too many Drabbles up (this would be 19 when we're on 18). Should I wait a day after this to catch up or not?
Word Count: 615 (only actual Drabble)
One Drabble a Day Challenge, Date: Friday, September 18th, 2009
Hunger
I don't know what it was about the kid that made me want him. But I suppose it was everything, really. The way he would smile at me, and how his smile would be so innocent and sincere. They way he wouldn't hesitate to rest his head on my shoulder or curl against my side when he was cold or just when he felt like it. And the way he would share his last smoke with me, the way he would grin the second he spotted me no matter how silent I was. And the way he would grab my hand without embarrassment when I was scared and didn't bat an eyelash when I cried.
He was just perfect, really. Sometimes I'd think he was an angel given to me by God to make up for having shitty parents, because when I was around him, and he smiled like that, it was all I could think of.
And than I'd think I'm being cheesy, but the thought would never go away.
Hunger.
I guess that was a good word for it. I was hungry most of the time. Sometimes the hunger was for a family, sometimes for a cheeseburger, sometimes for a smoke...but most of the time for I was hungry for Ponyboy. Hungry for a smile, a laugh, a touch, a grin....a kiss and things more intimate than I knew he'd ever even think to give me. But it was just the way things were.
And I always found myself wishing they weren't like it, because the way things were Ponyboy would never want me back. At least not the way I wanted him. Because when we got down to the gist of it, because while I dreamed of him and a bouncing bed, hand holding, kisses and smoldering looks....he dreamed of sunsets, books, friendship and breasts.
Girls. Never a guy, and never a guy like me, who was scared of his own shadow. But my hunger only seemed to strengthen at this. As if my hunger was only fueled by pain. What was that word Ponyboy called it? Masochistic, I think. He'd say I'm masochistic if he ever knew how I felt about him. If he ever spoke to me again.
But sometimes I wished he knew. Sometimes I day dreamed of just blurting it out. His reactions always changed in them, though. Sometimes he would punch me, sometimes he would kiss me, sometimes we ended up rolling on the floor: either fighting or because I was on my way to scoring.
No, not scoring. It wouldn't be scoring when it was with Ponyboy, but lovemaking sounded to weak and girlish and I knew he'd never call it that. Sex, then. I'd settle with just calling it what it was, either way It was one of the things my hunger leveled to be almost painful for.
And it wasn't that I didn't love him—cause Gods I did—but I'm a sixteen year old boy, what else would be on my mind besides sex and smokes?
My mind went blank for a moment, my thoughts completely gone as Ponyboy flashed me that smile of his, the one that made me feel weird in my gut and that made me want to kiss him so bad it hurt.
"Johnnycakes."
He grinned, standing up and offering me a smoke as we watched Two Bit and Sodapop go on about something or another.
Like I said before, I was hungry most of the time. Sometimes the hunger was for a family, sometimes for a cheeseburger, sometimes for a smoke...but most of the time for I was hungry Ponyboy.
But he'd never know.