The Unhappy Ending
By Benomy Snickett
Otherwise known as Benji: The Vampire Confuser
I must state for the record, that I am not Lemony Snickett. Nor am I in any official capacity associated with his investigations regarding the Baudelaire Orphans and their troubles. This work therefore, is not actually part of the series of unfortunate events that plagued them, but merely one possible outcome of these matters. This is a work of Fan-Fiction. A term which here means: an amateur author working out his frustrations and exorcising his hostility onto a computer screen.
That being said, it is only proper that I warn you, that the story you are about to read, like the works of Lemony Snickett upon which it is based, is extremely unpleasant. If you are looking for a story that has a happy ending, you have come to the wrong place. However if you do a quick google search, I'm sure you can find plenty of Buffy, Harry Potter, or Alias fan-fics in which the hero defeats the villain, gets the girl (or boy) of his or her dreams, and lives happily ever after.
It has been theorized by those wiser than I, that everything in nature, has a breaking point. A stick can only withstand so much pressure before it snaps for instance. Some things merely take more pressure than others.
The human spirit, or mind, is no exception. A person can take only so much before they break. This break can take many forms. Sometimes the subject in question will fall into a kind of listless existence, blindly doing anything they are instructed to do without question, having lost all hope that life will improve.
Or they may snap. A word which here means, commit horrible atrocious acts that they would never have seriously contemplated earlier in their career.
We can only guess at what pressures may have caused the diabolical Count Olaf to become so diabolical to begin with. However there can be no doubt as to the cause of the Baudelaire children to break.
Count Olaf had won. With the fiendishly clever murdering of the orphans' newest guardian, he had secured his path to the riches he'd always dreamed of. He and one of his henchmen now drove off into the sunset with the captive Baudelaires trapped in the seat behind them. The back doors had childproof locks, an efficient way of keeping kidnapped children from escaping from the back seats of a getaway car.
Violet Baudelaire, the oldest of the trio, loved to invent things. In fact, she was exceedingly clever at it. One could always tell she was about to invent something when she tied her hair back with a ribbon. Had Count Olaf not been so confident in his victory, and glanced in the rearview mirror, he may have noticed her doing just this. As it was, he was taken completely by surprise when she reached forward, grabbed the driver's side seat belt, pulled out some slack, and wrapped it tightly around his throat, cutting him off in mid cackle.
Klause Baudelaire loved to read. It did not matter what the subject. He read anything he could get his hands on, and always remembered everything he read. Not too long before this moment, he had read a book on pressure points entitled "The Encyclopedia of Death Touch". Thus it was that he knew exactly where to strike Olaf's henchman, and with how much force to cause him to suffer a most painfull, lingering death. Which he did with about as much emotion as you would swat a particularly nasty mosquito, or perhaps a bee that had stung you.
Sunny Baudelaire, the baby, had only four teeth. With which she delighted in biting things. It was through her intervention that Olaf lost two fingers on his right hand as he tried to free himself from Violet's impromptu garrote.
As Olaf lost conciousness, he found himself thinking that he'd make an excellent ghost in a theater. And there perhaps I should stop. The Orphans recovered their senses, and went about their lives, vowing never to speak of that night again. A nice happy ending. Except for Olaf of course.
But you know better don't you dear reader. Sadly, instead of writing The End, I must instead say
To Be Continued…