33 ways to kill Eragon's sanity
Disclaimer- If I owned them Eragon would have jumped off a cliff a loooong time ago and Arya would have gone out and bought a personality
A/N- Once upon a very long time I used to like this series but that was back before Christopher Paolini managed to screw up the books and before he started to copy the plots of other books. The thing I hated the most was the main character who was basically the worst Gary Stu ever.
1- Show him some the fan fics that pair him up with Murtagh
2- Constantly remind him that Arya doesn't like him
3- If he bursts into tears record it
4- Tell him that Murtagh is much hotter than him and has a much bigger fan base than him
5- When he's fighting ask him random meaningless questions
6- When he's eating ask him random meaningless questions
7- Wake him up in the middle of the night to tell him that Murtagh is his brother
8- Take Sapphira for a joyride
9- Whenever he's talking to Arya start singing- Eragon and Arya sitting in a tree….
10- Repeat that numerous times
11- Tell Eragon you need to borrow Sapphira for five minutes… return 5 days later
12- Get Eragon drunk
13- Record what happens and post it on you tube
14- Get him to sing I'm a Little Teapot
15- Write a bunch of sappy letters to Arya and claim it was him
16- Ask him where babies come from
17- Get a bunch of Hannah Montana songs and sing them whenever he's around
18- Make him watch Hannah Montana
19- Say you've read his diary
20- Tell him you know what he REALLY did last summer
21- Whenever he's around yell, I see dumb people!
22- Whenever he talks yell, Be Gone Gary Stu!
23- Whenever he talks to Sapphira tell him the voices aren't real
24- When he argues tell him he needs mental help
25- Take him to a shrink
26- Every time he's angry at you ask him, how does that make you feel?
27- Pour glitter on him when he's sleeping
28- Call him Sparklefuck
29- Give him a makeover
30- Whenever he tells you to do something say, Yes! Captain Fucktard
31- Offer to take him shopping for a personality- get him a dress and say it compliments his figure
32- Stage your death and see if he cries for joy- if he does then ruin his happy moment and miraculously come back to life
33- Tell him you'll spend another day with him tomorrow and that you're going to have so much fun. Grin evilly so he wets his pants, and then laugh
Well this is dedicated to The One Called Demetra. I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it because at many points in the books I really wanted to annoy Eragon because he was the world's biggest Gary Stu