Title: Small Things
Published: December 22, 2015
Author: Ribbon
Target: Atobe Keigo
Default Name: Takatsuki Saori
第一章 | 冬
PART ONE | WINTER
睦月
affection
... for diamonds do appear to be just like broken glass to me
It's winter when the year turns. It's winter every time the year turns, but this year, the chill is brisker and bleaker than she remembers it ever being before. The air is particularly unpleasant; it has the teeth of a barbeled dragonfish, and each frosty nip pierces to the bone. Discomforted though she is by the winter breeze, she is reluctant to make it known to Keigo. For him, tonight is meant to be his liberation—a night where he can exercise his restless feet with a stroll along the Meguro River, and a night where he can put to rest his weary ears with a sombre silence. For his sake, she keeps her mouth shut about her misgivings.
Still, the silence makes her unusually restless. She would have at least hoped that Keigo brought her out here to do more than exchange small gestures of affection, like the occasional brush of their fingertips as they strolled along the banks, or the warm gazes with which he bestows her once or twice. She would have hoped that they would reminisce about their friendship in the early days, in seeing that today was their third anniversary—of, well, being friends.
Some part of her delighted in conversations about how they met. It is both a perplexing and endearing conversation to have with Keigo: although he is never willing to admit the true reason that he keeps her around, he springs upon her such lines as "Live in the moment, Takatsuki" or "What reason have you to over-think it, ahn?" In their own strange way, his words are endearing. They're almost a good enough reason to regard Keigo's presence in her life with suspicion. Keigo has the money and status to lure in much finer specimens of women (and men), yet he chooses to keep her by his side instead.
Whereas she is a plain Jane—predictable and lacking promise—he is an entity: unique but perplexing from every angle. She has but a modest dwelling and a dead-end job to his name, whereas he has every fathomable method at his fingertips to get anything he could ever want. She has naught but impulses and feeble dreams, trapped beneath a layer of imperfect skin, whereas he has the entire world on a string. It's almost laughable how two individuals as different as they are were able to befriend one another, and stay friends. To add to the killing irony, it's almost laughable how close they are, despite knowing so little about one another. She is not naturally the type who enjoys opening up to other people, and Keigo—well, in his many years of personal solitude, he has managed to fortify a rather impressive façade for himself. She likes to think of it as his suit of armour, which might be impenetrable by even Excalibur itself. His Grace tends to don it before engaging in combat with his mortal enemy, Lady Change. Privately, she thinks, the look of a knight is not befitting of one such as Keigo.
"Something amiss, Takatsuki?"
Ah. He catches her eye when he sneaks a lopsided look at him. She sometimes forgets how sharp he can be. "Nothing's amiss. I'm just thinking about what the coming year has in store for us."
The mention of a brand new year does not appear to bring him great joy. "So it would seem we've been graced with another three hundred and sixty-six days, Takatsuki." More to himself than anyone else, he murmurs "What could one hope to accomplish in three hundred and sixty-six days?"
She chooses to respond anyway. "Apparently, the end of the world will happen this year."
He quirks a disbelieving eyebrow at her. Her comment seems to have amused him somewhat. "Wouldn't that be nice? For things to be wrapped up so easily, that is." His expression slackens. "What will you do this year?"
She pauses. "I don't know, but... it's not as if I need to decide now. I have plenty of time to think, and I have plenty of places to go. The perks of being in the hospitality industry, I suppose."
His sharpness doesn't fail him. He picks up on her subtle digs, but whether or not he is affected by her words, she cannot tell. Regardless of whatever emotions he conceals behind his façade, however, he always knows the correct jibes to send back in her direction. "You seem to be intent on pursuing hospitality. I was under the impression that you dreamed of being a writer."
The aftermath of his words string. Perhaps she underestimated him. Perhaps he truly does know her more than she likes to give him credit for. "Maybe I did, a long time ago—but the world no longer favours the curious writer. Not the way it once did."
If he notices the sad twitch in her smile he doesn't comment on it. "On the contrary, some of the most respected people in the world are writers."
"But they're good writers, Keigo. There's a difference." For a moment, she hesitates. "It might be fun to get a few pieces published every now and then, but there are few who can make decent coin playing roulette for too long—to even consider making a living from it would be suicide. Perhaps the exceptionally brave or the exceptionally foolish are eager to pursue their death, but the exceptionally ordinary? No, there's no way up for us—only forward."
He hangs on her words. When he speaks, his voice is sudden low and cold. "Up. That's exceptionally simple-minded of you."
In a moment of weakness, she cannot help but let his words get to her.
His tone is still brittle when he continues, "Enlighten me with your simplicity then, muser. What should I aim to accomplish this year? How I can move—not up, but forward?"
In her mind, the answer is very simple. "Make a break for freedom."
To him, it is not so. "Your imagination is unfathomable as it is unhelpful."
"Is it so unrealistic?" She retaliates. "I'm not trying to condemn you for being a realist—all I'm trying to say is that if you live like this for the rest of your life, you won't enjoy living it. A change in pace is as good as a hearty rest."
"Do you speak from experience, Takatsuki?"
"Maybe." Though, it isn't as if she's ever been through anything from which needed a change in pace.
Their pace slackens, as does their conversation. Keigo drifts from the conversation, choosing instead to cast his gaze out over the river. She dares to hope that her words are sinking in. He could do with a rest. All he ever seems to do this days is work, work, work, never quite getting a spare moment to even pick up the phone and let her know that he is alive. Routine has come to constitute his very being, and he has come to deeply resent change—well, resent it, or perhaps fear it. A suit of armour is rather difficult to see through.
When Keigo stops walking altogether, she suggests that they take a break. They sit down at a bench overlooking the riverbank, and for endless minutes, they watch the city lights dance on the surface of the water, glittering like little diamonds. She makes this known to Keigo, so that perhaps they might find something to agree upon and dispel the unpleasantness of their prior conversation. To her misfortune, the night seems to be against her.
"Diamonds, are they?" Keigo murmurs. "One might mistake them for broken glass."
"My, my, Keigo—is there an idealist hiding inside you after all?"
He doesn't answer her.
She decides not to humour his unspoken wish of keeping the conversation light and superficial. "It's curious, isn't it? The way they look so similar." She gestures to the opalescent lights on the dark, open water. "Why, then, do you think we place more value on diamonds?"
He looks at her like she is stupid. Rather sardonically, he says "Diamonds, you might be interested to know, are rather difficult to procure. Glass is mass-produced—easily replaceable."
"So their worth is based on their origin." She summarises.
He scowls, and she senses that he is growing tired of her presence. She doesn't blame him entirely—after all, it is New Year, and she expects that he (rather stupidly) asked for her company in order to take his mind off work for a while. She expects that he only sought out her company to have a satisfying meal with some pleasant company, and spite the end of another gruelling year with someone whose humour palette was equally as bitter as his. And yet, here she is, giving him a hard time. She almost feels sorry or him.
"Takatsuki." He warns her. "You're giving me a headache."
"Forgive me." She says. As the words leave her mouth, she watches as some of the tenseness escapes his shoulders. "I'd almost forgotten why we came here in the first place. If it's any consolation at all, diamonds do appear to be like broken glass to me."
Silence.
"Happy New Year, Keigo."
He doesn't respond to her directly. With eyes still fixated on the imposter stars in the river, he says under his breath, "I wonder."
She doesn't know what he's talking about.
Princo & Ribbon
July 2, 2016.