A/N: Picking up right where Drug Store Heroin (DSH) left off. That one should be read before this one, obviously.
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Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine. I do not own it or any rights to it, in any way, shape, or form. This is purely for entertainment.
Dedicated to the writers. Much love! Keep fighting for what you want!
Road To Recovery
Chapter 1: Confession
Reid swallowed again and Gideon shook his head, "Don't try to talk too much. You have a tube down your throat to help you breathe."
Reid wasn't aware of anyone else in the room, even though Hotch was holding his hand. His eyes were focused on Gideon's. "I wasn't hallucinating before was I? After I got shot? You really were there." He was clearly ignoring Gideon's advice.
They were all surprised Reid remembered what happened so quickly, but it was Reid after all. Gideon nodded, "I was there."
A tear slipped from one of Reid's eyes without his knowledge, "I thought… I thought you were gone for a while. Uhhg it hurts. Everything hurts, Gideon…"
"I'm sorry, Spencer. I lied to you." Gideon sighed, fighting back the want to smile, due to Reid's sleight stubbornness. "You still shouldn't be talking so much."
"It doesn't matter." Gideon was unsure if Reid was talking about the lying or the not talking. "I need to tell you, before… Before I loose control and something like this happens again." He slipped his hand out of Gideon's grasp and reached for his shoulder. "Please…" Reid's eyes were large and watery as he glanced at his sleeve.
Gideon paused before moving his hands to slowly push Reid's gown sleeve down. He didn't have to move it far to reveal what Reid wanted. As the track marks came into view Reid closed his eyes, and swallowed a painful choking sob. He didn't hear the collective hard swallow from everyone in the room.
"I'm so sorry, Gideon." he opened his eyes again, looking at Gideon as Gideon placed his arm back down, and clasped his hand once more. "I tried to tell you I was sorry in the alley. And before that, I tried to tell you about this so many times, but I couldn't. I wasn't ready. I didn't ever mean for it to get this bad. I just wanted… needed… wanted……" he frowned, "needed it for a little while. To help with the pain, and then I'd stop." Another tear he didn't notice and a painful swallow. "But then I couldn't. And I told you… I told you I needed your help, and you were there. It didn't make the pain stop though. Every morning, I'd call when I woke up, that was when it was the worst, and you'd say all the right things, but as soon as I hung up I'd have that phial in my hand." He licked his lips, then continued on, unaware of the other ears to his confession. "I-I-I didn't ever want it. Not to start. It was Tobias, he made me. He was only trying to help. I shot him for his kindness."
"Spencer, shhh, just calm down and breathe. We know you didn't ask for it. And we know you were trying to stop. We know, just relax." Gideon tried to calm him but Reid suddenly looked panicked.
His eyes darted down to Prentiss, and then he turned his head, catching Morgan, who was now sitting up straight, listening intently, and then JJ, and finally he moved his eyes up to meet Hotch's. "No… No, no, no… I wasn't ready to tell you. Oh god. You weren't supposed to find out, yet."
"We already knew, Reid. We already knew." Hotch soothed him with his voice.
Reid swallowed again, "Wh-who?" He looked down at JJ, who was looking at her own clasped hands.
"Look at me, Reid." Hotch said. "It doesn't matter who, or when, but you need to listen to Gideon and calm down."
Morgan nodded, "The doc. will kick us out if you don't."
Reid nodded, "I'm just… so sorry. I was just going to get these last two, and then that would be it. I'd stop."
Hotch and Gideon looked at each other and frowned. They'd both heard alcoholics and addicts talk before. How they promised themselves this time would be the last, but it never was. They hated to think of Reid in that light. Hotch looked at Reid, deep sadness in his eyes. "Is that what you were doing in that alley? Meeting your dealer?" He hated the way those words sounded together.
Reid nodded, "Sort of. He never does the drops himself. He always has someone to do it for him. Rarely ever is it the same person. Maybe, 9 percent of the time." He forced a smile, and everyone else's mouth's twitched slightly in response.
There was a small moment of silence, before a visible change came over Reid. He went from being nervous to being calm and determined. It was clear from the look in his eyes. "I'm going to do this -- quit. I'm not going to continue living like this. I can't. If I do I'll loose everything I know and love. This job, all of you…"
Gideon shook his head, "You'll never loose us, Spencer. Even if you no longer worked with us, we'd still be there for you."
"You can say that now, but what if it got so bad I started stealing from you to get my next fix? Would you still all stand by me then? No, I refuse to let myself fall any deeper. Those last two phials I was going to get, they were going to wean me off, slowly. I don't have them. What am I going to do?"
"You just stop, Reid." Morgan replied from the end of the bed.
"Don't you think I've tried that? It's highly improbable I'll be able to do it if I couldn't the first few times. I don't want to go through those withdrawals again. Oh, please don't make me live through that." He removed both his hands from the ones holding them, and moved to run his fingers through his hair. He lifted his right arm, but his left screamed in protest when he tried and Reid bit down on his lip to keep from crying out.
Hotch touched Reid's arm gently as Reid relaxed. "Reid, you were shot in the shoulder… you know that. Moving your arm wasn't smart, you could tear the wound open."
They were all distracted by a knock at the door. Everyone turned to look, except for Reid, and then smiled at the person who stepped inside.
Garcia was dressed brightly, and despite the clear worry on her face, she was smiling. "I left as soon as you called me, Sugar." she addressed Morgan. She walked over to the bed, sitting down near Reid's feet.
Reid looked up at her with a weak smile, "Hey…"
"Hey yourself, Hun. You look like you're in terrible pain." She replied.
Reid nodded, "I got shot."
"I know that, smart mouth. Don't they usually give you morphine for that?"
"I can't have morphine, it would interact…" He paused and looked at Gideon, "Wait, the doctors wouldn't have known that ahead of time. Did they give me morphine?"
Gideon nodded, but it was Hotch who spoke. "Yes, they did, and it was a good thing one of us had figured out what you were hiding or you could have died, Reid."
"What happened?" Reid asked.
"You went into respiratory arrest, followed shortly thereafter by cardiac arrest. They had to shock you to reboot your system, Reid. It was scary."
Reid looked shocked and frightened. Garcia was glancing between Hotch and Reid; she looked possibly more frightened than Reid. "Wait, tell me what happened." she pushed for more.
"The morphine they put Reid on had an adverse reaction to some prescription medication Reid was taking." Hotch explained.
Reid was grateful for the way Hotch answered. Never lying, but staying vague. Although, Reid couldn't help but notice the use of past tense; was taking, not is.
"But you'd have known about it, and I know you would have told the doctors." Garcia glanced around the room and her eyes fell on JJ, who was looking guilty. "You lied to me didn't you? When you told me to look up that information for you. I asked if it had anything to do with Reid, and you said it didn't, but it did, didn't it?"
JJ nodded, and looked over to Reid. "I hope you know I'm sorry, but I couldn't let you carry on like this."
Reid shrugged, but didn't reply. On one hand he was glad, on the other he wished she hadn't been the one to figure it out. He had wanted to be able to tell everyone on his own time, when he was ready. Garcia was looking down at him with sad eyes, and he turned away making eye contact with Hotch. He turned his head the other way and looked at Gideon, then sighed, finally settling on staring at the ceiling.
Garcia shook her head at him, "Why didn't you tell us? We're your friends, your family; we wouldn't have judged you." She leaned down to give him as much of a hug as she could without hurting him. "We only want to help you." she sat up again.
"I know, I know, I just…" his sentence was interrupted by a sound in the corner of the room. Everyone turned towards Reid's pile of belongings, and Reid frowned. "Is that my phone? Shouldn't they have turned that off or something?"
"Probably should have." Hotch replied standing up to try and find it. It continued to ring two more times before Hotch pulled it out of a bag. The outside screen was a little busted up, and unreadable. Reid remembered that from when he had tried to see who was calling down in the basement. Hotch flipped the phone open to read the inside display. "Reid, who is this?" he asked looked at the display. The phone had stopped ringing.
"I don't know, what did it say?" Reid asked in return.
"I'm not sure." He handed Reid the phone, so that he could check missed calls.
Reid hit a couple buttons just as it started ringing again. He looked at the name and froze; Speed Dial 7.