November 2nd 1992

Dear Friend

I know it has been a long time and I said I probably wouldn't write anymore but I've decided, just for now, that I want to write for a little bit longer because I feel like I need to start talking to you again. My letters might not be very long anymore because, as I said in my last letter, I've been busy trying to participate. I have actually signed up for yearbook, I'm still writing essays for Bill even though he's not my teacher anymore, I've started writing a novel, I'm trying to get a part time job at 'Angus and Robinsons' bookshop and I've been trying to make a few more friends this year because I'm really pushing myself to speak up a little bit more. Sam and Patrick always come over for the holidays and those are my most favourite days. When they come over they both tell me how amazing college is and how different and better the world really is. I can't wait for those days to come for me, but I'm trying to think more positively about the present because it's happening now and I don't want to feel like I wasted my teen years on waiting. Anyway, Patrick told me that he found someone really nice named Andrew who likes football and music. I asked Patrick if he had to keep his relationship a secret again and he said 'no' which made me very happy. Sam says she's doing really well in college and she really likes psychology and that maybe she would like to be a clinical psychologist one day. She also introduced me to her boyfriend Trent who, I am happy to say, I am glad is her boyfriend because he really is nice and we have actually become good friends. Of course I still love Sam all the same but I am still trying hard not to think of her that way anymore.

I want to tell you more about my time with them in my next letter, but before I run out of ink, because I am short of it, I just really want to tell you what happened today. I made a new friend and it has just made me so happy.

She is a freshman and I have seen her around before but I never thought she would be lonely because she is a very kind looking person and to me she looks like one of those girls who would have a lot of friends.

But today I noticed that she was at an empty table at lunch listening to music. I felt stupid because it was the first time I noticed how sad she looked. And then I thought of myself when I was like that; lonely. And then I started wondering why she was so alone. Did people really find her so repellent? Why, then? Was it because people didn't like the purple streak in her dark brown hair? Was it because she had braces? Was it because she wore glasses sometimes (they are actually quite nice looking thick rectangular frames)? It really got me disturbed so I decided if there was ever a time when she wanted to make a friend it should be now. I was nervous but I tried not to think about what her reaction might be. So I went up to her table and I introduced myself.

"Excuse me. Hi, I'm Charlie." It took me only a moment to get her attention because she had headphones on.

"Oh, hi," she smiled at me and I thought it was very pretty.

"Did you want to sit at our table? We have plenty of room." I sat with a few friends from yearbook club.

"Sure,"

When she sat at the table with us I tried to make conversation without making it seem awkward.

I asked her questions like Sam and Patrick did when they first met me.

"What's your favourite band?"

"Probably Joan Jett and the Blackhearts,"

"What's your favourite song of theirs?"

"Crimson and Clover,"

"What do you want to be when you graduate?"

"Maybe a musician,"

"Do you have a favourite book?"

"Right now it's 'Night' by Elie Wiesel,"

"How many times have you read it?"

"Four,"

"Is that your real hair color?"

I knew it was a silly question but she laughed and said "No, it's not."

She asked me similar questions and all I could think about as we talked was how friendly she was and how I couldn't understand why no one else had asked her these questions yet. It made me sad but I kept on making conversation with her so it wouldn't be sad anymore.

"Charlie, who is this?" one of my yearbook friends, Ian, asked me.

"This is um…"

"Diana,"

I don't know why, but I am amazed by her name. Because it is a name that isn't used enough anymore and it only seems that grandmothers and pensioners have names like that. Of course this is just a generic name I'm using to replace her real name, but it is very similar.

She must have enjoyed her time at lunch because she sat next to me in shop class next (it turns out I didn't do so great last year so I'm taking it again with the freshmen) and we talked more about books, movies and what school she went to last year. I talked about how I was scared and quiet and in a bad place when I was a freshman until I decided to speak up and how I made best friends by doing that. I told her I wanted to do the same for someone else this year and she seemed really grateful for that – I thought I saw her start to cry but I pretended not to see because she didn't want me to.

At the end of the day I found Diana and offered to walk her home. She started to get teary again but I pretended not to notice and she said 'yes'.

As we walked – it was more like wandering because we didn't walk that fast – she would look around warily as if she thought someone was following us. I thought it would be rude but since I'm trying to speak up I thought I would ask her what was wrong.

"I get scared of walking home,"

"That's alright,"

"Is your house far from here?"

"No, it's only a few blocks down. I usually take the bus."

"I don't like buses, they make me nervous."

"Do you drive yet?"

"No, but I can't wait until I do."

I don't know why I added that, it seemed important.

When we got to her house she thanked me for walking and talking with her and seemed a bit nervous when she asked me if she could sit with me again tomorrow.

"Sure,"

She smiled shyly. "Okay,"

"Have a good night Diana,"

"You too Charlie,"

"Diana,"

"Yeah?"

"My friend, Patrick, is coming home from college this weekend and he's throwing a party. I could pick you up if you wanted to come."

"Would I be allowed?"

"I'm sure you are,"

"Actually I…okay, sure." It really looked like she was going to say a solid 'no' for a moment. I wanted to ask her if she was okay but I didn't know if she wanted to be asked that yet. But when she said 'yes' it sounded like she really did want to come which made me happy.

I can't wait for Patrick to meet her. Sam won't be home this weekend which I am a bit disappointed about but Patrick's professors are on strike or something so he's deciding to come home and "blow the shit out of this town" as Patrick said.

I don't know why I am excited for people to meet her. I have only known her for one day. But I just wanted you to know that I'm really happy that I made a friend today and hopefully made her not feel lonely even if it was only for a few minutes.

Okay, I have to stop writing now because my ink is starting to fade. I can't wait until tomorrow. I hope you're having a good day too.

Love always,
Charlie