This story makes a lot more sense if you have seen the 2nd Season of Attack on Titan and the OVA A Choice with no Regrets and my two other stories about my own character Rosa Mathis. But I guess this One-Shot can also be entertaining without any of the above.
Without further ado: Enjoy!
Rosa sat in her chair, unmoving and staring at her hands. Levi had to attend some military meeting so she had agreed to watch over Erwin. Why he had to be watched over while he was asleep, she did not understand.
"I did not expect you here."
Rosa looked up upon hearing his gruff voice. He still looked utterly dishevelled with a few days' worth of stubble on his jaw, dark circles under his eyes despite sleeping virtually all the time and, most predominantly, with one arm missing. His words weren't exactly friendly, however his voice held no malice.
"Levi asked me to."
"Of course, he did. I recon you didn't make this choice on your own."
Again, no malice. It infuriated her. He was always calm and calculating, foreseeing everyone's moves and motives. Even after all these years, it was unnerving.
"I did. I could have told him that I would not do it. Yet, here I am."
"Here you are."
Silence.
Rosa turned her gaze down at her hands again, battle-worn and rough. The hands of a life she did not choose. Her hands could have been soft like those of all the ladies in Mitras yet she was fighting in a life usually reserved for those of lower social standing.
"Back then, you made a choice in my stead."
"I gave you the option to leave. You made this choice yourself."
Rosa grit her teeth at his toneless remark. In the Underground City, after Erwin had held Levi at swordpoint, Erwin had given him an ultimatum.
"Lend me your strength. Join the Survey Corps."
"And if I refuse?"
Levi eyed the man in front of him with a sceptical, less-than-happy look. After chasing them and seizing them, he was asking Levi to sign himself and his friends up for a suicide mission?
"The Military Police will have you. Considering all of your crimes, you and your friends won't be treated very nicely. More so if you have a noble girl in your hands. Against her will."
Rosa tried to speak up to deny Erwin's bold statement but before she could, a soldier grabbed a fistful of her hair and forcefully yanked her around. It stopped her from saying anything but her scream of pain echoed in the empty street.
Levi's eyes flickered to her just a moment too long and his body jerked in her direction a little too urgently. It told Erwin everything he needed to know.
"If you accept my offer, I will let her be brought to her family safely and with no word of where she was. Take this into your consideration, Levi and choose whichever you prefer."
Rosa knew what Levi would choose. She opened her mouth again, to tell him no, tell him that she would not stand by this deal, tell him that there was another way out. Yet again, her head was ripped back. She bit her lip to suppress her scream. Levi's attention was on her nonetheless.
His voice was colder and yet filled with more emotion than she had ever heard before.
"Fine. I'll join the Survey Corps."
"You gave me the illusion of a choice. You knew that I would refuse to go back to Mitras and stay with Levi."
"Fair enough."
Rosa gave a humourless laugh and shook her head in disbelief.
"You're not even denying it."
Isabel and Rosa sat next to each other on their newly assigned bunk bed. Isabel was fidgeting around and kept adjusting the unfamiliar jacket.
"Why won't they let us share a room with Big Bro and Farlan? We did that for years!"
Rosa sighed calmly and put her hand on Isabel's shoulder to keep her still for a moment.
"Things are a little different around here. We will have to get used to it."
"I don't wanna!"
A quiet laugh filled the room. Rosa was used to Isabel's stormy behaviour yet it never failed to amuse her. She truly was like a younger sister to her.
"I know. But this is how things are now. Look on the bright side, we're all still together."
"You're probably right."
The pout trained on Isabel's lips was suddenly gone when she looked at Rosa in surprise and horror.
"Rosy, your hair…"
Rosa followed her gaze, just a surprised. Her whole upper body was littered with rose hair strands. The sight made her scalp pulsate painfully. With slow movements, she brushed her fingers through her hair. When she reached the end, her hand was filled with a bundle of ripped-out hair.
Her smile fell and tears gathered in her eyes.
"Oh."
"It is truly astonishing how much energy you spend on holding a grudge for years."
"You are mistaken, Erwin. Firstly, this is no usual grudge as you put it. I am clear about how I feel about you. Secondly, how I act towards you costs me no energy whatsoever."
Erwin eyed Rosa for a moment. If anything, he was impressed how a woman that was usually so kind and enjoyable acted completely different only when he was present. She never disrespected him or defied his commands.
Now that he thought about it, Rosa was only a little less kind than Levi towards him. But where Levi showed acceptance and understanding, the woman resorted to contempt and disbelief. Erwin admitted that his methods were sometimes unorthodox, ruthless even but his tactics brought mankind closer to freedom each and every day, always cherishing and respecting the many sacrifices that had to be made.
Rosa failed to see and admit that.
And she knew it. No Commander had ever come as far as Erwin did. And despite being mature and wise enough, she would and could never condone his actions.
Rosa was acting childish. She knew it. Isabel and Farlan had died years ago. With all the death she had seen, one would think it would get easier.
It didn't for anyone.
Levi awoke to quiet sobbing. It wasn't the sound that woke him, rather the frantic shaking next to his body. With tired eyes he felt around until he found Rosa's head.
The shaking and sobbing stopped for a mere moment of surprise.
"You shouldn't be here."
His statement did not shock her. And he was right but Rosa didn't care. She had to be with him, feel his heartbeat. She didn't care about breaking the rules right now.
"Who cares."
It was so uncharacteristic of her to be careless. As was it uncharacteristic for Levi to feel the slightest fright because of it. This was not his idealistic, ever-so-controlled Rosa. But that didn't matter at the moment. What mattered was her reason for being there.
Levi didn't make a single sound as he gently, carefully engulfed her in his strong arms and pressed the now fragile body to his chest. The tears, snot and saliva staining his shirt did not bother him. He simply let her cry and scream and wail.
"They are gone! Gone forever!"
"I know."
As always, he was the calm to balance her strong emotions. Yet he felt her pain. They shared this pain.
In a way, she was crying and screaming and wailing when Levi could not.
Steadying herself with a deep breath, Rosa met Erwin's indifferent gaze again.
Her blue eyes pierced his, void of any warmth and filled with nothing but hatred.
"Do you remember what you told us on our first expedition as we sat next to corpses of our friends?
If you begin to regret, you'll dull your future decisions and let others make your choices for you. All that's left for you then is to die. Nobody can foretell the outcome. Each decision you make holds meaning only by affecting your next decision.
I remember every word, every intonation of it. Because to this day, I live by these words.
That day, I made a decision. I decided to never forgive you. You are my Commander and Levi has nothing but respect for you. And I respect that decision of his and I will follow your orders because he does. But I will never be manipulated by you or lead into a direction that seems fit to your plans again. And I will always hate you. Know that."
She did not wait for his reply, simply stood up and left the room without looking back.
I don't usually do Author's note, but right now I really feel like it.
This is probably the fastest I have written and finished a certain idea. And it was so much fun! I feel like somewhere inbetween it got quite philosophical and artsy-fartsy but I totally enjoy giving in to the need to write like that. I'm actually quite pleased with this.
So yeah, I hope you liked this scene between Rosa and Erwin. The idea of her hating him originally surfaced because I didn't want her to be too Mary Sue-ish and get along with everyone. At first, I simply chose Erwin because whatever. But after some thinking and spoiling myself on future Manga-chapters it perfectly fell into place.
In this story that I have in my head (and will probably never write completely), her animosity gives the Rosa-Levi-Erwin triangle (not a love-triangle!) such interesting dynamics and twists.
Also, thanks to everyone who favourited, reviewed and/or followed my other stories or myself! I am not very active (it's been over a year since I last posted something here) but I appreciate it so, so much!
Love y'all!
Stoto