A/N: Just a bit of Crack. This story was pretty much a mock voice thingy me and my friend Ben were doing while I was playing 358/2 Days. I was Roxas and he was Luxord. I thought the end result was hilarious, so I'm writing it as a FanFiction, I added a lot of extra's to it tho. xD Enjoy!

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Roxas was in the Organisation for more than 100 days now at least, and he was beginning to get the hang of how things worked. He was on a mission with Luxord, and they were supposed to be tracking down Pink Concertos. Roxas liked working with Luxord. He was easy going, was interesting to talk to, and apparently, from what he heard from the other members, he gave great romantic advice. Well, that's what Demyx said, since he said he asked Luxord for help with getting up with Larxene, and they've been together since before Roxas was in the Organisation.

Roxas was hoping he'd be partnered with Luxord soon, because he wanted to ask him about Xion, the girl he liked. Axel said not to bother, that Roxas wasn't actually feeling any emotion, not even lust, since he had no heart to lust with. But Roxas knew he was lying, and he thought Axel knew he was lying to himself.

Roxas was just after defeating his third Pink Concerto (with help from Luxord's handy fire magic.) when he decided to pluck up the courage to ask him about Xion.

"So… Luxord, you know anything about Xion?" Roxas nervously muttered, but he did so loud enough so that Luxord heard him.

"Lemme guess, you got a crush on Poppet, eh?" Luxord chuckled, his words strong and deep, spoken with a thick British accent.

"Well, kinda. Yeah…" Roxas blushed, scratching the back of his head. Was it that easy to notice? Roxas thought to himself.

"Hehe, I can see through everyone's tricks, Roxas. I've been playing games long enough to know what to expect. Sorry kiddo, but she's way out of your league."

"W-What!" Roxas shouted, startled. He wasn't expecting this at all. He thought Luxord would help him, not put him down in the dumps. "Why do you say that? It's not like she's older than me or anything, and we both use the Keyblade, and we did lots of co-op missions together!

She's really pretty and… and I can't be THAT bad looking, can I?"

"Sorry, but I don't think she takes a fancy to gay kids. Hehe, I was onl-"

"OK, ME AND AXEL ONLY DID IT ONCE OK, AND I ONLY GAVE HIM A BLOW JOB! I'M NOT GAY, AND THAT DOSEN'T COUNT AS BEING GAY, IT WAS ONLY CURIOSITY. BI-CURIOSITY, SO DON'T SAY ANY OF THAT GAY CRAP AROUND ME OK, I'M NOT FREAKING GAY! DEAL WITH IT!"

"Only… joking? Roxas?"

If Roxas was blushing red before, he must've looked like a lobster now. He couldn't believe he just told someone what had happened between him and Axel, what he swore to keep secret. He looked at Luxord, whose jaw looked like it could go a mile under if it wasn't stuck to his skull.

"… Oh, I just… said something I shouldn't have, didn't I?" Roxas asked quietly to break the awkward silence between them. Roxas found the fifth Pink Concerto in a bird cage next to a throne of sorts in the Courtyard. He dispatched of it quickly, wanting to hear Luxords reply.

When Roxas looked back at Luxord, he had a strange, kind of malevolent smirk on his face.

"Luxord, you're not going to tell anyone what I said, are you!" Roxas panicked what if his darkest secret got out, what if Axel, his best friend hated him. He couldn't bear the thought. "It was a mistake, I didn't mea-"

"Roxas, Roxas, it's fine. I won't let a peep out." Luxord chuckled, a little more than he usually would though. "It is our little secret. No one can see my cards now, and I won't be showing them anytime soon." Luxord said confidently, chuckling again.

"Ok, thanks Luxord. Sorry about that."

"Why, not at all. We should RTC now; I'll open up a Dark Corridor."

"Oh that's ok, I've got somewhere to go, so I'll make my own one." Roxas said, wanting to hurry up and get to the Clock Tower and eat Ice-Cream with his friends.

"That's ok, see you soon Roxas."

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The Next Day

Roxas was happy. He had a dream that he was with Xion, alone on the Clock Tower, holding each other tightly and kissing passionately. Sure, sometimes Xion was replaced with Axel for a moment, but if Roxas concentrated hard enough, he could get Xion back in his head and it would be ok. Roxas walked into the Grey Area, and it all went downhill from there. Luxord was in a group with Xaldin, Xigbar, Demyx and Axel. Luxord, Xaldin, Xigbar and Demyx busted out laughing, while Axel looked like he was about to kill someone. He looked over at Roxas, and suddenly his face was distorted with rage.

"Roxas, how DARE YOU!" He screamed, fire burning from his hands, the bottom of his cloak catching fire. He then lunged at Roxas, and tackled him to the ground. Demyx roared in laughter with the others.

"Roxas and Axel sitting in a bush, AXEL ON HIS BACK SCREAMING 'PUSH ROXAS PUSH'!" They chanted, and then rolled on the ground, trying hard as they could to contain their laughter, but failing miserable at it. Axel got up and shouted at them to stop laughing, or he'd rip their balls off.

"Would rip them off or suck them dry!" Demyx chanted back, clutching his sides, his face red and sweaty.

"Grrrrr, I HATE YOU ROXAS!" He screamed, summoning his chakarams, and with one fatal swoop, took Roxas' head clean off of his body. Blood was spurting everywhere.

"Dude, chill out." Xaldin tried to say, but within the blink of an eye, him, Xigbar, Demyx and Luxord were burned to death in the blackest of hell fires. That only leaves Saïx and Xemnas, Axel thought. He used a Corridor of Darkness to warp to the Meeting Room, were Xemnas and Saïx were fucking Doggie style.

"No, It's not what you think-" Xemnas began to plead, but Axel cut them both down. Now that everyone was dead, he cried for the death of his loved ones.

"I will avenge you, my love!" Axel cried out, mourning the death of Roxas. He then he punched himself in the face, again, again and again, until he was nothing but a puddle of blood on the floor.

… And then he punched himself in the puddle.

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*Epilogue*

Xion wearily woke up from sleep after hear a great commotion down the hall from her room. She put on her boots and walked quietly to the grey area, where she seen the dead bodies of Demyx, Xaldin, Luxord, Xigbar and Roxas. But she didn't find this strange at all. She quietly walked over to Roxas' body and ripped his intestines open. She then began to feast on his corpse, blood caking her face and skin. She then broke open his ribs and began to devour his lungs, liver and heart.

After she devoured everyone in the Grey Area, she made her way to the meeting hall. There she seen the top half of Xemnas and Saïx hugging each other, and the bottom half… inserted in each other? Naked? There was also a puddle of blood and a glove punching it. She knew this was the remains of Axel, with all the red hair surrounding the blood. She went over and drank up the blood, but that was a mistake. The glove then began punching Xion over and over, and she was in agony. But it soon ended, and after a while, she was nothing but a blood mixture of her and Axel, and the glove would continuously punch the blood puddle of all of time, sad over the death of its Roxy.

This is the one and only true ending of Organisation XIII. None of that Sora bullshit involved.