A/N: This story doesn't contain a single letter E. Now, before you freak out about the previous sentence, the rule only applies to the actual story. In here, I can write as many E-s as I want. Excellent cheesebeer, Ellen DeGeneres feels green bee fever.
The idea came from the novel Gadsby by Ernest Vincent Wright, which is a 50 000 word novel that also doesn't contain the letter E (this will be just a little shorter, though). He avoided accidentally writing them by tying down the E-key on his typewriter, but I didn't because I wrote this on a computer. If you do find an E, I will give you a free request story. (I've been working on this for over a year, I'd be pretty frustrated if an E slipped in somewhere)
Unfortunately, without using E-s, I could only use a limited amount of Jellicles (I can't even use the word 'Jellicles'). Also expect me to repeat names quite often, since 'he', 'she', 'me' and 'they' are off limits as well.
So, this is also my third fanfiction birthday! As usual, thanks to everyone. However, these birthday stories are getting more elaborate each year. Macavity's Victory was just a meta story within a story, Prose Overdose was a story of long, complicated sentences, and now this… an entire story without the letter E. I'm scared of what I have to do for next year to top this. (Also, what a comeback after not uploading anything for 6 months…)
As always, huge thanks to everyone who reads my stories!
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Catsby
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It was a warm and sunny day on that particular junkyard in London, and I wasn't thinking about doing anything in particular that day. I was just bathing in hot sunlight on a car's roof, until I was abruptly torn out of my nap by Munkustrap, who was just passing by.
"Good morning, Pouncival," Munkustrap said. "Can I ask you for a small favor?"
"Why not?" I sat up to look at him.
"Now, today is Bombalurina's birthday, and Alonzo and I thought about organizing a small party."
"And?"
"That party would occur in Bombalurina's living room, so you should stop Bomba from going back to that location, which would ruin all possibility for our plan to work, as it would spoil all surprising factors about it."
"You ask that I distract Bomba?"
"That's right."
"For how long?"
"Until Alonzo and I put all our party-stuff right and all of us sit in our hiding spots."
"But how do I know if I'm good to go?"
"Plato will show you a signal."
"Okay." I stood up to walk away, but thought of a last thing to ask Munkustrap. "And how do I find Bomba?"
"I think I saw our birthday cat on that giant mountain of ironing boards. Now go quickly, Alonzo is probably hanging up garlands by now." Munkustrap did walk away, so that I was on my own. I did sigh as I had to fulfill my task and go out to look for Bombalurina.
Many would say I can't count as a cat of smooth talks and oral skills, so it isn't odd that I was a bit anxious about all this. Could I truly accomplish my task of distracting Bombalurina? I would probably not find any good things to say, and start saying random stuff, and Bomba would think I was an idiot. Truth is, I was always a bit anxious around Bombalurina. I don't know why, but that cat just had this surrounding cloud of intoxication that always took away all my words.
That, and also that Bomba was vastly hot.
As I was digging around in my brain to find good words, Bombalurina was digging around in a mountain of junk. Of all cats I could possibly bump into, I did so into Bomba. My paw, by unlucky moving and failing to look around, hit Bomba's rump, and said cat did fall down with a small sound of fright and a hint of slight pain.
"Oh no! I am so sorry, Bombalurina!" I said.
"Pouncival! What is on your mind that you trying not to hit my body did fail so badly?"
I shyly did look away. It was obvious I couldn't possibly say why I had ran around without looking, as Munkustrap had told not to spoil Bomba's party. So, as I had told you about a bit back in this story, I just did start saying random things, but it was hard to focus on anything with Bomba around. "I don't know what was on my mind, Bombalurina. I was just walking around… thinking of how vastly hot you… today's sunlight is! That's right! Oh, how hot that orb in a sky void of clouds glows!"
"I can say your claim is truthful, Pouncival. In fact, I was just looking around for a thing to hold up against that warm light so it wouldn't burn my skin."
"Oh! What a fantastic plan! Can I assist you?"
"Obviously! As long as you don't run into my rump again," Bomba said in a joking way, but I still got anxious anyway. What if I did it again? What would Bomba think? Naturally, my main goal was making Bomba stay away from Munkustrap and his party organization, but I would find it fantastic if this could count as an opportunity to grow towards Bomba.
"I'll try not to," I said. And so I did assist Bombalurina in finding a thing to avoid sunburns. "How about this?" I said holding up an old parasol I had found on top of a rusty cupboard.
"That will do," Bomba said smiling. "Thanks a lot, Pouncy."
A blush did show up on my physiognomy (A/N: I wouldn't actually know this word without Munkustrap using it in a song) as Bomba said that. "Think nothing of it… Bomby," I said, trying to stay cool.
"That was too far," Bomba said frowning.
"I am so sorry," I said apologizing.
"Just kidding," Bomba did laugh to my consolation. But frowning did fly across Bomba's front again as a thought did occur to that cat. "How odd. It's almost as if an important sign is missing from our vocabulary."
"Which is it?"
"I can't say. But our way of talking sounds, how should I say it, odd. As if our words try to avoid a particular sound."
"Is it a consonant?"
"I don't think it is. I would say it is a symbol that is commonly put in words, but that you and I, in a roundabout way, avoid using."
"It's probably nothing to worry about," I said. My look now caught sight of Plato standing distantly, giving a thumbs up (wait, cats don't own thumbs) signaling that I was good to go and accompany Bomba to a fantastic party. And although I hadn't had a possibility to plant a kiss on Bomba's paw, I had a warmth in my body from that morning I did pass with Bombalurina.
THE END
Err, uh, sorry, I mean
FIN