This scene absolutely broke my heart. With credit to this post that gave me the idea. .com/post/15912986827/okay-im-going-to-put-my-thoughts-however
"It's all true."
"What?" John asked sharply.
"Everything they said about me. I invented Moriarty." Sherlock replied looking back at the lifeless body on the ground that stared perpetually into the sky.
"Why are you saying this?" John asked after some silence, bringing Sherlocks gaze back to him.
John wasn't going to make this easy for Sherlock. For everything Sherlock claimed to be it was all torn down. He knew it wouldn't be easy to do this. To John. He tried to be apathetic about but he couldn't hold it anymore.
"I'm a fake." His voice faultered, unable to keep his voice smooth anymore.
He had to tell this lie though. It was for Mrs. Hudsons, Lestrades, Johns safety. It hurt to say it though.
"Sherlock." John said as more of a plea than anything.
"The newspapers were right all along." His voice was shaking as he continued. The lie hurt not because it would defame him. He couldn't care less about his reputation. People's opinion about him didn't matter to him in the least. Everyone except for John's atleast.
And that's what made it so hard. The person who's opinion mattered most to him had to be turned on him. He didn't know if he could bare the thought of John thinking any less of him.
"Okay, Sherlock, Sherlock, shutup." John's voice was growing anxious. "The first time we met you knew all about my sister, right?"
"Nobody could be that clever." Sherlock pushed.
"You could."
Those words couldn't have meant more to him than in that moment. He couldn't help but let a sad chuckle that was releif and greif and happiness all at once. All Sherlock wanted to do was to run down to his best friend and tell him everything was going to be ok. To ease John's worries and to just go home.
But he couldn't. He had to do this, so he had to push on despite everything else in his being to do otherwise.
So he fed John more lies.
And John refused to accept that as truth.
As he made his way to go inside to get Sherlock he was immediately ordered to stay where he was.
And like John, he listened to Sherlock.
John raised his hand signaling his compliance. Sherlock reached out wanting to take his hand in his own one more time before he was gone.
"Keep your eyes fixed on me." He had to make sure John stayed where he was no matter how much he wanted him by his side.
"Please, will you do this for me?" Sherlock begged.
"Do what?"
"This phone call, it's uh. It's my note. That's what people do don't they? Leave a note?"
"Leave a note when?" John asked hoping what was about to happen wasn't going to.
He didn't want this to happen. Wished he didn't have to do this. But he knew he was going to have to hurt John to save him.
"Goodbye, John."