Winry knocked on Arthur's door. They had to talk…and neither of them would like it. When the door open she didn't say anything, just walked into the room. Around the palace they'd gotten used to the blacksmith's visits to the young king, so her entering the grounds and reaching Arthur's bedroom hadn't drawn too much attention.
Arthur had been writing a speech, rather boring but necessary. His father had never told him the extent at which being king could be so time consuming and boring at the same time. When he heard the knock, it was a good excuse to stop his work. He opened the door and smiled at seeing Winry. Then his smile fell at her expression.
She turned to him. "This.. This thing we're doing.. Not anymore."
"What do you mean?" He asked warily. What thing? She didn't mean seeing each other, at least as friends?
She looked down at his boots. "I can't keep doing this - talking to each other and pretending everything's normal."
"Everything is normal." Okay, he knew that was a lie. Ever since their confession nothing had been the same.
"Come off it." She said, looking back up at his eyes. "This isn't working. I can't focus, I can't stop thinking about you. We've both got - responsibilities."
"I don't care."
"I know.. I shouldn't, but I do."
Arthur grabbed her shoulders. "You don't know what you're saying."
"Yes I do.. I'm sorry, Arthur."
He pulled her close. "Don't listen to your sense."
"I can't help it." She said, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. Two fell down her cheeks.
He cupped her cheek gently with one of his hands, the other still on her shoulder. He brought her face to his, closing his eyes softly.
To her own amazement, she simply closed her eyes and forgot what she'd been saying. She dissolved for a blissful moment into the kiss.
He pulled away, gazing into her brilliantly blue eyes with his own.
"I can't- we can't-" She said in protest.
"I've told you before and I'll tell you again - I'm the king and I can do as I please." He insisted. Although he knew it wasn't perfect..wasn't love worth it?
She couldn't say anything.. As much as she wanted to get everything on track..Why of all people did she need to fall for the king?
Arthur couldn't help his sensitive side coming out around Winry. Most people never saw him when he was like that.. Merlin was the only one other than Winry who was still alive to have seen it. And she had to make everything complicated..
Winry lifted one of her hands back to her face and wiped off the tears that had fallen.
He pulled her lips in again, into another soft kiss. It wasn't forceful, and hopefully well-received.
She was again surprised by the sudden kiss, this time pushing him away enough for her mouth to be free. "This-"
"Sssh." He coaxed.
She pushed him away again. "Arthur- do you know how hard it is for me to say these things?"
"Obviously not very hard." He said, his temper beginning to rise. "You drive me insane, and you walk in here and you just-" He couldn't even finish.
"I just what?!" She half-shouted back. What was she doing wrong? She was trying to cut this thing loose before they both got themselves in trouble. As much as she loved Arthur..
"You make everything complicated!" Was that the word to use? "You mess with my head and make me think everything's okay. I can't stop thinking about you either!
"There are two sides to this." He had to work to keep the growl out of his voice.
"Nothing's been simple since the day we met! You thought I tried making it complicated? Why in hell would I do that?" She ran her fingers through her hair frustratedly.
"Well why can't things be simple?" He asked in protest. "Why can't you just be you and me be me. You're the only one who treats me like a person, not just a ruler."
"Because things aren't the same. And I don't see why treating you like a human being is something special." She argued as she had so many times before.
"No one else will." He reached out his hand to grab hers. "You're special because you treat me like an equal."
"Don't you understand I'm not special?!" She truly believed that..she didn't know what Arthur saw in her. However she still took his hand, her callused fingers wrapping around his hand and through his fingers.
He squeezed her hand tightly for a small moment. At least she hadn't run off. He grabbed her other hand, careful not to be forcing her too much.
When their other fingers interlocked again her sky blue eyes drifted up to his deeper, but also blue, eyes. She blinked voluntarily only once.
He pulled his arms out to their sides, kissing her again. He wrapped his arms underneath her arms, holding her close.
She tilted her head a little. When they separated for a breath, she muttered, "We can't.." But never finished her sentence as their lips met again. Her arms went up and wrapped around his neck. Her consciousness told her to stop, the rest of her refused to listen.
He tugged at her shirt. If she wasn't coming back after then, he wanted something to remember her by.
She lost all reason she had had left.. Arthur was there and she was there, and he wanted exactly what she did. Her left hand held onto the back of his head, her right pressing onto his shoulder.
Why was she so good at being beautiful? He asked himself in his mind. His hands acted of their own accord, pulling the sleeves of her shirt off her shoulders, his right hand meeting her skin.
She barely noticed as the rough cloth left her smooth and nearly unmarked skin, and the feeling of his hand kept her mind racing. Her left hand snaked to the side of his head and the two of them half-fell half-sat on the bed that was behind Arthur.
His hand that had been on her shoulder crawled behind her and under her shirt, resting on her lower back. But suddenly he stopped, letting go of their kiss. There were marks, and not little burns from an anvil, scratches like he would get when fighting in a war.
She realized too late he'd touched the scars. This was not going to end well… And they'd been so close to a romantic moment.
"What's that?" He asked, in an accusatory tone. "And don't tell me that's just a little scratch because that was at least five inches long." He was genuinely worried because if she hadn't said anything then there was something not right.
For Truth's sake - not even Ed and Al knew about those, and now she had to tell Arthur.. Then again, he knew about the magic and Ed and Al didn't. "It's nothing important." She finally spat out, harsher than intended. "It's not something you should worry about." She turned and pulled her shirt back onto her shoulders and down to her waist.
"It is important if you have a battle scar running down your back! I have lots of those. Some of them even hurt sometimes. What about you?" He tried to sound as sympathetic as he felt, but he was also angry. Why? Because this felt like something he should've known about. Because she didn't trust him enough to talk about it.
"It's not a battle scar. I've only fought in a battle once - and you were there. All those wounds healed." Mostly. Some of the mental ones and the memories were still there. "It's just-" A terrible reminder from a terrible day. "It's just a mark."
"That wasn't 'just a mark.' You have a scar bigger than most of mine, and I fight with swords and maces and lances." He went and grabbed her shoulder, spinning her around.
"Yeah, it is." When he grabbed her she jerked her arm away. "Can't you just leave it?"
"I could 'just leave it' if you would tell me what 'it' is." How could it be so bad she was trying this hard to pretend it didn't exist?
"Fine. You want to hear? Let me break my own heart twice in one day." She sat down on the bed, except on the side away from where he was. She lifted her shirt to reveal the three eight-inch marks like claws, and the five-inch one that curved with the other three.
Immediately he tried to deter her. What had he been thinking? And she said breaking her heart again.. It had to be something bad. Maybe her parents? No, how could that relate.. He couldn't think of a single thing.
Winry gave a large sigh. "When I was five.. I went out with my dog Den. She was an adult dog, nearly big as me." She could remember vividly her wonderful dog, the one who would sit by her as she took her lessons and cheer her up when she was ridiculed by others. "I was just a kid. We went down to the cliffside not too far from here. It was sheltered and the view.. It was breathtaking. Whenever Granny was at work I would take Den and we'd play together. One day.." She took in a staggering breath. "One day I stepped a little too close."
Arthur listened, intrigued about these events (although he knew something bad had to happen to have it relate to it). He could almost imagine a young Winry playing with - a dog, he didn't know what she'd looked like. He sat on the end of the bed, tracing a finger along each scar that ran down her back.
"I tripped and she pulled me.. She was such a loyal dog." Her voice was uneven and occasionally too quiet. "She fell over the edge and her paw grasped on my back. It hurt but I held on.. And she fell." The whimper rang in her ears. "I got up and there was blood running down my back but I went down to where she was. One of her legs had come off and she was so pale, and she was whimpering and pawing at me, as if to see if I was okay. I'm not sure what was blood and what was tears." She began to speak quicker, trying to finish the previously unspoken story before she collapsed again. "I wasn't strong enough to carry her, not like that. And what could we do anyways? So I sat there and watched her die." That terrible feeling when the color had drained out of Den's eyes.. It was absolutely horrible. The wrenching in her gut reminded her. "I know you're thinking she's just a dog- but do you know how awful it was for me when I was a kid? My dog was my friend because I had none."
He was speechless. He couldn't think what to say or to do except to pull on her shirt gently and cover up the marks again, and to put a hand on his shoulder. "Winry-" but what could he say. He'd forced her to say it and now she looked and felt awful. He was a complete and total idiot. A moron.
"Happy now?" She turned to him with fire in her eyes, her face wet from the tears she'd done a bad job of concealing. "There you are. I told you. Hope you're proud of yourself." She got up, brushing his hand off and going towards the door to his chambers. "Tell Merlin I won't be back for lessons." She said as she shut the wooden doors behind her.
He got up, torn between going after her and just leaving it be. Why did -this- have to be how it worked? Why couldn't he just have her with him in the castle and not caring what anyone thought and being able to wipe away those scars. He could tell those weren't her only ones, the others just weren't as visible. But there was nothing he could do.
Tears streaked down the blacksmith's face as she exited the castle. All she wanted in the world was to turn around, to go and be with Arthur. But now she was listening to her sense and she was angry with him. She wouldn't have even let him near those if she didn't love him so much.. Emotions were messy and messy meant confusing. Confusing meant not even knowing what she was thinking about.
Arthur sat back down at his desk, looking down at his speech. The words danced on the page. He'd never finish it or be able to present it in time. He didn't feel like himself and he wouldn't for a long while.
While passing in the hall, Merlin saw his friend sobbing and hurrying through, trying to stay hidden. "Winry?" He asked tentatively, approaching her although being wary of her fiery temper. "Are you - you okay?" He tried to use a kind voice, but it came out closer to quivering worry.
"No I'm not fine." Winry exclaimed back. "I'm not fine and I'll never be fine." Her hands combed through her hair as she continued to storm away.
"Then tell me what's wrong." Merlin said, chasing after her and walking a bit to her left and behind her. "You can trust me, right?" He knew how close Winry and Arthur were.. Sorta. If she was mad at Arthur maybe he could try to be a middle ground?
"I can trust you but not with everything." She told him, trying as hard as she could to pull herself together. "There are some things better left…unsaid. Thanks for the help though."
Merlin patted her shoulder gently. If only he knew how to help. Maybe he could talk to Arthur.
Arthur shed his shirt, putting on a new one and pacing his room. Not leaving the room for the rest of the day sounded good…yes being alone would be good. He'd just lock his doors and shoo away Merlin if he tried to come in.
Winry exited the castle, hurrying down the busy streets. She arrived at her house and went back to work, though her work was hardly top-quality it was better than it being non-existant.
Merlin opened the door to Arthur's chambers, entering and crossing his arms. "Well, sire, I think you've made a right mess of things."
"Shut up Merlin." Arthur grumbled. "Get out." He said, turning on his heels to see Merlin standing in his room.
Merlin didn't move a single centimeter. "You seriously need to reevaluate your choices if your girlfriend is running out of the castle crying and refusing to speak to anyone."
"She's not my girlfriend." Arthur replied immediately. Was that the truth? Of course…of course it was. What was he thinking…
"She might not be your girlfriend but she was still upset."
"Well I'm upset too, Merlin!" He yelled back. His anger hadn't passed yet and Merlin was an easy way to vent on someone who would forgive him before long. Merlin always forgave him.
Merlin glowered at Arthur. "What's gotten into you, the both of you?"
Arthur bit his lip. "Get out. I mean it this time. Get. Out."
Merlin had to realize Arthur was serious…he tried to help but it was past his time to do so. "I'll be with Gaius." He probably had more chores to do anyways.
Arthur sat back down and set his head on the table. He was such an idiot sometimes. Right then he'd been such a git. He wished he could've said sorry.
Winry put down her hammer and tools. She wouldn't be able to focus. She went into her bedchamber and laid down. As much as Arthur was being pushy she was shutting him out. She wished she could've said sorry.