Chapter 1 introduction

"congratulations" my best friend's Bridgit and Alexa both cheered when I told them the news of the baby.

"Your going to make a great mom" Alexa said comforting me. Thoughts were scattered in my mind. I was scared and lonely. I wasn't sure how to tell my boyfriend. After two years of being together we were both about to be parents at the age of twenty three. I thought about the future from now. Every night since I had found out about the baby, I had managed to tear myself apart. Would this be a good thing and help my relationship or should I just leave. I was already in a bad relationship that my family didn't approve of. My boyfriend was a sweetheart when he wanted to be. I knew Jesse wasn't ready to have a baby yet. he wanted to tour the world and live his own life. I knew that someday he would be ready but just not now. He wanted to do other things. The moment I found out i knew everything was about to change. Could be for the better could be for the worse. Only God would know.

I stayed the night with Bridgit and Alexa, not wanting to go home to Jesse. I wasn't sure how to tell him. I knew that if I told the guys they would keep it a secret and not let him know which I was grateful for but then there was one person who I could never hurt. The moment he found out I was engaged wrecked our friendship. Logan and I had always had this special relationship. It was different then the rest. it wasn't like the brother sister relationship you would normally see it was more like an undefined love for each other. I loved him I won't lie. But then things changed and I had found jesse, two years later we are engaged. he is a big pop star and he is set in his career which worries me. I know financially we would be okay and we already discussed children. If it were to happen, he would want me to stay home with the baby until they are at least through elementary school. He loved me I knew he did but we were having a hard time with him always being gone. he was always on tour and always in the studio so things were a little rough on us.. We didn't spend much time together. i hated the fact he was always gone. Now a baby would just make things more difficult. Why did I have to be so irresponsible.

Later on, the girls and I met up with our friends for dinner. Kendall, James, Logan and Carlos and Bridgit's boyfriend Shane. Carlos and Alexa were getting married. James was working on his acting career and Kendall was working on his band Heffron Drive. The boys were talking about BTR getting back together but who knows im sure it would happen. Logan was just traveling the world to places he had never been before and also touring with Demi Lovato. I hated that idea but I knew that I couldn't say anything since i was the one who had broken his heart more then he had broken mine so I steered clear of the whole topic. When we got to Alexa and Carlos' house, Bridgit and I helped make dinner. We made spaghetti, with meatballs and sausage with garlic bread and for dessert cheesecake. Our favorite dinner together!. The boys hadn't been home often either. Although i saw them more then i saw Jesse, I was thankful to still have time with them.

I met Bridgit when we were in diapers. Same with James. Our mothers were all best friends so James, Bridgit and I would always tell people we were related. My mother died when I was fourteen, she died in a car accident on her way home from work one night in a blizzard. Six months later my dad died from a broken heart and alcohol poisoning. Every since my mom died it was hard on him. Bridgit's mother had adopted me up until i was eighteen. Bridgit started acting and singing and eventually we moved to LA. Jame's mother had opened her own cosmetics company so James also moved with us. We were happy to be together still. We didn't live too far from james. When we were eighteen, Bridgit and i moved into our own townhouse together. Then i met Jesse and moved in with him and now Bridgit lives with her boyfriend Shane who is also an actor and musician. Lots of exciting times in my life. At least up until now anyway. We met Kendall and Logan when we were all in school. Around our high school years we met Carlos. We all stuck together. We would call ourselves the rush. Everyone had their own special talent. I felt like a band of superheroes. I loved my family. I smiled as I reminisced over dinner with them all. I watched each and everyone of them as I waited to tell them my news. I was nervous and didn't know how to tell them.

"I have some news" Alexa began. Her and Carlos were getting married in a few weeks so that was exciting for them. We were all looking forward to it. Hopefully I would be able to fit into the dress. I smiled at the thought.

"Carlos and I are going to have a baby" she said and my eyes widened

Congratualtions went around before I knew it I decided not to share my news.

Later tht night, I sent everyone pictures of my sonograms. They were so happy. At first they didn't get it and then most of them figured it out. The congratualtions from everyone made me nervous. I think I saw Logan tense up a little bit in shock. After dinner, I went outside on the deck

"It's cold out here, it can't be good for the baby" James said coming outside with Kendall

"Im fine." I said

"So are you excited?" Kendall asked

"Im not sure. "

"Did you tell Jesse?" James asked

"not yet. When the time comes I will" i told him

I spent the next few minutes talking to the guys before i joined everyone back inside. Logan had left early, something came up. The couples were inside talking about the wedding plans.

"So does this mean the wedding is going to be before the baby comes?" Bridgit asked

"im not sure" I said

We ended the night and James dropped me off at my house. Like usual, I ate dinner alone and read a book before going to bed. Jesse will be home soon was all i kept thinking to myself.