Severus
…..
I watch him, I can't let him know, he mustn't know about whom I really am. It kills me to see him hate me this way, but what choice do I have? The boy I love as my son, hates me.
He thinks I hate him. He had a terrible childhood, I can see it in his eyes, as bad as mine, but different. I wish I could have raised him as my son, the boy I would do anything to protect. That of course is why I must keep my distance, the chosen one, the boy who lived, mustn't have anything to do with a suspected death eater like me. I must play my part.
His first year, they thought it was me cursing his broom, I was trying desperately not to let him fall, he hates me more than ever. He stopped the dark lord from returning, and nearly died doing it. I've never been so scared. He woke up and Dumbledore didn't tell him. I cried.
Second year, he did it again, nearly killing himself in the process. He has done so much more than anyone could have ever hoped. But I fear he will break, he is so young, and has gone through too much. I want to protect him, but I can't, I mustn't.
He found his father's old friends, I never did hate them. He is happy. My mistake caused Lupin to resign. I hate myself. They will never believe it was an accident.
The dark lord is back, Harry is damaged, he went through the Triwizard Tournament. He never should have been put in that much danger. I believe him, everything he says is the truth. Fudge is an idiot. He will make life very difficult for Harry.
This year is his worst. Fudge's pet toad really does hate him, the dark lord is back and no one will believe him. I hope he doesn't kill himself. Dumbledore made a fatal mistake in not telling him. He thought his dream was real, he told me, his last hope, I couldn't show my understanding and he didn't think I knew. Black was killed trying to save him. The idiot. Harry is broken, I've never seen him so desperate. That the world has accepted the Dark Lord's return is small compensation.
Dumbledore is dying. I am useless! I am failing, everywhere pain and death. Harry… I must kill Dumbledore. I will never forgive myself. Everyone will hate me. Not that that should matter. Everyone already does.
This year is awful. Harry has disappeared off the face of the earth, he hasn't come back to Hogwarts, where the dark lord would surely kill him, he is wanted by the ministry. I can't protect him anymore. I must tell him he must die. How could Dumbledore do this! After all this time, I still haven't let him know I love Harry. He thinks I'm doing this purely for Lily, and I was, at first, now I care for Harry as well. I will not live through this battle.
I've failed I'm dying I won't be able to protect him anymore he must know he must know!
Take it…
Look at me…
Goodbye Harry.
King's Cross. Pale, clean. I'm whole again. Like a newborn. The train is waiting.
….
Author's notes: Snape is one of my favorite characters, and I enjoy playing around in his head. Hope you liked it, I'd love some feed back!