CHAPTER ONE

AT SHIVA'S IGLOO

Shiva, Ifrit, Choco, and Mog are in Shiva's Igloo...

Shiva: Hello Ifrit. So, how is it in hell?

Ifrit: Hot and firy, like always.

Mog: I like this Igloo.

Choco: I like it too.

Mog: Me too.

Mog: How about you, Shiva?

Shiva: Well, DUH! What do you THINK, you stupid BEAR?

Mog: *starts crying

Choco: Shiva! You stuck-up prep! You made Mog cry! Come on, Mog! Let's show her what we're made of!

Mog and Choco: DEATHBLOW!!!

Shiva: DIAMOND DUST!!!

Ifrit: Now, now, my friends, no need to be so competive! Let's all-

Choco: You RETARD!! You made us LOSE!! And you made Mog cry! AGAIN!!!!!

Mog: *starts shivering and crying

Choco: And your outfit's perverted too! RETARDED RETARD!!!!!!!!

Shiva: Well, YOU don't even WEAR clothes! So there!

Choco: Besides, I'm at level FOUR and you're only at level TWO!

Shiva: Well *fake fart* on you! Old fart!

Ifrit: Bye Chocomog! Hope you feel better soon! *Ifrit and Chocomog leave igloo*

Shiva: *curses for an hour*

Kjata and Leviathan are consoling Mog and Choco...

Kjata: Besides, I was always better than her. She's ugly, too.

Leviathan: Yeah. Let's kill her.

Choco and Mog: Yeah.

Mog: But not the igloo.

Choco: Yeah. I like the igloo.

Mog: Me too.

Choco: Me too.

Mog: Me too.

Choco: Me-

Leviathan: Anyway, down to business.

Kjata, Choco, and Mog: Yeah.

Leviathan: How 'bout we-

Kjata: Can we blow something up!??!?

Leviathan: All that will be resolved-

Kjata: With DYNAMITE!?!?!

Leviathan: Just-

Kjata: PLEASE?!?!?

Leviathan: *winks at Choco and Mog

Leviathan, Choco, and Mog: *All attack Kjata continuously until he counters

Leviathan: TIDAL WAVE!!!!

Choco and Mog: DEATHBLOW!!!!! *change into Fat Chocobo

Fat Chocobo: FAT CHOCOBO!!!!!!!

Kjata: TERRA DISASTER!!!!!!

Fat Chocobo: Your Terra Disaster is no match for Fat Chocobo!

Kjata: *falls through crater he made

Kjata: Ahhhh! King Arthur will GET you for this!

Leviathan: Meh. King Arthur wanted to get rid of you all along.

Kjata: *Still falling through the endless hole

Kjata: Ahhh! Will I have to fall through this hole for ETERNITY??!?

Leviathan: Yeah. Probably.

Kjata: Maybe Hades will take me in. He lives underground, right? AHH!

Leviathan: *snickers sarcastically* Yeah. He's really known for his hospitality.

Kjata: AHH! AHH! AHH! *finally disappears in the darkness

Mog: But... What are we going to do about Kjata?

Leviathan: Don't worry. Kjata will just get in the way.

Choco: Okay then.

Leviathan: Here's the plan. I'll get... *dreamily* Phoenix to melt a hole in the ice so that I can swim under it.

Choco: Under what?

Leviathan: The ice.

Choco: What was that? *sticks talon in ear and starts picking at it* I must have too much ear wax or something.

Leviathan: I said the ice.

Choco: Just a sec... still can't hear you. *Pulls out earwax*

Leviathan: I SAID FRICKIN' ICE!!!!!

Choco: Ah. So we hire Phoenix to melt a hole under the frickin' ice? What is frickin' ice?

Leviathan: Frickin' ice is FRICKIN' ICE!!!!!!!!

Mog: But of course frickin' ice is frickin' ice. How could it not be itself?

Leviathan: FRICKIN' ICE IS ICE IF YOU'RE SO SPECIFIC!!!

Choco: So we just make Phoenix make the hole with her fire? Why not Ifrit?

Leviathan: (dreamily) Because Phoenix... Ooookay, never mind.

Choco: Never? Never mind again? But... It makes my head spin to think of never doing something again.

Leviathan: Uh.. Forget it. Here's the plan- Phoenix drills a hole through the ice. I'll swim through the water. You stay above the ice and tell me when we get to Shiva's igloo. Then I'll crack the ice and whack her with my tail.

Choco: Can we have the igloo?

Mog: Yeah, can we?

Choco: Please?

Leviathan: YES! You can have the igloo.

Choco: YAY! I'm so happy!!

Mog: Me too!

Choco: Me too!

Mog: Me too!

Choco: Me too!

Mog: Me-

Leviathan: Nn-hnn. Now go... eat something and be back by tomorrow.