Hey all. :) I have been terribly busy with my art class, and preparing for my exams. I'm really sorry for abandoning my last fic. I don't know when I'm going to update, or even if I am going to update. To soothe you guys, I wrote this oneshot (so no suspense :)) Its my first one shot, incredibly different from my other story, please give it a chance. :) Don't argue about the technicalities; I was more concerned with the emotional aspect of this piece. Hope you enjoy. :D
Review pretty pretty please!!!
The Last Memory
The feeling in his gut was too ominous to ignore; there was more to that memory- a part that his Potions master had tried to conceal from him even in his last hours; a part, which, in the throes of the most significant battle of wizard-kind had seemed but an extremely trivial matter.
But now Evil was finally conquered; the war was over, the last respects to the dearly departed were paid and as he lay slumped in what was once Dumbledore's office; mind steeped in thought, the wide flat basin that reposed in front of him had ensnared all his senses. Right then, it seemed to be larger and more grandiose than any other object in the stately room.
He got to his feet shakily; his body still ached all over from curses cast twenty four hours earlier whose effects hadn't yet subsided.
He ran a palm over the eerily glowing surface of the pensieve; a surge of anxiety and excitement coursing through him.
What he'd seen on his last visit only hours earlier had been the very last thing he would have ever suspected or guessed about Snape. That he had experienced love at least once in his lifetime, no matter how warped or obsessive that love might have been, it was real; it was for a person, and most importantly it made him human.
In the thick of war, all he cared to glean from Snape's memory was the bare gist- and that was his Professor's obsessive and unreasonable love for Lily Potter. But the memory had ended much in the same way as Slughorn's regarding the horcruxes; the last scene he had witnessed was his mother's displeasure at Snape's choice of friends, and Snape's disappointment as she walked away from him- after that, things grew hazy and he hurtled out, back into present day. At the time he'd been too shaken up and preoccupied to care, but now, he knew that Snape had probably wanted to tamper with his memory- blur the final part and end it sooner- it had only worked partially. Harry was almost certain that the blurry haze would pass and he could finally get to see the end.
Without further hesitation, he held the tiny glass vial over the pensieve and emptied it down to the last drop of the silvery substance that clung stubbornly to its insides. The contents swirled before him, enticing him, daring him to enter and behold. His heart raced to his mouth as he plunged himself into the metallic silver depths; prepared to witness what they held for him.
It started like it had the first time, with 'Tuney' and Lily playing in the garden, and Snape surreptitiously watching them; when he told his mother that she was a wizard and incurred the wrath of his aunt, to Snape and Lily's argument at Hogwarts. As the scene faded before him, his heart sped up with anticipation; he had only watched up till here the last time- and now- what would he see? Or would he see nothing, would he hurtle outwards like before…? He struggled to see through the thick fog like haze that was spreading fast before him; his pulse racing even faster. His excitement increased threefold when his convictions were finally confirmed- the fog around him began to gradually clear, the scene began to change and he found his feet shifting and taking him into it…
He landed with a soft thud on the floor; and as his eyes came into focus in the dim light, the room he was in became disconcertingly familiar. The Slytherin common room seemed dingier and more unwelcoming than he had ever seen it; the stone snakes carved on the doors seemed to be hissing at him and it sent a shiver down his spine.
The sole light in the room came from a table lamp in a corner. Huddled in front of it, apparently absorbed in finishing his homework, was a much younger Snape. Save for him, there were no students any where in sight at that time of night. From what Harry could see of him, he looked less sallow and stringy than he was in the previous memories; his jaw was set and clenched, in complete concentration at the task at hand and curtains of his dark lank hair partially hid his face.
The ghost of a smirk played across Harry's face as he noticed his nose that was indeed but inches from the parchment was oddly (and spookily) reminiscent of a swotting Hermione.
As Harry walked closer, trying to get a glimpse of what he was so engrossed in, Snape jerked his head up suddenly. Harry gave a start and a gasp, forgetting for a moment that he was invisible and inaudible. Snape hastily put down his quill and strode across the room to its only window. He had obviously heard something that had escaped Harry.
Curiosity piqued, he followed him over to the window. His gaze fell upon a group of four students entering the castle, and at once he knew why Snape left his homework in a flurry- that was undoubtedly his mother's voice. He was hugely surprised- he never thought that his mother roamed the castle grounds like a deviant. (Well, he did.) She was laughing at something her friend had said. With another jolt he realized who the 'friend' was- Lily was with James, Sirius and, though he could not make out clearly in the dark, he was sure it was Lupin. Snape's scowl could not deepen further; he slammed the window shut and marched up to the common room door without so much as a backward glance at his books.
Instinctively Harry followed him outside, down the dim dungeon corridor. He wondered what Snape was going to do- call for the headmaster…? He didn't think so somehow. Because Snape wasn't making for the headmasters office; he was heading towards the Gryffindor common room. He was finding it difficult to keep up with Snape, who was striding ahead, his school robes billowing behind him giving him that characteristic bat-like look.
After several long minutes he found them outside the Gryffindor common room; the fat lady snored lightly in her portrait. Snape put a long finger to his nose, apparently trying to recollect the password. Suddenly Harry heard a surprised voice behind them.
'Severus?' Lily paused on the first step as Snape whipped around, wand out, expecting to come face to face with James and his cronies as well. But it was only her.
'What on earth are you doing-' She didn't sound angry, but Snape certainly was.
'The question is what have you been doing gallivanting around the grounds with Potter and his gang at past eleven in the night?' He spat out the 'Potter' much in the same way as he called Harry during his lectures.
Instead of taking offence Lily merely laughed and came up to Snape, nearly colliding with Harry in the process. 'So you saw us. Don't try your scare tactics on me Snape, we both know you're hardly going to take me to the head master for that.'
Snape's jaw was still clenched and he said nothing.
'Take me to your common room. We haven't talked in ages.'
'What?' He was clearly surprised now, 'at this hour- get you into trouble- what an absurd idea- and where is Potter-'
'James went to his dormitory. Now please come.' Her was voice quiet yet firm, and before Snape could protest she grabbed his arm and pulled him along with her down the stairs. Harry was quite sure that Lily was possibly the only person to grab Snape's arm voluntarily in an almost friendly way. As he followed their retreating figures he marveled at how pretty his mother was; her hair reached down below her shoulders, and though it was dark like Snape's, it had all the shine and life that his hair sorely lacked.
As they strode down the various corridors leading to the Slytherin common room, Snape kept muttering, and judging by her nods, asking Lily things in an urgent undertone. He glanced over his shoulder several times, his sharp eyes darting about the empty corridors as if he expected someone unwanted to turn up at any moment. The cautious way he moved right then seemed so much in contrast to the air of maddening superiority he always carried as a Professor years later.
Harry could feel the soles of his feet starting to ache and was, for once, hugely gratified to see the towering doors ahead of them; a dim green glow filtered out through the cracks.
'How do you spend all your free time in here?' Lily obviously felt the same way about the common room as her son.
'I hardly have an option now do I? You, with your new set of friends-' Snape's voice was heavy with resentment but Lily let it pass.
As soon as they entered, Lily went over to the window and threw it open. The light from the full moon illuminated her face. She was gazing outside, but Harry could see Snape staring- leering? - at her. The hunger in his gaze was unmistakable and it made Harry's stomach lurch most unpleasantly.
She turned round to face him, smiling slightly.
'I don't want you going around with them.' His voice was tight and he frowned deeply.
Her smile vanished at once; she came over to him. 'What is your problem with James, Severus?'
'My problem? You hated him, remember? Don't you know what a shallow vain imbecile he is? And apart from the fact that he and his disgusting tag-alongs would like to jinx me into oblivion at the slightest chance they get, I have no problem with him.' Snape was breathing hard through his nose.
'It's because you hang around with the likes of Avery- I don't understand why you like to keep company like him-'
'And I don't understand why you keep company like them-' He made a sharp gesture to the window.
'Severus,' Lily sighed, coming closer. 'James may be arrogant at first glance perhaps- but today he was a perfect gentleman to me.' Snape snorted disgustedly. 'No wait!' She said indignantly. 'And Lupin, he's the one I like most. He's decent, Severus.'
'Lupin is a-' Snape snarled, but thought better of completing it.
'Is a what?' She asked heatedly. Harry's breath hitched in his throat- he was almost sure Snape was going to tell her that Lupin was a werewolf.
'Nothing.' He snapped, turning away from her, proving Harry wrong. 'Forget it.'
'Sev, give them a chance. They aren't as evil as you make them out to be.' Her hand rested lightly on his shoulder.
Snape shut his eyes briefly. Harry could've sworn he swallowed, as if deciding what information to part with, before he went on.
'And neither am I, Evans.'
Her hand dropped off his shoulder.
'What do you mean?' For the first time she sounded almost scared, although Harry was not sure why. 'And since when did you call me Evans?'
'Since when did you call me by my nickname?' He turned around to face her, but his gaze was stubbornly fixed on something outside the window.
'You said Potter was just like everyone else- at the beginning- you were on my side. I didn't care a damn for him- no more than I do now. He is nothing to me. And now- you think I haven't a clue as to what is going on? You're just like all those other moronic girls Lily. You- you're falling for him.' Lily opened her mouth to speak, but he held up a hand to silence her.
'I thought- we were so similar- real friends- you drifted away. You began to stick your nose in the air whenever you saw Slytherins, just like him- pretended that you never even knew me, like I was the filth underneath your impeccable shoes, not worthy of even a sideways glance. Do you know something Evans, you are becoming just. Like. Him.'
Lily's mouth hung open slightly, too furious to speak. Harry watched numbly as his mother gave Snape an almighty push, and as he collided with the table behind him, his books went crashing to the floor. She almost ran towards the door and Harry caught tears glistening on her cheeks. She whipped round suddenly, 'Snape, you only detest James because-'
'Because he will never understand what those green eyes want.'
Harry would have never believed his Potions master said those words if he hadn't actually seen his mouth forming them. Snape was still by the table, nursing his injured elbow; his gaze however immediately locked with Lily's- she looked as stunned as he felt. Slowly, as if only just discovering she had feet, she made her way to the young man beside the table. Snape tore his gaze from hers, and down to his hand. He was perhaps, hugely regretting what he'd said moments earlier. Lily went right up to him, her breaths soft and visible against the back drop of the night.
The silence of those few moments was more than just heavy, it seemed almost suffocating.
'Look at me.'
She tilted his chin upwards, causing his long hair to fall out of his face. If Harry had expected to see Snape's characteristic blank expression, he was wrong once more. His professors eyes were not alight with hate, nor greed, but with concern. No, something resembling concern- Harry was amazed to find a softer, yet deeper emotion somewhere in the depths of his eyes; he could not judge from across the room, but he could just feel it- Harry grew almost panicky- it felt as if he was intruding upon something that was extremely private and forbidden and it gave him a sickening feeling in his gut. But he could not turn away- he seemed rooted to the spot. With a horrible twist of his insides he saw in the moonlight that their fingers were intertwined. Surely those were Snape's spidery fingers between his mother's, looking exceedingly stiff.
Harry's heart plummeted to his feet and all he wanted to do was run far away as he numbly watched Lily lean in and kiss the thin pale lips of the man that neither her son nor her future husband knew she might have once loved.
He could see Snape's back stiffen; but his thumb lightly pressed the back of his mother's neck and Harry, sick to the gut, ascertained his feelings at that instant.
Lily drew back soon, Snape's gaze still laser-beaming her. Her own entrancing green orbs, Harry could see even in the shadows, were filled with a sadness and regret that wrenched at his heart and tore at his already queasy insides.
He just stood there and watched the shiny green eyes connect silently with the black ones.
'And neither will you, Sev.' She whispered, in response to what Snape had said moments before. 'Neither will you.'
Her hand touched his cheek lightly, and Harry thought he saw his hand twitch to keep her from going, but he didn't.
And without looking back, Lily Potter left the Slytherin common room, and the thin young man slumped upon his table. It was the last time he had seen her, before she ran off with Potter, before that fateful night when she was snatched from his life forever.
Harry began spiraling away, out of the memory, into an endless space…
As he hit the cold floor of Dumbledore's office, his feet felt terribly painful and chilly, and strangely (or perhaps not) his cheeks were damp.