I thought I was the sweetest person in the world, or at least in Lima and I guess that sounds conceited or something but you totally didn't know the kids that lived there. Anyway, I thought I was but then I met Marley and realized I'm actually kind of a bitch sometimes and my super sweetness didn't even come close to rivaling hers. She was like this puppy that followed people around, even though she's really smart and could totally think for herself.
It's weird, I kinda knew her for a while before I got to know her at all. I guess that's a thing people talk about, knowing someone but not really knowing them. I mean we had glee together but we weren't in any of the same classes because I was a year ahead of her.
Our first real conversation was just me being nosy or whatever, encouraging her to go for it with Jake and then we did that number together, which we definitely nailed. Though thats all is weird to think about now.
Our second conversation too, I had just come from the auditorium, talking with Santana and I dunno, I guess I just wasn't doing too well. So I was sitting in the choir room, in the back row like Santana and I used to just thinking stuff over. I had known that I was doing the right thing but its funny how the right thing never feels very right, mostly it felt like being strangled. Which in another context, totally hot but I was busy trying to like… breathe and stuff.
I actually think I really scared her after she came in. Marley went straight for the piano and didn't even notice me until after she stopped singing her song. I don't know what the name of it was but she really hadn't been helping on the not crying thing. Her voice is sort of special, not super strong like Rachel's or heavy and raspy like Santana's but light and soft and soulful. The type of voice that easily moved people, I've seen it happen so many times.
Anyway, she finished and I must have been making a lot of small noises, all gurgley and like I was drowning probably because that's a lot what it felt like and Marley stood up, whipping around so fast she'd knocked the bench back like two feet. I would have laughed if I hadn't been in such rough shape, all I really did was watch her.
It took her a few moments for her to pull herself together and then another few probably trying to figure out exactly what I was doing and then she moved up the risers to sit by me. Marley doesn't talk first when you're upset, she waits. That's something I learned about her, something I really like about her. She always gives you the chance to get yourself together, to say that you want some help before she starts asking questions.
"Santana left." I told her in a small voice, swiping my wrist beneath my nose. Marley just nodded, moving her chair closer to mine and waited for me to say the rest. It took me at least five minutes before I said anything again and when I did it surprised me so much I just started crying again.
"I don't love Sam." I'd said, the words so unintentionally certain.
She waited for me to calm down, letting me lean into her and then when I was quiet again her fingers brushed lightly against my arm to get me to look at her and she smiled. The smile was sorta sad, maybe like an apology but I didn't know what she was sorry for, it was just Marley being Marley.
"Want to go get some ice cream?" She asked, her voice low and sweet, it was really hard to say no, so I didn't and I let her lead me out of the school.
It went like that for a while, we were just there for each other. Neither of us talked about it or declared a friendship, it just happened on its own. When I was sad Marley was the first person I called and the same for her. When the whole love triangle thing with her and Jake blew up, she texted me right afterward. Honestly it mostly reminded me of the famous Quinn, Finn and Puck thing sophomore year except in reverse and nobody was pregnant but I kept that part to myself.
We went for ice cream because chocolate sprinkles and mini marshmallows on chocolate vanilla swirl was the cure all for everything. Even though sometimes Marley went for the no fat, no sugar, terrible looking orange stuff, she was weird about things like that. Whatever, she always stole some of my marshmallows no matter what.
She said she was sad but also that she wasn't really, even though that didn't make any sense I just nodded along and suggested she write a poem about it or maybe a song. Marley laughed at me, she was always doing that, giggling at things I said with nothing but affection in her eyes. Usually when people laugh at me they are because they think I'm crazy but Marley never said anything like that.
It didn't take long after that for me to break up with Sam, he was sweet about it, like he already knew or something. That's the only part that made me sad, those trouty lips were super heart breaking when he was pouting but I needed to be honest.
We didn't go for ice cream that time but we did when I realized I hadn't spoken to Santana in a few months. New York was busy for her and I had told her to move on. I never blamed her for feeling sad about it, ice cream just helped.
Marley and I went again when I got my acceptance letter to Julliard, turning our sad ice cream time into super awesome happy ice cream time and it stayed that way over the summer. We went like once a week and worked it all off swimming or dancing.
All of that summer was spent with her, I didn't notice at the time but we just kept growing closer. It got to the point where we were spending one week at her house and one week at mine until the end of summer. Mostly we just hung out, I helped her with dance moves and she'd model for me in strange lighting so I could take pictures.
Marley is really beautiful. We did this shoot once at the back of an old barn off the main highway and I don't know if it was the sunlight or the sunflowers in the background but after every picture I snapped I paused to look at her for a few seconds longer, until she asked me what I was doing, making that face she makes when she is unsure about something. Usually if someone looks at her for too long she starts to fidget, pulling at her clothes and beginning to frown until you call her out of whatever doubts she is thinking and make her smile.
"I just don't think I tell you how pretty you are enough." I told her honestly, lowering my camera so that it was hanging from my neck at my chest.
As predicted Marley blushed and shook her head, turning in a way that looked like she was trying to hide herself, she did that all the time too.
"No really." I insisted, moving closer to her until she was barely a foot away. "I know I'm no real photographer but you could definitely do this for a living." Posing for the camera had seemed to come naturally to her and Marley's beauty was so bare and totally simple. Like she wasn't glamorous, just gorgeous.
It took her longer than most but eventually she drew in a breath, nodding her head with a small thank you and then I kissed her.
I didn't really know I was going to do it, I just did it and Marley didn't stop me so I didn't stop either.
I pressed her up against the barn and she kissed me back, all soft and lazy in the summer sun with sunflowers in the background. After a while we dropped down into the grass, legs and hands wrapping up with each others while we got used to how our lips moved together.
I got at least two pictures of us kissing and then a few of her laying in the grass, the shadow of the barn creeping up on us as the sun went down.
We didn't talk about it, not because either of us was avoiding it or pretending like it wasn't happening. I think because we had been enjoying it, letting it be for whatever it was. Being that way with Marley was nice, warm and safe and comfortable and I know she felt the same way.
It didn't change that summer would have to end and that I was leaving but we never talked about that either, probably for the same reasons.
After that first time, it happened a lot. Marley was surprising less shy than she let on and the second time we kissed it had been her that leaned in to capture my lips.
Somewhere along the way going out for ice cream and movies started becoming dates. We were dressing nicer for the occasions, one time she brought me flowers, claiming to have picked them from her own garden. She was sorta sweet that way, I really liked that.
The first time we got past kissing she was staying over at my house, drunk on cheesy chick flicks and whatever weird tea she swore to be relaxing. But the most relaxing thing was the way we were cuddled up in my bed and the way her hair smelled, some flowery smell I never could put my finger on exactly. It didn't take long for cuddling to turn into full on making out and then things got really frantic.
Marley was either a quick study or some sort of adorable ninja because my shirt had hit the floor before I even realized it was off. Though once I reached for hers she seemed a little panicked and pulled away, doubt creeping into blue hues so many different shades than my own. I smiled at her, laying calming hands on both her arms and reassured her. She needed that, like when you come home and for the first time your new puppy didn't tear the garbage to shreds, she craved praise and I was always willing to give it to her.
I didn't pressure her into it, she wanted to. After I reassured her of herself, reminding her of things she already knew I made her promise me it was really what she wanted. I was her first. It was nice, calm and slow and everything that Marley was. Sweet and natural. Nothing about it felt awkward or off and when we were done we had more tea and watched another movie, disappearing under the sheets a second time before falling asleep.
The second time was quicker, harder and more desperate. It caught me off guard, Marley was always doing that, surprising me. She'd climbed on top of me taking on this demanding tone and it seems silly to think about now but I was basically being ordered around by a tiny Disney princess which doesn't sound hot but it still ranks pretty high on my list and my list is a little extensive and more than a little wanky.
We spent the whole last week of summer naked, I'm pretty sure. Somewhere in there we stopped for food, and I packed all my things, plus not getting caught by either of our parents but we couldn't stop. It was amazing.
Leaving was hard, sad but not as sad as I was expecting it to be. I guess it was because we both knew it was coming all along, we were prepared. We spent my last night together and yeah okay, we cried a little but we also both cried through half the movies we watched, which were mostly designed for six year olds.
She gave me a dream catcher that still hangs on the wall above my bed, even though I've moved too many times to count now. And I gave her my copy of the original Alice In Wonderland story. I told her she should be Alice but could be the Red Queen if she wanted too and she just laughed at that. I laughed too because really it didn't make any sense. I just knew she liked it, we used to read it together on nights we camped out in my backyard, so I wanted her to have it.
We've both grown up since then, new cities, college, careers, new relationships. For the most part we kept in touch but never as close as we used to be.
I'm a dancer, of course, settled down and starting to plan out the rest of my life with my soon to be wife.
Marley is doing really well, dating some dork with ridiculously hipster clothing but that's kind of so her anyway. She's a singer like we all knew she would be, just released her first major album. I guess that's why I've been thinking about her lately, she sent me a copy. There wasn't a note with it but three of the songs on the list were circled and I couldn't help but smile when I saw them. I'm really happy with my life and how things have turned out for both of us but there are just some summers you never forget.
2. Summer Stars and Sunflowers
9. Ballerina Blonde
11. Dear Alice