The Perfect Kid
The problem with parents is, they're always comparing us with OTHER kids. And believe me, that sort of thing can lead to disappointment...Unless you're smarter and better-looking than all of your friends, as I am.
But even if YOU aren't, don't worry. With my simple tips, you too can be The Most Perfect Kid Ever. The kid who never disappointed his or her parents.
The Kid Who Could Do No Wrong!
It's the stuff of legends, this kid. But once upon a time, this kid
was you. Yes, YOU! You, the bumbling, lazy, can-do-much-better kid. Sometimes I wonder if 'Can Do Better' is just a nice way of saying 'You Suck'! But Mom says it only means that I'm not living up to my true potential.
I'm afraid it's a trap. Because the moment you do better, the bar will be raised even higher. And then they will say "See? We were right about you! Now let's see you try even harder. Let's see you do even better!" You see what's going on here?
Let me explain. When you were born, your parents thought you were PERFECT. You drank milk perfectly. You pooped your diapers perfectly. You burped perfectly. You farted perfectly. You cried perfectly. You giggled perfectly. You were, in short, the most perfect baby ever! Without even trying!
But not for long. I'm sorry to say, but all good things come to an end. Before long, your parents began to expect a bit more from you. And then, still more. And lots more. Until it get to a point where...
No matter what you did, no matter how hard you tried, you were never good enough.
It's like those police dogs. First they give them a treat for going through a little tunnel. The tunnel is dark and scary, but the dogs squeeze through. Their humans make a huge fuss about it and give them a nice treat. YUMMY!
Then, they want the dogs to work a bit harder for their treat. So after squeezing through the tunnel, the dogs are supposed to go over a little seesaw. It's a tricky little thing, that seesaw. Some of the dogs skid and fall, but eventually, they make it. And they get the treat. No big deal.
Then they expect the dogs to do the tunnel AND the seesaw AND jump through FIRE. The poor dogs nearly get a heart attack. They probably wonder if they're going to end up as barbecue dinner at some shady Thai place. But by then, they're like programmed robots. They will do whatever they're told, because they can't imagine NOT following orders. So they risk their lives and do it. And what do they get? The SAME lousy treat!
That's how it works for us kids. They keep raising the bar higher and higher, until you realize you can never be good enough. You might long for the good old days, when people loved you for just being born. But those days are long gone.
Most kids give up at that point. They stop trying. And they realize that they can never be perfect kids again. EVER. (Yeah, welcome to the real world. It sucks.)
Now you might be scratching your head wondering,
"What the heck happened?"
What happened is OTHER KIDS. And by that I mean, The Competition. The kids who sneaked in and stole your perfect childhood, forever.