(A/N: this is actually an essay I wrote for a competition. Totally AU and super angsty. Then I thought ah what the heck, and decided to upload it for ya'll. One-shot. Logan/Jo. Or you could do what I did, and pretend Logan was writing to Kendall. Teehee. )

Hi Jo,

How's New Zealand? I hope you're doing well. I miss you so much.

Was that too abrupt? Sorry.

I can't help but imagine, if you were here right now, you'll be smacking my shoulder and telling me to not apologise so much. You have nothing to apologise for, Loges, you're perfect. After all this time apart, you'll think I can't remember your voice anymore. You couldn't be more wrong Jo; I remember every single inflection in your tone, every single tilt of your voice at the end of the sentence, every single crease at the side of your lips when you call my name…

You have no idea how much I miss you Jo. Instead of sitting here and writing a letter that I'll probably never send, you have no idea how much I want to fly over to New Zealand and kiss you until we both turn blue in the face. We used to do that, remember? After badminton training, we'll sit side by side in the field next to the sports hall and kiss and kiss and kiss. Your curls plastered to the sides of your face, your face shiny and absolutely angelic in the glow of the setting sun, sweat droplets running a trail down your cheeks… You always complain about you look after training, but to me Jo, you never looked more beautiful.

We're a good partnership, you and I. I remember you saying that to me. It was after we won the State Championships; you ran over to me, gave me a big kiss and shouted this in my ear out of sheer excitement. I can't forget how your eyes shone like diamonds under the harsh glare of the stadium lights, how your smile stretched across your face, and how it lit up your face like the flashlights would when you huddled under the blankets with me.

You know, Coach always said that we were a dream team. It's true I think, ever since we become double partners, I don't remember ever losing a single match.

I don't know if you remember the day you strutted into the badminton hall. That was the first time I ever saw you and as cliché as it sounds, I was paralysed. I could have sworn you were an angel sent down from heaven just for me when I caught your eye and you smiled so brilliantly, so beautifully. I think I started loving you then. Afterwards, when Coach announced you as my doubles partner, and you came over to say hi, I nearly collapsed. Your voice, that same voice who teased and scolded and murmured so many "I love you"s, was the best damn thing I ever heard. And man, that voice, that voice got me into so much trouble. Do you still remember the first few times I trained with you? When I heard you screaming and grunting, I would stand there transfixed, mesmerized and watch as the shuttlecock sailed over my head.

That was a long time ago though. I still remember how you called me out after training one day and started yelling at me about how I have to concentrate and put in effort. Your angry face was so cute though, all scrunched up and wrinkly. I couldn't help it as my gaze lowered to your lips, lips that were currently opening and closing as words spewed out. I decided there and then, heck it, and kissed you. Best decision ever. Do you remember what you said after that? You said, so nonchalantly, that you should have done it earlier, and pulled me in for another brain melting kiss that left me spontaneously combusting inside.

We became partners, in every sense of the word. We dominated the courts, you and I. One of the best mixed doubles team the tiny state of Wisconsin has ever seen. We beat our way to the National Championships and went home victoriously. With your brilliant backhand, and my smashes, we were undefeatable. The same could be said for our relationship, as least, before I ruined everything.

All those winter nights huddled under the blankets, talking about how we'll reach the Olympics together as a team. All those "toilet runs" during trainings, when in reality, it was just an excuse to make out next to the toilets. All those secret smiles and stares when we thought the other was not looking. All those trips to the beach to beat the summer heat… I remember it all Jo. All our friends kept saying that we were one of those couples that were definitely going to last; we were going to date, get married and have little brown-eyed, blond haired babies. They were even betting on when the first child was going to be born. As ridiculous as it was, I dreamt about it often, and woke up smiling, feeling ridiculously happy for some reason. But no matter how the scenarios changed in my dreams, there was one thing that was always constant: you. You were the woman I wanted to settle down with, the woman I wanted to carry my babies and the woman I wanted to grow old with. And if there's one thing I'm sure about, I'll be able to experience everything I envisioned in my dreams with you. After all, we were a dream team you know, the best.

At least that's what I thought before I ruined everything. I know no amount of apologies will change anything, I made an unforgivable mistake. I just wanted to let you know that I did it because I love you. I love you too damn much. I didn't want to lose you, especially to your ex. I know it was way out of line to check your phone records, emails and follow you on your outings. I knew that, I really did, but somehow I couldn't stop myself from doing it. When I confronted you that night, drunk out of my mind, the look on your face broke my heart. The tear tracks running down your cheeks made my heart ache, especially since I was the reason for those tears. I still remember so clearly the last words you said before shutting the door, and me out of your life. There's no dream team without trust, Loges. We're over. Those words were the source of sleepless nights, of tear filled pillows, of muffled screams. There's a dull ache in my heart every time I relieve those memories. I broke your heart but mine's not faring any better.

A week later, you moved to New Zealand. You didn't even say goodbye.

I love you Jo. I do, so so much. You still hold every single piece of my heart in your hands, Jo. I'm not, no I'll never be over you. We were the best of partners. Still are, you know. I don't think I'll find another person like you. And frankly, I don't want to. I'll always be waiting here for you Jo, in case you find it in your heart to forgive me. You're the only perfect match for me.

Loving you forever and ever,

Logan.