WARNING! Major spoilers for Origins and Awakening.
I began writing this after musing over a giant gaping plot hole in the Awakening epilogue.
DISCLAIMER: Bioware, you own it all, and I love you for it.
"This will be far enough. Thank you for your trouble."
"Warden-Commander, I believe it is us who should be doing the thanking."
Lorelei gave the merchants a nod of gratitude before climbing down from the wagon, her companions in tow. Fresh from days of battle, they looked more a mismatched band of ruffians than mighty warriors; the tall human in his robes and matted fur, the duo of dwarves encased in heavy steel, and, leading them, a slip of an elf, scarlet hair falling into her pale little face.
The sound of wheels over stone faded as they climbed the path leading to the fortress. Each upward step was a struggle for Lorelei; she had done little but run and fight in the weeks past, and her muscles were beginning to feel the strain. She bore the pain with stubborn indifference, determined to keep a brave face in front of her recruits. Gradually the vast form of Vigil's Keep appeared over the crest of the hill. It was a landscape much changed since the last time they had seen it. The outer walls of the fortress had been smashed inwards, the barricades had crumbled, and as they entered the courtyard they were greeted with a sea of corpses, of darkspawn and men in equal measures.
"Maker's breath," Anders flinched visibly, and Lorelei wondered when such destruction had ceased to shock her.
The surviving troops were already hard at work, clearing the bodies and patching up the ruined stonework as best they could. Such efforts seemed futile in the grey light.
"Warden-Commander? Is that you?" a rough voice called out from the steps of the Keep.
"Voldrik," Lorelei waved as the dwarf came trudging over to greet her. "I am glad to see you."
"You too, Commander," he smiled from behind a mess of beard and dust. "we heard news that Amaranthine was kept."
"Indeed it was," she frowned. "but now I wonder at what cost. I did not realise the onslaught had been so great."
"It could have been worse," Voldrik replied firmly. "and that's a fact. Walls can be rebuilt. Your duty was to the people."
"I am glad you think so, but I worry that not all will be so compassionate in their reasoning."
"I won't lie," he concurred. "some think you should have stayed. But I'd advise you to ignore those people."
"And what of those I left behind?"
Voldrik sighed. "The Dalish is nowhere to be found. That ill-looking Warden was slaughtered, and so was the Howe boy. I'm sorry."
"Sad tidings indeed. I am glad, though, that Nathaniel died fighting our cause instead of his father's. He was a good man. Not like his bastard father."
"We have made funeral preparations," Voldrik said. "do you have any other orders for the men?"
"Tell them to get some rest. The horde has been driven back, and we need not lose anyone to exhaustion. We can all resume our duties tomorrow. I must get some sleep. We all must."
"As you wish, Commander," Voldrik nodded. "We're still not sure how much of the Keep is stable. There are tents around back. The Seneschal is waiting there for you."
"Thank you, Voldrik. Oh, what of your brother?" she called.
The dwarf shook his head. "I'll let him give you his account himself. If you're tired I wouldn't suggest asking him any time soon."
Lorelei smiled for the first time in days before departing towards her tent.
With the weight of fatigue and injury pressing down upon her, Lorelei could do nothing but nod dumbly as Varel took her over the details of the battle. After a while he noticed her despondence and sent her and the others to bed, insisting that they would continue when she felt well.
But when she laid down on her bedroll the tiredness in her limbs did not manifest itself in sleep. Instead she laid prostrate in the dark, eyes wide and staring into the blackness. The acrid smell of the Children still clung to her.
She felt warm, soft fur rubbing against her face. Rolling over onto her side, she reached out a hand to scratch the kitten behind the ears.
"You've been through a lot, haven't you my darling?" she sat the kitten on her stomach, where it curled up and purred contentedly.
"Sir Pounce-a-lot?" she heard Anders' voice approaching her. There came a noise of stumbling and a whispered cuss, before a soft light sparked up and illuminated the mage's face.
"Evening," Lorelei yawned.
"I didn't wake you did I?" holding his staff ahead of him, Anders picked his way across the tent and crouched beside her.
"No, no," she shook her head slowly. "I couldn't sleep."
"Me neither," Anders reached over and stroked the kitten's downy back . "Maker, I can't believe it's over."
"It's not over," Lorelei said sternly. "It's never really over. We can't afford to be complacent."
"It's over for now?" Anders hazarded. "I'm sorry, Commander."
"Please don't call me that. And sit down for Maker's sake."
Anders obligingly sat next to Lorelei. Groping in the dim light, she pulled at his arm until he was laid down beside her. He began to pet the kitten absent-mindedly, his fingers occasionally grazing her stomach.
"How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Shaken, but I'm alright," he propped his head up in his free hand.
"And the others?"
"Sigrun's been… a little quiet," he frowned.
"I thought as much. I need to speak with her. And Oghren?"
"Same as ever," Anders grimaced. "he's been trying to sniff out a drink since we left Drake's Fall."
Lorelei laughed in spite of herself.
"You're fond of that oaf aren't you?"
"Indeed I am," she smiled. "we go back a long time. He was there when the Archdemon was slain, you know."
"I thought that was just one of his drunken yarns."
"No, for once he was telling you the truth," Lorelei closed her heavy eyes. "Anders, you should have known me then."
"You cannot be too different, surely?" Lorelei felt his hand close over hers.
"I wish that were so. But it was a different time. There was no politics, no power. We would slaughter darkspawn by day and sleep in the wilds at night. Every day there was some new struggle, some new evil to face."
"If that was so then why are you smiling?"
"Because they were better times," Lorelei bit hard on her lip. "those nights in camp… I have never been happier. I'd sit by the fire for hours. Leliana was always cooking some strange Orlesian dish… the air would be ripe with the smell of herbs and wood smoke. I could stay up into the night talking to Wynne, or listening to Zevran's tales of Antiva… I was better then, too. When I was conscripted I was nothing but a feral scrapper from the Alienage. They took me to meet the king with bare feet and dirt still under my fingernails. I found a new home, and a new family. I was Lorelei then, Anders. Not Warden-Commander, not Arlessa, just Lorelei. I spent my whole life surrounded by high walls. Now I'm right back where I started. I'm cold, and I'm not myself."
"You're perfect," Anders bent his head to kiss her, but she turned away from him, shaking her head.
"No. No, I'm sorry. Not yet. I'm still not ready."
"Alright," he brought her hand towards his mouth and pressed his lips against it gently.
"I need to get some rest," she mumbled.
Wordlessly, they curled up like children and closed their eyes, as they had been doing for weeks. Lorelei stayed listening to Anders' steady breathing long after he had fallen asleep.
The next morning Lorelei was woken by light filtering through the thin cloth of the tent. This was something she had never managed to become accustomed to; the Alienage was often shadowed even during the day, and when it was not dark she could not sleep. Reluctantly, she forced her eyes open and rolled over. Anders was still slumbering next to her, his eyelids twitching sporadically. She watched him with curiosity. Ever since her short time awake in the Fade, she had wondered of Mage's dreams, and whether they faced similar trials nightly. 'Although,' she thought, a frown crossing her face. 'his dreams could be of the taint.'
She pushed a stray lock of hair out of his restless eyes. Had she been right to conscript him? She had saved him from the Templars' pursuit, certainly, but she had forced him away from a life which he seemed contented with. I tried so hard to be good.
Carefully she eased herself out from under the dead weight of his arm and stumbled unsteadily outside. It seemed no-one else was awake yet. Feeling her face getting stiff with a week's worth of blood and sweat, she winched a pail of water from the well. It was dusty and littered with debris, but thankfully it seemed blood had not been spilt in it. The last thing the Keep needed now was tainted water. She splashed her face, gasping at the cold. She was drying herself with her sleeve when she spotted Seneschal Varel approaching her.
"Here," he frowned, handing her a towel. "I think this would be more appropriate."
"Thank you," she smiled sheepishly. "old habits die hard."
"Indeed. I suggest you get dressed and meet me in the courtyard. You have a visitor," he strode off towards the front of the Keep. He looked very old, she thought.
Her curiosity piqued, Lorelei washed quickly and changed into the cleanest outfit she could find before trudging out to rejoin Varel. She had assumed that her 'visitor' would be a local landowner, come to give her grief about the darkspawn attack, and was delighted to see instead a tall, familiar figure, standing cross-armed amongst the destruction.
"Teagan!" she cried, rushing over to meet him.
"There you are," the Bann embraced her warmly. The smell of shagreen and dubbin was familiar and comforting.
"What are you doing here?"
"Apologising, my lady," he frowned. "by the time news of the attack reached Rainesfere it was too late to send help. Know that I would have, if it had been possible."
"Oh Teagan," she laughed. "you can be ridiculous sometimes. We barely had time to send our own troops, I hardly expected you to assist."
"But my lady-" he pleaded.
"Shh," she held out a finger to silence him. "no more of this talk. If you insist on forgiveness I grant it, but there are more pressing matters at hand, breakfast being the first."
"Very well," he smiled and offered Lorelei his arm, which she gratefully accepted.
As they strolled through the grounds of the Keep, Lorelei realised how thankful she was to see Teagan. After the Archdemon had been slain, she had spent several weeks recuperating at Arl Eamon's estate in Denerim. The Arl, still insulted at her decision to champion Anora at the Landsmeet, had little contact with her, choosing to mourn Alistair's death alone. During this time Teagan had looked after her well, and she had come to care for him a great deal. His unwavering earnestness was touching, and even his peculiar formality became endearing to her in time.
Varel met them by the Keep's east wall, the remaining soldiers gathered behind him. Some of them stood to attention when they saw her approaching, but many ignored the courtesy, shooting her hateful glances under their helmets.
"Commander," Varel bowed. "what are your orders?"
She hesitated, glancing at the resentful troops listening to her intently.
"First all need to be fed. Then we must continue cleaning up this mess. Speak to Voldrik about the state of the stonework," she swallowed. "If- any of you- feel you have questions for me, I will be available all day. Please do not hesitate to seek me out. That will be all."
Not waiting for Varel to reply, she stepped swiftly past the crowd, pulling Teagan behind her. By the time she reached the tent her companions were awake and tucking into the food that had been prepared for them.
"Teagan," Lorelei said. "I believe you've already met-"
"You owe me a sovereign you bastard!" Oghren cried, casting down his breakfast.
"Good to see you again," Teagan smiled. "I see you haven't forgotten me."
"I wouldn't forget a three legged nug if it owed me a sovereign," the dwarf wiped his mouth on his arm.
"I'm sure," Lorelei smiled. "nevertheless, we have more pressing matters to attend to. Anders, Sigrun, this Bann Teagan Guerrin of Rainesfere."
"How do you do?" Anders shook Teagan's hand enthusiastically.
"Anders is a very talented mage- and infamous apostate- although I think he'd prefer me to refer to him as our new Grey Warden."
"Oh no, no," Anders smiled. "Apostate is fine. You know, I think I stayed in Rainesfere once, the second time I escaped from the Circle. Nice place. Bit drizzly though."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, ser," Sigrun had stepped forward and bowed deeply to Teagan, who looked a little taken aback by the display.
"Sigrun was a member of the Legion of the Dead, fighting the darkspawn in Kal'Hirol. We hope she can undertake her Joining soon."
"An honour to meet you both," Teagan said. "but if I may, I need to borrow your commander for a moment."
While the others returned to their meal, Teagan steered Lorelei into a quiet corner away from prying ears.
"When are you coming home?" he asked.
"Home?" she frowned. "This is my home, isn't it?"
"Is it?" he asked. "Denerim is your home, Lorelei, you know that. I can see you're unhappy here. If you don't mind me saying, you don't look well."
"Well I did just drive back a horde."
"I saw you after the last time you did that and you looked a damn sight better than this."
"How I feel is irrelevant. I have been posted here, it is here I must stay."
"I don't think that has to be the case. You're a fine warrior, Lorelei, and you'll be wasted here. You need to go out into the world again. I'm sure Weisshaupt would not oppose it."
Lorelei considered this. "Perhaps you're right."
"I think I am. Regardless, you are needed back in Denerim as soon as you can spare yourself. Anora requires your counsel, and more importantly, I believe you will think, so does Shianni."
"Shianni? What is wrong?" Lorelei asked sharply.
"Nothing so severe. There has been… tension between her and the Queen, tension I believe you are in a position to resolve. And also," he smiled. "your presence has been very much missed in the south. You would do well to drop by Redcliffe, if you can make the time."
"Uh," Lorelei rested her head on the Bann's chest, and he cradled the back of her head in his hand. "you can't know how happy I am you are here."
"You are too kind, my lady."
"Very well then," she pulled away from him. "I must stay in Amaranthine for now- at least a fortnight, I should think- but I will travel to Denerim as soon I can. Will you wait there for me?"
"Of course. I'll keep a fire in the hearth for you. Will you be bringing your friends?"
"If they will consent to join me and you will consent to take them, yes, I believe so."
"Excellent. Then I shall stay here tonight and travel south in the morning."
He took his leave of her. Lorelei stayed standing in the centre of the tent with a fresh smile on her face. Images flashed through her mind; of taking to the road once more, of travelling through Ferelden and beyond, of heading back into the fray. She craved the adventure. An itinerary was already forming in her head; she could go to the Dales, the old homeland, through Orlais to see all the wondrous things Leliana had spoken of, to finally visit Weisshaupt. Her pulse raced at the mere thought. Turning on her heel, she strode off to begin preparations.
Hope you enjoyed it, please R&R, more chapters burgeoning...