OF COURSE I OWN NO DC STUFF...BUT ITS NICE TO WISH I DID...
A BIG THANKS TO MY GIRL HIP! WHO EDITED THIS THE SAME DAY I WROTE IT ADTER DECIDING I WANTED TO WRITE THIS LESS THAN 8 HOURS AGO!
When Felicity watched Oliver's form retreat through the back exit of the Foundry she created what she decided was the 'safe zone'. It was the first 48 hours down to the second he walked out that door. She even set it up on the computer as a countdown. Why? Because she figured if this duel to the death went in Oliver's favor; surely he would be back to her within that 48 hour period. Until then, she called into work and spent entire time in the foundry with Dig, and Roy. She knew they mainly stayed because they feared leaving her alone with the count ticking down on her computer. They said nothing; just sat in the silence; listening as each second ticked away and random phone calls from Lyla.
It became abundantly clear to Felicity that the fight did not go in Oliver's favor when she saw the last second disappear and the countdown read a straight line of zeros. Dig took up a solemn pose as he seemed to accept that his best man for his upcoming wedding would not be coming back. Roy stood up in a fit of anger, paced a few times, and as he let out a string of curse words knocked over the arrow-making table. It was the clattering of the equipment that forced Felicity to look away from the string of zeros. Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach, but she refused to accept it.
"No," she said quietly to them as they turned to look at her. Her voice came out stronger the second time, "No. It doesn't mean anything yet. He might just be injured and needs more time to come home. He just needs more time."
She turned back to reset the time when she heard Dig's voice, "Felicity". His tone was soft, knowing, and was like a sucker punch to the gut.
"No, Dig. He needs more time. We didn't factor in that he might be injured and need to heal to come home. To…to..come back to me…come back to us. He needs time. I can give him more time". Dig didn't say anything after that. Felicity reset the timer for 48 more hours.
Another 12 hours passed in silence as Felicity saw the exchange of concerned looks between Roy and Dig as the tension grew. She knew Roy craved an outlet more useful than pacing. When the timer hit 30 hours again Dig stood up and put a hand on Roy's shoulder. He stopped and turned to Dig.
Dig's words forced Felicity to whip around in her chair and come to a stand with the two of them. "Roy, you should go to Thea. She needs to know."
"What? Why? There's nothing to tell. Not yet!" Felicity spat out.
Roy looked at Felicity momentarily and then nodded as he looked back at Dig. Roy started to head to the stairs as Dig added, "And Roy, tell her everything. She deserves to know the truth about Oliver and Merlyn".
"Roy! Don't you dare! Oliver wants her out of this! When he comes back he won't be happy!" she yelled at Roy who only paused slightly on the stairs before continuing on. She turned back to Dig after Roy disappeared, "Get out!"
Dig's voice came out as a plea, "Felicity, don't do this."
"I said get out", her voice came out ice cold as she turned around and went back to watching the timer. She heard Dig sigh, then the retreating sounds of his heavy feet on the steps, and the shut of a door. Then it was just Felicity with her tears in the silent foundry, listening to the ticking clock.
When the second 48 hours were up, and realization hit that 4 days had now passed since she watched Oliver walked out that door. She burst into a fit of hysterics, crawled into the bed she bought him and cried herself to sleep. She came to, being shaken by Dig. She rolled away from him, and burrowed into the Oliver scented sheets.
"Felicity, you don't need to leave yet. I get it, but you do need to deal with Ray. He pinged your phone after your 3rd no show at work today. He is upstairs in the club again". She shook her head. Dig made another attempt to get her to come out of her cocoon, but without success. She didn't know where he went but was glad he left. She was positive Oliver was just injured somewhere and she was bound and determined to be here when he got back; everyone else be damned. If Dig and Roy found it easier to believe he was dead; so be it. She wasn't going to give up on Oliver that quickly.
What she needed to do was get on her computers and try to find where he went so she could find where he would have gone for treatment. With a hyper awareness she jumped out of bed, made coffee, and set to work on the parameters of her search kicking herself for not doing this right after he left. They could have found him already if she had set this up and tracked his movements from the beginning. As the computer ran its search, she showered. Felicity emerged from the shower renewed and determined to find Oliver.
A week went by of both Roy and Dig stopping by and trying to talk to her but the only result was getting her to see she needed to return to work; which she did. Ray tried several times to ask her what happened, but she brushed him off. She didn't have time for him; she needed to find Oliver. She was sure at this point that Oliver needed his team. She still slept in the foundry though. Just in case he came home; so sure that would be where he came first.
Another week had passed, and then another. Dig and Roy gave up trying to convince her that Oliver wasn't coming home and she gave up trying to convince them he was still alive. However, she became more aware of Starling City's need for its green hooded vigilante and knew that Oliver wouldn't appreciate it if they let their City go to seed while he was gone. So she talked Dig into suiting up in the Arrow suit that was made for him and going out with Roy. However, everyone seemed to tip toe around her including Laurel who came and went into the foundry rarely, never seemed to bring up Oliver when she was there, but tended to look at her with pity. Felicity figured Dig must have told her.
It had been exactly 30 days after Oliver had left when she received a surprise visit from Thea just as she was about to leave work after spending the last hour dodging Ray's current attempt at trying to find out why she no longer seemed willing to help him. What was she supposed to say to him? Sorry, I'm busy trying to find Oliver Queen who is the Arrow and also the love of my life; so I can't help you now. She couldn't say that. Plus other things had started to weigh on her mind. Things she knew she should have said, but left unsaid because she was afraid to get hurt again.
She had just shut her computer down and shrugged her jacket on when she had heard Thea's less than perky voice call her name from across her office, "Felicity?" She whipped around in shock. She hadn't seen Thea since before Oliver left, especially since she had shut the club down for two weeks after he left. A telltale sign that Roy had in fact told Thea everything. "Thea? What are you doing here?"
Thea, for the first time Felicity had ever known the girl, looked hesitant. She could also tell that she was bearing Oliver's supposed death better than Moira's. Well, she couldn't help but think, maybe her time with Merlyn helped her with something. "I'm sorry I haven't come by sooner, but I was hoping you would have dinner with me? Talk to me about my brother." Thea turned her head away for a minute and looked out of the glass window, seemingly lost in some memory. Her voice was shaky when she spoke again, "I asked Roy to…to tell me about this side of my brother that I didn't know, but he told me you understood Ollie better than he did and you would be the best person to make me understand". Thea's head fell and Felicity's heart broke for her.
She couldn't imagine to being 20 years old and having lost her father, mother, and her brother twice. All because of secrets. Felicity couldn't say no. She wanted to continue working on her leads but Oliver wouldn't want her to neglect Thea when she so obviously needed her. So, she nodded. Thea gave a slight smile. Thea couldn't drink legally still, so they opted for takeout, Thea grabbed a bottle of good wine from inventory, and they went to the foundry. Thea had never been there, and well Felicity figured it was a great spot to tell Thea about how wonderful her brother really was.
They talked for hours, and the men never came down or if they did neither of them noticed. Thea would wander around and ask questions while she cried and nodded at Felicity's response. Felicity tried her best to remain calm for Thea, until Thea turned on her. There was a roughness in her voice brought on by crying and something else, determination. "Roy tells me that you don't think he is dead". Once again, Felicity felt like she was being sucker punched.
Felicity's hesitation was minor before saying emphatically with a shake of her head, "No, I don't think he is dead".
Thea nodded and asked what no one else had bother to ask before, "Why do you think he is still alive?" Her tone wasn't condescending or cruel. She genuinely wanted to know, and Felicity realized she really didn't have an answer. It had been a month. 30 days since Oliver had left for a deadly duel with probably the most dangerous man to ever walk the earth and they have heard nothing since. They had nothing to go on. Nothing that would suggest at this point that Oliver could still be alive. Felicity had no answer to give Thea. All she did was burst into tears.
Thea's arms wrapped around Felicity's in a strange turn of events. Felicity had set out to help Thea, and now Thea was comforting her as she finally accepted that Oliver probably wasn't coming home. Another hour later Thea told her, "You can believe he is still alive, Felicity. I did the first time, and I hope you're right this time. However, we have to move on with our lives. We cannot let the possibility that he is still out there somewhere hold us back. I have a business to run, a relationship with Roy to fix, and a father that needs to be dealt with. You have all these men around you that you guide in the night to help protect people. Ollie would never want us to stop doing what we do. He would never want us to stop living because he can't be here with us."
Thea had been right, so finally Felicity started to put her life back together. She agreed to help Ray, and told him she lost someone important to her. He accepted that and thankfully understood enough to keep things professional. When Roy and Dig ran into Laurel in leathers and brought her back to the foundry she started to help her too. Not because she knew Oliver would be okay with it but because she figured that she stood a greater chance of not dying if the team helped her; and that she figured Oliver would understand. She didn't give up hope though. Every night after everyone left, she would check her searches and fall asleep in his bed in the Foundry only half the time. No one bothered to mention that more of Felicity's clothes were now in the foundry than at her home.
It was 45 days after Oliver left that she felt her first ping of happiness. It took fifteen days from the time she agreed to help Ray to the actualization of the first prototype of the Atom suit. It was an accomplishment and she couldn't help but be happy at the realization that she had taken part in making such a monumental thing.
The tests were run to make sure it was fully functional and 50 days after Oliver had left Ray put the suit on and took to the streets with Felicity in his ear. What he didn't know, was that she was also in the ear of the Arsenal, Dig in the Arrow suit, and the Black Canary. However, she made sure she told Dig and Roy who the Atom was. She decided Ray didn't need to know where her loyalties would always lie. She was starting to feel good about how everything was going until day 60. Day 60, Nyssa showed up.
Felicity was proud of herself, she had finally managed to make it home to bed for a whole week without giving in to the desire to crawl into Oliver's bed. Then Nyssa showed up with the irrefutable proof that Oliver was dead. Her eyes were only for Felicity and she knew somewhere in there Nyssa was sorry for Oliver's death, but Felicity didn't care. Nyssa passed Oliver's belongings to her like a veteran's widow received a flag. Like it was some honor that you lost a loved one.
"He lasted longer than most in battle, but my father made his death quick. He didn't suffer."
Laurel, Dig, Roy, and Thea were all in the Foundry when she came. Her legs felt like they were knocked out from under her. Dig barely caught her before she collapsed. "Get out!" she heard Thea yell. "Get out!"
Nyssa said something in return about Merlyn but she couldn't hear it over the pounding in her ears. She gave in to hysterics that night. She made the others leave her alone. She kicked them all out of the foundry. At some point she reached for the only thing that still smelled like him. There had been an unwritten rule that no one touched the real Arrow suit or his things, but tonight Felicity did. She took down his Arrow jacket and crawled into bed with it. Crying as she took in his scent and let go of the last of her hope that he was still alive.
She didn't know how much time went by but she had cried until she had no more tears to cry. In her mind flashed every word, every look, and every touch that had been exchanged between them. In her mind was every conversation that they would never have and every moment that would never happen. She would never get to tell him she loved him. Maybe would never happen.
She should have fought him harder, made him see they could be together. If she had told him she had loved him maybe it would have broken his resolve and maybe they could have had 8 weeks of something wonderful together instead of nothing at all. He said if she asked anything of him, he would do it. She should have asked him to stay. He would have come to resent her for it when the League came to Starling, but he would be alive. Could she have done that though? Live with the body count that would pile up if it meant he was alive? Was it selfish of her to want him back regardless of the cost?
With the life they led Felicity always tried to block out the thoughts about the future. She never let herself give into the ideas about marriage, children, and growing old; but now she saw that even if she hadn't let herself see it, she wanted it. She wanted it with Oliver. She wanted to walk toward him in a white dress. She wanted a child with his blue eyes, her brains, and his affinity for causing trouble. Why didn't she see she wanted that until she couldn't have it?
It was sometime in the early morning when she heard the familiar sounds of the door opening. "Go away!" she yelled, or yelled as much as her voice would allow after crying all night. The steps kept coming, "I said go away!" she sobbed into the jacket.
She felt the weight of the bed shift and a large warm hand rest on her upper arm, "Felicity".
She gasped and jerked into a sitting position as she came face to face with Oliver. She scooted up the rest of the way as she gazed at him in shock. He said nothing, just looked at her with concern as he saw the jacket crushed to her chest. Felicity couldn't believe her eyes. Tentatively, she reached out with a shaky hand to caress his cheek. Oliver shut his eyes and sighed as he turned his face into the touch of her fingers. "Are…are you real? Or have I lost my mind with grief finally?" her voice was barely a whisper in the dark basement.
He opened his eyes and the look he sent her was full of so many things: guilt, sorrow, fatigue, love, desire. "I'm here, Felicity. I'm real".
She didn't question it. She launched herself at him in fear that he would disappear in seconds; he wrapped his arms around her, cradling her as if he were afraid he could lose her. It turned out she still had tears to cry as her words came out in a highly panicked voice. "They said you were dead. Nyssa came and gave me your things. You were dead and all I could think about is all the things we never said or did. The things I never said; I never said I loved you back. You said it, but I never did and I'm sorry. I should have told you. I wanted you to know I love you, but I was scared that if I lost you—"
"Felicity, it's okay—" Oliver said smiling and trying to cut her off.
"I wouldn't come back from it this time but it didn't matter and I—" Felicity kept going as if Oliver hadn't said anything until she couldn't. His lips pressed against hers as he cupped her face. She melted into him and his embrace. The kiss was gentle and ended with a sigh as he wrapped arms tighter around her and buried his hand into her neck. She could feel him breathing her in and relaxing into her as she did to him. It calmed her, steadied her when she felt like her world could re-shatter at any second. Like she was dreaming, and might wake. Like she could be talking to his ghost.
When she felt she had enough control she pulled away, only slightly, to look at him. Reaffirming, once again, that he was real by touching his face with her finger tips. His eyes closed as he seemed to relish in her touch. "Two things. The first thing is that I love you. I needed to say it, I should have said it before but I am saying it now." Before she could say the second thing Oliver's lips were on hers again. This kiss was heavy with need as it deepened with the caress of his tongue with hers and her body shifted to straddle his hips.
Oliver pulled away as a moan escaped her lips, but his lips were only millimeters away when he spoke. "The second thing?"
Her voice hitched as she spoke and she was sure fear rose up in her face, "They told us you were dead. How are you alive?"
His sigh was like a sad caress against her lips, "It's a bit of a story, can it wait till everyone is here? Right now I just want to be with you. I almost died in that fight. I thought I would die and my last thoughts were of you and how much time I wasted. I don't want to waste any more time. I love you and I was wrong—"
It was her turn to cut him off with a kiss. Her hands traveled down his sides and gripped his shirt. They broke apart as she hauled it over his head and when they came together he kissed her gently before whispering her name like a question, "Felicity?"
She knew what he was asking, "No," she said. "No more waiting. In our line of work it could all be over tomorrow. I don't want to miss another experience with you, another moment, another unsaid word. I don't want to have any regrets"
Oliver nodded in understanding and responded by slowly reaching up and removing her glasses as his gaze settled on her; making her feel cherished. He gently pulled her hair loose from her ponytail and buried his fingers in it as he pulled her in for another tender kiss. His lips migrated to her jaw and then her neck as their hands reached for zippers. When their clothes came off and hands began to roam bare skin Felicity couldn't help but laugh a little as she felt Oliver's scruff over her stomach. "I should have gotten a bigger bed."
He grinned up at her, "Don't worry. We can make it work." And he proceeded to show her how.
Sometime, much later, Oliver lazily kissed her awake and tried to rouse her from sleep. They were so caught up in each other that they never heard the door. As the clanking on the stairs grew louder the warning came too late as they heard Thea happily cry out, "Ollie, your alive!" as Roy yelled out, "Oh god! I saw his junk. I'm blind!"
All Felicity and Oliver could do was laugh as Oliver made sure she was covered from view. 61 days ago Oliver left to for a duel to the death. It took him 61 days to come home she thought.