A quick note to you all: I DON'T EVER write a story in this format at all. I wrote this a very long time ago, and I decided to bring the work back to life. I tried to rewrite it in the correct way, but It lost its charm. So, to bring you the full humor, I'm keeping it in its original text. So, don't flame me, because I warned you about it.

Disclaimer: I don't own .hack, Walmart, or Myspace.

Kite: I'm bored with just being on the world!

Orca and Bulmung: Us too!

Kite: Then lets head over to Myspace!

Kite, Bulmung and Orca register

Kite: Now we are on Myspace!

Bulmung: Yea!

Random Voice: But, you can't be on myspace without friends!

Orca: But... We have each other!

Random Voice: No, No, No! You must be Myspace whores, Invite everyone you know, and those

who you see!

Kite, Bulmung and Orca: Alright!

Hour Passes

Kite: I have over 1000 friends! Now are we done?

Voice: Nope, now you must go shoplift a camera and take millions of Pictures of yourselves!

Bulmung: Do we have to steal it? I mean, I could just buy one.

Voice: No, you must STEAL it.

Orca: All right!
Kite and Orca go over to Walmart.

Orca: Which one?

Kite: Who knows. I'm no good at this.

Orca: Should We go for the most expensive Camera?

Voice: No, you fool! The Kodak 1000x!

Kite and Orca: Alright. By the way, whats your name?

Voice: Tom. The Myspace Overlord.

Kite and Orca bow

Walmart Manager Jorge: Who the hell are you guys talking to... and why are you bowing?

Orca: Fear the Myspace Overlord Tom!

Walmart Manager Jorge: Oh, Sweet! I have a Myspace too!

Kite: ... steals a camera

Kite and Orca Return to the World.

Kite: Bulmung, We got the Camera

Bulmung: Alright, to Myspace!

Kite: Yay!

Bulmung: Woot!

Bulmung: ...except you, Orca.

Kite: Yup, Sorry Orca.

Orca: What?! Am I not a valued member of this trio?

Bulmung: Its not that... its...

Kite: You have no fangirls! People think you're ugly!

Orca: ...But can I put up a picture even though I know I'm ugly?

Bulmung: No, you'll waste Camera Space.

Orca: WAHH! starts to cry

Kite: One Picture. Only because you saved my butt the one day.

Orca: Yay! Thanks!

Kite and Bulmung take millions of pictures, but only the one promised one of Orca, they download and post them on myspace.

Kite: What do we do now Myspace Overlord?

Tom: You must start a band.

Bulmung: I can not play any instruments though.

Tom: Most bands don't either. All they do is look cool and make racket.

Orca: Cool!

Bulmung: Orca, you're the groupie.

Orca: Aww.

Kite: Hehe, lets go B!

Bulmung and Kite make a trash rap band.

Kite: What do we do with it?

Tom: Now you make a Band Myspace and promote it.

Kite: Alright! repeats former steps. Now what do we do?

Tom: ... Nothing, I haven't thought of anything!

There is about a five minute Akward Silence.

Tom: Oh! You can make Bad Ass Video's of yourselves! Doing Whatever!
Kite and Bulmung: Dungeon Time! Orca, you get the Camera.

Kite and Orca go through really high level dungeons slaying Monsters.

Orca: Can you make one of me?

Kite: Maybe... Takes the Camera from Orca Tshh. Dang, the battery is dead.

They download the video's onto their profiles.

Tom: Now pimp your myspace!

Kite: Yea, Sure!

Kite, Bulmung and Orca go to and get the layouts they like

Kite: We're done!

Tom: Ummm no. Blogs, stupid Kite.

Kite, Orca, and Bulmung write a blog.

Kite: Anything Else?

Tom: Leave Random Comments!

Kite: Nope, I'm done...

Bulmung: Me... too.

Orca: OK! I'll comment! starts leaving comments

Tom: Good boy, Orca. Be my slave. FOREVER."

Orca: YES MASTER.

Tom: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kite: Oh, crap.

Orca: TOM IS MY ONLY FRIEND. evil glint within the eyes

Bulmung: Maybe... We should just leave him hear?

Kite: Then what was the point of going through all that trouble getting him out of a coma?

Haseo Bursts through the wall Tri-Edge, I found you! Prepare to die!

Kite: What!? Ah, shit! data drains

Bulmung: Tri? Oh, yea the roots thing.

Kite: Its not my fault that Morganna used my trash data to try and Elimate problems within the world. God, Shino looks so much like Atoli, so I made a tiny Mistake. Besides, she was hanging around with Epitath Users!

Haseo: DAMN YOU, TRI-EDGE.

Kite: Its Kite, NOT TRI-EDGE. That is a nickname. PKs Haseo again

Bulmung: Now thats over, what about Orca?

Kite: How the Hell should I know?! Blackrose was the Brains behind the operation!

Blackrose: No, you're lying.

Kite: WHAAAAAAAAT? I didn't know you played anymore!

Blackrose: I came back, just to torture you! Glomps, huggles, and drags kite away.
Bulmung: Orca of the Azure Sea, the one who defeated that atrocity of an event called "One Sin," Will ye come back to me?

Orca: No.

Bulmung: Well, I tried. Later, Orca!

Orca: Bye!

Tom: Jeez, You're lame.

Orca: What... do you mean? I... though we were friends...

Tom: Um, no, not anymore. I slap bitches and eat babies when they sleep.

Orca: Ok...

Haseo: Mistakes Tom for Kite, and PKs him.

ALL: Now Remember, Myspace Overlord tom is NOT your friend. He eats babies, and children under fourteen!

THE END OF CHAPTER 1

...and so we go...