Destiel vs. Samifer and Sabriel
A day after Sam and Dean saw that insane musical about their lives, they were sitting at the table eating lunch.
"Cas always cums when you call." Sam randomly says. He'd been making destiel comments like that since yesterday.
"You suck." Dean says taking a bit of his food.
"Nope. I'm pretty sure that's you." Sam says smirking as Dean almost chokes on his food. "Don't choke."
Dean glares at Sam and walks away taking his food with him.
Later that day Sam and Dean were looking for a case.
"Hey, Dean, I think I found something." Sam says motioning Dean over to him. Dean walks over to Sam and his laptop. Sam smirks as he sees Dean's reaction to the fanart of a naked Castiel giving a blowjob to a naked Dean.
"Why the H*ll does that even exist!" Dean yells walking away as Sam laughs. Dean has had enough of this crap. He's gonna get even.
The next day, Dean walks up to Sam, and sighs. Sam looks up curiously.
"Well Sammy, I've got my angel, and you've got yours."Dean says. Sam looks at him curious as to what Dean is gonna say next, yet dreading it at the same time. "I mean, Lucifer was...inside you after all."
"Really Dean?" Sam says. Dean ignores him and continues.
"And after that experience, you couldn't get him out of your head." He says. Sam rolls his eyes and walks out of the bunker. Dean smiles in satisfaction. When Sam comes back, he's not alone.
"Congratulations, Dean!" Charlie says running down the stairs. She hugs Dean. "Ok. Tell me who made the first move. No, Tell me the first time you guys kissed. Wait! Tell me when you finally saw yourself as bisexual, because I should have been there to help you though it. Sometimes it can be hard."
"That's not the only that can be hard." Sam says.
"Wait. You guys did it without even telling me you were together? That's not right." She says.
"We're not together. Sam made that stuff up to get back at me for making jokes about Samifer. But in my defense, he's been non stop about Destiel." She's disappointed. Then her disappointment turns to anger.
"Sam! You don't just tell someone their OTP is cannon if it's not! You idiot!" She yells slapping him.
"Yeah, Sam, not cool" Dean says smirking as Sam rubs his arm. Charlie calms down.
"When Dean is ready to accept his feelings for Castiel, he will in his own macho time." She says.
"What?" Dean says. She doesn't really think that he...
"It's ok, Dean. Do it when you're ready. I just have one question." She says.
"What?" He asks not sure if he wants to hear this question.
"Why Samifer?" She asks.
"Yeah, why Samifer?" Sam asks bitterly.
"Sabriel is obviously better." She says.
"I'm sorry what?" Sam says.
"Sam is way more likely to end up with Gabriel than Lucifer." She says still talking to Dean.
"I'll keep that in mind." Dean says. She starts walking up the stairs to go.
"Well, I have a date to go on. Peace out, b*tches!" She says walking out.
The next day, they actually have a case.
"I'm feeling kinda tired Sammy. You can go ahead and drive." Dean says. They both get in the car, and Sam starts driving. About an hour later, Dean gets out his phone and starts to read fanfiction out loud. "Sam had a long day. He and Dean had just finished a case and Dean had gone to a bar." Sam gives him a weird look. "Someone then poofs behind him. It was Lucifer who was wearing nothing but the red, lace panties that Gabriel had picked out for their threesome. So this is when it was going to happen. Right here right now."
"Dean." Sam says warningly.
Dean ignores him.
"He couldn't wait for Gabriel to come, and He was already feeling something in his groin. He rips his shirt off and viciously pounces on Lucifer. Lucifer always loves how he brings out Sam's devilish side...in bed." Dean reads.
"Dean, if you don't stop reading," Sam says. "I will crash this freakin' car from-"
"Erection." Dean says.
"From murdering you!" Sam yells. Dean stops, but only because they were at their destination. They somehow refrained from mentioning Desteil, Samifer, or Sabriel during the case. However, That changed once they were done and on their way back to the bunker.
"Put a tape in." Dean says.
"Ok." Sam says putting on a tape he made.
"🎵the arms of an angel, fly away from-🎵" The tape plays. Dean changes the song.
"🎵Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to-🎵" Dean presses next.
"I'm an angel with a shotgun, fighte-🎵" Next.
"🎵I'll just wait right here-🎵" Dean tuns it off.
"How do you even have that song! It was from the friggin' musical!" Dean says. "No we're listening to something else."
"Um, Dean, what was that thing you said that one time? Oh yeah. 'Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole.'" Sam says smirking.
"That's not fair you can't use my words against me, like that." Dean says.
"Yeah I can. Like, there was this one fanfic where you said, 'Cas, get out of my a**.' Oh, wait. That actually happened. Or this other fanfic where you say to Cas, 'I can't do it, Cas. It's too big.' Wait, no. That happend in real life too." Sam says grinning like an idiot.
"Are you done?" Dean asks.
"No, not yet. One time you said to him, 'There are two things I know. 1. Burt and Ernie are gay, and 2. I am not letting you die a virgin." Sam says as Dean glares. "Also. One time you were on your knees begging Cas saying stuff like 'I need you.' Or when you basically checked him out right in front of me."
"I did not check him out." Dean says.
"Yeah, you did. Twice. One time I was there. The other I read in the 'unpublished' works of Supernatural. Thank you, Becky." Sam says still smirking. Dean rolls his eyes.
"What about you? Once when Lucifer was in your head, he was reading a book called, '101 Ways to Torture and Seduce Unstable Moose Man.' Kinky much?" Dean says.
"Once, Cas actually showed up naked on your car covered in bees. And you're talking to me about kinky." Sam says.
The rest of the ride home went like this. Them always trying to one up each other. The next day they tried to find the worst fanfic they could about the other pairing.
The day after that Charlie and Castiel decide to stop by the bunker. Before they get there, Charlie tells him what's been going on. They walk into the kitchen to see if what was going on is still going on. It is. It's insane! Who reads that much fanfiction or looks up that much fanart?
"Ok. This needs to stop! Look at what you're doing." Charlie says referring the the printed-out smutty fanarts that Sam and Dean are showing one another getting worse each picture.
"It's as if you've stopped being hunters and started being Fangirls with no lives. And why am I always on bottom." Cas says getting distracted by the picture in Sam's hand.
"Don't worry Cas. You're top like half the time." Sam say casually.
"Sam, think about what you just said." Charlie says. Sam's eyes widen. He stands up and throws the pictures on the ground.
"Burn them!" Sam say. "Burn them all!" He walks out of there.
"Glad that's over. Do you know how hard it is not to puke when reading that crap? Especially when it's out loud?" Dean says. "There was one where Sam and I were werewolves and you and Gabriel committed beastiality with us." He tells Cas.
"Why would I wish to have sex with you while you're in the wolf form?" Cas asks.
"I don't know man. This stuff if freakin' creepy!" Dean says.
"Is that fic called 'The Beast in Me?'" Charlie asks.
"Probably. Why?" Dean asks not sure if he wants to know the answer.
"I wrote that one." She says. Dean gave her a look.
"My character was totally off." Dean says. She smirks.
"No it wasn't." She says walking off and up the stairs. "Later, lovers." Dean glares.
"I need a beer." Dean says.
"Isn't that how most fanfiction starts?" Cas asks.
"Not if you're not here. Bye." He says.
"Very well. Goodbye Dean." Cas says leaving.
"So many images. I hate Sam." Dean says once Cas is gone.
"Too much gay porn. I hate Dean." Sam says to himself.
The End