Disclaimer: I own nothing.

This is my entry for CCOAC's September Strangeness Challenge! Don't know how many chapters, but it won't be super long.

Chosen 2 Characters: Derek Morgan and Penelope Garcia (duh, it's me!)

Strange Holiday: Fortune Cookie Day

Derek was frustrated as hell. Today was his Baby Girl's birthday. Usually when she turned another year older he took her out to dinner, pampered her for a night out on the town, but this time she had other plans. Plans with another man. Her boyfriend of three months, Michael was taking her out to dinner at a traditional Chinese restaurant. And not a usual American one with crappy, over cooked food. This was a real, completely organic, and authentic Chinese restaurant. Derek was pissed as fuck.

"Morgan! I need you to sign this card for Garcia," Rossi boomed, entering his office. He produced a very finely made card that he most certainly had not bought at a Hallmark store. Of course, the one that Morgan bought her had not come from Hallmark either. It was one he had found at her favorite boutique that sold handmade cards that were as bright and colorful as Penelope was herself.

"I already got her one," he mumbled, not looking up from his desk.

"I figured you would have," Rossi returned, not missing a beat. He put the card on his desk anyway. "But this one is from the whole team. And seeing as you are part of the team, you need to sign it as well."

Morgan looked up at Rossi finally and grunted, leaning forward to take a pen and sign the card. Once he had scrawled his signature next to JJ's, he thrust the card forward and looked up at Rossi once more. "There you go," he said, hoping his tone would finalize the conversation. "I'm kind of busy here. Can you go?"

"Busy my ass." Rossi smirked and sat down in the chair in front of Derek's desk. He sat back as if preparing for a long conversation. "You care to tell me what's bothering you? You look like someone pissed in your coffee."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Rossi, man," he said, "there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, so there's not point in me telling you."

"You know, being a friend doesn't mean I can fix everything, but I sure as hell can lend an ear." He grinned. "Come on Morgan," he coaxed. "Tell Uncle Dave all about it."

Scrutinizing his friend, he sighed. "Fine," he said. "It's today."

"Yeah, Penelope's birthday," he said. "What's so wrong with that?"

"Well, every year I take Penelope out on her birthday," he said. "Even when she was seeing Lynch, I took her out at night for more fun than he could ever give her. But this year..."

Rossi nodded in realization then. "This year Michael asked to take her out and pamper her," he deduced. His eyes widened and he laughed. "Oh, I see what's going on here!" He shook his head in amusement. "How none of us figured this out earlier is a mystery to me. We profile human behavior for a living and we can't even figure out that one of our buddies is smitten with his best friend. You've been struck by jealousy! Finally you realized you're in love with her! I thought it would take her getting married for you to admit your burning desire to be with her."

Derek scowled. "We're not discussing this now."

"Tough. We're going to." Rossi's face was set with pure determination and it was clear that Morgan was about to lose the battle. "Morgan, about how long have you known Penelope?"

Taking a moment to think about it, he finally responded with, "Eight years, nine months, and four days." He could have smacked himself in the forehead; he actually could figure out how long he knew her, right down to the day. He would never live this down.

"And about how long have you been in love with her, wanted to have massive amounts of sex, and a horde children, one of whom will be named David?"

Derek sighed before finally admitting, "Eight years, nine months, three days, and twenty-three and a half hours."

Rossi nodded with a grin. "Precisely what I thought," he said smugly. "Now, before that silly Mitch -"

"His name is Michael," Derek interjected.

"Fine...Michael," he adjusted. "Anyway, before he takes her from you for good, you have to make a plan. I've seen the man when he drops by. He's pretty smitten with her as well."

Derek scowled. "He's a douchebag. He bought her a Pina Colada a few nights ago. Doesn't he fucking know what she likes to drink?"

"What does she like to drink?" Rossi quizzed.

His answer was instantaneous. "Jack and Coke with several cherries thrown in."

Rossi chuckled. "Okay, then," he said. "You obviously know her better than he does. In the drinks department anyway."

Derek scowled. "In every department, Rossi," he snapped, looking like he wanted to throttle the older man.

"But how do you plan on telling her."

"Do you think she even wants me?"

"How the hell did you become a profiler again?" Rossi quipped. "You really can't see that the woman loves you back?"

Derek planned on responding, but before he could, a knock sounded from the door and Spencer Reid entered, a paper bag in his hands. "Hello all!" he said with a grin. He strode forward and produced two fortune cookies and distributed them to both Rossi and Morgan. "Happy Fortune Cookie Day!"

Rossi lifted a brow and held up the cookie. "What? There's a Fortune Cookie Day?"

Reid nodded. "Yep. And all of these are wise ones. I made sure to pick the best bunch of them."

Morgan observed the fortune cookie in his arms, the wrapper crinkling in his fingers. Oh, what the hell, he thought. Why not take a chance on this. Maybe it will offer me some wisdom. He started tearing open the packaging and broke the cookie in half. Who knew what it would say? Might be good advice, might be bad. He honestly did not give a shit.

Pulling piece of paper out of the cookie, he read the small slip that was in his large hands.

It's all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation.

His eyes went wide and he looked up at Rossi. "What's it say?" Rossi asked. "You look strangely shocked." Derek wordlessly handed over the slip of paper and watched as he read it. Rossi looked up with a smile on his face. "Well?" He paused and looked to see if Derek would say anything. When he didn't, he decided to go on. "Are you going to let the stomach butterflies fly into formation?"

"Maybe it's time," he said. Like he even needed to think about it. He was ready for this. And he needed to do this before Michael got too close. Before he chickened out and lost her.

He nodded. "Yep," he said decisively. "I'm ready." He observed Rossi and an idea sparked in his head. "But I need your help with something."

Rossi nodded. "What do you need?"

"Do you know anyone who makes fortune cookies?"

XXXXX

"Happy Birthday, Penelope!" JJ cried, throwing her arms around Penelope's neck.

Penelope smiled and hugged her bestie back. "Thanks, Jayje," she murmured. "I can't believe I'm turning freakin' thirty six! I'm getting so old."

JJ scoffed. "Old? Please. Morgan's old...he's like what? Forty three now?"

Smiling, Penelope laughed. "Yeah, my Hot Stuff is getting old," she giggled. "But he's still absolutely gorgeous. Any girl would be lucky to have him."

Somehow this also caused JJ to smile. "Yep," she said. "But I don't think it's just any girl that he wants. There's only one."

"Hmm?" Penelope asked, sitting down in her chair, feeling absolutely jealous. She shouldn't though. She had an absolutely wonderful man she was dating. Michael was great: sweet, attentive, average sense of humor. The only problem was, she was really concerned he was thinking of proposing to her that night. And like with Kevin, she did not know if she was ready for marriage. That and she was still fantasizing about her best friend. At least two or three nights a week she was having dreams about him. Erotic dreams. Dreams that left her feeling tingly in the morning and a almost painfully sensitive nipples. She just wanted him to touch her. Touch her everywhere. She could just imagine him sliding his hands up her skirt, his fingers tracing lines up her thighs and towards her core, his lips coming over hers in a perfect kiss that made her toes tingle. Just thinking about it made her panties soaking wet.

It was a terrible thing to be smitten with your best friend.

Wait. No. She wasn't just smitten. She was undeniably, irrevocably in love with him.

Only problem was, he wasn't in love with her. She was just his best buddy. Sure, he had called her his God Given Solace. She knew she was. But as a lover? No, he most certainly didn't feel that way about her.

Not in a million years would he feel that way about her.

In order to avoid JJ's incessant pestering, she looked at her computer screen and said, "Oh, damn! I have a huge file that Hotch just sent me to look at! I'm probably going to be in here for a little while."

JJ sighed, but then patted Penelope's shoulder. "Okay, Garcie," she said as Penelope pulled up a fake file to look at. "I'll catch you later. Remember...I'm taking you to lunch. Cafe Havana."

"Mmm," she said, licking her red glossed lips. "Cuban sounds uberly delicious right now. Damn it, JJ, make me hungry right now," she teased.

JJ grinned and headed out the door, leaving Penelope to her own thoughts. She considered Derek and Michael and decided to make a list of pros and cons.

On her list of pros for Michael were his personality, his obvious attraction, and his gorgeous appearance. His face looked like it had been carved by Greek sculptors onto a block of marble. Cons for him though, were that he wasn't entirely comfortable with her job or her sense of humor with all its dirty jokes and suggestive nature. Most importantly though, the biggest problem on the list for him, was that she wasn't in love with him. Her heart wasn't truly in the relationship.

When she thought of Derek, her list of pros was equal to the list of cons. On one hand, he knew her better than anyone else, inside and out. He understood her job, he joked and teased back and forth with her, and he was extremely kind and compassionate towards people who needed his help. The final one on the list was that she loved him. Her heart, to be cliche, belonged to him. Cons of him were his intense protectiveness that bordered on obsessive, he was cocky and hot tempered, and women fawned over him like he was a piece of a warm chocolate brownie. And the most heartbreaking part of it was that he wasn't in love with her. He teased and flirted, but didn't consider her anything but his closest friend. Someone he leaned on and confided in. There was no sexual appeal to her for him.

He liked twigs, plain and simple.

She sighed. Her birthday was certainly turning out to be an interesting one.