A/N: I read the entire Twilight series in about a week and a half, and I really liked them! I also read the extras on Stephenie Meyers website. I decided to write a little drabble showing what Edward might have been thinking and feeling when he heard about Bella's "suicide". My first Twilight fic, and Edward's hard to write, so I hope I got the characterization down okay.
Disclaimer: I don't own it. But I wish I owned Edward.
Stupid
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could I have thought that leaving her would help us? I knew, knew all along, that she loved me far too much to let me go so easily. That she wouldn't forget me and move on. Not in a million years.
All she'd ever wanted from me was an eternity of happiness, something I could easily enough give her. I loved her enough to love her for an eternity and longer. I would do anything for her. I hoped she knew that, but I remembered our separation last September, and I cringed. Of course she didn't. She probably thought I hated her. I'd certainly done my best to make her believe I wanted nothing to do with her, saying things I didn't mean, could never mean – all with the purpose of making her believe I was through with her. Darn it all!
I couldn't be sure she'd thrown herself off a cliff because of me, but something inside me hoped she had. Part of it was my selfish half, hoping her last act in life had been because of me. The other half of me was unwilling to believe someone else could hurt her that much. If they had, and if I found out who it was, I was likely to lose it and tear them apart, limb from limb. No, blaming myself felt better.
I hadn't returned in time. I knew that eventually I would have gone back to Forks to see how she was doing. I had been struggling to stay away for months – ever since I'd left, really. And now it was too late to ever make amends.
I didn't need Alice to tell me what lay in store for me now. Months ago, I'd promised Bella I wasn't going to live without her. I meant what I said. My next and final destination was Italy, to see the Volturi.
I felt myself sink even lower as I realized I would never see any of them again. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie…my family. I was leaving it all behind. I hoped they would understand. I was sure most of them would – I'd waited nearly a century for someone like Bella to come along, and they'd all witnessed my loneliness even as they loved each other. How could I go on now that I'd lost my one true love? Perhaps Rosalie would be angry, and Emmett, at first.
Knowing Alice, she'd already seen what I was going to do. But she wouldn't be able to stop me. She wouldn't risk revealing herself, and that was exactly what I would do if the Volturi refused my request, as I had a feeling they very well might.
Bella. Bella. Bella. I ached along with the mantra, whispering her name. I was so stupid. So stupid…
There was no going back now.
A/N: So? Was it any good? Review!