She kissed me first, just to clarify. You can't possibly blame me for leading her on by kissing her back, can you? I mean, what else was I supposed to do? What would you have done? Korra is amazing. She's beautiful and talented and funny and just…special. Yeah, that's it. She's special. What I don't understand, however, is how someone so perfect could be so irritating at the same time. She drives me mad sometimes! When she's right and I'm wrong and she takes the opportunity to rub it in my face, when she is mad and takes it out everything and everyone, and when she doesn't know what she does to me.
Like when she told me she liked me. Her confession came at perfect timing, of course. Did she forget that I'm with Asami? Did that just not matter to her? Of course…I wanted told her I liked her too, I really did. But again—Asami. My god she has no respect for others boundaries! But then again I can't say that I always mind when she invades my space. A lot of the times I kind of want her to…
There's also Asami, remember? The beautiful, rich, sweet, intelligent Asami. I'm still amazed that she has taken a liking to me of all people, the "firebending street rat" as her traitor of a father so affectionately called me. I don't blame him though; I guess I would seem that way to Mr. Soto especially.
I don't think there could be two girls more different than Korra and Asami. Korra: fierce, protective, hotheaded, unpredictable, unique. Asami: a classic beauty, pampered, edgy, cool under fire. They do have some similarities, however. They are both beautiful, just in different ways. They are both amazing and strong and passionate and well…they both like me. And I like both of them. I just don't know who or how to choose.
I mean, dating a teammate could only lead to disaster—the kiss proved that. But the way her lips felt against mine…soft, strong, passionate… It was like an electric shock running through my veins, starting with my lips. It was an amazing feeling, like we were the only two people in the world, that the only thing that mattered was her mouth on mine. I don't think I've felt that with Asami.
But I'm dating Asami! I can't be fantasizing about Korra! I can't be remembering the kiss; I have to just blow it off as a one-time thing that wasn't meant to happen anyways.
But she said it herself—she thinks we are meant for each other. Whatever gave her that crazy idea I don't know, but I wish it were true… I know that's wrong; I can't want that!
And what about Bolin? He'd be crushed if I went out with Korra! I know he still likes her…she's all he thinks about most of the time. I wouldn't want to take her away from him, which would kill him. All I've ever done and wanted was to keep him safe and happy. Dating Korra…well, that would ruin it, and it could damage our relationship. It's never a good idea to date a teammate. Well, he'd get over it eventually… in fact he may even be over her now. I hope she doesn't think I'm over her…what if she is over me? Maybe it's better if she is…no matter how much I don't want her to be. Besides, dating someone would only get in the way of her Avatar duties and if I dated her it would ruin our relationship as just friends.
If Bo ever dated Korra…I don't know what I would do. That would be better, right? He's my brother and I know I would try to be happy for him…but if they did ever become a couple, I don't think I could deal with that. With knowing I let her slip through my fingers, with knowing that she's with my brother and that I would have to watch them be happy together. There's no way I could handle that without going mad and losing it, losing everything, losing everyone. Jealousy can make a person do stupid things; I've seen it and I don't want to become a jealous psycho. If I lost Korra…I don't know what I would do.
Maybe that's why I was glad that she was right about Hiroshi. As bad as I felt for Asami, I felt even worse for Korra. She needed me to back her up, that's what friends' do, right? But instead I accused her of being jealous and told her we couldn't be friends anymore. What killed me then and there were her eyes, her large, crystal turquoise eyes that never held back emotion. They were do full of pain and heartbreak and hurt. I wanted to comfort her there, tell her I was sorry, but it was too late. I've seen her eyes transcend emotions—fear, laughter, focus, intensity, ferocity, threatening, joy, excitement, mad and sorrow even. But to see the pain and know I caused it…that's the worst of them all. You don't tell someone that your friendship is over then try to apologize to them! That's like your kidnapper telling you to "keep in touch" after he lets you go, in a way. But since I was obviously wrong and now it was proven, I knew I could apologize. I knew she would laugh it off and tell me it was okay, pass it off as an acceptably stupid act on my part because I knew she wanted it to be just as badly as I did. I mean, Hiroshi Soto, an equalist? It's not very easy to believe. Well, I guess when you think about it, it is. Well I guess we both know how stupid I was now.
She even told me that Asami would need me now more than ever! In a way, I wish she hadn't told me that; told me the obvious truth. You could see it again in her eyes and hear it in her voice that she didn't want this, but that it's what's right. If only the right thing was the easy thing, the desired thing. Unfortunately, it rarely ever is, and you have to deal with it.
What if I ever made her mad or we broke up? She is the Avatar, right? She could go haywire and that wouldn't be very good… I doubt she would hurt me though, however she would be heartbroken, and I know there's no way I could handle that, especially if I knew it was my fault. I could never live with myself if I knew I hurt her that bad…I mean, I know I've really been a jerk to her, which is why I'm scared I could really hurt her feelings if we dated and broke up. Anyways, I wouldn't want to get in the way of her training and hold her back or anything…
I don't know; things are complicated.