Good Life
Everyone saw it, Dad, Jackson, Oliver, Roxy and even Rico saw it. You're my favourite girl. My days dragged and whispered the memories of yesteryear into the air that surrounded me until I heard and saw you again. My heart is a time vault, I pull the moments we were together and play them until there are tears in my eyes, mostly from laughter. They are still so fresh in my mind, your eyes have not dulled or sparkled any less from the day I met you. Every word that has passed your lips I have chronicled and sketched into stone in my mind. Never to be washed away by the sands of time.
Alas, we were never meant to be. Since something else was. My love was not the one to bring you the happiness you so desperately deserve, but only sadness. Pain. Our arguments were many, our resolve was to fade and our friendship was to suffer. Time apart was the naive solution, absence makes the heart grow fonder is the saying that best described what happened. Those beach talks and passing of our inner most secrets and fears under the pier by a moonlit ocean seemed like a far off distant dream that never happened. I had to keep reminding myself that they did happen, it wasn't all in my head. There was something there.
Our last talk, we displayed our cards in a game we both now desperately despised. I said not be disheartened, you owe it to yourself to find someone and be happy. You won't be left on the shelf like some broken toy that nobody wants. Things can be mended. There is someone for me and there's someone for you, we will meet them along our paths, our separate paths. We don't choose who we love, it chooses us. It's something no-one can control or help. It doesn't change that my wish for you has and will always be that you have a life full of happiness, a good life. I made you promise that you had a beautifully happy and painlessly romantic good life for me.
Days turn to months and months turn to years but the time passes by ever so slowly for me. The void usually filled by you is filled by all the mistakes I've made. The mistakes I've made to you. I lost a friend by choosing my heart to follow. I question every move I made, everything I did. Perhaps I should have stayed quiet but the name in my heart was beating too loudly... I regret the mistake I easily made.
No matter how much time passes. You never truly get over someone. You can't. That person, whoever it is, had something that made them stand out from the rest. Something that made them even more of a unique snowflake within a desert of snow. You don't pick the snowflake though, it drifts down and lands on you. Imprinting on you forever. That person for me, is the blonde former skater girl, now accomplished art designer woman. I should never have let you go all those years ago. Perhaps it's not too late?
I call, I hear the sound of laughter in the background, two maybe three different higher pitched giggles before hearing your voice, and I've never heard a simple 'Hello' sound so cheery and happy. You've moved on. You're happy, you did what I asked of you. You've lost all your pain. You have three beautiful children and you're married to a person who has never hurt you and never will. Now I feel more regret for this move I've made, my problems have only ever brought you fights and misery. Forget that I rang you Lilly, I say proudly, holding back the stifled tears. Here's to you, here's to your lover, here's to your children and here's to you, living a beautifully happy and painlessly romantic good life.
I go to quickly end the conversation but you surprise me by telling me to stay on the line. That you've been missing a hillbilly shaped hick from your life. That your children want to know more of the girl who got their mother into all sorts of silly plans and plots. I grip the phone tightly, does she want me back? To be a part of her life once again. All I know is that I was much happier with her in my life then wondering around aimlessly without her. In the time apart, I focused so much on getting over her that I forgot and then learnt the value of just having her friendship. It's something that I will never take for granted ever again. I've been missing my friend. I will never completely get over Lilly, which is good I think, makes me appreciate her more but I know the person who has made Lilly this happy, is out there for me too.
We aren't together. But we're not apart.
Now my good life can begin.