"Whatever My Love"
by Invincible-Soul
Freddie Benson was a Class A jerk, and that's really all there was to it.
I mean, yes, it's kind of stupid to be upset over things you have no control over, but isn't that all people do anyway? Just because there's this idea of fate in life, it doesn't mean I can't be beyond-words angry at life right now. Because I am. Unbelievably angry.
But then again, you all know me. Collected on the outside, save for aggressive outbursts (I've got to let it out somehow, don't I). That's how I act in front of other people, and how I kept it together as I strolled out the Pear Store glass doors and away from Natalie for good.
I turned the corner and headed down the street, reviewing in my head just how terrible these past few days had been, and all because of Freddie – all because I still loved him.
The day he had come in so excitedly and told everyone (else but me) how he had acquired a job at the Pear Store was just another one of the countless times since our (unspeakable) breakup I'd been so blatantly snubbed by the nerd who used to be my victim. Of course, I couldn't bring myself to do that to him anymore, but quite obviously he did not share my sentiments. Yes, after relaying his brilliant news, he happily tossed Carly, Gibby, and Spencer fresh pears for consumption, and none for lowly Sam.
And it's not because I was hungry (well, I always am), or because I have a strong affinity for pears (I don't, they're fruits for heaven's sake – and yes, I know the word "affinity," I'm relatively intelligent), that I'm upset. Those are just trivial. It's what the action stood for: Freddie not only did not love me or care for me in any way whatsoever, but he is blatantly malicious towards me. For the first time ever since I've known him, I feel like there's actual hate behind his actions and words towards me. It's true we used to feud and bicker, but it was never serious and always done in a teasing manner; now I was deeply offended and beyond all else heart-hurt. Mostly because what he said and thought about me mattered more to me than anything else in the world. That's usually how it is with people you're in love with.
Thus, I ended up stopping by with Carly and Gibby to see how he was doing at the Pear Store, and when Carly mentioned how cute Freddie looked when he was all excited from talking about nerdy things, I had to agree. Plus, Carly would never like Freddie that way, so it's not like I was worried about something happening between them or anything. I pretty much just stood there thinking the same things Carly wasn't afraid to say out loud, like I was. Because if I had said them out loud, it'd be like admitting some deep dark secret… like how I still loved Freddie.
At the Pear Store, Carly latched onto some nerdy dude at the computer repair bar, while Gibby tortured some poor, desperate shmuck trying to sell him various phone cases. Me, I casually wandered close to where Freddie was talking to a customer. Of course, I had to cut in and help him sell the newest laptop model to her after noticing she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed and his geek talk wasn't getting him anywhere.
I guess I sort of expected it when he turned on me, not at all grateful, to nitpick about my beverage, and I admit I fueled the fight a little with my mockery of his words, but only because I was deeply offended and couldn't take his derisive attitude towards me anymore. Just because I loved him didn't mean I would let him kick me over and over without any sort of defensive maneuver at all.
And what can I say, I've got major people skills (maybe the wrong kind, but still) – so for the first time in my life I came out on top in something other than a fight. Natalie actually saw some worth in me and gave me a job at the Pear Store. I had sort of hoped that more time together, alone, with Freddie at the store would help us grow close again. How wrong I was. That much was proven when right away Freddie jumped on me and attacked my character in front of everyone; and now I knew what he really thought of me. What he had always thought of me, probably.
I can't say his attacks didn't matter to me, of course they did, but at least I established a relationship with Natalie that would cause her to not believe the insults to my personality and let me remain at the store. I tried hard at work for the first time ever, because this job meant a lot to me. As long as Freddie was there at least.
Before long I was promoted, and I was proud. Freddie thought I was incapable? I had proved him wrong. He thought I was a nuisance? At least I sold more technology junk than he did. I don't know why, but the thought of him gives me a funny feeling in my chest, even though at the same time I hate him for what he says towards and about me.
When Freddie found out, he was absolutely furious, and had a mini meltdown that got him fired. I hinted that Natalie had been too rough on him because of my feelings towards him, not because I actually believed it. Freddie did kind of deserve it, calling the customers morons to their faces and treating his superiors (namely me) like junk. I quit after he left though, not because I was guilty (it wasn't even my fault – Freddie just hated me enough to bash me in front of our employer, who for some reason liked me a ton), but because this job meant next to nothing to me without him – and working there alone would just be a stupid reminder of how Freddie didn't want me there.
He probably hates me even more now though. Because in his brain it's my fault. I intruded on his nerd heaven. I was not worthy. I'm stupid and unintelligent and don't know "stuff." I agree to that final statement to the extent that after all this, I still care for him. So much so that I quit millions of other people's dream job because of him, even after all he's done.
In retrospect, that night at Troubled Waters when he had the chance to humiliate me but didn't , well it would've been better for me if he had done it then. I guess he really is smart, enough to realize that leading me on and pretending with me would break me more than any public humiliation would after I realized the truth.
In my heart I hope that my pain and anger is all for no reason, and that he secretly loves me and is just faking his hate. But nothing he's been doing lately points to that, so all I can do is wander down the street dispiritedly, jobless, and more importantly, loveless.
Author's Note: You obviously don't have to read this, but it's kind of half a review of the episode and an explanation of why this story's premise/ending is what it is.
I'm a hardcore Seddier, so I definitely would like to believe what my fellow shippers have been posting of how Freddie is just faking/reverting to being distant from Sam because he can't handle his love for her (etc.), but I just can't. Freddie has been so mean to her and it's hard for me to like iPear Store because of that. His insults and derision towards her personality traits were so offensive that for me as an audience member just watching the episode, I was wincing and incredibly offended FOR her.
However, for this episode I do like how it shows just how much Sam cares about him (it's just too bad it doesn't show any reciprocated feelings on Freddie's part).
Obviously we don't know what happened after the episode ended, but if Freddie blames his loss of job on Sam, I won't be able to like him as a character anymore. No one forced him to have a meltdown after Sam earned that promotion (it's not bad that she's good at selling things, it's kind of what employees of stores are supposed to do), he just apparently is so jealous and petty of a person that he can't be happy for someone who is supposed to be his friend when she works hard and gets rewarded for it? That's not the Freddie I used to know. Hopefully the next iCarly episode will prove to me that he was just having a bad day or something, and he's actually a great guy.
Anyway, I do realize that this take on the episode is kind of going against the grain, what with the Seddie madness and all the shipper excitement over the episode, but I really didn't like how it portrayed Freddie's feelings towards Sam (malicious and derisive in my opinion). It was saddening for me seeing as she definitely proved how much she cared for him no matter what he did to her, especially at the very end.