Revisions may be made to chapters. There will be an announcement if previous chapters have been changed.

Not an AU.

Skulduggery's head tilted. "Lampshade."

The rocks crumbled into one another, stone after stone, a deep rumbling sending shudders up Valkyrie's legs. She peered into the darkness, but the grin fell from her face.

"Oh, good. More cave."

Skulduggery looked at her. Looked at the cave behind them, stretching off into the gloom, at the abandoned mining equipment. "What were you expecting?"

Valkyrie gave a half-hearted shrug. "I dunno'. Maybe an office building? Why is it always caves? Or castles? Or dungeons?" She kicked a stone into the darkness ahead. "Why can't it ever be out in the sunlight?"

Skulduggery snapped his fingers, a flame quickly dancing to life in his palm. They started down the long corridor, and Valkyrie heard bats flutter over their heads.

"Well, it wouldn't be very… intimidating, would it?" Skulduggery said, looking around them. "A nice, brightly lit office building. We could stroll right up and knock on the door and punch them in the face. This way, they can have riddles."

Valkyrie made a face. "God, that was so stupid. Lampshade. It literally was lampshade. That was really stupid. How long did we spend? Three days, wandering around to every lamp-themed silliness. The moth, the soul-lamp, the moth."

"Are you still upset about the moth?"

"It tried to lay eggs in my stomach, and you laughed."

"Yes, but I stopped laughing when it attacked you."

Skulduggery walked faster, like he was eager for this long walk to reach its destination. She shared the sentiment; Valkyrie was itching for a fight.

"Lampshade," Valkyrie muttered. "We overthought it."

"No, we thought about it just enough. We went through the proper channels, talked to the right people. Whoever stole the stone didn't think about it enough."

Valkyrie nodded. "It's kind of lame stealing a Harry Potter rip-off. They probably aren't very original, or smart."

Skulduggery glanced at her, the flame casting dancing shadows on his skull. "For the last time, it has nothing to do with Harry Potter."

"It's the Resurrection Stone, Skulduggery, it's like, one-third of the entire plot for the last two movies."

"The actual Resurrection Stone has nothing to do with Harry Potter."

"It's a lot cooler in the movie. It actually brings people back. Our Resurrection Stone just does a lame hologram. Why do we even need it back? Who even uses a lame hologram when we have Echo Stones?"

"Echo Stones are expensive. The Resurrection Stone is helpful for loved ones who are grieving."

"But… it's not them. It's like a photograph."

"Funnily enough, it's mainly used by artists for paintings."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"You forget there's an Adept branch that focuses on rupturing people. Sort of hard to paint a portrait when there isn't a face." His shoulders tensed slightly. "This cave is ridiculously long."

Valkyrie grinned. "We should fly."

"You might get a bat caught in your hair."

Valkyrie stepped closer, and Skulduggery sighed and scooped her up. She laughed as they swept into the air, Skulduggery's flame flickering out and leaving them in utter darkness. He started to say something, and then they hit the net.

Nets weren't supposed to hurt. Valkyrie let out a bark of pain as the net bit into her exposed skin, even through her clothes, like it was made of fishing wire. The net flung them back and Skulduggery lost his grip on her.

Valkyrie twisted as she fell, landing heavily. Pain shot up her legs, but she gritted her teeth remained standing. Skulduggery's flame reappeared, and he walked next to her, looking up at the next stretching off to the ceiling.

"You know," Valkyrie said, "you'd be really pissy if I dropped you."

"Knowing how mature you are, I'm sure you'll be able to forgive me." Skulduggery's head tilted to the side. "Hear that?"

"No."

"Stop pouting. Come on."

They crept forward, Skulduggery's flame growing dimmer and dimmer. Now Valkyrie heard the voice; low, angry, commanding, interrupted with a smoker's cough. It was one of those voices that made Valkyrie want to disobey on principle.

A sharp crack of skin on skin echoed back to them.

A little camp had been set up at the only juncture of the cave. Floodlights illuminated a pedestal, on which the small, blue Resurrection Stone sat. It wasn't, as Valkyrie assumed, very impressive. Other than that, there was just three people and a table covered in paper.

"Good God, you fuckers are stupid. What are your orders?"

Two huge men looked down and blinked. "Protect the stone," they said in unison.

The first man nodded. "A miracle."

Skuduggery looked at Valkyrie, shrugged, and stepped out of the shadow. She followed, electricity crackling on her fingers.

And then this man, this man who Valkyrie could utterly destroy in a fight, turned around to glare at the two of them. Valkyrie was used to two reactions from people upon their arrival: fear or uneasiness. This man looked at them like they were a late train.

Valkyrie wanted to punch him.

Skulduggery nodded. "Right. I feel you should know, before any harsh words or actions are thrown about, that the riddle you left was one of the dumbest I've ever heard."

The man jutted his chin out. "Get them."

The huge men stepped forward, eyes dull and glassy, no real anger crossing their features. One was bald, one wasn't, but other than that, they could have been twins. Small eyes, small ears, blank expressions. And muscles. They were mainly muscles, with a small head on top.

"You can have the big one," Skulduggery muttered to her.

"Thanks."

The men lunged, the bald one going for Valkyrie. She skipped back, giving herself room, but he kept coming. She went underneath, dodging the punch, but it was like he was anticipating her move. Impossibly fast, his fist slammed down on her shoulder.

Valkyrie went with the fist. She hurtled forwards, trying to knock the man off balance. But it was like pushing against a brick wall. Blows rained down on her from above and she scrambled back. She reached up, sending a bolt of magic into him.

The man took a step back, shook himself, then stepped forward like the attack had just been an annoying fly.

Valkyrie managed to get her feet under her, and then Skulduggery slammed into her. She twisted underneath him, trying to shove him off as gently as possible. He was hauled off of her, and then her grunt was there, ready with a boot in her side.

She twisted around his foot when it came, but it still drove her breath out of her. She sucked in a lungful of air, and watched through the grunt's leg as the third man strolled away into the darkness.

"Skulduggery," she croaked.

Another kick didn't come. The man was turning around, looking at the stone. Valkyrie lashed out, slamming her fist into the back of his knees. The grunt's legs buckled, but Valkyrie was already up, slamming the back of her palm into his head. The man was on his knees, and Valkyrie cuffed his ears.

He fell. She gave him an extra kick, just to make sure.

Skulduggery was already moving on, the Resurrection Stone floating into his hand and then he was running into the left tunnel. Valkyrie took the left, magic crackling in her hand so she could see ahead of her.

A wall.

"Fuck. Lampshade. Lamp. Lampshade. Shade. Light. Lampshade!" She kicked the wall, letting out a yell of frustration.

No, if he had gone this way, she would have caught up to him. Valkyrie turned and ran back to the floodlights, then turned to the left tunnel, nearly crashing into Skulduggery.

"Where'd he go?" she asked, looking around. "Teleporter?"

Skulduggery shook his head. "I don't think so. I can't read any disturbances in the air—no tunnels revealed themselves for his escape."

"He can't just be gone."

Skulduggery was looking around. "No, he can't, but he is."

"Well that makes sense." Valkyrie walked over to the table. "He took all the paper with him."

"What paper?"

She gave him a funny look. "There was a bunch of paper. It looked like notebook paper, or maybe a legal pad. You didn't see it?"

Skulduggery was silent for a moment. Valkyrie grinned.

"You didn't notice it, did you?"

Skulduggery walked over to the grunts, rolling them onto their backs. He pulled out a pair of handcuffs and went about shackling them. Valkyrie stood behind him, grinning. She watched his shoulders hunch as he worked.

"The thing that separates you and me, Valkyrie, is that I can gloat with tact. With poise. When I gloat, it's a masterpiece of gloating. A Van Gogh of gloating, if you will—"

Valkyrie laughed at him, and he slumped.

Skulduggery held the grunts in the air and they walked back into the fresh air, Skulduggery grumpy and Valkyrie still grinning. A van of Cleavers pulled up and they managed, three to a man, to get them inside. Valkyrie watched in amusement until Skulduggery suggested they leave.

"What do you think they wanted with the stone?" Valkyrie asked, buckling into the car. "Skulduggery?"

He was gazing out the window, fingers tapping against the steering wheel. Valkyrie could tell he was thinking, and she watched him for a moment. His shirt was still was crisp, but the dust from the cave was covering him. He must have quite the puzzle if he hadn't taken the time to fix his suit.

It took her a full ten seconds to realize he was staring back at her.

Valkyrie blinked and looked away. "Why did they steal the stone?"

Skuduggery started the Bentley, moving it onto the dirt road. "I'm not sure. We can bring the stone to the Sanctuary, see if someone can figure out a way to load the last hologram. However, the Resurrection Stone hasn't been properly taken care of in years, so it might be too damaged to even have a memory."

"Perfect."

"Mm," he agreed.

Valkyrie gazed out the window. It hadn't rained in weeks. The land outside was parched, an unprecedented heat wave, the weathermen said. The cave had been cool and clear, but back out in the sunlight, Valkyrie could feel her thoughts slipping away from her into a restless haze.

She should sunbathe.

Or, something.

Valkyrie frowned, turning the air conditioner up.

Skulduggery was still tapping his fingers, a quick, rhythmless beat. Another pointless case. Valkyrie had expected this—after all, the end of the world can only come so many times in the span of a few short years.

But Valkyrie had also expected something. The past few months had been filled with cases like this one. Simple, silly, pointless thefts. It was boring. It was maddening. She wanted to punch someone who deserved it. The summer had slid in, stealing anything interesting from them. Cases they looked into were dead ends. They all were.

Skulduggery looked at her. "Something's wrong."

Here it is, the multi-chap. Hoorah.