Tender is the Night
I hurry home from school, in a virtual panic. I need Alice, and I need her now. It's the last formal dance of my high school career, and I am going with Jacob, who very sweetly drove down from La Push all the way to Utah to take me. My father is a little annoyed, but I think everyone else is OK with it. My best friend, Rachel, who is actually a vampire, is going to be there, and she's coming over in an hour so we can dress together. I have made a Decision, and I capitalize decision because it is important. Maybe a little misguided, too, but it feels right. Tonight I will give myself to Jacob, my best friend, my love, my eternity. Is that obsessive? Rachel says it is, but she doesn't really get it. No one except Alice knows, although I know she is dying to tell Rosalie. This is the first time I turned to Alice over Rose, and so I think she is keeping it to herself, just to show me she can. I love Alice, but I am a little more sporty, and she is very fashionable and a teeny bit vapid, while Rosalie and I are bit tougher. But now I need Alice, and her fashion sense. I guide the car into the driveway, park it next to Jasper, who is leaving with his buddy Jonah, Rachel's brother, and I smile and wave. I enter the house and my grandmother practically knocks me over giving me a hug. I grin; my grandmother is my favorite person in the whole world, even better than my aunts.
"Come have a snack before Rachel gets here and you girls get involved in your antics. Tell me all about your day." I follow my grandmother into the kitchen, where I notice she has made a plate of fresh fruit and veggies. I also see my uncle Emmett, eating some carrots, and make a face at him.
"Rose is going to kill you, you know," I tell him. He smirks, then shrugs.
"She doesn't scare me." From somewhere in the house, Rosalie hollers that she heard him. He grins, but flies out the back door. She follows behind him. I think she actually DOES scare him. Grandma shakes her head, and we sit down at the table. She pours me a glass of mineral water, which I grimace at, and she sighs, but goes to the fridge to get the chocolate milk. It's my most favorite, and I am glad she buys for me. I tell her this, and she smiles and kisses my head.
"So, out with it. How was your day? Are you looking forward to graduation?" I graduate from high school in exactly twelve weeks. It feels strange. As I begin recounting my day, Alice comes in and sits with us. I know she is chomping at the bit to get upstairs and start the beauty stuff, but I relish the moments I spend with my Grandmother. I tell her about my first period English class, when Rachel and I read some scenes from "The Tempest" in Irish accents, and she smiles. I tell her about lunch, and how Rachel told off the cutest guy in school because he was trying to grope her in the lunch line. I recount the tale of my math class, when I scored the win during our Math team preliminaries. She claps at that. I told her about PE, and the fact that I've discovered that basketball isn't my forte, and also that I miss having Rachel in that class. Rachel is a cheerleader, and thus, doesn't take PE, so she usually goes to study hall or helps at the office during that time. Finally, I tell her about the pep rally we had during last period, and it was soo exciting, and Rachel looked cute in her uniform, but we had been crazy at lunch, and Rachel had eaten a cookie, and was so sick she almost vomited on a football player. Grandma laughed at that. I finish my food, and Alice stands. I hug Grandma and thank her for the snack, and she tells me that it was her pleasure, and to go upstairs with Alice, and she'd send Rachel up when she gets here. I follow Alice upstairs, asking her if she knows where Jacob and my parents are. She sighs loudly.
"Jacob took your mom out somewhere, and so your dad is in their room, pouting. He is such a child sometimes. I don't get it." We enter my room, which I love. Grandma helped me decorate it, and I painted it a light pink with a wallpaper boarder, which actually Grandma hated, but I like it. It has pink hydrangeas on it, and sometimes, I like to pretend I am in Tuscany, kissing Jacob by a crystal-blue Italian stream while sipping cappuccino and eating lots of cheesy pasta. Maybe someday. Alice has already put some things on my desk-a curling iron, some hairpins, lots of hairspray, and some sparkly rhinestone barrettes. Apparently, she has an idea in mind. I smile; I love Alice most in moments like these. She suggests I shower first, and sits on the bed, pulling out her cell, presumably to call Jasper. I shower quickly, using my coconut-scented shampoo that Jake loves, and the body wash that claims to give me a rosy glow through the use of exfoliating beads. I ponder if that will actually work on half-Vampires. We'll see. I step out into the hot steam and apply my strawberry scented body cream, and take special care to rub it into my chest and arms, where I hope Jacob will be putting his head at some time during the evening. I powder over my lotion, and apply my super-strength deodorant-tonight is not a night to smell. I laugh; being a half-vampire, I don't sweat much anyway, and it never smells bad-just a little like vanilla beans. I put on my terry cloth robe and hurry down the hallway before Alice gets irritated. I realize I took a bit longer in the shower than I planned, because Rachel is already here. After school, she usually has to pick up her younger brother and drop him at home; her mother was killed by the Volturi after a terribly messy battle with some Originals, and I think her father relies on her to be kind of like a mom figure to her brothers. Anyway, her little brother is Joe, and he is a pain usually. As I walk in the bedroom, she smiles at me, and rolls her eyes.
"Joey has decided that he isn't celebrating Passover this year, and thinks, instead, that he will go to Philly with a friend to see the Liberty Bell. I have some really bad news for him, and that news is that he is dreaming. He thinks telling Daddy is somehow going to win him over, little does Joey know that firstly, Daddy doesn't care, and secondly, he's not around long enough to be told anything." Rachel's family is Jewish, which my dad thinks is weird, but they all were devout in their former lives, and as Rachel said, what's the point in stopping now? I giggle and nod in agreement.
"Brothers." She nods. Alice hangs up with Jasper, after Rachel screeches, trying to be heard through the phone, telling Jasper to tell Jonah to get home now. I hear Jasper telling Jonah this, and Alice grimaces at Rachel.
"Rach, that was really loud. And not necessary; I saw Jasper dropping him off after they bought the video game."
"Sorry, Alice. Let's get this show on the road." I giggle, and turn to my closet. I notice that Rachel had already hung her dress on a hook I have near the door. It is short, with a full skirt but short-sleeved. The silvery color of it will look good with her pale skin and dark features. She is not Stregoni, like my family, but eats Vegetarian, like we do, so her eyes are a very peculiar shade of golden-brown. Her hair is dark brown, though, and falls in gorgeous waves around her shoulders. Her cheekbones are high, and her nose is pert, and her eyelashes are very full. Sometimes I feel plain next to her. She usually tells me I am being ridiculous when I tell her this, and that it's only because she's a vampire, and in her first life, she was plain and mousy. I don't believe her, but whatever. My own dress is pale pink, a ball gown, with a bonded bodice. I guess this dance is more like a prom, although we don't call it that at my school; instead, it's "Spring Fling Formal." She isn't shy, and strips down quickly, tossing her dress over her head and pulling her pantyhose on. Alice nods in consent as I shyly strip off my robe. Alice stops me.
"Dear, if you're serious about the…thing with Jacob tonight, you cannot just wear cotton panties and your school bra. Let's see what lacy things we can gather up." She reaches for my underwear drawer as Rachel rolls her eyes.
"We're still on this, Ness?" I roll my eyes back.
"Yes, and be careful. Daddy is home." She looks at my ceiling as Alice hands me a pair of black lace panties I don't remember buying. The smile on her face tells me she snuck them in there. I smile at her, and she hands me a matching bra. I quickly change and she nods.
"Don't worry, Ness. First of all, I seriously doubt your father is reading my head. And if he is, all he is getting right now is the Passover blessing and the fact that Rabbi Feldman is coming tonight, and we're out of tea. I left a note for Jonah, but who knows what will happen. I really shouldn't be going tonight; it's too close to the holiday, and the boys are no help." She is sitting on my bed now. I sit down next to her as she straps on a pair of silvery heels. I look her over, and in this moment, she is shining and gorgeous.
"You look great, Rach. Where'd you get the dress?" She looks sadly down at it.
"It was my mothers. Daddy found it in a box last week. Good thing we are the same size. Your aunt Rosalie loaned me the shoes, which was nice of her." Rachel and Rosalie are similar in size and, if Rachel was blonde, they'd look a lot alike. Rachel adores Rose, and they get along well. They're very similar; hawkish their drive, but also vulnerable under the ice-queen exterior. I fluff my dress around me, and Rachel stands up.
"Ok, so I'm just going to wear a headband, I think." Alice grimaces, walks to the door, and hollers for Rosalie. She holds up a finger to Rachel, who looks afraid. When Rosalie shows up, Alice lets her in and tells her to do Rachel's hair, which causes Rachel to protest. But since she likes Rose, she sits obligingly on my desk chair and let's her begin twisting her hair up and off her face. Her and Rosalie fall into a conversation about a book they'd both read at the same time, and Rachel asks her about Emmett. Rachel has a crush on Emmett, but is too polite, and a bit afraid of Rose, to talk about it out loud to anyone but me. Personally, I think it's gross, but to each her own, I guess. They talk as Rose finishes putting her hair up in some kind of cute, half-up half-down thing, and fluffs Rach's waves around her shoulders. Rachel smiles, and thanks Rosalie, gushing that it's beautiful, and of course, Rose eats it up. Meanwhile, Alice is taking particular pains with my hair; apparently, she has downloaded a hairstyle from the Internet and is painstakingly recreating it on my head. I am a little dubious; the model in the picture has long, curly, thick, tomato-red hair and my hair is thin, straight, and caramel-brown. She realizes she has to modify it a bit, but as she is finishing, I can tell it's pretty similar. It's a lot of curls cascading from the crown of my head, my bangs sort of slicked to the side, and she has clipped in a bunch of loose rhinestone barrettes. The back is down, curling in ringlets to the top of my shoulders. I feel myself welling up; I look and feel as pretty as Rachel, and I give Alice a hug. Then we scoot my aunts out of the room so we can do our makeup, much to Alice's chagrin, and we sit down at my vanity and talk and laugh and play music. She has the new CD from our favorite band, The Red T-shirts, and we play their new single over and over. As we apply our makeup, she looks at me, slyly.
"So, how was PE?" I look guiltily at her; she must know. I lied to my grandmother earlier, and I feel deeply bad about this. I ditched PE to go to the nurse's office to get some protection for tonight. I am unsure if the pill will work for us, and I am not courageous enough to ask Grandpa, although I could probably convince him not to tell my parents, and Rachel asked her father, who is also a doctor, but he said each vampire was different, and responded to human things differently. So I took precautions and got some condoms, too, just in case. I briefly consider fibbing to Rach, but she has one eyebrow cocked, and her lips pursed, and I know I am caught.
"I went to the nurse." She sighs, but nods.
"Well, at least you're being smart. Have you talked to Jacob about this?" I shake my head hard.
"No, he'd tell me I'm being silly and precocious, that we have all eternity for this, and I am only a child." She raises her eyebrows again and mutters something about one of us having brains. I whack her on the head with my blusher brush, and she rolls her eyes. We finish up, and I look in the mirror at her. It's SO not fair that she is so pretty. She chose a pale gray sparkly eyeshadow, and slipped in her colored contacts, so her eyes are a sort of bluey shade, and she applied enough mascara to glue her eyelashes to my wall, but on her it's a stunning effect, not tartish. She wears a little powder, and no blusher; she doesn't need it, her cheeks have high color naturally, they are the only part of her body that isn't alabaster white. She was wearing a pinkish-red lipstick, and she looked gorgeous. She smiled at me, and said that I looked pretty. I chose to play up my hazel eyes with purple eyeshadow, and unlike Rachel, I needed blusher, and on my mouth I chose a very prim pink. I thank her, then she hugs me. I glance at the clock; the dance starts at 7:30, but we are going out to dinner before hand, and we have to stop to pick up Rachel's date for the evening, Adam Lebowitz, the son of local lawyer, and a Jew, which pleased her father. I notice it's 5:30 already, and so does Rach. She reaches into the knapsack she brought over, and pulls out her white-gold hoops, which her brothers had given her for Hanukah last year, and puts them on, then adjusts the small necklace bearing the Star of David surrounding a tiny diamond. Her look is simple and understated, and she looks good. I opt for my pearls, a gift from Alice and Jasper when I turned 16. She has also pulled out a tiny silver clutch bag and a silver wrap. She indicates them.
"Also my mother's. In the same box. Daddy told me she'd worn it when he first met her at college. She was a nurse, and they were at a dinner party. Isn't that sweet?" I nod, but she is quiet, and I know she is thinking of her mother. I hug her again, and she jumps up.
"Ok, we gotta motor. Where's your bag?" I hold up a pink evening bag that I borrowed from Alice, and stuff my phone in it, followed by some money wrapped around my ID, my house keys, a compact and lipstick, and the condoms. I spray us both with perfume, and we are ready. We head downstairs to find Jacob, and find the family sitting in the living room, trying not to look like they were waiting for us. Jacob is standing awkwardly next to the couch where my parents are sitting, and I smile at him. He is dressed simply, in a gray suit that makes him look uncomfortable, and I am fairly certain used to be Emmett's, and he reaches for my hand. Rachel stands off to the side, a hand on her hip, entranced by the basketball game Emmett has on the TV. One thing about having only brothers is that it has made her appreciate TV sports, which had endeared her to the males in my family. Jasper tells me I look beautiful, and Emmett looks Rachel up and down and tells her she looks nice, which she rewards with a dazzling smile. This does not escape Rose, until Rachel tells him that it was all Rosalie's work, and he reaches for Rose, and tells her she did a good job. Rachel retorts that she wasn't total crap before, and Emmett, in the smartest move ever, just shrugs and turns back to the TV. She shakes her head, but asks me if I am ready. By now, Daddy and Mom have both hugged me, and told me I look gorgeous, and Grandma is hugging Rachel, who is thanking her for letting her come over. Rachel generally has impeccable manners, and my grandparents adore her, which the only reason why I get to ride with her tonight, and stay over at her house this evening. My family thinks Jacob is driving home after the dance; they don't need to know that he is coming to Rach's with me. She speaks to Grandpa.
"Hey, Dr. Cullen. Are you going back to the hospital tonight?" He nods.
"Yes, I have rounds at seven, why?"
"If you see my dad, can you send him home? Rabbi Feldman is coming over to bless the house for Passover, and he needs to be there. I left a message with his nurse, and on his cell, but he usually ignores them."
"I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you. Also, can I ask you something else? Actually, if you'll follow us out, I don't want to ask in front of everyone, but it's about a boy." I look at her, wondering her motive, as I know full well she is uninterested in any of the mortal boys from school. I think she is going to ask him about sex for me, and I blush lightly at the thought. Daddy looks at me, but I smile prettily at him. He stands and pats Jacob on the back, but tells him that if anything happens to me, there will be hell to pay. My mother shushes him, but Daddy is still standing rigidly by the couch. I kiss Daddy, then mom, then grandma, and wave to everyone else as I pull Jacob out behind me. Rachel is talking animatedly but seriously to Grandpa, who is looking concernedly at her. I hear a snippet of their conversation, and he says, "For Stregoni's, I'd recommend a barrier method, but it doesn't matter, because you're not Stregoni. I don't advise being intimate with your young man." She nods, playing along.
"Well, I don't intend to, actually, but I am curious, just in case. He IS really cute. I promise I won't do anything stupid. Can you please not tell my father? He'll totally kill me." Grandpa considers for a moment, but nods.
"I may regret it, but no, I won't. Thank you for asking, though, it's…reassuring that you're concerned about your health and safety." She smiles.
"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. Please, excuse me." She winks at me as we turn to leave, and I shake my head. Esme rises and meets us at the door.
"Bye, girls." I smile at her. Rachel waves, and folds herself into her car. She is driving, as she has an SUV, and it's large enough to hold all of us. I pull Jacob into the backseat, and Rachel heads to Adam's. She gets out of the car, adjusts her dress, and knocks on his door. His mother answers, and lets her in. I lean in and kiss Jacob, and we chat for a minute about where he took my mom. Apparently, they'd gone to the mall and just walked around and caught up. He told me that my Grandpa Charlie was doing well, as was his wife, Sue, and her children. He told me his father was ill, and I told him I was sorry to hear that, and that he needn't have come if his dad was sick. He shrugs, in his way, and said his dad had been sick for awhile, so what's one more day? I nod, but kiss him again, and he pulls me closer. A moment later, we hear the car door open, and Rach is already ragging me.
"If you guys are going to be all over each other all night, perhaps we should just rent you a room." Jacob laughs, but I pale. Rachel waggles her eyebrows at me as Adam buckles himself in. He turns and grins at me.
"Hiya, Nessie. How're you? You look nice tonight." He smiles at Jacob. I smile back at Adam.
"I'm well, thanks. Adam, this is Jacob Black. Jacob, this is Adam Lebowitz." Adam sticks his hand, balled up in a fist, out between the seats. Jacob plays along, and lightly taps his fist against Adam's.
"Nice to meet you, Adam. You go to school with the ladies?"
"Yeah. How do you know Nessie?"
"Um, we've been friends since we were…young. I live near her mother's father." Rachel snorts, but says nothing. I can see in the rearview mirror that she is mouthing something to herself that looks a lot like "stupid werewolf", but I can't be sure. Adam shrugs.
"Awesome. So, the pasta place in town? Or pizza?" He turns around and looks at Rachel. Being a vampire, she obviously doesn't care, but she shrugs lightly.
"Um, I don't care. Pasta?" I nod in agreement, and Jacob says he's starving, and that anything sounds good. Rachel tightens her grip on the wheel, and I think for a minute that she will break it. I can tell she wants to scream; it's not Jacob, per se, she just says his smell is incredibly strong, and makes her insane. She releases her grip on the wheel, and backs out of Adam's driveway. She turns the car towards the pasta place in town, the Spaghetti Palace, and I go into daydream mode as the others chat about random things. Adam tells Rachel she looks pretty tonight, and that she looked really nice at the pep rally, which Rachel thanks him for, sincerely. She is tolerant of Jake, and if he notices her distance, he behaves gentlemanly. When we arrive at the restaurant, Jake sits by me, and being a large man, he takes up a good portion of the booth. I snuggle closer to him, and, while Adam is oblivious, it doesn't escape Rachel. She just looks at me, but is distracted by Adam before she can say a word.
"So, Rach. Got any plans for after the dance?"
"Um, not really. I was just going to go home; my brothers are going to my uncle's house, so I thought Ness and I could watch chick flicks and stay up all night." I know this is a lie; her brothers are going out with my uncles for a hunt. I muse to myself about the oddness of vampires, but am glad that she can lie so glibly. Adam looks hopeful, and I realize that he thinks he's going to score tonight. It's all I can do not to bust up laughing, and I think Jake realizes this, too, because a smile plays at his lips.
"Oh, well. Maybe we can all watch one together. I don't have to be home until two." Rachel nods noncommittally.
"Maybe. Oh, look, here's our food." She sighs, and I know the sacrifice she is making tonight. Human food makes her ill, but she is eating it, mostly for me. She didn't want to go tonight, and in fact, until Adam asked her at the last minute, didn't even have a date. She has been sipping mineral water up until now, and Jacob is amused when she forks a bite of ravioli and swallows it down. The meal continues in relative silence, with Adam making small talk with Jacob, until they come to sports, and things heat up when Adam disses the Seahawks. Rachel takes the moment to hiss at me that she needs some air, and she climbs over Adam to let herself out. He takes this as a come-on, and puts his hands on her waist instead. I see her eyes flash, and I know she is upset, but she grits her teeth, and nicely, sweetly asks him to release her so she can use the ladies' room. He grins, but lets her go. I follow her. When we are safely behind the closed bathroom door, she yells.
"AAArrggh. I don't know which is worse, Ness. Your werewolf, or Hands McGee. I'm going crazy. I really want to bite Adam, he smells divine, but I can't, I know. Then, I want to rip Jacob from limb to limb, but I don't want you to hate me. I'm sorry; I told you I shouldn't have come. I'm being a cow, huh?" I hug her. I am a little stung by her Jake comment, but I know that she is being truthful, and is putting up with a lot for me tonight. I look at her with my best puppy-dog eyes.
"I need you, Rach. Please, I know it's hard, but I want you here. You're my best friend, and I want you to share this with me." She sighs, but smiles lightly.
"Ok. Sorry. I will try to calm down. Maybe I should sit on the other side of Adam, further away from Jake." She nods, and washes her hands. I know it's a route movement, but it seems to calm her, so I don't say a word. I check my face, and my teeth. We hurry back to the table, and the guys are involved in a conversation about what sounds like hot actresses. She interrupts, and bats her eyes at Adam, then asks him to switch her seats. He does so, obligingly. The meal continues fairly peacefully, then Adam excuses himself to the restroom. After he is gone, Rachel glowers at Jacob, and he sneers back. I pick up his hand, and Rachel hisses some more.
"Listen up, wolf man. I'm trying my damnedest tonight, so please behave yourself."
"Sure thing, bloodsucker." I roll my eyes; they're like children. I don't know why Rachel reacts so much to Jacob; she didn't react so strongly when we went to Charlie's for winter break, and she met the pack. Maybe because he's the alpha, is what I think. He says his reaction is particularly strong around her, too. I just shrug and tell them to be nice. Adam returns, and we pay our check and head to the school. It is decorated well; the dance committee went all out with this one. We are admitted at 7:30 sharp, and the music is already pulsing. I introduce Jacob to the group, and the reaction is generally good, besides Rachel, and this guy Ed, who basically hates everyone anyway. First hour and a half goes well, Jacob and I stick close to Rachel and Adam, even as guys cut in on them. Paul Martin, the captain of the football team sways her around for a bit, and then tries to grope her. She answers with a swift knee to his thigh, and rushes for me. It is Jacob who grabs her first, though, and they tense. I suck in a breath audibly, and he releases her to Adam, and I let the breath out. It was SO close, and I curse Paul out loud. Jacob titters, but Rachel is still glaring after him. He limps out of the room, headed for the bathrooms. Around 9:30, I notice Rachel is becoming ill, probably from all the pasta, so I tell Jacob and Adam, and we rush her outside. I stand next to her while she keels over. Jacob, of course, knows what's going on, but Adam looks bewildered. I suggest we go to my house so Carlisle can look at her, and the others reluctantly agree. I take her keys and place her in the front seat next to me, and Jake and Adam sit in the back. I am risking a lot taking Adam to my house, but I see little choice. I drive home, and when we come in, Esme looks up, surprised. She sees Rachel getting sick, though, and quickly calls for my grandfather, as I sit Rachel on the couch between Alice and Adam. Adam greets Alice as she introduces herself. Carlisle comes in with his kit, and is looking concerned. I explain to him what has happened, editing the part where Rach hurt Paul. He sighs and looks at Adam, who is looking concernedly at Rachel.
"Will she be OK, sir?" Carlisle nods.
"Yes, I think so. What exactly did you eat, Rachel?" Rachel mumbles something. I translate.
"Spinach ravioli, some salad, and garlic bread. I think she had diet Coke, too." Rachel is holding her stomach, and Alice is making a face, trying not to laugh. Rachel sits up.
"I wonder if the pasta had mushrooms, Adam. Dr. Cullen, when I eat them, I get ill. I don't think it's an allergy, per se, just an aversion." He nods, still thoughtful. He takes her pulse, checks her temperature, and then checks her lymph nodes. All of this is a show for Adam; Carlisle knows full well that all Rachel needs to do is vomit once or twice then replenish with fresh blood, and she'll be fine. But of course, he can't know that. I suggest that I drive her home. Esme murmurs that I should stay with her tonight, and I ask Jacob to follow in his car so we can drop Adam at home on our way, and then I can see him before he leaves. I am a little disappointed that Rachel got sick, but I knew we were playing with fire when we chose to eat first. When we get in the car to head to Rachel's, she begins to apologize profusely to Adam, who will not get his way with her, at least not tonight. When we drop him at his house, he asks her to go to a movie with him on Sunday. She responds that she'll call him, though I doubt she will. He looks pleased with this answer, though, and shows himself to his door. Rachel shouts an apology and waves weakly at his mother. When we pull out of his driveway, Rachel sits up, and busts up laughing. I pull over and stare at her.
"Are you OK?" I notice in the rearview that Jacob has pulled behind us. He texts me.
"Is everything OK?" I text back. "Not sure yet. I think Rach needs a min." He nods in the rearview as Rachel laughs some more.
"Oh, God, Ness. I'm sorry for scaring you, but I had no other choice. I had to get rid of him, and that was a genius idea. Man, I'm brilliant. Plus, you still get to see Jacob. See? Get rid of one tasty mortal, and you get to have some quiet time with your werewolf. Damn, I should get an Oscar. Not that I am not going to vomit from that damned pasta, though." I stare at her, incredulous. Then I shake my head.
"You're right, it is sort of genius, though I think you freaked out Esme." Rachel, who has calmed down, responds.
"I promise I will apologize tomorrow; I'll think of something. You'd better drive before wolf man comes over here, then I really will be sick." So I start the engine, and we chatter on the way back to the house. She ribs me about Jake some more and makes cracks about bestiality. We are silent for a minute, then I ask her about her first time, and she smiles.
"Ness, it's really boring. My first time as a mortal was after a movie with some guy whose name I can't remember in the backseat of his parent's car. My first time as a vampire was equally unimpressive; a lot of writhing, biting, and hissing. It's hard to explain. But it's nice, I guess." She falls silent after this, and I am unsure if she is back to thinking about her mother, or if I've embarrassed her. I whisper softly.
"Sorry, Rach. I just wanted to know." She whispers back.
"I know. I hope it's everything you want it to be, OK? But promise me you'll be safe, and stop if you don't feel comfortable."
"I promise."
"Ok, you guys can have the basement. I'll be in my room if you need me." I park in her garage, and Jake parks on the street. He comes over and lets Rachel out.
"Are you OK?"
"I'm feeling a bit better. Let's go to the basement and watch TV. I think I need to chill a bit. Come along, Jake. Spend some time with Ness before you leave." I gape at her, and she winks at me. She leans over and whispers in my ear.
"It's all part of my genius plan, love." I smile at her and take Jake's hand and follow Rachel inside. Her brothers are off with my uncles, I know, and it appears her father has left a note. He is going to a meeting at their Temple, then back to work. She sighs, and crumples the paper. She turns to us.
"Anything to drink?" I shake my head, but Jake asks if she has any soda. She nods and pulls a cold can of Coke out of the fridge and hands it to him. She directs us down the stairs, and says she'll be right down. I think she is trying to calm down from so much exposure to Jacob. She comes down a few minutes later, and is carrying a DVD and a blanket. She hands me the blanket, and sticks the DVD in the player. It is an old movie, "Breakfast at Tiffany's", which Jake grumbles about. I sigh, and spread the blanket over me and cuddle into Jake. We watch in silence as Audrey Hepburn woos us. I slide my hands up and down Jacob's thighs, and I feel him shifting uncomfortably beneath me. He holds my hands and whispers to me to stop. I am feeling brave, in the darkness, under the blanket, and I thank my lucky stars for a good friend. Rachel is staring intently at the screen, but I know her vampire senses can smell my heightened arousal. I slide myself fully into Jacob's lap, and I am small enough to fit comfortably. He holds me tightly for a minute, and Rachel excuses herself, saying she is uncomfortable and wants to change. She leaves, and I lean up to kiss Jacob. He kisses me back, and I deepen it, opening my mouth slightly and probing my tongue with his. This isn't the first time we've made out, so he responds in kind, and I find myself straddling his lap, chest into his, so I can kiss him harder and deeper. I guide his hand to my stomach, and he rubs it. I pull out of our kiss, and kiss his neck, his collarbone, and then I put my lips to his ear. He sighs, and I began to suck. He is sighing now, louder. He urgently pulls me away.
"No, Ness. This is going too far, too fast. Let's slow it down, OK? Besides, we're in someone else's home." Rachel is back, darn her. She asks Jake if she can borrow me for one minute for a girl problem. He releases me. I follow Rachel out to the hallway, visibly upset.
"Ness, just go for it. Stick your hand in his pants; he won't stop you then. I know you're innocent, and a bit square, but he's too nice to hurt you." This praise of Jake is odd coming from her. She nods.
"I can see that he cares for you, even if I have issues with him. But you're my friend, and I see that he makes you happy. So I am giving you permission to be a dirty girl just this once, OK? Do you have your bag?" I nod, stunned at this turn of events. She whirls me around, and pushes me back into the room.
"Here she is, Jake. I need to call my dad, I'll be upstairs. Don't worry, I can't hear anything you might want to do on my couch. Jake, don't be such a prude, Ness looks swell tonight. At least kiss her, OK?" I flush at this, and Rachel giggles as she heads upstairs. I can't hear what she's doing, but I am 99% sure she is not calling her dad. I smile at Jake, and he traces the outline of my lips with his finger. I lean into him, and he kisses me hungrily, greedily. I like it, and I kiss back, reinserting myself on his lap. He pulls away and whispers that Rachel is right, that I do look swell, and that he supposes that kissing is OK. I giggle, and kiss him again. He pulls me closer to him, deepening our kiss, and while my brain goes a bit foggy, Rachel's words are shouting in my head. I breathe deeply after pulling away, lean in again, and slide my hand further down his body. I can feel him through his pants; he is starting to feel aroused. He gasps, and I pull away from our kiss and put a finger over his mouth.
"Hush, Jake. Let me do this. I am not a child anymore, you told me you'd love me forever, and this is something I need to do. Just be quiet." He raises an eyebrow, but my hand is rubbing the rapidly hardening space between his legs. He groans but pulls me closer. He grabs my hand away from his crotch.
"Are you sure this is what you want, where you want to do this?" I nod, and say yes. He sighs.
"Fine, then. I was hoping it'd be different than this, more romantic, but somehow I think you're too stubborn to wait. Lay back." I do as he says, and in a moment, his hands are up my skirt, and his body is over mine. His lips are still on mine, but they're kissing me harder now, and a bit roughly. I remember that I promised Rachel I'd stop if I was uncomfortable, but then his hands are on my breasts, and all my thoughts fly away. I feel him stroking my left breast through my dress, and he is breathing hard. I sit up a bit, and he fumbles for the zip on the back of my dress. I help him, impatient to let him feel my body, and the sudden heat radiating from it. I stand and let the gown fall around my ankles, leaving me exposed in my lacy under things. I am sending a big mental thanks to Alice, even though she can't hear me. Jacob is watching me undress and his breath is ragged. I smile, suddenly shy again, and he grins back. He tells me we can stop, that we can wait some more, that he loves me, and always will. I shake my head, and dutifully climb back onto the couch. I position myself in what I think is a sexy pose, and he chuckles, and bends down to kiss me again. This time, his hands are more free as they explore my body, and he stops at my breasts, letting his fingers tweak and tease my nipples into hard peaks. His mouth follows his hands, and in a moment, my right nipple is in his mouth, and I'm breathing hard, and there's an odd wetness in my panties. I am gasping for air a bit, and he grins.
"Like that, Ness?" I am foggy, so I only nod. He moves to my other breast, and this one he pulls out of it's lacy prison, so my skin is exposed. He sighs, looks me in the eye, and then licks my erect nipple. I gasp, a little louder. He is clearly enjoying this; I feel his erection fully through his pants, and I start to move my hips against his. He whispers to me.
"Wait a minute, little girl. Just give me a few minutes. We'll get there, I promise." I whisper back.
"Don't call me little girl. Can you do that with your mouth again?" He murmurs, and puts his lips back on my breast. His hands trail to my stomach, and I impatiently pull at the buttons on his dress shirt, taking it off, then pulling his undershirt over his head. He reaches behind me and unclasps my bra, tossing it to the ground. I put my chest against his, and I can feel his heart pounding in his chest. He makes a low, guttural noise at the creamy skin and pale circle around my breasts, and kisses a line to my stomach. He is gentle, though, and after each kiss, he runs his hand over my belly. I want him to go further, but I also don't want to irritate him, so I flail under his touch, and groan and sigh at his kiss. Finally, finally, his hands reach into my panties. I groan as a finger finds it's way inside of me. I tighten and he chuckles again. He whispers in my ear.
"Sweet girl. My Ness. I love you, but we have to do this right. Did you speak to your grandfather about protection?" I can't speak for a moment, then I whisper back, fighting the urge to buck into his fingers, as he's slipped another into me.
"No, but I went to the nurse. In my bag are some condoms. Grab one." He nods, and looks around.
'It's the pink one." I realize I can't see over him, as he is quite tall. He moves his foot and nudges the bag closer to him. I think Rachel had edged it as close to the couch as she could have without Jake noticing, because he doesn't even have to stretch. He reaches with the hand that isn't inside of me, and fumbles in it for a moment. Finally, he unearths the two condoms I'd been given by the nurse, and shakes his head. He looks at me and smiles.
"Renesmee Cullen. Did you plan this? And your little minx bloodsucker upstairs knew about this, didn't she?" I nod, and look sheepish. He doesn't look angry, instead he looks a little surprised. I gesture with my chin to my crotch, where a finger is still inside of me, and he grins, a slow, sly grin. He moves it around, and my eyes flutter closed. I hear him unzip his pants, and I open my eyes as I feel his finger slide out of me. I watch as he pull off his trousers, and I notice the erection that has been rubbing against my thigh. He positions himself over me, and I, almost unthinkingly, spread my legs a little wider. He nods, and then puts my hand on his erection. This is my first time, and he knows that, so he guides my hands, showing me what he wants me to do. I tighten my grip on his shaft and stroke and slide my hands up and down, as he groans lightly and sighs. He writhes, and shudders as I press my lips to his neck, his chest, and his pecs. My hands are still stroking his shaft, although I've moved them inside of his boxers. I slide them off, and smile alluringly, I hope, at him. He shakes his feet lightly and they fall to the floor. God, this is finally happening, I think to myself. I drop my hands, and look at his quivering member, wishing I was better at this. I sigh deeply, but allow him to remove my panties. He has heard me sigh, and furrows his brow. He whispers in my ear.
"Sweet girl, we don't have to go any further. We can stop now. I promise it's OK." He's so sweet and gentle to me. I whisper back.
"Not a chance. Now, I'm sitting her fully naked, what are you going to do with me?" He grins, and lays me back. I spread my legs lightly, and he teases my clit with his thumb before thrusting himself inside of me. I gasp in slight pain, and he lays gently on top of me. He moves lightly inside of me, and I relax. It's not as bad as I expected, as I've heard from my girlfriends. I begin to move my hips in rhythm with his, and we buck and groan and caress as he moves. He begins to thrust against me, quickly, strongly, and I am feeling heat and every sensation is heightened. I am filled with a sense of fullness, and as he thrusts inside of me, and begins to say my name, I feel my body responding, peaking, and I counter his thrusts with some of my own. Suddenly, he growls low and shudders, and I am afraid for a moment that he will phase, but then he gets a look of pure ecstasy on his face and I kiss him as I climax. It is the most intense, lovely experience of my life, and I call his name. I am immediately embarrassed that Rachel can hear, but then I remember that her basement is sound-proof, as this is where her brother's band plays. We fall against each other, panting, kissing, and he is flaccid against me. I smile at him, and he grins back, and kisses me.
"Are you all right, Nessie?" I grin, slowly, and trace lazy circles on his chest with my fingers.
"Yes, Jacob. I am great. It was great. You're great. I wish I could find a less cliché word for great. But it was…nice. Felt fantastic." He smiles, and takes my hand.
"I'm glad, Ness. But please, if you regret this, I'll never forgive myself." I shake my head, and my fingers trace his lips. He kisses it, and then sits back.
"Well, I guess we should dress, and probably should make our apologies to Rachel." I nod, still foggy. Did that just happen? I feel different; more free, I think, to express my true feelings with him. He hands me my clothes, and I jump up, suddenly shy about him seeing me. I am not as slim as Rachel, and that damned body wash didn't give me any kind of glow. I feel like I am glowing, though, from the inside. My stomach is a bit jumpy, but I chalk it up to nerves. Jacob is looking at me, drinking me in, and his hands stroke my bottom, and my tummy. I am suddenly, oddly drawn to the doorway, where I open it and find a pile of clean clothes. Rachel is the best friend ever. There is a note on top.
"Hope these fit Jake; used to be Jonah's. You can use the shower down there if you want. Come talk when you're ready. All my love." Jake has come to stand by me, and reads the note.
"Well, she's still a dirty vampire, but I guess she's all right." He sniffs the jeans and t-shirt that she'd sent down. I look at him, trying to appear mad at his comment.
"So, does it smell like dirty vampire?" He shakes his head, shrugs, and pulls the clothing on. I am a little bigger than Rach, so she has kindly sent down some drawstring knit pants for me, and a lacy-edged camisole, which is both comfy and sexy. I change quickly, grateful for the cover, because even though I am buzzing from the sex, I feel raw, exposed. I sense that Jake understands this, because he pulls me close to him in one of his famous bear hugs, and holds me tight.
"Little girl. Sweet Ness." He strokes my hair, and all I can think about is that I could go for a round two, but I know better than to press my luck. I feel myself melt into him, and, kissing his neck, I breathe in his scent, it's strong and masculine. We stand in our embrace for a few minutes, feeling our hearts beat, and matching our breaths. He leans his head down, and whispers into my ear the words I have longed to hear pass his lips for many years.
"I love you, Renesmee. I just hope you love me, too. This isn't how I imagined this scene, but it was…great." He chuckles at his own cleverness, and I reach up and playfully swat at him. He chuckles again. I lean my head up to his ear and whisper to him.
"I love you, Jake. Please, don't leave tonight. Just stay here with me. Rachel will let us pull out the couch." He sighs, considering this. He shakes his head, though, and my face falls.
"No, your father will be angry enough when he discovers this. Besides, I promised Charlie I'd come around this weekend and help him weed the backyard. I promise I'll be here for your graduation, though, if your family or Rachel doesn't kill me by then. Or the pack, actually. Look, I promise I'll call you every day, OK?" I nod, and sigh. I can't wait for school to be over, and then I can go and live in Forks for forever, and have Jacob with me in my bed, all day and all night. I kiss him, harder, and whisper a thank you. He smiles, and kisses my neck, and tells me that it was his pleasure. We embrace a little longer, exchanging long, lazy kisses. He releases me, sadly, and crosses the room to where our clothes are piled up. He picks up the used condom, and opening the bathroom door, he tosses it in the garbage can. I will have to remind Rach to get rid of the evidence later on. He folds his clothing, and draping them on his arm, I lead him up the stairs. Rachel is in the kitchen, humming along to Bruce Springsteen, and we go in. Jake, looking sheepish and guilty, thanks her for the clothes. She is acting innocent and distracted, burying herself in what I recognize by now to be Seder dinner. She smiles up at him, a mega-watt smile, and nods. She looks me up and down, but can't read her expression.
"What are you doing, Rachel?" He asks her.
"Starting to marinate the meat for Seder. Tomorrow starts Passover, you know. The boys and I are invited to the Feldman's for dinner, so I thought I'd whip up some latkes and some matzo ball soup. Just a little something to share with everyone. Anyway, how did your night go? You guys were down there for awhile. It's a long movie, but not that long." I swat at her, and she grins, slyly. Jake raises an eyebrow, and she snorts at him.
"Look, wolfy. You and I both know that I hate you with the fire of a thousand suns, not to quote Shakespeare on such a momentous occasion, but I swear to you that I will not breathe a word to anyone. However, if Ness is at all hurt by this, consider yourself one dead shape shifter. Understood?" I scowl at her, and she shrugs. Jake interjects.
"Thank you, I guess. Ness, I'm sorry, I really should go." Rachel tells me to show him out, and excuses herself to Jacob, which I know is cursory, because she doesn't care about politeness, particularly around Jake. I follow him out of the front door, after fetching him a bag for his clothes, and we embrace silently. He holds me for a while, and then kisses me twice.
"Goodbye, sweet girl. God, I wish I could take you with me. But believe me, in just twelve short weeks, we'll be together. I promise. I promise forever." He has my face in his hands now. I start to well up, but bite back the tears. I will NOT cry, I am an adult woman for chrissakes. I let out a ragged breath, and nod.
"Please, call me the moment you get home, even if it's early, or late. I don't care." He nods. We are delaying the inevitable, the painful reality that he will be gone in just a few short minutes. I want badly to call my parents, tell them I skip graduation, and just be with Jake for awhile, but I know this will not help the situation. Besides, I really DO want to graduate from High School, if for no other reason than to start school in Washington. Western Washington University is a 45-minute drive from Forks, and I will be starting there in the fall, barring my untimely demise, which is unlikely. I try to let this though comfort me.
"We will have all summer, Ness. I promise. We can go somewhere, if you like, not just hang around La Push." I shake my head, and notice that dawn is starting to set in. We WERE down there awhile. I smile at this errant thought, and he notices the smile, and the dim rays of sunshine.
"Damn, woman, you sure know how to distract a man for a long time." I laugh, and push him towards his car. With one last lustful kiss, he hops in and drives away. I wave until I can't see him anymore, and fall to the grass, sobbing. Rachel is at my side in a flash, hugging me, whispering that it'll be OK, that she's here for me. I smile gratefully, but sob some more, messing up her stark white t-shirt with makeup She rocks me gently on the the grass, in her front yard, until I realize that the light is hitting us, and she is glittery. I stand up and we go inside, and she fixes me some breakfast. I am quiet, replaying the evening in my head. Something clicks in my brain, and I remind her to empty the trash downstairs. She sighs.
"Ness, I'm going to have to Clorox the whole damn room; we can't have it smelling like horny dog in a house full of vampires, now can we?" I scowl at her, and she reaches over and pats my head.
"Eat, Ness. Then you can shower and I'll drive you home. So, spill all. How was it?" I smile.
"Perfect." She considers this, then nods.
"Well, welcome to womanhood, my friend. I hope you found the couch to be comfortable; I always have." She smiles slyly and wiggles her eyebrows. She is kidding, I know, but her ability to have brevity in all situations is sometimes a godsend. I thank her for the clothes, and she nods.
"I don't care for Jacob, but I care about you, and I am a romantic beneath this ice-woman exterior, and I firmly believe love needs a helping hand. You did use protection, right?" I roll my eyes, but nod.
"Good. Scoot upstairs and have a shower," she sees me shake my head. I don't want to wash away Jacob and his smell. It's like heaven. She scowls now, but continues. "C'mon, Ness, you cannot go home smelling like vampire sex. It's just not a good idea. Besides, you smell like wet dog. It's SO not sexy. Go. You know where the extra towels are; do you want some clean clothes?" I nod, and allow her to pull me up the stairs. Once in the pulsating, steamy bathroom, I could relax and let my weary body feel the results of my night of passion. My core is a bit sore, and my stomach is still jumpy. I concentrate on breathing in and out. He nipped my breasts, and there's some minor scratches on my stomach and back, but nothing a few days of pants and t-shirts won't hide. I feel bad, washing him off of me, but my body is still buzzing from the memory of his touch, and I still have the post-coital glow. As I finish up my shower, and smooth Rachel's almond-butter cream onto my skin, tenderly rubbing the spots where Jacob's hands had been, I smile and remember. I sink into the fleecy robe that Rach had given me, and pad down the hallway to her room. She is there, waiting for me. She turns away as I dress; she knows I am shy, even around her and my aunts. She turns, always knowing when the right time to do something is, and hands me a comb. I felt guilty in the bathroom, washing away all of Alice's work, but I know it's better this way, and I know she probably wouldn't mind. Thinking of Alice suddenly makes me want to go home, to crawl into my bed and dream about Jake, and him inside of me. Rachel approaches me with a compact, puffing some powder onto my cheeks, which have been flushed.
'Ness, you have got to calm down. You look like the kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. You did nothing wrong. Just remember, your father can read your thoughts. Try thinking of the most unsexy things you can think of for a few days, and then the mixed-up thoughts should subside." I hug her, and we head downstairs. I gather my clothes from her basement, as she sprays the room down with Febreeze, muttering about wolf scent and massive amounts of Pine-sol. I try to ignore her, and locate my purse. I notice a smallish wet spot on the blanket at the same time she does, and she reaches over and tosses it into the can, ties the bag, and pulls it out of the container. I tell her I am ready, and we troop upstairs and out the door. Her father buzzes her cell, and she tells him she is driving me home, and I think he tells her he is going to work all day, because her expression turns stormy, but she nods. She hangs up, tosses the trash bag into the large dumpster outside, and we climb into her car. She plays some jazz music as we drive, in silence, to my house. I find Coltrane oddly soothing, and muse at the oddness of my friend. I am brainstorming ideas of things to do to thank her, and decide to ask Alice, who knows all about this stuff. As she parks, I notice the guys are back, and she mutters something under her breath about stupid brothers, and we go inside. Rachel immediately plays her role of uber-polite, mother-hen, good little Jewish vampire, but I am struggling to think clearly. Suddenly, the smell in the room is overwhelming, and I want to run out the door. She grabs my elbow, and I pale. Esme notices this, and crosses to me. Rachel looks up, apologetically and smiles her dazzling smile.
"Sorry, Mrs. Cullen. Ness and I stayed up all night watching movies, and she didn't sleep. I fed her, though, but she could do with a nap." I nod, weakly, and Alice giggles. Alice takes my arm and leads me upstairs, and I notice my parents are nowhere around. Alice notices me looking for them, and tells me she sent the off to the store so we could talk without daddy hearing. I hug her, recount the details of the evening as Alice's eyes grow saucer-wide, and I see her with a myriad of emotions on her face. Suddenly, I am aware of how tired I am, and with a yawn, I shoo her out and fall into a deep sleep. In the moment before I fall asleep, though, I think I hear Rachel's loud voice call up the stairs that she will call me tonight, and I smile to myself. Thoughts of Jake fill my head, and my eyes drop close.