Special thanks to Cookie and Sakuyan.
Warning: Author knows nothing about therapy.
His newest specimen is magnificent and truly endures a touch of alluring scent, and like a bumblebee attracted to the sweet pollen; Kaname is enticed by the pull of Zero's…ahh…aroma. At the best of times, he hates how the strong scent tugs at him like a leash and he is helpless to go against it, stumbling upon the jerk as if his knees betray his weight. Yet, in other times, he desires nothing else but to possess the one who holds such a scent. To break, to strip itself of its original purpose and to mold it back the way he prefers it to be; broken but not damaged.
He wants to possess, wants to own, wants to nurture and above of all, he wants the owner of the captivating scent to belong to himself, alone. Only his.
Kaname taps the pen against the board. Shoulders hunch in poise as he slings his leg on top of another, his eyes remain passive and never leaves his patient, who's sitting ever so sullenly on the couch before him.
-and there is something so deliciously arousing at the way his patient's eyes move downcast, throws hesitate glances at his surroundings and meekly refuses to look at the psychiatrist in the eye.
He can't read him easily even though it's not a problem to him before with his previous and present patients.
Achilles Debussy's Clair De Lune plays in the background.
Kaname has the common decency to stand from his place - his patient ripples at the sudden movement, his stimuli impossibly overtax in a short high-pique as it slowly calms down when he notes the placating movement isn't aim at him - heads toward the stereophonic and shuts it off.
He trails back to his seat and urges his obsession (patient) to continue.
"Tell me what you see." Voice empty and expression blank. Kaname gives nothing away when he asks the question but his mouth waters for an answer. Everything. He needs to know everything of him, of his drug, of his sweet.
Wavering violet orbs look up at his lips, never at Kaname's inexpressive mask.
"I was in the surgery room, performing ring annuloplasty on the tricuspid valve. Hypodermic needle in my hand, as always, and for the very first time, I didn't see the face of the man I killed." His patient tilts his head to the side. "I felt-"
"Strange?"
"-heavy."
"Define heavy." Kaname's voices almost slurs. Almost. What is it feels like; to chain this exotic creature to his bed and commit all the fantasies he's been having about him? Will his patient wail at his touch? Whimper and tremble before his tongue? Spreading his legs at the touch of his fingers? How curious.
"It was constricting at my chest, like a heavy iron was put on top of it, not allowing me to breathe but it wasn't the kind of asphyxiation that made me want to pass out."
The tapping on the board stop. "Then what kind of suffocation was it?"
The previous scared eyes now dare to meet Kaname's gaze squarely, and silently, Kaname finds himself liking the new boldness. His patient leans his body; hands intertwine in a calculating manner. There's something hidden beneath his long stare. As if the world is against him and he's fine with it because everything will die, everything has to die and his patient secretly takes comfort it that. A notion a doctor shouldn't have.
The first time Kaname sees Zero standing in front of him, shoulders sagging and emitting a submissive atmosphere, quoting 'I didn't come here on my own accord. A good friend of mine recommended you to me' while withholding mysteries in his head that Kaname desperately seeks to solve and pamper.
Kaname is fascinated and the feeling is enormous.
"It was the kind that made me feel...good."
Kaname nods, thrumming his fingers as he continues addressing the latter.
"You enjoyed killing the man."
"I'm a doctor. A surgeon. I'm meant to save lives. I don't favor at the thought of death when it circulates around innocent or any people."
"But not this one."
"Not this one." His patient repeats.
Kaname has to chuckle at that.
The other frowns at him. "What is it?"
Again, the same boldness. Kaname wets his lips with a skim of a tongue.
"Forgive me, but this man slaughtered your family. It's only acceptable to substantiate your...ahh, forgive my overfamiliarity, satisfaction, when you pulled the trigger and put a bullet between his eyes. He was hardly an innocent. You enjoyed it. You felt whole. You felt good."
"Aren't you supposed to be my therapist?"
"I am. I'm your anchor and your gauge."
"You sound like a murderer-in-hiding." The man mumbles.
The crook of Kaname's lips purse upward. When a whiff of wind drifts through the slightly ajar window, landing gently on his patient's skin, and the heavy musky scent of the man reaches Kaname's nostrils; the smell is like a flashing thorn that twist imaginative red nectar into his mind. Kaname craves to have it in his palms, against the bite of his canines.
"Of course. You'd know what a murderer acts like, don't you?" He joshes.
The man scowled, not hard, hinting that he knows it's a mere jest. "That's low, Kuran."
His ever ambiguous patient: Kiryu Zero, age twenty-three, young and difficult, became an honorary surgeon at such a young, a pride to his parents, went home one night only to find his family massacred by a man who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Zero fought back, confiscated the killer's gun in a harsh struggle and used it against him, firing three shots. Two to the chest, one to the head.
No one knows the man's purpose and Zero seals the truth when he killed the man.
Now, he's nothing but a distant man with hundreds of secret to keep in a head that's supposed to stock thousands of possibilities and methods to keep people alive.
"You have to know, Zero-"
"Kiryu."
"-that a specific past that haunts and damages your mind is like a lion clawing at your back. You have to convince yourself that the lion doesn't exist, both emphatically and physically."
"A lion?"
"Indeed."
"A lion belongs in a cage, if not in the wild. It doesn't harm you if you know how to scare it away but it chases you once it inhales your fear. Still, it's just a mindless beast."
"Your point being is?"
"It's not my past that's holding me down." Zero stumbles back into his small, doubtful self.
"I don't think I fear or feel anything anymore and conceivably, that's what keeping me from-...don't I suppose to feel something? Sad, grief? I'm in a distressing ordeal yet I just...it's so heavy and light at the same time. It's nothing and empty and I don't want this to be how I define myself. How people will see me, even though I care not how they judge me."
"You're in a post-traumatic state. You create boundaries with your mind. Strong walls to protect you from incoming and previous physiological scars. In your youth, the walls were thin and easy to breach. Now after the unsettling experience, your walls are fortified and have become ten times solid than its former components, rendering you immobilize from feeling almost everything. You allow this. You want this. It's not a coincidence if this occurs. Although such phase is not unusual, not even a slightest bit. Each unstable individual has their own way to deal with their pain and most often choose to build a fort around themselves instead of letting someone in to assist them in their quest to-...redeem themselves. You should let someone in. Don't reject the offered aids. It's not altruism when you keep everything to yourself. It's selfishness and greed for common courtesies."
"...so let someone in?"
"Absolutely. Don't you feel as if there is part of you that can finally be forgiven when someone is willing to be your pillar of strength, temporarily or permanently?"
"Easier said than done."
Kaname smiles. "You're mixing reality with guilt. You're under the firm belief your family's death is due to your inability to protect them despite your excellent profession. Tell me, Kiryu." Kaname takes a ceramic cup on the table next to him with his free hand. He brings it to his lips and takes a slow sip. "Which one is it that shatters and grazes your culpability more? Your family's death or the fact that you took a man's life and liked it?"
Zero regards the other coldly. "Both. Because I have conscience."
"I'd assume so. Morality is like a dull blade. It can be reforged, be sharpened, be wielded as a weapon or a tool, and like any tool, it's expandable. It can be thrown away and replace with something new. Someone dies because of someone else when you commit a murder. Unfortunately, you feel the guilt and poetic resentment if you have a heart. Fortunately, the dead stays dead. They can never dig deeper into your nightmare anymore."
"There are two options in life, Zero-"
"-Kiryu."
"-indulge yourself in the sense of living your life to the fullest and let everything else takes its course. You have a short life-span, why bothers with trivial things that aren't yours to care for?"
"I am a surgeon."
"Yes. However, in your condition, you rephrase the bitter memory recurrently like a broken record and it's rendering you inadequate to the people who's in need of your help. If you can't help yourself, you can never help others." Another sip, not too slow this time. "Or, you can let yourself forever wondering of the whys, what-ifs, and should-have-beens and never to step forward."
Zero let out a weak chuckle. "You're killing me."
"I'd hope not. I'm rather fond of you."
Such a nimble frame, slender arms, vulnerable eyes, and long legs; breakable. Perfect in his arms. Wonderful. His possession. All his.
Silence
"You know what I notice, Kuran?"
"Yes?"
"You write nothing of me and my progress. You didn't pen anything down on those papers of yours."
"I don't have to. I memorize you."
"That's not daunting at all."
Kaname laughs softly. "Of course. Not at all."
The psychiatrist breathes in the air heavily.
Ahh, light lavender cologne. Cinnamon-flavored soap. Strawberries and fresh Guillermo coffee for breakfast.
No, not daunting at all.
X
Zero gives him a subtle platonic farewell as a parting gift and a promise to come back when the right moment presents itself. Something stirs in his chest at the lack of focus and response Zero exhibits towards him. The brunet returns it with an equal warm goodbye and a simple 'Call me whenever you need me. Whenever. Wherever.' He means every spoken word.
Kaname watches the surgeon leave the building from his home-office's window.
A gentle smile slits its presence on his face. Kaname fixes his tie and hums to himself before he backs away from the window once Zero enters his car and drives into the night.
Kaname blinks, his temporary chocolate contacts melted feverishly, revealing dark bloody red eyes.
He is a centuries old pureblood, a nightwalker that feasts upon both innocent and guilty bystanders (the taste of the innocent is more potent on his tongue) and the most unfortunate fate is that he's unmated, having find none fit to be his.
Now though, he might just find one.
First, he needs to destroy everything that defines his future mate so there will be no other way for his intended to seek comfort from anyone but from him and him alone. Slowly, Kaname will become the center of everything, the sole reason of his mate's existence, and in time, he'll be the air that his mate breathes.
He often observes Zero's every movement during their limited session together. Kaname notices the way Zero flicks his fingers, the softness of his lips when it moves, the sensitivity when Zero rubs his palms together and the way he quietly but resolutely talks.
Zero is afraid. Traumatized. He hates his life but at the same time, he aches for it and it's absolutely scrumptious, staring at someone who has doubts and yet doesn't hesitate to make hard choices. It's like being afraid without fear.
There are times when Kaname worries if Zero is not thinking of him (Of course Zero thinks of something else and Kaname secretly throws a tantrum in his head) and should Zero ever try to walk away from him, Kaname argues with his inner demon that he might just have to chain the mortal to the wall. With that, he can become something Kaname can worship and love every day, slowly putrefying Zero's defensive walls that he helps to build, so he can be Kaname's willingly.
If he meets with a rejection – Kaname smiles a gentle smile – then he just has to apprehend Zero, clean, and make him scarce him to the world. He will then kiss those shivering lips and touch their forehead together to send the message 'I love you, I love you and with this you'll be ultimately mine. Don't be scared. You're safe with me. I'll protect you forever.' as a final parting before Kaname gets to eviscerate his sweet mortal to many pieces. A perfect bodily dismemberment.
He then will put said pieces in each different golden box, and he'll name every case according to the part he's put it in. It's his love so he has the right to treasure it. Zero's like his precious gem. He'll do anything he can to keep the gem from being taken by anyone else. Even if it means killing him and store his remains by his side, literally.
However, that's the very last option he doesn't want to turn into reality unless it's truly, truly necessary. He hates to bring harm to Zero.
For now, he must protract his role as Zero's constant anchor, as his ever so helpful psychiatrist. And he won't just going to split seas and break mountains to have his intended prey (mate, his hurt but not damaged mate. Beautiful). Kaname is planning do so much, much more if it means he gets to have one-
-Kiryu Zero.
What a tantalizing treat.
X_X
Written by Wookie