I should have said many things.
I'm sorry, and I'm proud of you.
Just to name a few.
It too late now of course,
Too many years have passed now.
Even now it's to pain painful to say her name.
Lily, it should slide off the tongue
But its sticks in the back of my throat choking me
She left my life so long ago,
years before her death really
My jealousy and fear drove the wedge between us
Now I shall never be free of my grief
And I fear I may drown in it
I had no one to grieve with
Our parents died years ago
And we shared no childhood friends
Now I have but two living relatives left now
My son and hers
I don't dare look at him
Her green eyes pierce my soul
He called me mummy once
I slapped him, he was a child of three
But I could never replace him mother
He asked why I don't love him
I do love him, but I resent his living at her expense more
Her voice haunts my dreams
Asking why I neglect her son
The son she died for.
I know I should treat him better
That I should say the words I didn't say to her
But I cannot for though he has her eyes
He looks like his father more
The man who took a way my sister
If not for him she would have been safe
She would be alive today
I see so much of her in him
Not just the bits of magic
He has her fire, her heart.
I prayed that the magic would cease the longer he was with us
For all the pain, he causes when I look at him
I can't bear to lose that last bit of my beloved sister
Now that I face saying good bye for the final time
There are words I wish I could say.
I wish I could tell him I loved him as a mother should love a son
That I'm sorry I let my grief over power that love
That I'm sorry had let my bitterness color my treatment if him
That I'm sorry I was jealous he was a part of my sister's world.
I wish I could tell him how afraid I was that I would lose him too.
That I was so grateful he saved my son.
That I was proud of him for standing up to Marge
That blowing her up was quite funny.
I wish I could tell him not to go and fight in a war.
But that he should hid with us.
I know that the mother he looks to for comfort will never be me as it should have been
I want to badly to tell him I don't want him to die.
I know when the time comes to say good-bye the words wont form
That they will stick in my throat.
I have never shared my grief before and that makes me bitter.
I wish I could tell him to fight in her honor
I wish I could tell him to live in her memory
I wish I could tell him just to live
To live. That is all I want for him now.
To live a long life a happy life
To live a life full of the love he was cheated out of as a child.
To have his own children.
I want so badly to say all the right things, to convey wisdom, love, and hope.
That I pray her sacrifice won't be in vain.
But in the end, all I can say is;
"You are not the only who lost some one that night."
All I have left is a sisters broken heart. I pray her sacrifice won't be in vain.
I own nothing, I hope you enjoyed, and let me know what you think.