Ghosts Lingering
by Eris
She's twenty-three when she sees him again, staring at her like he's seen a ghost. And perhaps she is a ghost—a ghost of his past that never meant to appear to him. It only gets worse when her husband suddenly pops up beside her, all bright smiles and blue-eyed handsomeness.
"All ready for next week?" he asks, and she tries to turn her attention to him and away from the speechless not-man standing across the street from them.
"What?"
He gives her a small frown. "The office party? Hughes' retirement soiree?"
She remembers him telling her about it a few days ago. It's what prompted today's shopping spree. "Right. Yes, I'm done. I'm picking up the dress in two days."
"I'm picking up the dress in two days," he corrects her. "No need to stress yourself, Ella." His hands covered hers, and they both feel the powerful kick that has her flinching.
"Ow!" she yelps in surprise. "That was a kidney!"
Neal smiles proudly. "Did I mention I joined the soccer team in fifth grade?"
He hasn't, and it's both a cute and horrifying realization that their offspring has probably inherited its parents' sporty genes. Her kidneys will never recover.
It's when Neal leads her away that she remembers him, but he's no longer across the street.
Still, she knows it's just a matter of time before she sees him again.
She meets Neal Caffrey after someone breaks into her apartment and steals a painting she inherited from Jenna. It was Jenna's favorite—a rare Picasso—and it had been in the Sommers family for several generations now. She isn't the one to report the theft to the FBI—no, that blame lands squarely on her boss Elizabeth. Elizabeth's husband works at the White Collar Crime Unit, and art theft just so happens to fall under his jurisdiction.
And so she meets Neal.
For a moment, she felt her heart skip a beat. At first, she thinks it's because he looks so much like Damon. Then he opens his mouth and she discovers that he's just as charming, just as witty, just as devilish and just as big a rule-breaker as the not-man she'd left behind months ago.
She falls too fast and too hard and it's too easy to stay there, falling and falling and falling in love.
There are times when she knows he's nearby, watching her as she does her groceries and goes shopping with her friends and visits the office. She wonders why he doesn't come confront her already, because the suspense is stressing her out.
It comes to a head one day at the office. She's on maternity leave, of course, so she really has no business being there, but her husband's partner Peter is her boss's husband too, and Elizabeth has invited her to lunch with them. With nothing to do at home but read and bum around, she felt grateful for the reprieve, and they're helping Elizabeth try out a new caterer's sample dishes when the sensation of being watched falls over her shoulders.
Five minutes or so later, pain spikes through her body.
Twenty minutes pass and she and Neal are terrified, because her water has broken, she's having contractions, and the baby is coming a month and two weeks too early.
Peter brings the car around, and Elizabeth closes shop to accompany them to the hospital. Neal whisks her carefully into first the car, then the hospital when they arrive.
Through the pain of labor, it's Neal who doesn't let go of her hand.
Her baby is born, weak and tiny.
But alive.
Neal doesn't fall in love with her like she does for him. Theirs isn't a great and epic romance nor an explosive culmination of lust and sexual tension. Their love simmered gradually. While she shied away from his casual flirting, he did his best to let her know that flirting was all they would ever do. She was too young for him, and both of them had their pick of romantic partners anyway. She dated light-haired men with dark, brooding eyes and he attracted a parade of more mature women who didn't mind one-night stands.
But then she accidentally landed in the middle of an FBI operation, and she didn't come out unharmed. A bullet wound and a sprained ankle put her in the hospital for three weeks and forced her to attend physical rehab for two months, and Neal was the crutch she could thankfully lean on through all of it.
Perhaps, if she had known that Neal had a thing for knights-in-heels-turned-damsel-in-distress, she would have saved him from getting shot sooner.
The doctors called it a miracle. She knew otherwise.
Looking down at her not-so-mysteriously perfectly healthy daughter, she wonders if little Anastasia would look just like her. She hopes not, wishes that she could see Ana's eyes open and reveal that she received Neal's gorgeous blue orbs instead of her own brown ones.
She feels him behind her abruptly.
"I'm sorry."
She takes a fortifying breath. "I forgive you."
A pause. "Why?" He sounds absolutely baffled.
She shrugs. "You healed her. Made her healthy. The doctors…they weren't hopeful at all." She would never forgive them for saying Ana wouldn't last through the night.
"I have to stay for a few weeks. To help her."
"I—" She turns around, surprised that he was just as suddenly gone from the room. "—would like that."
She wonders if he'll avoid showing himself to her for the rest of her life. Realizes that he probably will.
Neal is something of a traditional romantic. It surprised her because she's heard of Alex and Sara and how Neal's relationships with them went. Lust and sex always came first. But then Neal told her about Kate, and she realizes that Neal's old-school at heart.
He woos her with trinkets and thoughtful notes and breakfast and surprise visits at the office. He only buys her flowers when they go out on dates, but always shows up with some sort of chocolate delight for her to try.
Her prized possession is a silver charm bracelet he gave her on their first Christmas as a couple. He hangs a heart with his name on it on Valentine's Day.
Anastasia is an inquisitive infant. Her blue eyes are sharp as they study everything in sight, and she's already smiling whenever Neal holds her.
Neal is absolutely ecstatic, and Peter tells her that Neal's work output has increased even though his attention wanders too often during meetings. But even he exudes a quiet, uncle-y pride whenever Ana giggles at him.
She thinks that Damon's influence did more than just heal her daughter, made her smarter and more observant and many other things normal babies aren't. And while she isn't sure how good a thing that is, she's certain that it's not a bad thing at all.
When Neal makes love to her for the first time, she's surprised when she focuses on him and his kiss and his touch. She thought she would see someone else, thought she loved him because he bore such a strong resemblance to Damon.
It takes her a while, perhaps the entire two years of their relationship, but when she finally discovers the ring on her charm bracelet, everything becomes clear to her.
She loves Neal because he's Neal.
"Why him?" She gasps and jumps and spins around instantly. Damon is standing over Anastasia's crib, watching the little girl.
"Jesus, Damon. You scared me!" she chides, walking over to him as if she never left his side. She sees that Ana is watching him back, those blue eyes flicking over at her briefly before returning to meet Damon's unflinching gaze.
"Why him, Elena?"
She hasn't heard that name in over five years. It was jarring to hear it now.
She doesn't know what to say either.
"I don't know, Damon." She brushes her fingers lightly over Ana's soft skin, and Ana coos at her softly, moving her thin arms and legs and wiggling those tiny fingers and toes of hers. "It just happened."
Damon is quiet for a long time.
"It surprised me too," she adds. "At first I thought I liked him because he looked a lot like you." She hears him inhale sharply. "But when we finally started dating, I realized I liked him for who he was, not who he looks like."
"Did I ever have a chance, Elena?" She stills, a detached sort of disbelief settling over her. "Did you ever love me?"
She looks up at him then, the words catching at her throat before she forces them out. "Yes. I loved you. You had a chance."
"But I'm too late."
"Yes." She flinched when he flinched, but she loves Neal more than she feels guilty at hurting Damon, loves Ana more than she wants to comfort Damon. She won't screw up their lives because of her past.
"Okay."
He disappears, giving her no time or chance to say goodbye.
She knows he'll hang around anyway, knows Damon never says goodbye.
Neal knew before she did.
He clued her in one afternoon when he gave her a baby charm for her bracelet.
Twenty pregnancy tests to convince her that he was right.
Author's Note
Review please!
~E