(A/N): Alright, so this is some background/thoughts during the whole 'Defying Gravity' debacle. Kurt was feeling so bad about himself after this crap. Hope you enjoy this angst angst angst! Read, review, ENJOY! =D
Disclaimer: Yadda, Yoda, Yoddle, Yin-Yang, Yipyuk, Yah-yeah-yeah. Anyway, no I don't own Glee, and this disclaimer is completely random!
Undesirable
I had never before in my life felt so undesirable.
I felt normal (or as close to it as I can be) earlier.
But then... it just... I wasn't.
I felt so hideous, so unskilled, so all-around horrible.
It wasn't a huge thing that happened... in fact, it was pretty minor.
But it made me think and feel such bad things about myself.
It made me feel so unwanted; so unloved.
It made me realize that I've never had anyone stare adoringly at me.
That I've never once been complimented (from a non-biased source) about how I look or sound.
And it's impossible to get non-biased opinions on your personality, because people have to get to know you for that.
Even then, I don't think that they would tell me good things.
I get looks. Not 'oh, you're so adorable,' or 'I'm so jealous,' looks.
More 'keep your gay, faggy ass out of my way, bitch,' looks.
I've never felt truly accepted... Or wanted.
I'm always a hinderance.
I'm always pity party or a charity case.
Besides, who doesn't want the hideous, egotistical, gay kid around for a chuckle every now and then?
I felt so unwanted.
I realized that you, seeing me that way... it made you hate me even more.
I can't stand the idea of you thinking of me as undesirable (even though I already know you do).
I'm just too undesirable.
The only thing people desire from me is my death.
I'll give them what they desire.
Soon enough; I promise you that.
I feel the moment coming fast and soon.
I won't even tell you how close I've come; it'll only freak you out.
Don't worry; it won't hurt me much.
I'll be gone, and you'll move on (if you get stuck to begin with).
Right now, all that I'm doing is looking for a reason to stay.
I'm looking to be desired.
And that's why I'll soon be gone.
Because I'm extremely undesirable.
(A/N): Sad, right? Poor Kurtsie; it darn near breaks my heart, darlin'! Alrighty, drop a review for me, hun; they make my day!