Ahh… Bikini Bottom. A place where fish can hang out. But, today wasn't any normal day. No, sir! Today would be a sad day, even for a yellow sponge, trying to open a can of trout.
"Yippee!" SpongeBob yelled in glee. "Today is going to be the greatest! Nothing to fear! I'm going to get promoted, nothing's going to bring me down for the rest of the year!"
So, skipping merrily, SpongeBob walks outside, and finds Squidward sleeping on the road, as unconscious as a dead fly's behind. "Squidward, wake up!" the yellow sponge yelled in the air. "Just wake up! WAKE UP FOR ALL I CARE!"
The squid opened his eyes slowly, and he started to say, "Get your ass off my body, and your pants that probably haven't been washed since May!"
The squid got up, and brushed the dust off his shirt, and without further a due, he rushed in his house, leaving behind trails of dirt. SpongeBob, as curious as he, he marched up to his house, and bursted in to have wonders to see. The whole house was filled, with little tiny puffs of gray smoke. With all that going up his long nose, he started to choke. He then saw, a little figure in the corner, Squidward smoking marijuana, with a phone book turned to a page of a mourner. Squidward's going to let himself die! SpongeBob thought in his head. This is horrible! I must get him to bed!
SpongeBob said, in the loudest voice of all, "Get your butt upstairs, you big jerk and asshole!" So, he got down, and lifted the squid, but all Squidward did, was start kicking him in the rear end.
"PUT ME DOWN!" Squidward shouted in the mist. "PUT ME DOWN, OR YOU'LL HAVE SOME DAIRY ASS TO KISS!"
SpongeBob ignored that reply, and brought him upstairs, and didn't even realize, that the squid had guns in his pocket inscribed with the word, "HEIRS."
When SpongeBob got up to his room, he turned on the television, and it turned onto channel 9, which showed America's Most Wanted, with a squid in prison. The squid made a fuss, and yelled a word that SpongeBob cannot even cuss. The squid then took his gun, and shot SpongeBob in the head and bun.
SpongeBob is now in heaven, for all the good deeds he's done, but not for long now, Squidward would be in a place hotter than the sun.