Ivanova's stoic Russian pessimism hadn't payed much attention to the dreams in the beginning out of pure stubbornness. No, after the first few nights she simply summed it up as the Universe conspiring to disrupt her sleep as another means of torturing her. Then she considered that this was Babylon 5, the Twilight Zone of the galaxy, where anything seemed to happen. Well, 'anything' did happen on an alarmingly regular basis on the station so it was no wonder that sleep would not come easy.
That was over a week ago when she still found a sense of morbid humor in the events. "If the crew could see me now." She mused then quickly dismissed that thought as tempting fate considering her current situation. "5 days, I must be losing my mind." The same nightmare had haunted her sleep for the past 5 nights in a row. That in itself wasn't the thing that was tearing away at the very fabric of her sanity. "I haven't had these dreams like these for 10 years. Not since the Earth Minbari war, not since my brother Ganya died at the Battle of the Line." {Why now}
But not tonight. This was the 14th night in a row and she was no longer frightened or scared, she was terror-stricken by the images and sounds in her mind. They were beginning to seep into her waking hours. Her reputation for what Garibaldi called, "crankiness" and the well established fact that she was not a morning person had saved her from close scrutiny by Captain Sheridan and most of the other officers but she knew it wouldn't last much longer. SHE wouldn't last much longer. Stephen Franklin was as observant a doctor as they come and as chief medical officer he took his job very seriously. His surreptitious glances hadn't gone unnoticed by her. No, Stephen would start asking questions soon. "No way can that happen."
"Computer, time." [The time is 02:00] Rising on shaky legs she climbed from the safety of her bed heading into the living room. Her mind reeling, she decided to create some order out of the chaos in her head. "Four hours til I have to be up anyway, no way I'm going back to sleep tonight."
No one knew, and she really had no idea why she'd felt the need to keep it a secret, but she began practicing a series of Minbari meditations and rituals soon after coming to the station. It started out as simply curiosity into the different facets of Minbari culture after watching her former superior officer, Commander Jeffery Sinclair, develop a strong friendship with the Minbari ambassador. Susan was still a teenager during the war and even though she'd been serving in Earth Force for almost 10 years, she hadn't interacted with any Minbari until she was assigned to Babylon 5. Ambassador Delenn was an enigma and to some extent Susan's instincts told her that Delenn was not all she appeared to be. But she was still impressed watching her retain serenity and composure even in the worst circumstances. The exact opposite of Susan Ivanova's legendary Russian temper, "meditation" she'd thought at the time, "couldn't hurt." She thought the chants, rituals, and meditations exercises actually did little to ease her temper but she was not in a position to see what others did. However, she was ecstatic to find some things which helped her keep her biggest secret. That was all it took for her to really delve into every nook and cranny of Minbar society. Why not, it wasn't like she had a personal life, or any life outside of work.
From there she found herself learning the three tiered language, though she had little contact with individuals from the Warrior caste so her accent wasn't quite right but over-all she was pleased with herself. Since Ambassador Delenn and her aide, Lennier, were Religious caste, she concentrated mostly on Andorando and was remarkably fluent, but she never let the Ambassador or any of her fellow officers know. {Never know when I might pick up some useful information without the Ambassador knowing} After that, she just liked having a secret that wasn't something that would destroy her life, so she held on to it.
It took a full two hours of meditation before she could find herself again. The dreams always left her off center, buried under some thick foggy haze and she usually needed twice as long meditating just to be able to get to C&C to man her post over the last 2 weeks, but today was different. She had come to the decision during meditation that there was only one way to put the nightmare to rest and only one person who could help.
"Ivanova to C&C". "C&C here, how can I help you?" "Open a priority one gold channel to Earth Alliance embassy on Minbar. Route it through to my com panel". As Susan waited for C&C to complete the connection she took a few extra deep breaths to retain the fragile awareness of self she'd struggled to achieve over the last two hours. Unfortunately, she gave no thought to her outward appearance as she waited in front of the view screen in her quarters for the call to go through. "C&C to Ivanova, channel open." "Thanks, Ivanova out."
A small but genuine smile touched her lips for the first time in weeks as she looked at the face on the screen and said the only three words that came to mind, "Hello old friend."
He was surprised when his aide informed him of the incoming transmission from Babylon 5 at that time of day since it would be the middle of the night there. He was shocked to find out that it was not from Delenn or his best friend and station chief of security, Michael Garibaldi. But when he saw the face of his former second, friend and oft thought of little sister, Susan Ivanova he was floored.
After taking a closer look at her, concern overwhelmed anything else. [She looks like death, what the hell is going on back at the station?!!!] Jeffery Sinclair, Earth Alliance ambassador to the Minbari Federation, had to use all of his diplomatic skills and training to stop himself from shouting that out loud.
"Susan, its 4:00 in the morning station time, are you alright?" "Jeff, I know you're busy. I'm sorry to disturb you." "You forget yourself Susan, I know you too well, this isn't a social call, and I'm never too busy to help an old friend." His smile touched his eyes when he said that and it made him seem closer than he was. She did feel better just from the expression but she had no idea how he was going to take her next words.
"Yeah, you do know me. Jeff, I'm going to see Stephen today and request 3 weeks medical leave. If he won't sign off on it without questions, I'll take personal time. You know I've never taken a vacation the entire time I've been in Earth Force, so I have the days." At this she smirked and Sinclair couldn't help but chuckle. [True, Ivanova thinks off duty is vacation] Then he got serious, "medical leave, Susan, are you ill? Talk to me."
"No Jeff, I didn't mean to worry you, I'm not alright, but I don't think I'm sick either. Its hard to explain no matter how secure communications might be." At this she gave him a raised eyebrow and a knowing look. He simply nodded, having secrets of his own to protect. But her comments were puzzling and piqued his interest. "I'm coming to see you." At this, his eyebrow shot up in an exaggerated approximation of her previous gesture. "You're coming to Minbar?" "Yes." "To see me?" "Yes. Jeff, should I have sent a text message so you could reread the sentences instead of us repeating our conversation?" Susan tried to look annoyed but she wasn't, she was amused for the first time in a long time. His feigned sigh the only reply. {I've really missed this guy.}
"Ok, not that I'm not thrilled at the prospect of seeing you, but can you tell me a little about what's going on, you don't look good Susan. And, can you tell me how I'm to help?"
"Dreams, Jeff. Nightmares actually. Same theme every night for the past 2 weeks." At this point she started to pace in front of the monitor and her movements became jerky, almost spastic. When he asked what was wrong he had no idea she was calling him about 'bad dreams'. But then he thought for Susan Ivanova to willingly take any time off, let alone 3 weeks, something was not right. [No, she does not look well, I wouldn't want those nightmares, whatever they are.]
"Its gotten to the point where I have to perform four hours of Chak'teu Shok'vis after I wake up just so I can get it together enough to run C&C." She stated this truthfully, without thinking, while absentmindedly running a shaking hand through her long dark tresses. Because of her movements she missed her friend's open mouth expression. Some of the agitation seeping back into her voice as it broke and rose a bit was her first indication that she was quickly slipping away from her center, being pulled back into the chamber of horrors from her subconscious.
Without thought of her audience, she stilled her movements, closed her eyes, bowed her head, lacing her fingers into the traditional Minbari triangular position and began working the steps of her meditation while quietly chanting the Minbari words.
[Ivanova? Not my Ivanova, what's going on?] It did not take long, all things considered. But after 10 minutes Jeffery Sinclair thought he'd seen it all when Susan lifted her head and opened her eyes. The tremors were gone, her eyes were clear. Peace had been restored. Through it all, Sinclair said nothing. He simply watched the scene play out before him in amazement. He surmised that she was unaware that anyone was watching and had forgotten he was even there over an open com channel.
At last he spoke, "Chak'teu Shok'vis?" Throughly confused "Huh?" was Susan's only response since she didn't even realize she had spoken the words to him earlier. "Chak'teu Shok'vis." He repeated as a statement, not a question. "Uh yeah, its um a form of meditation." Desperate to change the subject all of a sudden, she was about to slip into 'Ivanova mode', until she realized that would be a waste of both their time. So, she let the walls down and opened herself up to the friend she had reached out for. Sinclair watched this too with a keen eye, he knew his friend. He knew what would happen when she closed in around herself. Then almost as suddenly as she shut herself off, she reversed her position and lay herself bare. He smiled in spite of the situation. [Changes have come over her. Dreams/nightmares not withstanding, this is a good thing] Sinclair silently mused while taking all this in.
Susan knew he was reading her, sizing her up in some unfamiliar yet not unkind way. {What does he see???} She wondered. Then caught herself as she was about to chastise herself with a Minbari saying against attempting to speculate on the thoughts of one she asked for help. {I'm losing my mind, yep definitely, I'm starting to think like Minbari. Ok, why doesn't that scare me as much as it ought to?}
"Susan, you are more than welcome to come for a visit. I've missed you. Though my schedule is not really my own these days, we can work something out." He paused for a minute, careful in the direction his words would move the conversation. "How exactly can I help with the dreams? Its not really something I'm qualified in. Why me?"
She took a really deep breath and let it out slowly before gathering her courage to respond. "Whatever is haunting me at night started up again fairly recently." [Again?] She saw him about to speak and forestalled his question with an all too familiar shake of the head that the answer would not come tonight and not to push. Susan continued, "Part of my answers lie on Minbar, of that I am certain, don't ask me how I haven't a clue."
Rubbing her eyes and setting her shoulders square for the Big revelation. [She seems not to realize just how much of herself she's given away in this one conversation. How many revelations she already made.] "Because you're in the dreams. You, but not you. It doesn't look like you but I know its you I can feel your presence like I always could." At this she tilts her head and smiles thinking about the calm, steady and reassuring vibe Jeff always gave off.
Eyes snapping open suddenly, she leans into the viewer and speaks in a hushed an desperate voice. "Jeff, do you believe in things that go bump in the night? Things that almost seem like evil personified. Things you can't see clearly but can hear and feel? Creatures of chaos? Dark places, Jeff. So dark and vast you could get lost in it but that wouldn't be the end. That would be the beginning of hell. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you think I'm crazy Jeff 'cause one more night of this and—well there's nobody left to sit Shiva for me. Perhaps Lennier might feel compelled to do Ish'tara for me, but I doubt it."
Despite the chilling effect of her words, the last part did cause them both to smile. {He understood, that's all I wanted.}
Jeffery Sinclair understood a lot more than she did. [Chak'teu Shok'vis, alright, Susan Ivanova could certainly benefit from relaxation techniques, but it was much more than that. Did she know? To have achieved a level necessary to calm herself so quickly earlier required time. How long has she been studying? Oh, Susan, Ish'tara? You've really given yourself away. Minbari ritual for the dead.] He also understood that their conversation needed to take place in person. Yes, he felt very strongly that he needed her off station and on Minbar as soon as possible just to make sure. To get all the facts.
"Jeff, there have to be some conditions to my coming. Yeah, I know that sounds a bit high handed even for me. Invite yourself to someone's place and then set conditions." She looked him straight in the eye and with the full force of the Susan Ivanova he knew as well as the quiet strength of that something recently added to her she spoke. "No one from the station is to know I'm coming. Not Garibaldi, Stephen, the captain and ABSOLUTELY NOT Delenn."
That got Sinclair's attention. "Ok, mind telling me why? I mean besides those guys being your fellow officers I know they're your friends. And I didn't think you had a problem with Delenn. What's going on?"
"Jeff, I don't have a problem with any of them. Its not time. That's all I know. This isn't their time. They have a place, well defined, but it isn't time. Each according to his purpose is called, Jeff. John's time is not now. He is, Jeff, and he will be. Great things. He will stand between the Darkness and the Light. But it isn't time! And as for Delenn, her time hasn't come but when it does it will be obvious. I don't know when exactly but its after she dissolves the Grey Council so its not time." Susan was getting a little confused trying to explain the unexplainable. The itch or tingle in the back of her mind returned and she just didn't want to say anymore.
Apparently Sinclair agreed. Ashen face pasty, almost ghostly white, eyes wide open as big as saucers he stared at the view screen trying to process what he'd just heard with who said it while cross referencing that with what he knew. [Oh yes, it was time for her to get here as soon as possible.] Quick thinking on his part put a plan in motion.
"Ok, Susan, here's what you're going to do." It was simple, well thought out, with just enough detail to make it the truth while well and throughly a lie. Susan Ivanova liked that. She thought, with a smile, {Sneaky, I forgot Jeff could be so crafty. Hmm must be all those diplomatic functions, wants to keep busy.} She didn't know the half of it!
Neither of them were aware that their entire conversation as well as Susan's appearance and demeanor was being carefully observed and recorded from another room in the Earth Alliance Embassy. The two men stared in utter shock and disbelief as Commander Ivanova's story unfolded. At first they were prepared to intervene to prevent her coming to Minbar by any means necessary. No, her human problems could not be allowed to interfere with their task.
Then she mentioned the Chak'teu Shok'vis and their individual interest was piqued. By the time she finished speaking they were in complete agreement with Sinclair. She must be brought to Minbar! They made a back-up plan for her arrival and arranged for her to be followed closely from Babylon 5. They would take no chances until they had her before them.
Susan felt much better after having signed off with Jeff. Whatever was happening to her, she knew he would not judge or ridicule her. She was certain she could trust him. Trust was never given freely to anyone. Old habits and old ways were hard to break but she was beginning to see that she needed to put those aside and find a new way. She would trust Jeff. "Might as well" she drawled as she headed back to her bedroom. "If this keeps up I'll either go insane or I'll die from the stress. This time, I'll trust."
Her conversation with Ambassador Sinclair had taken less than an hour so she decided to pack for her trip and prepare for her first meeting. If all went well, she could be on the noon transport without anyone knowing. After laying out her pajamas, under garments, toiletries, meditation candles, and a book of Minbari poetry she grabbed a duffle bag. Standing in front of her closet Susan realized she had a big problem. With the exception of the obligatory "little black dress" hanging in the back, she only had one outfit of civilian clothes. No matter how long she stood their staring, aside from her Earth Force uniforms and military issued sweats, the only clothes she owned were a nice pair of black slacks and a royal blue blouse. {This is all I have} She thought in abject wonder. {Why haven't I noticed? Am I always in uniform?} Pushing those thoughts aside for the moment, she grabbed the outfit and headed for the shower. "Hmm, gives a new meaning to packing light. Hope they have stores on Minbar. I can't wear this everyday for 3 weeks."
Susan sent a message to delta shift watch commander that she would not be on duty that day and for him to make adjustments to the schedule. {Corwin's gonna faint} And she found that fact so funny she laughed. It felt good. After tidying up and 'packing' she set the bag by the door. She'd opted for the backpack because she didn't have enough to fill the duffle. Now for the hard part.
"Computer, time." [Time is 05:30] "Locate Stephen Franklin." [Dr. Franklin is in Medlab 3]. Susan grimaced. Glad she wouldn't wake him up but not happy to be walking into the lions den. He definitely has the home court advantage. Steeling her resolve she grabbed her link and headed out the door. So why did she feel like she was going to the principal's office?
She found him in his office updating some patient files. Apparently, he'd been in surgery half the night. She hoped to use his exhaustion to her advantage but the mere fact that she voluntarily walked into Medlab meant his warning bells were going off.
"Good morning Stephen."
"Susan. Have a seat."
{What, no questions about why I'm here. No surprise at seeing me out of uniform at 5:30 in the morning? What is going on here? Oh, this one is crafty. He's been waiting for me to come see him all this time!!! Those looks he was giving me weren't supposed to be covert. Damn, when did I start losing my touch?}
Exhaling slowly. "Stephen, I need 3 weeks medical leave and I need them right now." {He's not saying anything, why isn't he saying anything?} "Stephen?"
"Oh, sorry, I was just wondering what the exact temperature in hell was right about now. I thought I was going to have to come and get you." He smiles that gentle Stephen smile and she know he has her best interest at heart. Some times she wonders if he's empathic and that's why he became a healer or if being a doctor just bring out those traits.
Preparing her best argument for why she should have leave without an examination and his numerous irritating tests, she ended up staring at him with her mouth hanging open at his next words.
"I'll authorize the leave. I've got the papers right here. Just needed to fill in the date and sign them."
"Stephen? Aren't you going to ask why or try to poke me with things?"
Stephen just looked at her with eyes full of ancient mystical knowledge, or so it seemed to Susan in her state of shock.
"Susan, we both know its not physical or psychological. But if its not addressed it will lead to physical ailments such as stress, exhaustion, loss of appetite, headaches–should I continue?"
"No, you've said enough. How did you know?"
"Susan, I'm a doctor. That doesn't mean I don't have my own personal beliefs or ways of understanding beyond medicine and science." At this point he reached over and gently clasped her hand. A spark of—something passed between them leaving Susan feeling the full weight of his understanding. She was surprised but not upset in the least. I n fact, she felt a gentle caress of calm wash over her. "I'd say that it's a matter of spirit and soul. Not mind and body."
"Yes, you're right. I can't put off dealing with it any longer so I need to leave."
"Good. I was going to suggest that you might take some time away from here if you could. Any idea where you're going?"
The moment of truth. Would Stephen understand her not wanting him to know? She hadn't planned on telling any of them she was leaving the station at all.
"Stephen, I can't tell you where I'm going. Just know that I'll be safe and I won't be alone." She didn't wait for his reply before hastening to add, "Its not that I don't trust you or anything its just that..."
The doctor put her out of her misery,
"Susan, you don't have to tell me and I'm not offended. We're friends, but some things have to be handled alone. I'm just happy that you trusted me enough to walk in here on your own and ask for my help. It's a lot easier this way than explaining to John why you of all people need a vacation suddenly." He found this rather amusing. Susan couldn't really complain that her reputation was firmly set.
Susan got a bigger surprise when Stephen said that he would handle everything with the captain so she really didn't need to get into it and could just leave. They both knew John Sheridan would not let it go as easily as Stephen. Ivanova was his XO and his friend for many years. He'd want answers and she figured telling him that her Chi was out of alignment wouldn't do the job. Then there was Michael Garibaldi who never let anything go. Garibaldi hated mysteries almost as much as he hated thinking there was something going on that he didn't know about. Then he became a bloodhound. So, why and how she got off the station would bug him to no end.
At first Susan wasn't too happy when Stephen said he'd allude to "female problems" after the coal raking he would get from both the captain and the chief of security. She started to protest when he reminder her that was the one thing that would always get guys to shut up and not ask any questions. For the second time in the last few hours she was reminded again how sneaky her friends truly were.
Walking out of Medlab Susan realized that had been the least annoying & painless experience she'd ever had. {Hmm, I wonder if the trick is going in on your own? Nah!} Now that she was free, she went back to her place to pick up her backpack and decided to take the first transport to Kintari 5 instead of waiting for the one she was originally scheduled on. That was Jeff's idea. She would go to the resort planet mid way between the station and Minbar where she would meet one of his aides with a private ship for the rest of the journey. A little too cloak & dagger for her tastes, then she thought back to the dreams. All of them and not just the things she told Jeff this morning. No, she had a feeling cloak & dagger was just fine.
No one seemed to notice her out of uniform as she strolled to the ticket counter to book passage on the transport that was already boarding. {Perhaps that's because most of them have never seem me out of uniform? I'm really going to have to do something about that one of these days.} Almost no one noticed. A nondescript human male had, in fact, been following her all morning. While she was buying her ticket he placed a hasty call on the public stellar com unit near the departure lounge. After she'd left the gate, he bought a ticket as well and boarded.
Susan felt tense for a few moments. As if she were being watched. Casting a surreptitious glance around she found a seat giving her access to most exits and afforded her a view of everyone in that section while protecting her back. The young man following her noticed this, smiled inwardly and thought, [Yes, this woman is a soldier with keen instincts.]
{There it is again! I knew I felt something. Where, who?} As she turned slightly pretending to stretch her back she saw it. The Psi Corp emblem pinned to one of the passengers. No she couldn't get stuck on a 3 hour transport with just any member of Psi Corp. Susan Ivanova, punching bag of the universe and poster child for poetic injustice, won herself a big 'ole Psi Cop and he wasn't alone. {I am no longer having fun} She gently raged to the Universe as she didn't need to draw any attention to herself. {Great seat you picked Ivanova, if it weren't for being in their DIRECT line of sight.} She started to feel exposed. {Where are they going to a convention or something???} Yes, she'd run into Psi Cops on the station always hunting someone else. But there, she was dressed in uniform, comfortable and protected. It was her station and she felt more control. Here she was in simple unfamiliar civilian clothes with no back up, no escape route, and no weapon.
While outwardly appearing the picture of perfect calm, inside her heart was racing. With all the stress of the last 2 weeks, she didn't think she'd have the strength to use the Minbari techniques she'd learned for setting up false mental images to avoid a scan. Book open, hands gripping it tightly she sent up a prayer to the same Universe whom she was pretty sure orchestrated this entire situation to begin with and prepared for a different meditation. This one she really wasn't sure about. To be honest, she couldn't be sure about any of them as she hadn't been in a position to test them. {Well, its about to change now.}
As if sensing a change in his target, the young man who had been following her all day watched closer. Imperceptible to most, he's sure he saw her back tense. Yes, some crackling of energy in the air. He watched as her eyes seemed to register confirmation as something familiar but unwelcome caught her attention. Following her brief gaze he saw it, Psi Cops directly in her line of sight. He'd heard about her, read her file briefly. There wasn't anyone in Earth Force who didn't know how she felt about the Psi Corps or telepaths in general. Wondering what she would do, he watched her. She wasn't angry—she was nervous. And that's when he saw her let go of the choke hold around the book and reach into the bag to her left. Human, Earth Force Commander, Susan Ivanova pulled out a blood red strip of cloth with delicate gold, silver, and deep blue embroidery running the length of each side. There in the middle were Minbari script following the path of the design.
He sat transfixed by what he alone was seeing fore at the angle she'd positioned herself, no one but he could see her fully. He watched her touch the fabric with reverence several times and perhaps for a bit of strength. Then she began... praying? Well, if she were Minbari he'd have said yes, she was praying. But, the woman he was watching was most definitely not Minbari. No, this couldn't be right. Not from everything said and written about her. Her only tie to Minbar was Jeffery Sinclair and she hadn't seen him in 6 months.
He watched her openly without reservation while taking in as many details as possible. Then it hit him with the full force of wonder. She was performing F'hursna Na'Rek. She was separating mind, spirit and soul from her body. She was still, lifeless but sitting up straight in her seat, head bowed. From the far off, vacant look in her eyes, Susan Ivanova was long gone from this transport to Kintari 5, only her shell of a body remained.
He couldn't believe it . Sure he'd heard about it, was seeing it with his own eyes. But he couldn't believe it. The question was why. From what he'd heard it was extremely difficult and a transport shuttle was hardly the place to attempt something like this. It required quiet open space with no disruptions. She had none of that here. It was also dangerous to attempt if one wasn't trained properly or had a second there to help the transition of getting the soul back into the body. She had none of these things either, from what he could tell. So what would cause her to attempt such a thing? She would either have to be crazy, which he was fairly certain she was not. Or desperate. What could make her that desperate?
And then his head turned again as his eyes fixed on the gruesome sight of 6 Psi Cops off to one side talking quietly amongst themselves. Yeah, she was desperate. That could only mean one thing. [Who would have ever thought, Commander Susan Ivanova was a rouge telepath! Talk about hiding in plain sight] Then he realized that his job just got a little harder. So far she hadn't picked him up, but she had been wary earlier. Perhaps she assumed it was the Psi Cops. Then he started thinking about the situation pragmatically. It would be worth a lot of money for some people to find her. Its no secret about her interactions with Alfred Bester. [Yes, things are a lot more complicated now.]
All signs of professionalism pretty much went out the window once he realized Ivanova was performing F'hursna Na'Rek. On a public transport!!! They'd never believe him. He had no idea how he was going word that in his report. Then he thought about it and realized that he wouldn't be reporting any of this information. It was her secret, he wouldn't tell.
{Its just like being out in a Starfury. Weightless, quiet, free. This feels unbelievable. It worked!} Susan's out of body experience was giving her a stream of consciousness thought process but she really didn't care. That is, until she remembered that she was on a transport in space and not in the privacy of her quarters. {Hope there aren't any soul hunters around or I'm cooked. Well, in the mean time I'll just look around. Yep, the Psi Cops recognized me. Apparently I'm at the top of Bester's love to hate list and these are his loyal minions. Great!} Three hours later, Susan realized that the ship would be docking soon and she would have to begin the reintegration process.
After debarking Susan remembered that in her haste to get off Babylon 5 she would now have to wait several hours for Jeff's aide to pick her up. She only had the one book to read and the trip to Minbar would be 7 hours at top speed. The number one thing on her list: stay away from Psi Cops. For this, she'd reduce the chances of that happening by going someplace distinctly non human. She didn't have the stomach for dealing with Pak'Ma' Ra and Drazi weren't at the top of her list at the moment. She immediately crossed off Centauri because they were the one species humans generally felt less threatened by and more willing to socialize with. {Damn! Where's a Narn when you need one???}
And that's when she saw it. A Minbari tea house off to one corner. With Kintari 5 being so close to Minbar of course the station would be a major transfer point. That would make the tea house very welcome for weary travelers.
{Well, I doubt too many humans will be coming in here. And they certainly wouldn't start any trouble if they did. Definitely no Psi Cops would cross that threshold.}
Susan decided this would be a practice run for the next 3 weeks. Yes, she learned Minbari but she hadn't had anyone to actually speak with on a consistent basis, that was about to change. The rest of the tension she developed on the transport disappeared as a smile crossed her lips that even managed to touch her eyes and she stepped inside.
He just watched her from a far. [She's actually going in the tea house alone, he thought. Does she even speak Minbari? There is obviously more to this Susan Ivanova than her file suggests.] With that last thought he pushed the doors open and followed quietly behind her. Finding a spot to observe her actions without being seen. [Amazing, she's so off in her own world she hasn't picked up on me yet. Of course, if I'd done what she did earlier, I doubt if I'd know my own name right about now, let alone be able to pick up a tail.]
After speaking with the hostess and explaining that she'd never participated in a tea ceremony or any other customs with Minbari, Susan was graciously shown over to a table with some younger members of the Worker caste about her age and invited to join them. She was excited about the invitation and it clearly showed on her face. Her inclusion caused a few heads to turn of Religious, Warrior, and some older Worker caste members who were scattered about. But when she began thanking them for the invitation in perfect Lennan,Worker caste dialect, others were openly staring.
It wasn't like they'd never heard humans speak Minbari. No, in fact there were many humans of late learning their languages and some customs. That, they could do nothing about. And however much they understood the practical reasons it still grated on some of their nerves. But it was obvious by her dress and demeanor that she was not one of them. Merely and Earther. The ceremony actually lasted 3 hours and not only was Susan stuffed by the end, but she felt happy. Afterwards she was introduced to a few late comers and managed to find a seat in the mist of a Minbari philosophy discussion by Religious caste members. She didn't speak as she knew that would be considered rude, but she listened with rapt attention.
Susan wasn't stupid, she was a curiosity to them. {All Minbari aren't like Delenn and Lennier, many will hate you on sight.} That's what she told herself before leaving Babylon 5, but the truth was she didn't care. 2 hours later she excused herself from the group thanking them for allowing her to learn in perfect Andorando once again causing a few eyes to narrow. But the truth is that most of those watching her during the discussion couldn't find fault no matter how hard they tried. The expression on her face the entire time she followed the debate was like that of a child seeing new wonders for the first time. And in a way, she was. The man who trailed her every move since she headed out of Blue sector for Medlab at 05:30 station time was surprised again.
Five hours after arriving at the Kintari space station, she was met by a tall Minbari male at the area Jeff had instructed her to wait. She acknowledged him with the traditional Minbari greeting as she'd watched Lennier and Delenn do many times. To say he was not expecting it was an understatement but he quickly recovered and introduced himself as Fannol. After several moments of simply staring at his brooch with intensity she shifted her gaze to his eyes, seeming to look straight into his soul. Then she broke the inspection and asked in Andorando if they were ready.
Fannol was taken aback by—whatever just happened. She seemed pleasant enough and in a good mood. [Perhaps the next 7 hours will not be so bad.] Fannol had read her file as well. He really didn't know what to expect. He also didn't question Ambassador Sinclair when he assigned him this seemingly covert mission of picking up Commander Ivanova of Babylon 5. For her part, Susan didn't comment on the likelihood of Earth Gov approving or even authorizing Jeff to select a Minbari citizen as an aide. {Ok Jeff, what have you gotten yourself into?}
The ship was good size and sturdy with a crew of about 20. Susan noticed that they were all dressed like Fannol but it was a uniform she'd never seen before. {What am I missing? All of them Minbari. Do they all work for Jeff? Or is something else going on? I'm going with option B 'cause this is Minbar we're talking about and nothing is ever as it seems.} Susan always knew what was happening on her station. She'd become accustomed to having all the available information and was determined that she would in this situation as well. As much as she complained about Garibaldi, she was exactly the same. Nothing got by her.
She wasn't offered a tour of the ship so when she was shown to the bunk room she asked if she could work a bridge station. The last thing she wanted was to be shut up in a room when their were other Minbari to practice her language skills on. {I think a little of Garibaldi's bloodhound has rubbed off on me. There's something I don't know about and that is about to change.} Most unusual request but she was Sinclair's second in command and a noted pilot. After a brief moment of hesitation, Fannol suggested she take the secondary tactical. This caused a few heads to rise slightly. [Who knew she spoke Minbari?]
The flight to Minbar was boring. More happened between C&C and the mess hall. She did pick up a few interesting tid bits of information during that time. It was her understanding that castes did not mingle or socialize and that the Workers were usually at the bottom of the pile. But here Susan stood on the bridge in between both Worker and Religious caste members serving on the same ship. {Hmm. Not a Warrior in sight} She kept the observations to herself, but her brain was working over time. Cataloging and filing away information for later use. {This is definitely one time having total memory recall comes in handy.}
Her ride to the planet's orbital docking ring appeared to extend to door to door service because Fannol and 5 other members of the crew were personally delivering her to the Ambassador. She tried to explain that it wouldn't be necessary and she'd find her own way but they wouldn't hear of it. She had the distinct impression that her escorts were more guards than good Samaritans. By the time they had made their way to the city of Tuzanor where the Embassy was located, Susan was tired. She'd been awake since 02:00 that morning and with all the time changes, she'd had more than a 24 hour day. And yet, she knew she would not sleep until she saw her friend in person at last.
Susan wasn't exactly sure what she expected by way of embassy, she'd seen plenty of them on Earth. She had no other word to describe the building (buildings since there seemed to be several) they were approaching as anything other than a crystal palace. Purples, blues, translucent colors that couldn't actually be described only viewed. Beautiful. {Minbari sure know how to make something functional aesthetically pleasing} It was a work of art.
It was barely mid morning in Tuzanor but there seemed to be a flourish of activity everywhere. Minbari and a handful of humans could be seen around the embassy moving with purpose, precision and grace. It reminded her of something she couldn't focus her mind on. A perception rather than a memory. All of them were wearing the same uniform. {The Academy! They seem like cadets. If I didn't know better, Jeff, I'd say you have your own private army here.}
That thought made her stop in her tracks. Silently she stood there while the pieces began to click into place. Oh, she was missing some things, probably some very important things, but she was getting a pretty clear picture. The guards simply stood watching her for several minutes until someone stepped to assist her but she would have none of that. Gently shaking off the proffered arm, she wasn't having any of that.
Commander Susan Ivanova cast out her full powers of observation and military training as her gaze swept over the lawns, walk ways, and bridges connecting the buildings. She saw humans (very few but still humans) and she saw Minbari. Quite a bit more than ought to willingly be associating with the Earth Ambassador. Especially considering what she learned of him being framed for murder just after arriving and being put on trial. No, people don't change their minds in 6 months when they've had over 10 years and still refused. She also didn't see anyone she could remotely classify as a civilian other than herself. Ivanova did a complete 360 degree survey of everything and everyone in her purview.
Evidently she was making Fannol and company a bit nervous and they watched her take everything in as they walked further into the main building. She was several yards ahead of her "escorts" so she felt relatively safe in her next course of action. Ivanova whirled around taking them collectively by surprise in an offensive combat maneuver complete with battle cry and then simply stood there. Facial expression as demure as any Religious caste acolyte, hands folded in deference to traditional Minbari style. {Now let's see what's really going on here. And hopefully I'll have proof that the body doesn't always catch up with the brain.} As one they each made some defensive move and withdrew a small cylinder object from their capes, released it into what she imagined was a 5 foot fighting stick in each of their hands and aimed them at her.
Gasps could be heard from throughout the great hall they'd just entered. Fannol and company were just starting to realize that they'd turned their weapons on the Ambassador's friend and guest. Then they realized they had an audience—a rather large audience. Then Fannol caught Susan's eye and realized he'd been tricked into revealing himself. He noted that she barely managed to conjure up a remorseful expression but the twinkle in her eyes robbed him of even that. Fannol was not amused. He wasn't angry but he certainly found no humor in the situation. In what seemed the greatest act of insolence or peace offering (depending on the view) Susan Ivanova winked at Fannol then bowed graciously. He couldn't help himself, and before he realized it he was returning both gestures.
"Susan Ivanova, that's hardly playing nice." The voice was a balm to her wounded spirit and she turned around in a flash as he gathered up his friend in a tender embrace that bespoke of kinship, family, and unconditional love and trust. It was touching to most who had the grace to avert their eyes after the initial flurry or pretended to anyway.
"Jeff." That was all she said as she leaned on her friend burying her face against his chest. And then she erupted. Little chuckles could be heard from her at first, leading to a snort, which in turn gave way to a full bodied laugh. She felt Jeff's laugh as well as they both turned a looked on Fannol and company at once. They looked like they were headed for the guillotine or whatever the Minbari version of that would be.
"Fannol, its alright. I should have warned you about her. She's a hard person to conceal anything from. You performed well. I thank you for delivering her safely to me." With those words Sinclair bowed to Fannol and the others. They could say little of anything as the entire situation was one they had never anticipated or encountered previously so they simply bowed and left.
Two others were fortunate enough to watch the entire build up as Susan exited the ground transport and began making observations of the embassy and grounds. They saw and recorded her actions and reactions during the entire 15 minutes as they studied the hidden surveillance cameras. They were still trying to determine what to make of this Commander Ivanova. But if her actions in drawing out Fannol were anything to judge by, she was definitely a potential.
"How was your trip?"
"Long, I haven't been to sleep since we spoke but now I'm kinda wired."
"Did you have any problems convincing Stephen to sign off on leave?" Sinclair enquired as he snatched up her back pack with one hand while guiding her along with the other.
"No, ok want to hear the really weird thing? After we talked I got packed and ready then found him in Medlab. At 05:30, surgeries last night or something he works too hard. Anyway, he already had leave papers drawn up Jeff. He said he was waiting for me to tell him a date so he could sign them. He knew."
"Stephens a good friend and an excellent doctor. Wait, what do you mean he knew?"
"I can't explain it Jeff, you had to be there but I swear in a instant his eyes held all the mystical knowledge of the ancients when he said that the soul and spirit needed attending. It was just weird, but not scary at all. And when he touched my hand its like... I could hear the song."
This caused Sinclair to whip around in a frantic motion that took Susan completely by surprise. "What did you say?"
"Uh, not scary, Stephen kind, understanding."
"No Susan, that last part."
"Oh, I just said I could hear the song with Stephen. What aren't you telling me and why do you look scared?"
"Not scared just surprised and deep in thought. Stephen spoke about the soul and the spirit?"
"Yes, he didn't ask me what was wrong. He told me that it wasn't physical or mental but that it was the soul and the spirit that I needed to heal." Susan stopped walking and looked around to insure they were alone. "I wouldn't admit this to anyone else..." Susan's words trailed off as she appeared to struggle deciding whether to voice her thoughts.
"Jeff, I'm certain Stephen is empathic."
"And that doesn't scare you away from him?"
"No, why should it?"
"Should I mentioned Talia Winters and your behavior towards her and every other person with Psi abilities? Now you're alright with Stephen's?"
"Ok, first Stephen ISN'T in Psi Corp which is where my problem with Psi abilities lay."
"Uh huh. And denial isn't just a river in Egypt. I suppose you have some swamp land in Florida that you'll give me a good deal on?"
"Alright, we'll talk. We need to anyway so we might as well clear that up. For now, let's just say I wouldn't have told anyone else about Stephen. If he's managed to hide this long, they weren't meant to touch him."
"Trust me Susan, they won't hear anything from me. What do you want to do first?"
"Well, I know you're the big bad important ambassador now and probably don't have too much time so I'll keep myself busy. Shopping first."
"Its been a few months since we've seen each other, but did you really just tell me YOU want to go shopping?"
"Don't want to, have to. As you can see from my bag there, it isn't really enough for 3 weeks."
"Susan, this is your only bag???"
"Don't laugh. When I went to pack I found out what I'm wearing is all the civilian clothes I have. Except for my jammies and I don't think you want me parading around in those."
Sinclair couldn't help but laugh at this truly classic Ivanova admission. Trust her not to realize she was always in uniform. [Hmm. Perhaps this is the opening I've been waiting for.]
"Susan, fashion sense is a bit different here."
"Jeff, I noticed your robes as soon as I turned around."
"Yeah, one of many things that have changed Susan, one of many. If you don't have any objection, I could arrange for some Minbari clothes for you to wear while here and a few more special pieces to take back to the station."
"Jeff that would be wonderful but I can't ask you to go to any trouble for me. Simply because I don't know how to stop being the job and live in the real world—or at least dress like it."
"Really Susan, it's no trouble at all. Consider it a gift."
"Now I feel awful. I was in such a hurry to get off the station before Garibaldi found out I was taking leave, I didn't bring you anything." That caused them both to smile wickedly knowing at that very moment Michael Garibaldi was probably pulling out what was left of his hair trying to figure out what Susan was up to. {Poor Stephan.}
All the time they were walking, Sinclair lead her through the vast building down corridors to what would be her room during the visit.
"We're here. I hope you like it."
"Jeff, what did you do, this is like the Presidential suite or something! It's too much."
"Hold that thought. You might not feel the same way once you've seen were you sleep."
" Ah yes, Minbari beds. Not a shocker. Stephen ordered two special beds in Medlab, just in case, for Delenn & Lennier. I really don't care where I sleep, I'm just happy to be here." Susan's words were much quieter at the end and Sinclair turned to look at her intensely.
She looked a lot better now than she had when they spoke hours ago but something about her was different than when he saw her last on Babylon 5. Susan turned under his watchful eye and put a hand on his arm.
"Jeff, don't worry about me. I will be alright and I will find out what's going on. I just need a little peace." Her smile was genuine if a bit distant.
"So, do you want to talk now or take a tour of the place? I think you got a pretty good look on arrival so you probably have a few questions for me."
"Let's start with the easy stuff. I'm not ready to take a nap though I am tired and will need one soon to make up for well, the last 2 weeks. The sun is shining and I haven't walked in the sunshine in years. But I really want to get out of these clothes. Sooooo..."
"Hint taken." Sinclair laughed at her gentle prodding. "I'll have someone send up some things for you right away."
As Sinclair moved to the com panel to arrange for her clothes, she noted absently that he spoke in Lennan but she made no mention of it. This gave her the chance to look around more.
"Real water shower. Ok, so they expect humans or at least non Minbari to stay in these rooms."
"Did you say something Susan?"
"Nope, just commenting on the lavishness of my vacation resort. Jeff, I know you've probably got meetings and a lot of work to do since it is the middle of the day, don't mind me. Like I said, I want a shower, clean clothes and to take a walk and sit in the sunshine for a little while."
She paused for a pointed moment to convey her new found understanding, limited as it may be, about her surroundings before speaking. Looking him straight in the eye she continued,
"I'm assuming that there are restricted areas, considering that this is the EA Embassy." Treading on the bonds of their friendship she didn't wait for him to interrupt. "I'll assume you've arranged for me to have a-----guide escort me around when you're unavailable."
Jeffery Sinclair said not one word while his former second in command navigated unfamiliar waters. He was impressed by her perceptiveness and her attempt to make things easier for him. His neutral mask slipped just a little as the corners of his mouth twitched up a bit. Susan either did not notice or as he more accurately suspected, chose not to.
"Yes, there are restricted areas and matters of security. As my personal guest, I have informed all embassy personnel of your presence and they will each do everything possible to make your stay more comfortable."
{Ah, Jeff. You're trying to make me say it. Well, it takes two to dance, shall we Tango?}
Turning about the room slightly; Susan adopted an air of nonchalance he hadn't thought she possessed. [Where is my brash, headstrong, impatient XO?] Picking up the threads he discreetly left for her she blazed on.
"Well, this place looks huge. I've spent so much time on the station I know it like the back of my hand but I'd probably spend too much time getting lost around here."
"It has been known to happen to some of our guests from time to time."
"I figured as much. You know, Jeff, I was thinking if you assigned one or two people to stick pretty close to me while I'm here it would cut down on the hassle. Probably make your life easier not wondering where I'd managed to loose myself."
[How I've missed this kind of light hearted banter. Its so much more entertaining than the usual cat and mouse games I am forced into on a daily basis. Alright Susan, I'm playing.]
"Well, if you're sure, it wouldn't be a problem for me to make the arrangements. There are one or two human females on staff I could contact." He stood up and walked around the room randomly.
{So, you're upping the ante, Jeff. I've still got your number.}
"A guide is a guide right, Jeff. They don't need to be human and how many females have you ever seen me with? I'm not really one for girl talk. You know the four closest people to me in the universe are guys."
"Hmm. There are more Minbari working here due to logistics at present. If you don't mind, that is."
{I've REALLY missed this guy!}
"Of course I don't mind. In fact, if he's available, Fannol and I seemed to have already developed a—rapport. It would give me a chance to make things up to him." At this, Susan couldn't help the smirk gracing her features. {Twisted, I know. But some times I just can't say no to the devil on my shoulder.}
The door chimed and a young Minbari female entered bringing a large parcel that Susan assumed contained the clothes she would wear. Sinclair made a move to collect the items and the young woman bowed to him, eyes averted, in a greater manner of deference than she'd seen Lennier give Delenn. {Better and better. Time to even the score.}
Susan turned to the woman and in perfect Lennan said, "I am Susan Ivanova. These robes are beautiful. Thank you for your graciousness." With that, she gave the startled woman the traditional Minbari bow fingers clasped in an upward triangle. Recovering not so quickly as to go unnoticed, the woman returned her bow and hurried from the room. {Yes, Jeff, we've both changed. I can identify bone crest carvings too.}
For a full minute Jeffery Sinclair said nothing. He simply looked at his friend. Searching for something much like he did during their interstellar conversation earlier. Susan did not flinch or look away. She met his gaze and waited for him to finish his assessment. Presumably satisfied with what he found, he smiled softly and opened his arms to her. Susan needed no more encouragement and went willingly. Holding on for dear life, Earth Force Commander Susan Ivanova, second in command of Babylon 5, did what she'd been wanting to do since she first placed the call. She cried. He did not let go. Did not attempt to quiet or stay the tears. She buried her head closer to his chest and allowed the feeling of vulnerability to run its course. 15 minutes later she had no more tears to shed and the tremors lessened of their own accord.
Only then did he reach down and lift her head. He spoke four words quietly but the intensity of his gaze and the force of his words echoed through her very soul,
"We'll figure it out."
That was all she needed to hear. And even if the nightmares continued, she would know a few moments of peace. Pulling a way with some degree of regret once she felt the loss of physical contact she nodded with new confidence. He told her to try and get some rest after her walk and he would contact her later for dinner. She then proceeded to shoo him off to work so she could take a much needed shower and change.
As the doors closed behind him, she inclined her head slightly. In Andorando she said, "And so it begins."
The large Minbari on the left switched off the monitor in Susan's greeting room, removed the data crystal that recorded the 45 minute exchange between Sinclair and Ivanova and disconnected the feed. He turned to the other and raised his hand to stop the speech he new was coming. In Vik, Warrior caste dialect, "We have seen enough. This one is ours. Her place is secure." His companion could not argue the validity of the statement no matter how much he felt required to for form sake. Susan Ivanova was home.
MEANWHILE BACK AT THE FARM:
"For the last time, Michael, no."
"Look Stephen, you have to admit the whole thing is a little strange. Strange is my job around here so you're gonna have to give me something."
Stephen shrugged mentally. [Strange isn't your job its your middle name.] In response to the narrowed eyes focused on him he took a deep cleansing breath and started again.
"Michael, you are the Chief of Security. I am the Chief Medical Officer, this is not your concern."
Taking a different approach, Garibaldi sauntered (yes, he sauntered) around the room and propped himself on the side of the captain's desk. Stephen didn't say it out loud but he couldn't help wondering about Garibaldi's new approach. [Good cop or bad cop?]
"Alright Stephen, technically it really isn't my concern as far as the job goes. But, Ivanova is my friend. This isn't like her and it isn't like you. I ate dinner with her last night. The three of us sat with her during dinner and nothing was wrong with her then. Now, all of a sudden, you put her on Medical Leave—and still have all your internal organs I might add. Then she sneaks off the station without a word to anyone. Oops, anyone except yourself. You knew she was leaving!"
By now Stephen Franklin summoned all his powers of patience and tapped into his spiritual center to ward off the massive assault on his frontal lobe. In that moment he knew with certainty that he cared for Susan Ivanova as dearly as his own sister for voluntarily subjecting himself to this abuse on his central nervous system. The long suffering sigh barely escaping his lips was the only indication he was annoyed.
Captain John Sheridan felt the same as Garibaldi and had attacked Stephen much the same way earlier then sat back to watch the scene unfold between the two men. It was obvious Stephen knew exactly what was going on but was not going to budge. Silently, Sheridan reviewed his options for making the doctor talk and couldn't really find one short of issuing a direct order. Even then he knew he was on shaky ground. Captain Sheridan may be the commanding officer of Babylon 5 but in certain matters Franklin out ranked him as CMO. This appeared to be one of them.
"Gentleman, let's relax a bit. Stephen, no one's questioning your authority or motives for putting Ivanova on medical leave."
A raised eyebrow and questioning look was all the captain got in response. [Ok, we might have been a bit harsh.]
"Captain, do the words 'doctor patient confidentiality' mean anything to you?"
Sheridan had the good grace to adopt a sheepish expression but barreled on. "I've known Susan almost 10 years and I care about her deeply. This isn't like her. Even if the reasons for leave are none of our business, her up & leaving without even telling me–well that just makes me think something more is going on here. We're just concerned."
"Noted, you can tell her yourself in 3 weeks because that's when she returns to duty."
Michael Garibaldi decided it was time to unleash the bloodhound. Nothing got by him and Ivanova's little disappearing act was starting to really bug him.
"Kintari 5 is a resort planet."
At this, both the captain and doctor looked at Garibaldi. The captain in confusion, the doctor without a trace of emotion. He continued in his best courtroom drama persona in a manner that would make even the great Perry Mason proud.
"Well, according to station logs, she boarded a transport to Kintari 5. I suppose we all need fresh air and sunshine every once and a while." [Take the bait Stephen. Dammit, I hate when he goes all Zen quiet!]
The captain's wheels started spinning at this new piece of information. He was a little ticked that Michael waited until now to reveal it.
After all he got was silence and stares [Captain knows nothing. Stephen can't read worth a damn.] Garibaldi continued,
"Yeah, seems that after she left your office–gotta love secure cams–she headed back to Blue sector, then went straight the departure area an bought a ticket on a ship that was about to leave. Funny thing is, she already had a ticket for a ship leaving at noon. So, I'm wondering why the rush. Obviously she was going but it wasn't until after speaking with you that she changed her plans."
Stephen Franklin felt the steady gaze of two intense pair of eyes on him long before he actually saw them. [Michael Garibaldi was good, very good and in a pinch he's the one person I'd really love to have digging up the truth. This is not one of those times.] Still, he said nothing.
Sheridan was fighting a losing internal battle not to scream. [Stephen really is a pain in the ass. Not even the Dali Lama was that still or that quiet when I met him. Garibaldi was right, Stephen is a little too Zen some times.] The captain had enough at this point.
"Stephen, what's going on!"
"As I stated earlier and from the report I forwarded you over an hour ago, you can see that as CMO I placed Commander Susan Ivanova on medical leave for 3 weeks."
[Cooler heads are needed, I'm the captain. Can't loose control.]
"Point taken Stephen, just so I don't worry any more than I know I will for the next 3 weeks could you tell me something?" Racing to stop the doctor from lecturing him on the nature of doctor patient privilege,
"It's just that this is Susan we're talking about and she never takes leave of any kind. I checked she's never taken time off her entire time in Earth Force. Now this. It scares me to think she was sick or in pain and I didn't notice. Maybe I pushed her too hard or took advantage of her when she should have been resting. I.....will she be alright?"
Stephen looked at the captain, really looked. His last sentence had been so soft he might have missed it if they weren't standing so close in the office. It was also his undoing. Pain was never something Stephen Franklin inflicted on anyone. He didn't relish being the cause of it no matter how indirectly. After chancing a glance at Garibaldi he could see the captain's sentiments mirrored there as well. He'd already made peace with the slight misdirection [read lie] he was going to give his friends. Hopefully, this would end the matter completely.
"John, Michael. I know you're worried and confused but there wasn't anything either of you could have done. Susan will be back in 3 weeks. As for the nature of her leave; I still can't and won't give ANY details or specifics other than what I included in my report. On a personal level I'll just say that as much as we tend to forget, Susan is a woman. And some times—women have—special medical issues. This should be considered one of those times."
There were very few instances in his life when Stephen Franklin wished he had a vid cam strapped to his belt, this was definitely one of them. The silence in the room was deafening, the expressions priceless. His fellow officers who had just spent over an hour brow beating him had fallen into awkwardness and their discomfort was apparent.
Captain Sheridan recovered more quickly than Garibaldi, who seemed to have trouble processing the revelation that Susan Ivanova was in fact a woman.
"Well, uh Stephen in that case, we uh really don't need anymore information. Um, there's really no need to mention this to uh Susan when she returns. Just consider the matter dropped. Now if you both will excuse me I think I have to speak to—G'Kar. Yes, that's it."
Eyes wide, face contorted in mass confusion, Michael Garibaldi just stood there unable to get past what he'd heard. That wasn't something he expected to hear. [Nope, wasn't prepared for that at all.] As he beat a hasty retreat from the captain's office Stephen heard him mutter,
"Female problems? Definitely not a security issue."
In a moment of pure self indulgent wickedness that Stephen rarely allowed himself, he beamed. "For once, I'm the first person around here to know something and I know everything!"
After a relaxing and much needed hot shower, Susan took a few minutes to inspect the clothes Jeff had sent over for her. The colors were muted earth tones and not as ornate as some of the outfits she'd seen Ambassador Delenn wear. What caught her attention and held her fascination was the fabric.
Susan Ivanova had never been much of a clothes horse. While her mother was alive, sure she wore all the pretty and frilly dresses little girls were apt to wear. But afterward, when it was just her brother & father, her clothes tended to be a bit more on the Tomboy side. She mostly raided Ganya's closet and bought things similar to what he wore.
It wasn't that her father didn't care, its just that he'd had no real experience with little girl things. Susan was her mother's daughter right from the start. Inseparable. And while Sophie never said one word, he suspected that Susan was a telepath as well. Nothing else could account for her mother's insistence of moving her from one school to another or requiring the family pull up stakes at random times. But he never forgot the day the Psi Corp finally caught up with his Sophie. She made her husband swear two things soon after Susan was born. First, if the men in black ever came he was to take Susan away to a relative or friend's home and to make sure she was never in the house if they returned. The second was the hardest. If his wife were to be arrested or died, he had to promise to continue changing the children's schools and to send Susan away to a remote boarding school as soon as she was old enough.
Andrie Ivanova wasn't stupid in the least. His wife made him swear nothing of the sort for Ganya—he knew. And the hours Sophie spent alone with his daughter in utter quiet and seclusion was confirmation enough that his wife was probably teaching their little girl how to hide. No, Susan wasn't his from the moment she was born and after Sophie's death the door was sealed. He had no real way to reach her. Only Ganya had access. Always Ganya. [That was enough. It had to be.] And it was, until Ganya died.
Susan absently ran her hands along the fabric of her new clothes. Smiling at the thought that they were the first new clothes she had in years. Softer than anything she had ever touched, surprisingly the material didn't look much different than any other she'd seen. Oh, she had several pieces of Minbari cloth but only the ones she secretly purchased for some of the meditations and rituals she practiced. Never had she thought to buy any of the gowns or robes. This was a special treat indeed.
She went back into the bathroom to dry her hair and was about to braid in back as usual when she glanced in the mirror. {Its been so long since I was Susan, just Susan. I've forgotten who she is.} In a moment of playfulness she opted to wear her hair down. Her eyes traveled over to her make-up case and she decided to go all out. "I'm on vacation, why not." After a critical look in the mirror she was pleased with the result and went about dressing for her walk.
Two hours after arriving at the embassy, Susan stepped out of her room in a very good mood. Her face split into a huge devilish grin when she saw the person standing in the hall outside her door. {This is gonna be fun. Maybe even more fun than torturing Corwin.}
In Andorando, "Fannol, we meet again! I take it you will accompany me on my walk."
[This woman has no shame! I swore to live and die for the One, but I believe Commander Ivanova will hasten my journey across the veil!]
"Commander. It is my pleasure to take you on a tour of the grounds this afternoon. I understand from...Ambassador Sinclair you have not spent much time in the fresh air and sunshine."
{Is that hesitancy I detect? So, he's not "Ambassador Sinclair" on a regular basis. Garibaldi, don't you wish you were here!} Once again, Susan hastily dismissed her thoughts. {The Universe has been relatively mild today, no need asking for trouble.}
"Fannol, we're friends now. Please call me Susan. I hope you won't hold what happened earlier against me. As Jeff said, I'm a hard person to keep secrets from. You will soon learn that given time, I always know everything."
{Did he just shudder? Oh yes, I'm going to have BIG fun with this one.}
[Why am I here? She is certainly unlike any human female I've ever met, not that I know many. Not like other human males I've encountered either. She seems very comfortable on Minbar and found a place on the ship easily. In fact, she's much like the—Ambassador. Valen give me strength!]
"Com- Susan. All is...forgiven. Let us begin."
They fell into an easy stride together once Susan commented that guides usually walk next to their charges while guards tended to walk behind their prisoners. Fannol did not comment but moved along side her in a fluid motion. Inwardly he wondered if there was some cleansing ritual to perform after spending time with the Commander. He suspected she would leave him severely altered by the end of her visit. [This must surely be a test.]
Their stroll through the embassy's main building was educational for both of them. Susan found many of the art work and structural designs fascinating. Fannol readily answered her questions and gave details into the history and purpose behind them. Within ½ hour they were both relaxed and comfortable in each other's company. His curiosity was piqued by her command of Andorando but when she addressed a Worker they passed along one of the corridors in Lennan, he finally gave in and asked the question which burned in him since their meeting at Kintari.
"Susan. Your command of Minbari is impressive. You speak as if you were born to it. I assume with— Ambassador Delenn and her aide on Babylon 5 that is where you learned Andorando, but how is it that you have come to know Lennan?"
{Again with the hesitancy. Is the word Ambassador that strange? No, I always suspected Delenn wasn't what she appeared to be. There's something more.}
"Actually, I didn't learn from Delenn or Lennier. I'm pretty sure neither of them knows I speak any dialect of Minbari."
Fannol turned to Susan his inquisitive look her only clue to continue.
"I taught myself."
Nonplused, Fannol abandoned Minbari etiquette when he stopped an stared at the Commander with narrowed eyes. {Ok, evidently, that doesn't happen a lot.}
"It's not really that big of a deal Fannol. I speak several Earth languages as well. It's just something I'm pretty good with. At times. It's no big deal."
Fannol processed this bit of information and filed it away. [Yes, there is more to Susan Ivanova than I originally suspected. Of course her peculiar behavior earlier and that mock attack in the great hall should have confirmed it.]
They continued outside the embassy, "As you say Susan."
Fannol led them into what Susan could only describe as the Garden of Eden. Lush, colorful, virile, this was a place for the living. Susan's breath caught and her face betrayed her wonder and pleasure at what she was seeing. "It's beautiful" was all she managed to gasp.
Sensing that she needed time to herself, Fannol stepped back and watched her movements in silent sentry. He noted how her eyes began to mist and he distinctly heard a broken sob as she slowly absorbed her surroundings. Fannol was determined to make no sound lest he disturb her reverie. Susan slipped off her flat sandals that were included with her clothes and walked the garden in her bare feet. She was so enthraled by this experience that she was completely unaware of anything or anyone else. Time stood still. There was nothing in her world except for what she could see, smell and touch immediately.
From a distant corner of an upper walkway the two men who had taken it upon themselves to observe her in secret were joined by another. Jeffery Sinclair watched his friend silently for a few minutes before turning to his companions.
"Sechs Turval and Durhan. You have taken an interest in my young friend." His voice held no malice, contempt or curiosity. He was merely offering a statement.
"Entil'Zha." Sech Turval began then stopped as he was unsure just how much the Entil'Zha knew.
"Yes, Turval. I know." [Hmm, Susan isn't the only one who's good at uncovering secrets.]
Turval began anew. "We had no intention of encroaching on your privacy it is simply that when a communication came in from Babylon 5 at that hour without the codes assigned for Satai Delenn or Mr. Garibaldi we were—concerned."
Sinclair allowed those words and the meaning behind them to settle before continuing.
"The security cameras in her rooms have been removed."
[How does the Entil'Zha know these things! Valen, give me strength.]
Sech Durhan answered for Turval who seemed to be in shock, "Yes, Entil'Zha."
"The data crystals are in a safe place?"
At this, even the intimidating, unflappable and highly reserved Durhan found that his composure slipped-badly. Nevertheless, he continued as if he had not been caught. "Of course, Entil'Zha."
Sinclair nodded absently and returned his attention to Susan down in the garden. [She has changed. She is changing. We have 3 weeks. Time enough for both of us to come clean with the other. But, what will I do about the nightmares? We must speak of her dreams. She said she needed peace. May she find it here.]
In her wanderings Susan came across a Blessing Stone mounted on what appeared to be an alter of a delicately carved thick slab of crystal. Truly it was no bigger than a bread box as the saying goes. She had seen pictures of these in her studies. She knew it was a Minbari tradition to offer up a prayer to Valen for serenity and strength in purpose. Susan silently contemplated the situation for a few moments. She was in desperate need of peace, she already practiced every form of meditation from the Religious caste that she could find information on and learn.
{Why not? It must work for the Minbari they are the most tranquil people I've ever met. Ok, not the Warriors but they've got issues so that doesn't count. They can't arrest me for praying can they? I hope Jeff's got bail money.}
In the 5 seconds it took Susan to reach her decision she had unconsciously dropped to her knees in front of the alter. She knew the words. She knew the movements. Learning had never been difficult for Susan because of her eidetic memory. Trust, hope, and vulnerability were her weaknesses so she'd learned long ago to turn them into enemies. Yet, here she was about to open herself up to them. {Valen help me} she found herself thinking.
Fannol watched Susan for some time as she strolled through the garden, stopping here and there to get a better look at some plant or smell a flower. He thought he was hallucinating after awhile because it seemed like she was merging with her surroundings, taking them into herself. [Foolish, that is not possible!] Yet he could not deny the sense of oneness she seemed to have adopted here. She exuded a manner of calm he found intriguing. And then he saw her approach the Mineria alter. He had sworn not to interrupt her earlier, but this was different. She couldn't know that she was approaching something holy. Desecration, no matter how unintentional could not be allowed.
At the same time Fannol was mentally preparing his course of action, the three men above watched in anticipation as well. Turval and Durhan, still unsure of what to make of the human female, harbored thoughts congruous with Fannol though Durhan's were more scathing in nature. Sinclair merely watched with concern knowing the thoughts of the others just as well as he knew Susan's natural curiosity. He had no idea if she would simply note it as another delight in the garden or if she would be compelled by its uniqueness to investigate. He had no clue what form her 'investigation' would take or if it would lead to a diplomatic incident. Yet, he watched.
All four men were, well there was no other word to describe it other than stunned as they stared collective mouths agape as Commander Susan Ivanova bent to her knees and began performing the Mineria. None knew what to make of it, especially Sinclair. [Is that truly my Susan?]
Turval and Durhan were less composed but none the less in sync as they both gasped, "In Valen's name" simultaneously. [How does this human know our ways?] Fannol maintained his vow of self imposed silence out of the strictest of discipline but his awe could not be shuttered from his face. [Who are you, Susan Ivanova?]
Completely oblivious to her captive audience Susan finished her prayer to Valen and stood slowly. She felt even better than before, if not a bit tired as 'jet lag' firmly set in. But, somehow she knew Valen had heard her entreaty for serenity and strength of purpose even if the Universe would not. Brushing off her robe she turned toward Fannol and started back. Once she reached him she slipped her sandals on and caught his eye.
"Fannol, I think all my traveling has caught up with me finally and I'm too tired to see anything else. Will you show be back to my room?"
Barely recovered from the sights of the afternoon, all he could do was nod in agreement. When he held out his arm to her, she did not refuse him and they took the shorter way back.
Desperately trying to make sense of this woman while contemplating the things he'd heard her say during their covert monitoring; Durhan turned to Sinclair and in as humble a way as he could accused,
"Entil'Zha, she is your student."
This was enough to snap Turval out of his haze as he too turned to the Entil'Zha for understanding of what he'd witnessed.
"No, Susan and I have never spoken of Minbari customs, faith, or practices ever. I did not even know she spoke Lennan until this morning."
Durhan was not satisfied. "I spoke to Fannol after the—incident in the Great Hall on her arrival. He says that instead of resting during the journey she asked to man a bridge station."
"That doesn't surprise me Sech Durhan. Susan is well trained, she's also an excellent pilot. You forget, she was my second. I know her abilities."
Not willing to be dissuaded Durhan continued, "Yes, but Fannol said that she greeted him in fluent Andorando at the Kintari station and that she continued to speak the same throughout the trip."
This was news to Jeff. [Lennan and Andorando. We have a lot to talk about Susan.]
"Durhan, I do not know what you want me to say. Susan is not my student and never was. She has changed much since the last time I saw her but many of these changes did not happen suddenly over the last 6 months. She has always been a private person, perhaps too private for her own good. Many of the things you see in her, I believe have been there for some time, at least since she first arrived on Babylon 5."
Turval finally found his voice, "If this is so, how did you not realize it when you were on the station together Entil'Zha?"
"As I said, Susan has always been an extremely private person. I believe if we had traveled to Babylon 5 none of us would have seen any of these things in her. Perhaps she is not hiding anymore. Perhaps she doesn't feel that she has to hide here on Minbar. Or..."
"Yes, go on Entil'Zha."
Sinclair took a deep breath exhaling slowly and faced them both to answer Turval's question. "Or, something is forcing her out of hiding."
"The nightmares." Turval and Durhan stated at the same time.
"Yes, it is very possible. Since you monitored our conversation without our consent you both know that she practices Chak'teu Shok'vis. From what I saw over the com it appears she has mastered it. But you also had to see that she had no intention of telling me about it at all."
"I cannot deny your words Entil'Zha. It was very clear she had not realized her admission or that she automatically slipped into it when she felt herself becoming agitated."
Durhan would only yield this much, "She did seem uncomfortable at your mentioning it and I detected embarrassment and defensiveness. Though she recovered from that quickly and did not attempt to hide from you."
Sinclair absorbed the entire conversation and thought of what more he should say these men before speaking to Susan. He decided that a course of action should be agreed upon and, as his advisors, they needed to have more information.
"Sechs, Susan will need help with the nightmares she is having. It is obvious from the things she said during her call that she has a great deal of knowledge inside her that she does not understand. This may be one cause of her problem. I am certain that the terrible things she is seeing are the Shadows."
Both his companions looked on approvingly, they had at least come to the same conclusion.
"How or why they are showing up in her dreams is a mystery to me and I won't know until we sit down and talk. I am concerned that since she has had the nightmares consistently for at least the past two weeks, maybe longer, they will occur tonight as well. She may be hoping that being here will make them go away. I don't know."
During Durhan's initial questioning of Sinclair as to whether Susan was in fact his student, the men began walking back to Sinclair's private office. The one not used for EA Embassy affairs. It was here they started speculating on the course of the nightmares which caused her to seek out Sinclair's assistance and travel to Minbar. In absolute privacy they touched on the other revelations from this young woman.
Turval brought the matter home, "Entil'Zha, she has also had other dreams. Valen said that on the eve of the Shadows' return the Grey Council would be broken. He did not say by whom or how. That prophecy is not public knowledge among Minbari and definitely not known to humans. Only a select few know of those words. How do we account for this human who has never even traveled to our world before today having that knowledge? I am certain Satai Delenn never shared it with her."
"No Turval you are correct. I know Delenn would never tell her these things. Delenn and I are friends, we spent much time together on the station and she never even told me she was Satai. Nor did she share a great many things I have come to know since my arrival here."
Sinclair's last statement was a backhanded reminder to them both of his feelings on the way he was approached by the Minbari from the beginning. Firm in their resolve that it was the right course of action, Durhan and Turval at least had the decency to shift uncomfortably in their seats.
"There are any number of reasons for her having that information. She obviously doesn't know it is a secret because she shared it as if it were a trivial matter. I have my suspicions as to how she knows some things but I won't share them at this time. I will, however, caution her to speak only to me of these things now. Perhaps later I'll tell her about the two of you."
Sensing their frustration at not being able to discuss (translation: interrogate) Susan on the matter he was firm in his pronouncement. "No. She contacted me not only because of her faith in the bond of our friendship between us but because I am in her dreams. Not the two of you. I warned you earlier, Susan Ivanova is a very private person. You will get nothing from her and only succeed in driving her from Minbar and ultimately the fight. That must not be allowed."
Turval and Durhan mulled over the Entil'Zha's words and knew everything he said was true. That fact did little to squelch the urge to pursue the matter with her immediately. But they would watch, wait and make ready to intervene.
Durhan changed the subject slightly, "How is she to be helped? Should we contact a mind healer or one of the telepaths to visit her? As you say, the likelihood of her having another nightmare tonight is strong."
At the mention of mind healers and telepaths Sinclair's head shot up quickly. [Oh no, this cannot be allowed.] "Under no circumstances is a telepath or a mind healer to approach her. At no time will any telepath attempt to scan her on ANY level unless I have expressly contacted one. There is no discussion on this matter let there be no confusion."
The vehemence in Sinclair's words and the force of his steely gaze was enough to shock both men beyond anything they had heard or seen to date. Never had Entil'Zha spoken so strongly on anything. Not for even the inclusion of humans in their ranks. They met each other's eyes and knew this was a line never to be crossed. It did cause them to wonder what brought this on.
Several hours later Sinclair contacted Susan so that they could make plans for dinner. They decided to have dinner in her suite so that they could talk privately in a relaxed setting. After rousing herself, Susan headed to the closet to find something to wear. She was pleasantly surprised to discover Minbar had elves because there were many more clothes there than when she left earlier. A closer inspection showed that she had more than enough clothes for her entire stay and surmised the few extra were the special ones Jeff wanted her to take home.
Susan really couldn't explain her attitude or disposition even to herself. Ever since she left the station she felt like a new woman. With the exception of the Psi Cops on the Kintari transport, she felt wonderful ever since she first talked to Jeff and then left the station. {Hmm. I wonder if its Babylon 5 that brings me down or Minbar that lifts me up.}
Refreshed from her nap, Susan hurried to get dressed for dinner. She knew they were in for a long night. At this she started feeling some wariness and a bit of dread. She hadn't given much thought to what she would say to her friend but now that she was here the thought of opening herself up scared her.
"NO! I promised myself that I was not going to do this anymore. Its obvious I am out of my league on some things. Jeff is my friend, he wouldn't betray me. Besides, he's got a hell of a lot of secrets of his own right now. Just what are you up to my friend?"
Eventually Susan tired of debating with herself so she hopped in the shower and passed the time by singing. Loudly and off key. Only then did she realize she had been singing a Minbari hymn she found in the station's data base. She liked it because it reminded her of one of the songs her mother used to hum while cooking. At the thought of her mother her throat involuntarily constricted as it always did. She stepped out of the shower and took a few moments to clear her mind with practiced breathing. After dressing she realized she had some time before Jeff arrived so she trotted out her candles and grabbed one of the meditation pillows from the top shelf in the closet. {Gotta love Minbari hospitality.} After surveying the greeting room she settled for using the coffee table since it was most like the space she used at home.
So engrossed in the Chak'teu Shok'vis, she never heard the door chime or her visitor finally enter. What she intended to be a 15 minute session to prepare for her talk with Jeff and to wash away the residual pain from thinking of her mother lasted much longer. An hour later she disengaged her mind from the meditation only to look up startled to see Jeff sitting quietly in the chair across from her. Quickly recovering from the welcome surprise she smiled and asked him in Andorando how long he'd been waiting. Sinclair noted that she did not act embarrassed by his presence only surprised that another person entered the room without her realizing it. He also noted her perfect use of the Religious caste dialect. He responded in kind and they spoke as such for the rest of the evening.
"Not too long, about 45 minutes."
Incredulously, "45 minutes, Jeff you should have said something! I am so sorry I kept you waiting. Ivanova's horrible manners strikes again." She laughed at herself in good spirits.
"Susan, it really is alright. I wouldn't have dared to interrupt you. I did ring the entry chime for several minutes and after being assured you were inside I let myself in. I was worried so I wanted to make sure you were ok." He studied her closely but she didn't seem to mind.
"Yeah, I'm fine as you can see. That happens some times. I get a little too wrapped up in my meditations and the outside world is lost on me."
"Chak'teu Shok'vis." Again a statement.
"Yes." She did not shy away from him this time. There wasn't really any point since he caught her in the act. Plus, she was willing to give this being open thing a shot---just for that one night anyway.
Sinclair noted her reaction then asked if she'd like some tea. As Susan extinguished the candles taking them and the pillow in the other room she told him that she hadn't had any sent up but that she'd do it now.
Her friend laughed as she re-entered the room. "Susan you misunderstand. I'm not taking orders, I'm offering you what's on the table already." At this her brow furrowed and she asked how that got there.
"While you were communing on the existential level I requested it. About 20 minutes ago."
Susan smiled sheepishly and managed to squeak out a thank you. At this Sinclair laughed and rose to prepare the tea. She offered to help but he refused saying that since she'd never had Minbari tea prepared for her, he'd do his best.
"Actually Jeff, I have. I went to a tea house while I was waiting for Fannol and was invited to join in a tea ceremony with some younger members of the Worker caste."
Sinclair processed this piece of information while pouring for her. A raised eyebrow was all she got in question.
"Well, I was 5 hours early to Kintari and I sort of needed a place to hide where I figured certain humans wouldn't enter."
"Certain humans. You're going to have to do better than that as an explanation."
Gazing down at her cup as if she were trying to calculate the best way to crawl into it she steeled her resolve. Looking up at Sinclair,
"Psi Cops. There were 6 of them on the transport and I needed to make sure I stayed out of there sight lines while waiting for Fannol. So, I figured that was the last place they'd go. And what do you know, I was right!" Her attempt at humor did not mask her nervousness caused by this admission.
Sinclair was surprised. Not by her revelation, he'd started to suspect that some time ago. No, what he didn't expect was for her to admit it.
Gently but not condescendingly, "You have some things to tell me." A statement, an invitation.
"Yeah, I guess I do. First off, I "learned" on the transport that they were loyal to Bester. They recognized me so there was reason for them to watch me." Then she allowed herself a self satisfying smirk, "Bester REALLY doesn't like me."
Jeffery Sinclair had long ago mastered the art of patience. Something he developed during his time with the Jesuits both during school and after the war when he entered the monastery. He would wait for Susan to do this in her own time.
"I don't know if you are familiar with this but the Minbari have something called Nafak'Cha it's a Rebirth Ceremony. Basically, you tell someone your secret and you give something up."
[Yes, Susan, you are learning. I think you might be ready.] "I am familiar with that custom, I have even participated in a few during my time here on Minbar."
"Well, I haven't actually been invited to one, but I did read something about it awhile back. We don't have all the necessary things but the concept would be the same. I'd like to do that with you, if you don't mind."
"I don't mind. In fact, I would be honored." Sinclair was truly humbled by the trust Susan was about to place in him.
"You know about my mother. Who doesn't? Well, my mom discovered at a early age that I was a latent telepath. She spent forever teaching me how to hide, how to block scans and how to recognize when someone was scanning me so I could get away. When I was a little girl she always whispered "Tell no one. Trust no one." It was her mantra and by the time I was old enough to go to school it became mine. Watching her waste away on the sleepers was bad but when she killed herself, Valen, that was the thing that broke me on the inside. From then on, I trusted no one."
Jeff made no comment to her confession or her unconsciously invoking the name of Valen though that fact did produce a mental smile. Projecting nothing but calm, comforting feelings he continued to listen.
"Like I said earlier. My problem is with the Corp. I don't want to get caught. My reaction to humans with Psi abilities is that all of them are in the Corp and they will turn me in. I won't surrender, I won't take the sleeper drugs, and I don't want to go to prison. Those are my only three choices if anyone finds out. Anger is the best way to deflect scans, it gives them a headache. Anyway, I learned that the meaner I am, the less they even bother to try."
Susan appeared to have said all she intended on the matter but Sinclair was having none of that. Secretly, he was proud of her for letting go. But he was almost certain there was more. The true secret had yet to be revealed.
"You have something more to tell me."
{What is with this guy? He wants the whole pound of flesh. He's worse than Stephen when he goes all Zen. Is this what spending too much time around so many Minbari does to a person?}
"I'm not latent anymore." {There, are you happy now!}
"How long?"
{He's taking this awfully well. Does nothing shake him?}
"About 6 months. Really it was almost right after you left."
Sinclair patiently waited. He knew his silence was driving her nuts but he wasn't going to let her run from this. Not when she was so close.
"Alright. Geesh. I was out on a rescue mission near Sigma 957. {Oh bet that got your attention.}
I suppose you could call it a mind burst but it wasn't like anything I'd read about. No overwhelming voices in my head, no pain. Nothing. One minute I'm sitting in my Starfury running scans, listening to Alpha squad chatter on the radio and then I heard something. I broke off formation and went near the planet. It was like I was drawn there." No longer talking to Jeff, her attention was completely focused inward, on the memory.
"That's when I heard the song. The ones that G'Kar said walk near Sigma 957 were—I don't know–communicating with me. They called me over and said hi. It sounds stupid. I know but that's what happened. Then someone radioed in that we had what we came for and I had to leave. I didn't want to. The song was so beautiful. Its not really like I heard it with my ears or even in my head. This song I felt from the inside, deep in my soul. It was perfect harmony. Complete order. A few moments of utter peace Jeff."
From the moment Susan mentioned Sigma 957 she had Sinclair's complete attention. Not just for the reasons she might think. Yes, that is where Catharine managed to get herself trapped and if it weren't for G'Kar she would have died there. No, Susan just admitted that she was in direct contact with at least one of the First Ones. She couldn't possibly understand what that meant.
"When I got back to the station it took me a minute to realize I was hearing too many voices. Lots of them and they were VERY loud. I was in the pilot's changing room and I could hear thoughts from the Zocolo. That's not normal for any telepath. So, I raised the mental shields my mother taught me to create and everything was quiet. Jeff, I was so scared I could barely make it through my debriefing with the captain. John thought I was just tired an ordered me off shift. Michael was looking at me like the next great criminal caper he had to solve. Stephen only smiled."
"That's when our relationship started to change. I started unconsciously seeking him out at first. Don't get me wrong, nothing was going to get me into medlab but anywhere else was free game. I never told him about it and he never asked. I think he knows on some level. I guess he must. I told you earlier that when he touched my hand I heard the song. It was quieter, not as loud but exactly the same as what I heard at Sigma 957. That's it, no more secrets."
"Do you know your Psi rating?"
"Hello, that would have required a test and I couldn't risk it. All I know is that I don't need line of sight. All I have to do is think of the person I want to find and I can see them or hear their thoughts. But I try not to let that last part happen. I was looking all over the station for Londo once about 2 months ago—a "Narn" issue. Anyway, I got sick of trekking around so I sort of let down my shields to find him and uh, he was in one of the clubs with a Centauri pleasure girl and let's just say, BAD idea. Last time I ever tried that!"
They both laughed at that. Sinclair was truly amazed at what he'd learned—about both his friends. While he was deciding how to move to her nightmares and the reasons for them the door chimed and several Minbari walked in carrying dinner. That's when Susan realized she was starving. She hadn't eaten since the tea ceremony. Once they'd sat down to dinner Susan waited. There were many different Minbari dishes, most she'd never heard of or seen before. She had become familiar with Minbari food over the past two years and lately she'd taken to eating almost exclusively in one of the better Minbari restaurants. It was her one way of discreetly listening to conversations in Minbari and the only way she was able to work on the Lennan accent.
Jeffery Sinclair looked at his friend briefly and sensing that she was waiting for him to do what he must, he offered up a prayer of thanks and blessing for the meal in Minbari, in Valen's name. He waited for her reaction but all she did was add her assent and then ask him to explain some of the dishes. It warmed his heart. He had made peace with his place in Minbari society and his role amongst the Religious caste. Yes, he felt and saw many changes in Susan and knew that no matter what she would always be his friend. But that didn't stop him from worrying what his friends would say, how they would feel once they found out he was not the Earth Alliance Ambassador to Minbar but a religious figure preparing for what amounted to a holy war. He was Entil'Zha.
Once they'd settled into their meal, "So, you've told me your secret. What are you giving up?"
Susan had thought about that since she decided to come out of the Psi closet so to speak. It was still rather confusing but she tried her best, "Fear. The only thing I have ever feared is being caught by the Psi Corp, of someone-anyone finding out about me being a telepath. I know I can't parade around the station or openly admit my abilities 'cause that would be suicide. But fear has robbed me of living my entire life. People wonder why Ivanova was always angry, it was to keep the fear alive & the Psi Cops away." She paused in deep thought for a few moments then continued.
"All I know is the way I existed. The way mama taught me how to survive. So, I'm giving up old habits, old ways of thinking, and my old lifestyle."
Sinclair nearly choked on his tea as he listened to Susan's answer. She was unknowingly completing rituals and tests that hadn't even been put before her. And those last words. [Do you even know what you just said?]
His reaction was not lost on her but Susan misunderstood and tried to make amends. "Jeff, please don't be afraid of me. I promise I won't scan you. I haven't scanned you and well you know I'm dying to find out what's going on here. But you have to know I'd never do that to you." She was nervous. He had made her doubt his love and trust in her inadvertently.
"Susan, I am not afraid of you and never will be. Well, your temper perhaps but I think that's in check. Nothing else. You are my friend and I don't care about your telepathic abilities, they are a part of you." At this Susan visibly relaxed and smiled. {Same old Jeff. My friend} "As for what's going on around here, that is a long story and will be my part in the ceremony. Though by the time I'm finished I think you'll see a deeper connection between us. At least I hope you will."
"I'm curious about a few things. You said that there were 6 Psi Cops loyal to Bester on your transport directly in your line of sight. How did you manage to stay hidden for 3 hours? They had to have tried to get something on you for Bester to use in the future even if they thought you were a "mundane"." They both laughed at his use of the word.
"Uh, I was scared in the beginning. Not knowing my Psi rating and only building on what mama gave me and what I taught myself. Do you remember Alisa Beldwin? She's was the young telepath Talia and I fought about turning over to the Corp. Anyway, Delenn agreed to have her secreted off the station and brought here to live on Minbar. She arranged for her to have a teacher and Alisa lives free from the Corp under the protection of the Religious caste. We've kept in touch and she loves it here." Jeff smiled and waited.
"Well, after thinking about Alisa coming here for training I started researching Minbari telepathic abilities and some of their training protocols. I learned how to project false mental images to protect me from scans. But, I was too stressed out to try something like that in front of them after the last two weeks of nightmares because if I slipped on that they would have caught me for sure. There is another Minbari meditation practice that isn't just for telepaths and I was desperate so I used it."
"Ok, I won't pretend to be familiar with telepathic training but you said the one you used isn't for telepaths. What was it?"
"Its called F'hursna Na'Rek."
Sinclair just couldn't believe what he heard. [Is there no end to the surprises you intend to give me? Just how much do you know???]
There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do except hang on for dear life while the world spun off it axis. Jeffery Sinclair lost all higher brain function as he stared at his friend. Perfectly still, the gentle rise & fall of his chest and the fact that his pupils were fully dilated were the only indications that he remained among the living.
Susan scrunched up her face trying to figure out what his problem was but couldn't so she kept on.
"I know the name is certainly a mouthful but it really isn't that bad. It's the complete separation of the mind, spirit and soul from a body. I found it after my abilities seemed to have exploded and started practicing the ritual. I figured it could be my last line of escape or defense if Bester or one of his minion Psi Cops got too close. I really didn't know if it would work against telepathic scans since that's not what its designed for and well no Psi Cops have tried to scan me since I found it, until today. I figured if there wasn't a mind they couldn't scan it. I know it sounds pretty corny but desperate times call for desperate measures, Jeff. I was desperate."
He blinked. Once, twice yes, eye movement had been restored. Then he finally shook his head. Again. Blood started flowing to the brain once more. Finally, he worked his jaw enough to close his mouth fully. "Susan, do you truly have any idea what you are doing? What you have done?"
"I take it from your reaction it wasn't a good thing. Look Jeff, I don't know everything about Minbari customs. If I did something considered offensive I'm sorry. I was just trying to survive." {What did I do?}
"No Susan its nothing like that. Its... you have to be trained for something like that. There are people who study for YEARS and never reach a level to achieve that state and you appear to have done it after 6 months. That is incredible. With no one to guide you."
"Well, I only know two Minbari and its not like I could go to Delenn or Lennier. They don't even know I speak Minbari. Let alone practice any form of meditation. And if your reaction is normal, neither of them would have helped me."
"True, I'm fairly certain neither of them would have helped you at all. I doubt either of them are trained in it as well. I understand you trying to find ways of coping with your talents. But, I can tell that you don't just meditate or pray simply to hide from Psi Corp no matter what you say."
"No, I didn't mean to give the impression that my attachment to certain areas of Minbari culture has anything to do with the Corp. They are for me. And they are right for me. I hope you can understand that." {Please don't turn on me now Jeff. Be my friend, understand.}
"You have said nothing that I don't understand. In fact, we have a lot more in common than you think. Your beliefs and your faith are your own to guide and to judge, no one else's."
"Thank you for supp.. what do you mean pray? I didn't say anything about prayer only meditation."
"Mineria. I saw you in the garden this afternoon. I was crossing one of the upper walkways and noticed two of my advisors looking out into the garden. Imagine my surprise when I saw it was you that held their attention."
"Oh." Now Susan felt embarrassment that she couldn't hide from coloring her face bright red. "I didn't offend anyone did I?"
"No but you sure gave them something to think about. Not too many humans know what Mineria is let alone how to offer up prayer for it. Or to whom." [Don't run from me Susan]
{Don't laugh at me Jeff} "I take it you do." Not an answer to the unspoken question but all he was going to get.
"There is nothing about Minbari faith that I don't know." [Deconstruct that.]
"I see. Would this have anything to do with your secret?"
"Yes."
"Whenever you're ready, it doesn't have to be tonight but know that you are my friend and I love you Jeff. There is nothing you could say that would make me run from you."
Sinclair breathed an inaudible sigh of relief. "But will you run from yourself?"
"I won't pretend to understand the complexity of what you just asked 'cause I know there are a lot of layers to it. All I can say for sure is that I'm tired of running. I might still try out of reflex but I hope I don't. If you saw me this afternoon then you know that in addition to serenity I was praying for strength of purpose. There's a lot locked in my head. A lot I don't understand but one thing I knew for certain before calling you was that I have one. It came to me when I was doing Chak'teu Shok'vis that morning. The only thing I knew was that I had to come to you for answers and I had to come to Minbar for peace."
They were both silent for a few moments when the door opened and several Minbari came in to clear the table and deliver the after dinner tea. Sinclair directed one to place the tea service on the coffee table while he an Susan rose from the table. The others quickly and efficiently cleared the remains of the meal, cleaned up and exited as quietly as they entered.
Settling on the couch Susan looked at Jeff when he didn't take a seat immediately. She knew this meant he was putting his thoughts in order. Whatever was coming would be intense. She tried to clear her mind so that she would be completely open and receptive to whatever he had to say.
When he finally spoke, it was not what she was expecting.
"Tell me how you first started studying Minbari languages, customs and religion."
{That's Jeff, direct and to the point.}
Susan poured them both a cup of tea in the manner she had seen him do earlier and began the when, why, how, and what that led her to this point. Sinclair was visibly surprised to find that she had begun her study shortly after arriving on Babylon 5 even though he told his advisors he suspected as much. She left nothing out of her life from the past 2 ½ years and tried to give as many details as she remembered of her emotions and impressions. He listened intently. After an hour she sat back and wondered at her life. She hadn't actually thought of it but speaking about it out loud made Susan realize just how much of herself she kept hidden away from others. How it was second nature to hide, even from her self. She felt shame. Then she felt relief that the old ways were in the past.
He said nothing the entire time. Asked for no clarification, asked no questions. He simply let her peel away the layers and expose her soul. He poured them both more tea and sat down in the chair across from her.
"Do you know.....Have you ever heard the word, Entil'Zha?"
"Yes. I know that it is not a Minbari word in origin but one given to them from the Vorlons. It means, 'the one who builds the future'. Valen, the greatest prophet, leader and savior of the Minbari people was known as Entil'Zha Valen."
[Why am I surprised? I should be inured of them with her by now.]
"Susan, do you know who I am to the Minbari?" Susan said nothing. She only shook her head because she could not discern where this was going.
"I am Entil'Zha Sinclair." He waited for an out burst. Laughter, anger, scorn or ridicule. Anything. Something. It never came. Instead all he got was,
"Maybe you ought to start from the beginning."
And that's exactly what he did. He started with the death of Dukhat as the start of the war. He then explained the Grey Council as well as the how and the why Valen founded it and its significance taking careful notice her reaction to the name. [Yes, the pieces are starting to click. And you realize you have information you shouldn't know.] When he got to the Battle of the Line he observed her change. He knew her brother Ganya died on the Line and attributed it to that but saw how she stiffened and paled when he told of just what happened to him on board the Valen'Tha and the real reason they surrendered when they could have destroyed humanity.
He wove a tale that would have had most humans perhaps even his closest friend, Michael Garibaldi, believing that he had lost his mind for agreeing to live and work among Minbari after that. Susan Ivanova just sat there giving him her full attention. She was quiet. Too quiet. He finished by explaining why he was recalled to Earth Dome without warning and why he was brought to Minbar under the guise of being Earth's Ambassador.
Jeff paced around the room as he exposed his life to his friend. He gave her details none but a select few outside of the Grey Council are aware of. And he had more. He knew she'd heard all the suspicious talk about him being missing on the Line, everyone in Earth Force had. He explained how that marred his career. How it was whispered within Earth Gov that he might have sold out humanity in some way because the Minbari wouldn't approve any name for Commander of Babylon 5 except his. He talked about how groups like the anti alien Homeguard were created because of the Minbari's selection of him. He finally admitted what he told know one and kept out of his official report. The real reason he was drugged and totured by a group of terrorists on the station a few months after she arrived. That they came to probe his mind to find out exactly what happened at the Line. Now she knew. She knew. When he turned around there were tears streaming down her face. He walked over and knelt in front of her uncertain as to the cause of her reaction. He handed her a tissue and waited for whatever attack would come.
He was not prepared for what would follow.
"It was you." Was all she managed to say.
Supposing this to be an indictment for some disloyal or treasonous behavior he said nothing. Only his heart began to break a little.
"It was you. You're the one I felt."
Her voice much stronger. She lifted her head and cupped his face in both her hands. Then leaned down and gently kissed him on the forehead. She sat back and smiled with her eyes closed.
Jeffery Sinclair did not know what to say or how to react. [What was she talking about? Why does she seem relieved?]
"Susan, I don't understand. What do you mean it was me?"
"My brother Ganya and I always had a connection. He was the only person I trusted, the only one I let close to me. I was able to see him for 15 minutes before he headed out in his Starfury that day for the Battle of the Line. As I said we were connected. I knew the moment he accepted his death. I felt him slipping from me. Yes, I was on Earth and he was among the stars fighting for our survival but it is true. Desperate to hold on to this connection even after I knew with certainty he was dead, I cast myself out as far as I could. I connected with someone. I felt everything he felt. I saw what he saw through his eyes. The confusion, the pain, the anger, and more pain. The triangle hanging from the ceiling that they tied you to. The savage beating you took at the hands of those intoxicated from the blood lust to conquer and defeat. The people in grey robes and hoods scattered about. The little triangle on a stick they kept waving in your face hoping each time it wouldn't light up. The horror and fear was palpable once they realized you had a Minbari soul. Not just any one but the soul of Valen, the greatest of them.
After they took you from the room there was mass confusion. No one knew what to do. They kept saying 'Minbari do not kill Minbari, it is our greatest law'. Those from the Religious caste demanded immediate surrender because they realized humans were the race Valen spoke about in one of his prophecies. The Warriors were shocked. One of them named Coplann was concerned over what they would tell the Generals and scared about what all of this meant but he finally agreed. They didn't know how to stop the war they started but they were afraid to tell others that a human had a Minbari soul let alone the soul of Valen. I heard them say that you would have to be killed if you remembered. Then the order was given for a telepath to be sent to wipe your mind of all that happened. That was Delenn by the way. Satai Delenn. I always knew she was hiding something but you know how Minbari love to keep secrets, I never thought it was something this big. The Grey Council said humans would have to be monitored carefully in case it was a mistake and we weren't the race Valen warned them of and that you had to be watched closely in case you remembered what you shouldn't. Delenn volunteered to do both. I guess that's why she's on Babylon 5. It was you."
The entire time she spoke of things no one could have known but those present. In detail of things he didn't know because the discussions happened when he was no longer in their presence he said nothing. What could he say? He felt numb, his very foundation was rocked to the core. No, she didn't really tell him anything that he hadn't learned since arriving on Minbar except the truth of the conversations he didn't hear and the extent of Delenn's actions. But how had she known? And all this time she has remained silent. Why? He needed answers but couldn't form the questions.
"I was little more than a child back then, Jeff. Fifteen years old. I didn't know what I was seeing. I hadn't actually seen a Minbari before and as for the Grey Council, well their faces were all covered. I didn't understand most of what I saw except that I could feel your pain and it hurt. I actually had bruises all over my body for weeks. I couldn't explain to the doctors that no one technically beat me. They would have thought I was crazy.
You're wondering why I never said anything before. I didn't recognize you. They never spoke your name and your face was so battered and bloody I couldn't see it clearly. As for the rest, who would I tell? Who would believe me? And I was hiding my telepathy which I now realize wasn't latent back then either or I never could have connected with you."
Sinclair straightened and moved to the couch facing her. He took her hand in his, studied it for a moment then looked into her eyes.
"When you called you said I was in the dreams you've been having. That it was me even though it didn't look like me but you felt my presence like you always could. Is that because of what you did on the Line?"
"Its why I could recognize you. It was the same. When I am seeing the you in my dreams I also hear the song. The same song that the beings from Sigma 957 sang for me, the same song that flowed from INSIDE of Stephen when he touched my hand. Those are the only times I hear the song. Order, harmony, peace. Jeff, please don't hate me for what I'm about to say and it won't make any sense." She waited for his confirmation and continued after his nod.
"A few things are starting to become more clear. There are still a lot of things I don't understand. Things that scare me. Things we haven't discussed but I suspect you have ideas about what they are at least, if not why I'm having the dreams and how to stop them."
"Yes, I know what's haunting you. I'm just not sure when."
She accepted that because of what she felt now burning in her heart. Then she moved from her place on the couch next to him without disengaging her hands from his and knelt before him. Never breaking eye contact she gave him the following:
"Entil'Zha, my friend Jeffery David Sinclair, In Valen's name I swear that I will never lie to you. I swear I will never conceal information or the truth from you. I swear that I will never keep secrets from you for any reason personal or otherwise. If you ask, I will tell. If you demand I will surrender. It is imperative that you believe me in this."
"I believe you."
And she did. She had to because his declaration gave her the strength to do what must be done.
"Please don't ever ask me about the you in my dreams. Please don't ever demand information from me about what I see or have seen of you in my dreams. Because of my vow I will have to tell you. But trust me, Jeff, you do not want to know. At least not today. You don't want the responsibility of the burden that will come with that knowledge. You don't want the distraction. Know that there is something in me that rages against me sharing this information with anyone. It demands that I keep my own counsel on the matter and never speak of it until it is time. It isn't time."
He hadn't known what he expected. When he said he imagined a deeper connection between them, this is not what he envisioned. He had no idea what was truly unfolding between the two of them but he was absolutely certain that it was one of, if not the pivotal moment in both their lives. Monumental in proportion to anything either had experienced thus far. Her easy acceptance of his place as Entil'Zha was not lost on him. Her invocation of Valen's name in her solemn oath soothed his soul and lightened his spirits. Her reverence toward him in this matter was hard to believe considering who they were and where they came from. But he knew Susan Ivanova and this oath she would die upholding. He would never make her regret it.
"Susan Ivanova, my friend, I swear to you in Valen's name that I will never ask what you do not tell me. I will never demand what you do not offer freely. You will not regret the oath you have sworn to me."
"I believe you."
After which he leaned down and kissed her on her forehead to seal their commitment to trust and friendship. Then he pulled her up on the couch and gave her a hug. They were both moved to tears long ago.
"Susan, its late and I know you've had a lot of revelations packed into one day. There is more but we don't have to cover it all tonight if you are tired."
"No, my demons will chase me in my dreams soon enough. It is better that I stay awake long enough for you to tell me their names first." At this they both laughed, the intensity of the past few hours momentarily broken.
When they were both comfortable and quieted he began the most horrifying tale of all.
"After the First Ones came the ancients. The oldest of the ancients are the Shadows. We have no other name for them...."
He spoke in great detail of the Shadows. Susan recognized them as the creatures of chaos from her nightmare. He spoke of the darkness from 1,000 years ago and how Valen led the Army of Light while driving the Shadows back to their home world on Z'ha'dum. He spoke of the Vorlons and their role in helping the Army of Light. Then revealed Valen's prophecy that the Shadows would return in 1,000 years. How a race of unknown beings in the galaxy would be crucial to defending against the coming darkness. That without them, the Shadows would prevail.
{So that is what the Religious Satai meant about Valen's prophecy of another race!}
At this revelation, Susan Ivanova shuttered as she thought of the implications of the Earth Minbari war and what would have surely happened if the human race would have been destroyed. She now understood what Jeff meant when he said he knew what was haunting her but didn't know when. He couldn't tell, there was no way for anyone know if she dreamt of Shadows from the past or future because they had not yet begun to move.
And then he told her of the Anla'shok. His Anla'shok. Sinclair gave them the English name Rangers. A group formed by Valen 1,000 years ago. Open to all Minbari of every clan, every caste. How they fought in the past and how they have watched and waited 1,000 years for the return of the Shadows as Valen prophesied. He told her how the Anla'shok was now open to humans at his insistence and he revealed their quiet recruitment for human members. How they pledged themselves to Valen to live for the One and to die for the One. He explained that Entil'Zha was the One.
And then he waited so that she could absorb the full weight of his last revelation. Susan was a Russian Jew. He knew their history and he knew she was well aware of zealous fanatics who had centuries ago followed leaders into campaigns of devastation. He waited for her reaction to this with more trepidation than he'd felt the entire evening.
"Fannol." A statement of fact. She did not bother offering it as a question.
"Yes."
"The brooch."
"Yes."
"The stone."
"Isil'Zha."
"The future."
"Yes."
Susan looked him straight in the eye so that there would be no misunderstanding between them. She raised his hands to her lips and kissed them tenderly never breaking eye contact. Then lowered them. Without thought, in what seemed the most natural act to both of them, she released one hand and raised it above his head while hold tightly to the other and blessed him:
"Entil' Zha, you are the strongest being I have ever known. May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk. May Valen guide you."
Jeffery Sinclair could not believe all that happened in the last 36 hours. He was reeling from the events ever since the transmission first came in from Babylon 5. All these months of dealing with things that had to be dealt with. Of never being alone yet being very much alone. He had aides, advisors, and Anla'shok. Until Susan's arrival, he had not had a friend. There had been no one with whom he could confide all the secrets he possessed. Yes, Delenn was his friend but her understanding of human emotions and reactions was limited. Her objective at times unclear. Now he looked into the face of one who could and did understand more than any of the others were capable. It was more than he'd ever dared to hope for.
Susan reciprocated his gesture from just after she arrived and pulled him into a warm and comforting embrace. She held him tightly in a cocoon of tenderness meant to convey perfect love and perfect trust. She tried to pour out acceptance, understanding, and the deepest form of friendship she could. He did not let go and they remained that way for several minutes. His emotions were jumbled and unsettled. And when the storm raging inside him calmed he pulled back and they simply stared at each other before breaking out in smiles and laughter.
"Susan Ivanova. You are the most accepting person I know. Walk with Valen."
Allowing his blessing to settle within her, he paused for a few moments then continued.
"As wonderful as this day has been that short nap you had this afternoon was hardly enough and its well into the morning. I've kept you too long."
"No, I'm right where I needed to be. But you sir, have two full time jobs. And I know its past your bed time. I have a feeling I will be in disfavor with your advisors should they learn the late hours you've kept because of me."
"Ivanova knows everything, you certainly figured that right."
She stood clasped his hand and helped him from the couch. They walked hand in hand to the door.
"Are you sure you'll be alright? Just because we gave your demons a name doesn't mean they won't be visiting again."
"Naming them was the hard part Jeff. I didn't know what I was seeing or why. Yes, it hurts, they hurt but even if they come, it won't be as bad. I understand so much more now than I ever did before. Plus, I know I'm not crazy now!"
"No, you are a lot of things Susan Ivanova, I think we're both just starting to realize how much more you are, but you are not crazy. I'll give you one suggestion and never mention it again. You might think about having your Psi rating tested while you're on Minbar. No one will know and I'll make sure there are no humans around."
"You're right. I thought about going to Stephen since I know he wouldn't turn me in but I didn't want to put him in a position to lie. Let me think about it for a few days."
At his cautious appraisal she stopped him. "I gave up my fear remember? I'm not hiding anymore. Its just something new and I want to have all the facts first."
"Alright, I believe you." At that his mind traveled back to the time those words were spoken by both of them earlier that evening. Susan felt it too.
"Get some sleep we'll see each other tomorrow."
Susan bowed to him with all the deference due the Entil' Zha. "Goodnight Jeff."
After he returned her bow and left the room she straightened up the tea service and slipped into the bedroom closing the door behind her.
In another room in the embassy, three men sat in quiet contemplation of the things they had heard and seen over the course of the last several hours. After sharing the 3 data crystals as well as their personal observation of the garden with the third they were instructed to reconnect the surveillance camera in Susan Ivanova's greeting room so that he could observe first hand her meeting with the Entil'Zha.
Satai Rathenn was not prepared for anything he witnessed not even after reviewing the other crystals. [A human not of the Anla'shok performing Mineria, impossible!] Or so he thought until a few hours ago. He had much to think about. As did the other two. He snatched up the crystal, ordered them never to speak of what they'd witnessed ever and to permanently dissemble the surveillance cameras on Susan Ivanova for the duration of her stay. She was not to be monitored again.
For their parts, Sechs Turval and Durhan now clearly understood Entil'Zha's reaction to their suggestion of bringing in a telepath or mind healer earlier. Had they failed to heed his words and done such, Commander Ivanova would have fled from them, never to return. What was left unspoken between the three was the indisputable fact that Susan Ivanova was tied to Minbar and to Valen. Yes, she must have a Minbari soul. Of that the were absolutely positive. Whose they would probably never know.
And yet, she was more than that. To have been invited into communication with at least one of the First Ones and allowed to hear what others could not was astounding. And what she said of the Grey Council! Rathenn was there, she spoke the truth none but the Nine could have known. It chilled him to think their abominable actions, though misguided, had been viewed by another. A human child had watched them stumble and fall before the Universe! And now she was here in the mists of them. [What did it signify?] He did not know.
They each left the room with the distinct impression that their lives would never be the same again. That there were grave changes coming. Their lives had been dedicated to Valen's prophecies. They had guided the course of the Minbari for 1,000 years. Commander Ivanova was a surprise. Had they overlooked something in the sacred texts? Perhaps misunderstood the meaning or dismissed something as insignificant because they had not known of the humans. They did not know. For now they would review the prophecies, watch, wait, and prepare to intervene.
"Go away! Must sleep." These were the muffled sounds emanating from beneath the pile of bed covers in Susan's room. A few groans and a particularly nasty Russian curse signaled that she was definitely waking up.
"I've got to remember to close the curtains tonight. That is way too much sunshine this early in the morning." Then she peeled one eye open just enough to see the time. "Ok, so maybe 10:00 isn't exactly early in the morning." Slowly she adjusted to the new day. How many years since she woke up under the sun? "Gotta get used to this. What the hell?" She sat up further and listened to the strange yet vaguely familiar sounds. "Birds! There are actually birds chirping outside my window." This caused her to chuckle. "Well, guess I'm up now." Yawning and stretching she realized that she had slept like a rock. "More like the dead." And that's when it hit her. No dreams, the nightmare hadn't come. Had she finally held the wolf at bay?
As she leaned against the incline of her bed she tried to process all that happened last night but it was too early and too much for her muddled brain to fathom. In her heart she new that the dreams would come again. These were not simple manifestations of her waking hours that her subconscious tried to sort out while she slept. No, they were revelations, signs and portents. But Valen heard her prayer and surely interceded with the Universe on her behalf because she had slept the sleep of the righteous and knew peace for the first time in weeks. Her well established Russian pessimism kicked in and she reminded herself not to get too comfortable because that always led to, "Boom! Yep, always gotta stay on the lookout for Boom cause when you don't, it's a bitch."
Still, she felt good. She was refreshed and ready for the day. With these thoughts she headed off to the bathroom. Instead of selecting a gown like she wore yesterday, Susan opted for brown pants and a matching tunic. She completed it with a russet colored robe and the sandals she'd worn before. {I don't even want to think how they knew my shoe size.} As before, she left her hair down but pocketed a hair clip just in case. Half an hour later she stepped out of her door and felt the call of the truly wicked.
"Fannol! Glad to see you still wanted to come out and play. What kind of trouble can we get into today?" Her mischievous grin dared him to censure.
"You do not frighten me Susan." With these words he leveled an equally mischievous, yet completely uncharacteristic for a Minbari, grin at her. Arms folded he rocked back on his heels.
"Fannol, Fannol. A typical and often fatal mistake made by amateurs." She smirked and shook her head in feigned sadness while making tisk, tisk noises and patted his arm. "You will learn."
Fannol felt his confidence slip a little but would not be put off so easily. [I am Anla'shok, you will not defeat me.] And that was his fatal mistake.
"Susan, you cannot get the better of me. Now what would you like to do today?"
{Oh, silly boy. Didn't Jeff warn you not to challenge me? Yes, this will be more fun than Corwin and Murphy combined.}
Deciding to appear gracious in defeat,
"As you say my friend. First I want to go back to the garden for an hour or so. You don't have to wait, I won't run off. Then lunch so you will have to come get me and help me find the cafeteria." Turning gracefully, projecting the picture of perfect innocence, they began walking. Breaking the few moments of quiet she added,
"And after that, we'll see."
Susan found meditating in the garden even more palatable than the way she usually did so focusing on the candle and the flame in her quarters. Here she was in nature and the gentle breeze, feel of grass beneath her, rustling leaves, and fragrances wafting from nearby flowers added something very unique to her session. It took more than two hours for her to separate her emotions from the events of the night before. Only then could she assimilate the information in a practical way. Susan had always been a pragmatist. That wouldn't change no matter how many candles she lit. But she was no longer cynical or a disbeliever in the mysteries of the Universe. No the proof of mysticism, magic, or miracle (she wasn't quite sure which ) was clear and the pragmatist within would not allow her to dismiss it or turn it away. She tried to prepare her mind to be a willing vessel for whatever was there, whatever was coming. She didn't bother asking why she had the dreams or why she heard the First Ones because that question seemed irrelevant and Susan Ivanova didn't deal in trivialities.
Many things she did not know. There wasn't too much she could do about that now. But there were some things which were crystal clear. Jeffery Sinclair was Entil'Zha and he would do what must be done. She believed in him. And somewhere deep inside a soft voice whispered that she would follow him even though she did not hear it. They were connected, for over 10 years now it seemed. She was his friend and he was her's. Nothing would change the way she felt about him, she'd probably just grow to treasure him more.
She also knew that she would work daily to release the pain of childhood and her mother. She could not continue to be trapped in the past with anger and self doubt. She also admitted that she wasted many years blaming herself on some level for her mother's condition and later her suicide. She used to say that her head and her heat did not speak. And for many years that was true. It couldn't be that way anymore. She would have to let the walls down and keep them down in order to grow. She was not afraid. Not of herself and not of being a telepath. She just had no clue what kind of telepath she was or what to do with it.
Susan knew she would have to be diligent to avoid getting caught by Psi Corp. With that thought she accepted her responsibility. She had been granted a level of security while on Minbar and under the protection of Entil'Zha. She would use it to her full advantage. Jeff was right, she needed to be tested and she needed some training other than what she taught herself. That raging undefinable something inside her seemed to chant over and over, "Now is the time, now is the hour."
As these thoughts galvanized inside her head a path became clear. {Yes, Valen heard my prayer for serenity and strength of purpose.} That's when her first purpose struck her like lightening. It screamed, "Susan get your house in order!" And that's exactly what she set out to do.
When she finally pulled herself from the revery of meditation she stood from her place under a tree near the stream and headed back toward the entrance. That is where she found Fannol with a serene yet quizzical expression on his face. Feeling she should not inquire she simply looked at him and said, "Food?" He seem to just then register her presence and proximity. His answer, "Definitely."
The cafeteria was a hive of activity as many of what she now knew as Anla'shok were balancing trays and finding places to sit. There were slight differences between the groups and she was quick to note them. Minbari sat side by side eating, talking, and laughing in small groups. They all wore the same basic uniform of dark slacks, grey tunic and dark robe but she could tell by the absence of Isil'Zha pins and the cylinder fighting stick which Fannol and company unleashed on her that most were in training. Many of them huddled together at tables off to the side. {Cadets, they're all the same.}
What amazed her was the utter lack of Earth Alliance business taking place here. It seemed strange that anyone visiting the embassy would not notice the unusual activity or the enourmous number of Minbari. {Perhaps this is not the public cafeteria. Well, I suppose one way to conduct covert activity is to hide in plain sight.} But that thought seemed even a bit much for her.
As they made their way to the chow line she turned to her companion, "Fannol, where do the people who come here for embassy matters eat?"
If he was surprised by her question he did not show it. "There is a dining room in another area for people conducting Earth Alliance business."
{Ah, so the gag order has been officially lifted. Good thing to know.}
She received a few discreet stares and definitely noticed the odd whisper or two. {Guess I'm a curiosity to them too.} When she met someone's eye she gave a small but genuine smile and inclined her head.
Unsure of her familiarity with Minbari food, Fannol watched, prepared to be of assistance. He quickly noticed that she was quite comfortable with the selections as she spoke to the Workers serving in Lennan. Others in line noticed as well but made no comment. As they moved to find a table Fannol saw some people she assumed were his friends but hesitated about going over to sit with them. Feeling that her inclusion wouldn't be against protocol or unwelcome she realized he was not sure she would feel at ease with the group of Minbari looking his way.
"Friends of yours?"
"Yes."
"Well, if we sit alone, which is fine with me as I adore your company, {Did he just roll his eyes at me?} it will give me plenty of time to—get to know you better. But I warn you, I'm less dangerous in a group."
Fannol gave no reply other than a slight groan and headed off toward the round table with 6 other Minbari men and women. Chuckling, "I'm having so much fun with him."
After she sat down she noticed they were all Religious caste. Polite as ever they still weren't quite sure what to make of her or how to interact. Fannol exacted his brand of revenge and pointedly ignored her, intent on not making introductions. [Fly on your own little bird.] Knowing exactly what he was up to Susan merely shook her head and repeated the tisk tisk noises from earlier. She then turned to the group bowed and introduced herself in Andorando, then asked someone to pass the salt. This seemed to be all that was needed as they each bowed in return and carried on with the introductions.
{Sizing me up huh? Can't have Entil'Zha associating with riff raft. Whatever.} They spent the remainder of the meal engaged in pleasant conversation with no mention of Anla'shok or Entil'Zha on either of their parts. Instead they spoke of many sights and attractions she should see while here and since they all knew who she was she spoke about some of the happenings on the station. The conversation soon moved to literature and poetry in an easy and relaxed manner. They laughed and shared stories as well as her philosophy of the "Boom Theory" while unwittingly the foundations of friendships were laid. At some point she turned to Fannol with a knowing look on her face and the now familiar and what he was rapidly finding annoying shake of the head,
"Amateur, you will learn." Followed by a smirk. His only response was a much louder groan than earlier. She laughed.
Throughout lunch none of them noticed that they were the center of attention for most of the occupants in the room. Minbari are nothing if not polite but the oddity of Entil'Zha's friend, a human Earth Force Commander apparently on vacation, siting at a table with 7 Minbari laughing and speaking in Minbari was a bit too much for some to process. Yes, there were humans training among their ranks but she was not Anla'shok and most of them had never met a human, let alone one from Earth Force, who seemed so comfortable in their presence. Two men sipping tea at a table with a group of instructors looked on and when they made eye contact, silent acknowledgment of last night's revelations past between them.
Later the two made their way outside the Embassy and started walking in no set direction. Susan turned to Fannol and in complete seriousness,
"What led you to the Anla'shok?"
He studied her features and was convinced of her sincerity so he guided her to a bench and was silent for several moments. She knew he was gathering his thoughts so she waited patiently. Then he began his tale with seven words that both chilled and brought her a comforting sense of understanding,
"It was the calling of my heart."
Susan listen in rapt attention as he chronicled his early life which included the Earth Minbari war. He seemed to loose himself in his reflections and perceptions of his people, his worlds, and is place among them. It was powerful and funny and sad. He spoke of his initial feelings on learning that Jeffery Sinclair was to become Anla'shok Na (Ranger One). How could he serve what he knew was to be his purpose in life if he must surrender—again—to a human? It was most confusing and he could not see how Valen's prophecies could be fulfilled by one who was not one of them. Fannol spoke of his first meeting with Entil'Zha. At the mention of his true title Fannol stopped aware of his mistake. Susan laid a gentle hand on his arm and spoke softly.
"Do not distress, I know all there is to know." The quiet conviction of her voice and the firmness in her eyes confirmed the truth so he continued.
It was honesty personified. Never had she known anyone, human or Minbari to reveal themselves in such a manner. She said as much when he had finished. His reply, "It is the way of the Anla'shok. We are trained to know ourselves completely and to never run from what we find. Even weaknesses can be used as strengths." She nodded in understanding and agreement. Fannol turned to her.
"What led you here?"
"Entil'Zha."
The way she said the name and the reverence displayed in her features told him all he needed to know. [Commander Susan Ivanova was home.]
As they continued on their walk Susan said that she'd like to see the practice room. He didn't have to ask what she meant once she winked at him. {He did role his eyes at me!}
Even several hours later when he completed his evening meditation; Fannol still could not figure out how she had gotten him to produce his denn'bok, the Minbari fighting pike, and consent to give her a lesson. He was now absolutely certain that he must consult with one of the priests to locate a cleansing ritual. There had to be something to ward off the evil influences of Susan Ivanova.
[Perhaps that is the true calling of her heart. To torment me!]
After ½ hour of general instruction on how to release and collapse the pike, its history and purpose, and some basic movements; he couldn't quite remember how but Susan had a pike of her own in hand and was engaging him in the one offensive move he taught her. Looking back he had to admit (if only in the quiet and privacy of his room) that he did enjoy himself. They began sparing with him calling out movements and counter movements to meet his.
Susan found that once she saw him go through the motions they looked very similar to Tai'Chi. She felt a familiarity towards Japanese Katas which she's also practiced since the Academy. One thing Susan Ivanova knew was hand to hand combat, how to fight, and exercises to perfect those skills. This she understood was the only reason she was able to pick up the fighting style so easily. {Well, easy if you count landing on my butt so much.}
After another hour of relentless sparring she started to feel more confident and aggressive. She was having BIG fun and it showed. When she finally had Fannol flat on his back, the receiving end of her denn'bok at his throat she couldn't suppress the little victory dance that screamed for release. She submitted and laughed enough for both of them. Until she heard a familiar throat clear. Turning she saw that they had audience. This is when Fannol stopped having fun. Susan just collapsed her pike bowed to Fannol, who was by then giving her the Minbari version of the Evil Eye, and turned a sheepish smile on their spectators.
Sech Turval the denn'bok instructor, Sech Durhan Minbar's own denn'bok Master, Entil'Zha and about 10 Anla'shok waited. Of course Susan did not know who the other two men with Jeff were but she got the distinct impression from Fannol that they were very important and probably weren't pleased with him at all. Looking like lambs to slaughter Susan and Fannol turned to Sinclair and bowed deeply, "Entil'Zha" they both said in tandem.
Following Fannol's lead, they both turned to Sechs Turval and Durhan and bowed with deference. She did note that he kept his eyes averted the entire time. Not knowing who the others were Susan opted to humbly ignore them by focusing on Jeff with a raised eyebrow. He took the hint and made the introductions. Susan startled them all when she greeted Sech Turval in Andorando but then turned to Sech Durhan greeting him in Vik. Sinclair maintained an impassive mask of neutrality but Susan caught the twinkle in his eye. {Oh Jeff, didn't I mention I could recognize bone crest carvings? Oops, thought I did.}
"Susan, I see you've managed to get in a workout today." He prompted in Andorando. They had fallen into a pattered of conversing exclusively in that dialect shortly after her arrival. This fact had not gone unnoticed by anyone. Most noted that it was her dialect of choice as she only addressed others of different castes in their own dialect but since she had no caste, she appeared to have adopted Andorando as her own.
She considered how difficult it might be to break in another guard to her liking right when she was starting to get Fannol seasoned just the way she wanted him so she opted to fall on her sword.
"Yes, Fannol was kind and gracious enough to indulge my relentless curiosity and interest. It truly is a fascinating weapon and I'm amazed at the skill and training it surely requires to handle it as it was intended." She turned her gaze toward the other two as she completed her answer.
[Laying it on a little thick don't you think, Susan?] Sinclair merely nodded while keeping his true thoughts hidden.
"Yes, Commander Ivanova. Sech Durhan is in the best position to attest to that as the denn'bok Master. This was your first time handling the denn'bok?"
"Yes, I'd never seen one until I arrived here." {Oops, didn't mean to bring that up Fannol, honest.}
"You show promise for a novice. We should talk."
"Thank you Sech Durhan. I am honored."
"Good. If your schedule permits I have some time available tomorrow afternoon. 14:00. Fannol will show you."
Not understanding what was going on but realizing something was happening by the expression on the faces of everyone in the room, Susan bowed and thanked him. At that, Sinclair disengaged her from the group so that they could have some time together. She gave a quick glance back at Fannol and shared a look of commiseration.
"Ok, tell me Fannol isn't going to get in trouble for that."
"I don't think so. Or at least not too much. Its hard to tell with those two."
"Did I screw up? I mean is the denn'bok only for Anla'shok?"
"No, its an ancient Minbari weapon that existed before the Anla'shok were formed. As you know, Durhan is a Warrior and he is THE Master. He had to learn it somewhere."
"Ok, so what's up?"
"I managed to find a few minutes and wanted to spend them with you. I'm not being a very gracious host. Its 17:00 and this is the first time I've spoken to you."
"Easy up on the guilt trip, Jeff. You're busy and I'm being educated...and entertained."
"Are you torturing Fannol?"
"I warned him many times, but then he had to go and say he wasn't afraid of me."
At this Sinclair winced. "He'll learn."
They shared a laugh as she replied,
"Oh, he's had SEVERAL lessons today. I tell you Jeff making his life miserable is a heck of a lot more fun than abusing Corwin. Can I keep him?"
They parted company so that Susan could shower and change before meeting Sinclair in his office an hour. He said they weren't going to dinner just yet but he'd managed to clear his schedule so that he could show her some things.
When she entered the office she thought that she'd interrupted a meeting and tried to duck out only to be called back.
"You're not interrupting come in. We're just going over the security arraignments." She said nothing but that got her attention.
Walking out of the office she noticed that everyone else followed. Then two of them moved ahead and four remained at the rear. {Ok.}
[Don't look at me like that, this is lightest detail I've ever been able to arrange.]
They left the embassy looking like a Presidential entourage. Or at least it looked that way to Susan.
Once they were secured in the ground transport he turned to her an explained that since Tuzanor was the home of Valen and the original Anla'shok training camp his temple was here. That caused Susan to shudder slightly but her friend noticed. The thought of going to the Temple of Valen caused mixed emotions. None of them displeasure. She smiled brightly.
"The grounds and the garden are beautiful. Works of art in themselves. Since you spend a considerable amount of time in the embassy's garden I thought you might appreciate this as well."
Her head snapped up at that. But the look on her face was questioning.
"I've had.....reports. The only humans Minbari have ever seen meditate are doing it as a part of their Anla'shok training. They are...intrigued."
A soft laugh. "Well, I'm glad to know I have entertainment value."
"You are definitely giving them something to talk about." After a brief exchange of humorous looks he continued. "I hear you made some new friends today at lunch."
"Boy when you say you get reports you mean it. Yes, actually they are friends of Fannol. I was torturing him. He really thought he'd best me with that little move. But I did have a nice time."
"Good. You seem so much more relaxed. More so than I've ever seen you."
"I'm happy here. To tell you the truth I've been pretty happy since you said I could come. It's, I don't know. It's like I'm actually getting to know and be Susan. Not Ivanova and not Commander. Who'd have thought that I would find Minbar the vacation spot of the galaxy? Plus, I've laid down some heavy burdens, Jeff. Cutting ties to dead weight I've been carrying around since I was 7 years old and just piling more stuff on top of it. I feel free for the first time in my life."
This warmed Sinclair's heart to no end. He'd been worried about her and after last night he wasn't really sure how she'd feel today. [Apparently, she's made peace with a great deal of things and is learning to move on.]
As they entered the grounds of the Temple of Valen Susan noticed several people turn and bow to him deeply. {That must be tough on him some times.} As if sensing her thoughts,
"It has taken some getting used to. There are still times when it seems too much for me. I'm used to doing things for myself but that's all changed."
"Are you happy Jeff?"
"I've finally found my place and I made peace with it a while ago. This is right for me." He stopped walking and looked at her pointedly but there was hesitation in his eyes.
"Well, if my opinion counts I agree. It fits you. Like you were born to it." That's all he need to hear.
Susan was so taken in by the beauty of the grounds she just slowly rotated her position 360 to take it all in.
"You're spoiling me. I'm never gonna want to go back to the station. The garden and airponics bay have nothing on this." Then she wandered off and he was left to think on what she just said.
They walked side by side for some time until they found a tree near a shallow part of the stream and sat down on the grass. After a few minutes of easy silence between.
"Jeff, I want to have my Psi rating tested and I'd like to meet with someone while I'm here who would be able to help train me."
"I thought you wanted a few days to think about it."
"When the darkness returns I'll probably need every edge I can if I'm going to be of any use during the fight."
This was more than he expected and sooner than he expected it. [You've come so far. Has it only been two days?] He searched her face, his eyes burned into her like he was trying to reach in to view her soul. [Yes, you know what you're saying and you know to whom you speak.]
"I'll have someone make the arraignments for tomorrow morning. I'm not sure how long it will take but since you're meeting Durhan at 14:00, how does 10:00 sound?"
"That's fine. I won't be keeping you up half the night so that'll give me plenty of time to—I don't know, prepare? Uh, I never did say I was going to meet with Sech Durhan tomorrow he just asked if me to come by if I had some time."
At this Entil'Zha Jeffery Sinclair collapsed against the tree laughing as if she had just told him the funniest thing he'd ever heard.
{Alright, now what did I say? Try to pull yourself together oh Holy One.}
"Whatever it is Jeff, it couldn't be THAT funny."
"Susan, Susan, Susan. You think you have a choice about meeting Durhan?"
That statement started the fire of Ivanova burning. "What do you mean I don't have a choice? Its not like he can force me! And I don't have anything to say to him anyway."
"Calm down. You have no idea the position you're in. The denn'bok Master of ALL Minbari has decided to take you on as a student and you plan on turning him down?"
"Earth to... uh that doesn't actually work here. Hello....Jeff, I think you missed something. He didn't say anything about becoming my teacher he only said he wants to talk to me."
"Sech Durhan does all his talking with a denn'bok Susan. He rarely takes on students of any caste, very few of the Anla'shok will ever have lessons with him as a small class let alone one on one training. He is the same man who swore when I opened the Anla'shok to humans that they would never hold a denn'bok and he would never teach one. This man has invited YOU to be his student."
She didn't know what to say. What could she say to something like that?
"Valen!"
Still slightly in a daze from Jeff's explanation he guided her into the temple. It was beyond words. Not because of fine furnishings, tapestries or crystalline structures. But because it resonated something old and a great presence of power. She felt it and she was moved. He watched her circumspectly as she payed her respects by reverently lighting a candle and kneeling to pray in fluid motions that spoke of familiarity. If he hadn't seen what he had with his own eyes over the last 2 days he never would have believed it. [Her faith is a lot stronger than she let's on.]
Later they strolled the temple grounds and sat on a bench near the statute of Valen.
"Did you sleep well last night?"
"Translation, did I have any nightmares? Nope. I slept like the dead."
"Susan..."
"Its ok, you don't need to say it. I know we haven't banished the wolf. The dreams will come when they are supposed to. The nightmares will come as the return of the darkness grows near. I've made peace with them as well Jeff. For some reason, someone has decided that I should see what was or what is to come. I don't pretend to understand it. But I'm not going to run or hide from it either. I am not afraid."
Susan lowered her voice and glanced around to ensure that the guards were out of hearing range. "Jeff, I know now that I wasn't supposed to know about Delenn breaking the Grey Council. I know that the prophecies of Valen foretold the event but did not say who would do it or why. Obviously she can't be told because she might be compelled to move before it's time and it isn't time."
"I know." That was all he said. The he reached over & squeezed her hand before helping her up. They had a much more relaxing dinner than the previous night. No, this time she caught him up on all the news from the station that wasn't fit to print. Gossip, intrigue, political scandals and a few seductions while she answered his not so random questions but since she couldn't see a pattern she didn't pry. Then she asked about his work—both jobs. And he experienced the rare treat of dumping everything on someone else. She did not mind. He needed it. Plus it gave her more insight into his life. She was his sounding board and she put her two cents in occasionally when advice was sought. They called it an early night and both were sound asleep by 22:00.
The next morning came a lot easier than the previous one. Susan rose at 07:00 and contemplated setting the alarm so that she could watch the sunrise before she left. When she opened her door ½ hour later it was with a bit of trepidation. She'd forgotten that Fannol might still be boiling in hot water after what she was now referring to as the Denn'bok Incident part II. Hoping not to find someone new she peered around the corner and breathed a mental sigh of relief to find him waiting.
Just a tad bit sheepishly, "Good morning Fannol."
"I was mistaken, Susan. I am afraid of you." He dead panned.
"Here I thought we were past this sort of thing. Cheer up, today is full of lots of adventures."
"With you, that is what I am afraid of."
"Lighten up. Hey how early do you stand out here in the hallway anyway?"
"Usually, not this early. But since you have a morning appointment I assumed we would go to the garden early and then have breakfast before we head over."
"Ok, I'm trying to figure out if I should be offend that you feel I'm that predictable or touched that you notice."
"It is up to you to decide but hopefully you will select the one least likely to give me a headache."
"I knew you'd eventually bend to my will! Ivanova is always right. Feel free to adopt that as your mantra."
Years of Religious caste training and Anla'shok honed discipline had not prepared him for this at all. He made no reply other than to gesture in a 'shall we go' movement. He was rewarded with the annoying head shake and almost responded. [Oh no. That is what started this to begin with. Hold fast Fannol.]
Once they reached the garden Susan asked if he would like to meditate with her. He looked up surprised but after a moment he agreed. After about 1 ½ hours they were both starving and practically ran to the cafeteria. Susan opted for them to eat alone so she could both talk to him about yesterday and get herself together for the Psi tests that were waiting. She was nervous because she had no idea what it would entail. After 15 minutes,
"Did I get you into trouble yesterday with the Sechs?"
He narrowed his eyes at her before speaking. "Yes."
"I'm sorry, but look at it this way, for a few hours, you got to be the teacher."
"That is the problem."
"Huh?"
"According to Sech Turval, since I am so 'gracious and kind' {if he weren't Minbari he probably would have spat that out} and so 'indulgent' I have been assigned to work with beginners and hold practice sessions for those needing additional help."
He barely hissed, "Since I seem to have a rapport with humans [There better not be any more like you.] I have be assigned to work with them as well."
Seeing all the red flags and carefully noting the huge mind field in front of her she felt prudence and extreme caution were essential to her survival.
"Fannol, I think its wonderful. Maybe not having to run the extra practice sessions but working with beginners and humans is a big deal."
{Is that steam coming out of his ears? New tactic.}
"Ok, calm down and hear me out completely. I only knew two Minbari before I got here and that was because of my job. If I weren't Commander Susan Ivanova we both know I wouldn't know Delenn or Lennier. You're the first Minbari I met on my own."
At his incredulous look she quickly added,
"I know Entil'Zha sent you to get me but that's really all you HAD to do. Don't deny it, we hit it off right from the start. Well up until the time you tried to kill me with your denn'bok anyway. And since when is 6:1 unarmed woman fair?"
Knowing she went too far with that dig,
"Kidding. Bygones remember? We're past it. All I'm saying is that I think you are a good person for the job and you will be able to help those who need it. Don't forget, every Minbari has at least seen a denn'bok 1,000 in their life before they walk through those doors. I can pretty much guarantee you that any human who saw one was probably flat on their back looking up the business end of it."
He hated to admit it. He was trying his best to refuse to admit it. He had to admit it.
[She makes sense. I cannot believe I am taking advice from the source of my imminent demise.]
"You are right. I had not thought about it like that but you are right."
"Ivan..."
"Do Not Say It!!!" She laughed he couldn't help it and joined in. And no one else knew what to make of it.
"You have ½ hour until your appointment."
"Do we have to go far?"
"No, it is in the next set of buildings in this complex."
"Let's start walking over—real slow."
Once they headed out the door Fannol couldn't help but notice the change in her. She was quiet, distant. He did not wish to pry but he was concerned.
"Susan, are you alright?"
"I'm not sure. Do you know where we're going? I mean why we're going there?"
"I was not told specifically, but I have an idea."
"Oh."
"This troubles you?"
"All my life it was my greatest fear. I worked very hard to deny it, ignore it, pretend it wasn't there. Its unnerving to face something that's scared you for a lifetime. Telepaths are not free on my world. They are shunned, despised, and set apart. Psi Corp treats their "children" as lab rats or experiments. If they found out about me, if they caught me, they would probably treat me as little more than a breeding animal. Humans are very different from Minbari in this one matter. Everything else is superficial."
"You are undergoing Mor'adum?"
"The application of terror? Oh yeah, you could say that."
It was not his place to speculate as to Entil'Zha's actions but more and more was becoming clear to Fannol. When Entil'Zha summoned him personally and told him to depart for Kintari to pick up Commander Ivanova he assumed she was no longer on the station. When he learned she was arriving on a transport from Babylon 5 he knew the round about travel plans meant that her visit to Minbar was a secret. The way he was questioned by Sechs Durhan and Turval the first day was intense. [What had they wanted me to say?] And who spends 3 weeks vacationing at an Anla'Shok training camp, even if it is the "embassy"?
But the real sign was Sech Durhan announcing he would take her on as a student. It hadn't taken long for the news to spread by the other Anla'Shok who were present. [I was pestered all evening with questions.] Now the Mor'adum, which is typically the final test for Anla'Shok in training. But nothing about Susan Ivanova was typical. Fannol was beginning to get the distinct impression that Susan's place in the Anla'Shok would be kept a secret for a long time, if not forever. [Perhaps Entil'Zha feels her position in Earth Force is a benefit too great to jeopardize.]
They walked the remainder in silence. Once Susan was satisfied that there were no other humans present she was ushered into an examination room. Fannol was told he could have a seat and wait but that it would be about 1 hour. Everyone's Mor'adum is different. They cannot be compared because what terrifies one individual may have no impact at all on another. He remembered his own experience and his heart went out to her.
Fannol was not prepared when 45 minutes later the door was nearly ripped from its hinges as Susan came flying out of the examination room. He called to her, tried to catch up with her but she moved like quicksilver across the commons. Misunderstanding his shouts for her to stop a few uninformed, unsuspecting, and unfortunate Anla'Shok attempted to restrain and subdue her. As a result, they landed in various places as she blindly fought off anyone who got in her away. She fled the embassy and was last seen running down the street toward the main area of the city. Fannol was beside himself. No matter her jokes about him being her tour guide or prison warden, the simple truth is that he was assigned as her protector while on Minbar. He failed.
Sinclair anticipated something might happen so when he got the call that Susan had run from her exam room after receiving the results he leapt into action hoping to intercept her. He had not anticipated finding his Anla'Shok lying in heaps, strewn about, or limping off in search of a healer.
[Must have been pretty big. She promised not to run. Technically she didn't run, if she has the results then she completed the Mor'adum. This can't be good.]
"Entil'Zha forgive me, I failed."
"No, even I wasn't expecting this and I've known her a lot longer."
"Sir, she could be anywhere. She does not know her way around. And, even though Tuzanor is the most liberal city on the planet..."
"Yes, yes Fannol, that was why I chose you."
"She could be anywhere."
"Susan is just upset right now. She won't hurt herself or anyone else." At Fannol's incredulous expression and the turn of his head to indicate the downed Anla'Shok Sinclair could only shrug.
"Yes, well, I think I might know where she went."
"If you tell me I will go immediately and get her."
"It's alright Fannol, I'll go by myself." At Fannol's pointed look, Sinclair amended.
"Fine, please notify my guards I wish to leave the grounds."
{I can do this. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. That makes no sense I can't believe they elected that guy 4 times! Just breath and relax. Its not like they're changing anything. They aren't adding or subtracting anything. They're just telling me what is. Like a scale. Not stepping on it isn't gonna make you any less fat. Not taking the test isn't gonna make me any less telepathic.}
"Screw the pep talk, let's just get on with it." Susan gritted through her teeth to keep from screaming that last part. And then her world exploded.
She couldn't process. The only thing she knew was that she couldn't breath. She HAD to get out. There was something or someone in her way but she couldn't let that stop her. Susan was on autopilot letting instinct take over. The only conscious action she took once getting her results was to pull the hood of the cloak over her head. And that's the way he found her.
He made no sound as he approached and sat beside her. Either she would lash out and attack him or she would not. So, he took it as a good sign when she shifted her position against the tree and leaned into him without glancing up or speaking. Sinclair knew she would return to the Temple of Valen. There was just something about her yesterday that made him aware how much this place called to her. He held her without speaking for almost 20 minutes, content to let her work through this on her own. Finally,
"The Minbari use a different scale than humans so the numbers aren't the same. The Minbari ratings and test is the same as the Vorlons. Not a surprise I guess considering their history.
P12s are the highest and rare so they're either made Psi Cops or if they've got "issues" then they become bloodhounds. Those are the ones who hunt down rogues. The Corp does a lot of experimenting. You know, 'how to make a better teep' and all that. Yeah, you remember Jason Ironheart? They really messed him up trying to make a stable teek and he was a P10.
Talia and I started to sort of become friends after that. She really didn't think they did stuff like that. She loved him once and they destroyed him. She's been secretly helping Stephen with the underground railroad he's running out of the station now. She says she feels trapped 'cause if she goes rouge they might find her and if they do they'll find out she isn't really a P5 along with a couple of other things. Then she'll end up on a dissection table for sure, after they remove her ovaries so they can fertilize the eggs later."
That really caught Sinclair's attention. Susan could tell he was curious but didn't want to break her thoughts.
"Ironheart. He loved her once too and wanted her to be protected from them. That's why he risked his life coming all the way out to Babylon 5. He came to see her. She doesn't know everything that he gave her, you were there when he wacked her with the ball of light."
Sinclair nodded thinking back to that very strange encounter.
"She's a teek now and stable. The Corp's never been able to "make" a stable telepath with telekinetic abilities and they've never come across one either. See why they'd want her? Yeah, me too. She has no idea what her Psi rating is but she's definitely been powered up. She's just thankful that they don't do random testing after a certain age. So her life choices pretty much suck. She has to wear the uniform, badge and gloves that she hates so much and feel like a hypocrite while she helps others go free."
"Well, I had my test. Guess you figured that out already. I'll pay for the damage, I'm sorry. I sort of had a panic attack and needed to get out. People kept trying to stop me."
Sinclair chuckled, "I don't think you have to worry about them trying that again."
"Guess not. I thought I was just scared of getting caught, Jeff. How did you know I was terrified of the truth? You knew it was Mor'adum. You set me up."
Pleased that she recognized the practice but unsure how she would feel about the rest he continued,
"I did no such thing Susan. I made the suggestion. You are the one who said you were ready to know yourself. I knew your fears of getting caught. Everyone hiding from the Corp fears getting caught. But that's not what terrified you. Its not my fault you didn't realize it."
She wanted to scream at him but everything he said was actually true. She still didn't like it.
"Why did you do it?"
"Why force you to identify, submit, and master the thing that terrifies you most? It was a test. Technically you passed but really, Susan, your exit was a bit dramatic."
"A test? Why are you testing me?"
"You said it yesterday. When the darkness comes you will need to use all you have in order to help fight against it. But, you will need to be stronger Susan or you WILL fall to the darkness and may even end up serving them."
"What? How could you say that?"
"Susan, you're having visions through dreams of the Shadows. You know their name, what makes you think they won't know yours? What makes you think they won't come for you? The Vorlons ask, 'Who are you?' The Shadows ask, 'What do you want?' Never answer their question. That is all it takes for them to own you. They will give you what you want and then you must serve."
She had no idea. This was almost too much. Just from answering a question? She couldn't believe it, but something inside her told her that she knew he spoke the truth.
"Susan, if one of their agents, and they could be anyone from any race, asked what you wanted you know what you'd have said. To take away your telepathic abilities. Tell me I'm wrong, you can't."
She was ashamed to think that if someone told her they'd grant her wish come true she might have taken them up on it.
"I want to say I could recognize them and know it to be a trick. I can't. I'm ashamed to admit that even knowing it was wrong there were times in my past if someone offered me that I would have taken it gladly."
"Now do you understand the Mor'adum? Do you understand the importance of knowing who you are? You must be able to answer the Vorlons' question Susan. You must search yourself completely and identify ALL of your weaknesses. Anything that can be used as a weapon against you must be found and turned into strengths.
You were in direct communication with the Walkers of Sigma 957. They are some of the First Ones. There are beings in the universe billions of years older than any of our races. They walked among the stars like giants, vast, timeless. They created great empires, taught the new races, explored beyond the rim. They no longer involve themselves in the matters of younger races. G'Kar was right when he said that if they notice us at all, it is merely as ants. They sang for you. We both know what you did on the Line now. Susan that is POWERFUL. Don't you think the Shadows would want you?"
"You make me ashamed of myself. I'm embarrassed. And I'm creeped out just thinking about the possibilities you mentioned. I never considered anything other than my own feelings. Never thought I mattered much in the grand scheme of things. I've been alone so long I start to look at myself that way."
"You're not alone anymore. You have a place and a family."
"Huh?"
"Whether or not you are ready to accept or acknowledge it, you are Anla'Shok. Its written in your heart. You felt the call to Tuzanor. You've felt it for awhile, haven't you?"
At this Susan could only nod in stunned amazement.
"Minbari are absolutely convinced that a great many of their souls over the last millennium are being reborn into humans. You know why they ended the war. I'm not the only one. They captured other pilots after me to see if it was simply a fluke of nature or if they'd spent three years killing millions of Minbari souls never to be reborn into the Universe.
Yes, we have a recruitment campaign for humans to join the Anla'Shok but we aren't exactly advertising it publically. Recently, humans have started coming to Minbar. They have no idea why or what they are looking for. They just know that they need to come. They all somehow find their way to Tuzanor. They are drawn to the Anla'Shok. They feel the call. The Religious caste believes that those humans with the undefinable urge to come here possess Minbari souls and are being pulled home. That they come to Tuzanor because the Anla'Shok is the true calling of their heart."
She remembered Fannol's words.
He searched her face for signs of disbelief. Though he couldn't understand why he still bothered to do that considering all that has gone on between them. Still it's surreal. If his life depended on it a week ago and he had to guess which of his friends would be here, he never would have imagined Susan. Michael, perhaps out of loyalty and friendship rather than a spiritual purpose. Stephen, not withstanding the revelations about his abilities or even what he is, he might have said because of his spiritual center and his need to heal and protect. But here she was.
"What must I do? What about the station?"
"If and only if you are ready and choose of your own free will you'll start Ranger training. You'll return to the station as planned and continue with your duties. No one will know. It won't be public knowledge among the Anla'Shok here and you won't be in the accessible data base. Myself, Turval, and Durhan are the only ones who will know. No matter what someone in the future may suggest, we will be the ONLY ones to know until it is time.
Not until the Shadows move in accordance with Valen's prophecies. I have a strong suspicion that inside you'll know the day and the hour to reveal yourself. In the meantime, you'll be Commander Ivanova Earth Force officer of Babylon 5. When needed you'll be called. Just do what Anla'Shok do: watch, gather information, and be prepared to intervene."
"I'm ready."
He looked at her intently to be sure that she was making this decision with a clear head and for the right reasons instead of emotional ones. She just gave him a sarcastic look, rolled her eyes and said,
"We both knew this was going to happen the first day. You suspected as much before I even arrived so let's move on, shall we."
"You have 19 more days here. That is not nearly enough time but considering where you are in your own development I think it will be enough. Starting tomorrow you will spend the appropriate amount of time working with your Sech on your telepathic abilities." He looked at her waiting for opposition.
"I'm not saying a word. Consider me sufficiently chastised for the rest of my life."
"You'll also have classes designed for you to learn the three tiers of the Anla'Shok. Delight, Respect and Compassion. These will be one on one and intensive. In some ways you are very much ahead of any of the other human trainees. You already speak all three dialects, you've been practicing meditation principles for two years now and have become a lower level master with two forms. I can personally vouch for your piloting skills and combat training so you're excused from that."
"What aren't you mentioning?"
"The denn'bok."
"He's gonna kick my ass."
"Yes."
"On a consistent basis."
"Yes."
"He's gonna enjoy it."
"Yes."
"I'm gonna be his Corwin."
"Oh, yes." Sinclair laughed but when Susan gave him the death glare he moved on quickly.
"You and I will meet for 2 hours everyday. I don't know how your other instructors will want to arrange things but Durhan has already called dibbs on 14:00. I'm assuming he'll want to keep you until 19:00."
"Excuse me? 5 hours a day of getting my ass kicked one on one with a Master? That can't be in the Anla'Shok handbook?"
"No, its not. But Durhan gets what he wants and as of 14:00 today, you're his student. Cheer up. I'll arrange it so that you & I meet in the evening after his session. I'll even include free food."
"I was under the impression that the food was already complimentary around here." she drawled.
"Are you going to tell me about your Psi rating?"
"Yeah. That might also pose a problem with getting me an instructor who is already on the team so to speak. I think you're gonna have to speak with someone when we get back."
He wasn't sure what she meant but he nodded that he would go find out.
"Anyway, for plan old telepathy, I'm a P20."
He gasped but didn't say anything.
"That's a P20 using the Vorlon/Minbari scale remember? When I first heard that I was shocked but I figured, 8 steps away from a P12 means Psi Cops can't scan me. Like the difference between a P4 and a P12 right? Wrong. The conversion from Minbari to human Psi Corp scale makes me a P30. Which would explain that little magic hat trick back on the Line now, huh?"
[I'm going to try to stop being surprised by anything she says or does.]
"Guess that's also why the Walkers wanted to hang out with me. They probably thought I was one of them. Kidding. But seriously, that makes me REALLY curious about Stephen.
Anyway, I got over that part. But they tested for other stuff. Non Specific Psi Abilities (NSPA). They can't give me a rating because apparently I'm off the chart. So I'm wondering what NSPA means, and it was the examples they gave that had me bouncing off the ceiling, Jeff. There's no way for them to tell what I can do until I do it. If you don't think I'm a freak now listen to this.
NSPA includes, but isn't limited to, the ability to absorb information left by organic beings on non organic objects, pyrokinesis, astral projection, and you'll just love this one. The ability to walk THROUGH walls!!!! So I said that considering the number of door frames, tables, walls, and pillars I've smashed into during my lifetime I'm pretty sure I don't got that ability. But then your wonderfully oh so helpful mind healer pipes in and says that there's no guarantee I won't develop it one day."
"I take it that's when the door came off the hinges and you started trashing the place, beating up Anla'Shok, then ran away?"
"When you put it like that it does sound overly dramatic and childish. But basically, yeah."
Returning to the embassy, Sinclair delivered Susan to the impatiently waiting hands of Fannol before heading back to one or both of his jobs.
"Hey!"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Ok, I guess you are a little ticked at me."
"Human vernacular is imprecise at times. I am extremely displeased with you. Is that clear?"
"Crystal. Sorry about earlier it was a bad reaction but I uh, actually did what I was suppose to so that makes it alright."
"No it does not."
"Excuse me?"
"Susan, I am responsible for your safety while you are on Minbar. I cannot protect you if I cannot find you. Though from the number of Anla'Shok who visited the healers today I suppose you can defend yourself in an emergency." Fannol actually had the audacity to smirk. Followed by a decidedly un Minbari like snort. [Where is that ritual! I must have been infected.]
"I deserved that. So, I promise that I will do my best not to run away from you again. It wasn't personal. I didn't even see you."
"Yes, I could tell. I have seen the signs of blind rage and madness before amongst your people. I have also seen it in the mirror. I know."
When she looked up into his eyes she knew. And a new found understanding past between them.
"Have you eaten?"
"No, I was too concerned about your safety."
"Ah, that's sweet. Let's get something. I'm starving."
"You do not have time to eat."
"Why? What are you talking about?"
"Well, if you stayed here you would know. But since you went off in...."
"Alright! What is it?"
"It is 13:30 hours. You have to change into the appropriate clothing for your 'talk' with Sech Durhan. It will take 15 minutes to get there from your rooms and you never want to have eaten anything within an hour of 'talking' to Durhan."
"You're taking pleasure in this."
"Yes, well Delight is one thing we seek."
All she could do is groan. {Since when did the tables turn & Fannol become a smart ass?}
"Ok, so where do I get these appropriate clothes? I didn't exactly pack for this."
"You should find them already laid out for you."
"Minbari elves."
They arrived at Susan's door and Fannol stepped to the side at post.
"Uh, its gonna take me 10 minutes to get ready. And its stupid for you to wait outside. Come on in. You can trust me even though there aren't any witnesses around."
In response to the puzzled expression on his face she informed him a bit too matter a factly,
"Nowhere to hide the body, damn where's an airlock when I need one."
[Why do I believe she has done that before?]
"Do not do that."
"What?"
"Say scary things."
With all the dignity she could muster, Susan managed to walk out of Durhan private chamber of horrors some 5 ½ hours later. Once the doors closed behind her she realized she had no false pride as she fell rather ungracefully into Fannol's arms. Without a word of protest on her part she allowed herself to be swept up and carried off to a healer. En route they passed a few of the Anla'Shok she'd met at lunch and befriended. Having heard about her display earlier (who hadn't) and that she'd run off alone into the city afterwards they were concerned and wanted to know what happened.
"She just had a rather long talk with Sech Durhan." That was all Fannol needed to say. The others simply nodded their understanding, cast her a sympathetic look and walked away.
Later that evening she lay sprawled on the floor in her greeting room when Sinclair arrived. Fannol had taken the liberty to adjust her lock so that it would open automatically for Entil'Zha before he left.
"With all due respect, DO NOT speak to me."
Jeffery Sinclair was all too familiar with the after effects of anytime spent with Durhan and was gracious enough to smother his chuckles under a cough.
"I take it he was—intense."
"You can take it that he wants to kill me. I can only assume I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."
"It gets better, trust me."
"I'll have to take your word for it. I've have no first hand knowledge of that fact. Though I hardly believe he could kill Entil'Zha. Me, I don't think he has any qualms about."
"Hungry?"
"I have little feeling below the neck so I'm not sure if my stomach works or not. Also I'm not moving from this spot."
"Ok, we'll have a carpet picnic. If you weren't in pain, could you tell if you've learned anything?"
"Yeah, 800 new ways to fall down."
At this he couldn't suppress his amusement and laughed openly. "Sorry."
"That's ok. He really does know his stuff. But he doesn't need me to tell him that. It better get better though."
"It does. Here, have some tea while we go over your schedule." Amazingly enough someone thought to include a straw on the tray.
{Probably figured my wrists would be broken.}
"Though your Psi ability is, quite frankly, amazing we were able to arrange for you to have a teacher. Not just any teacher but..."
"Don't tell me. Another Master right?"
"Exactly. He actually oversees the most elite school for telepaths. Its on Ver'Yil."
"Never heard of it."
"It's a lesser planet within the Federation. Only telepaths live or travel there."
"Oh joy. Tell me I'm not gonna be commuting everyday."
"No. It pays to have friends in high places. For the Entil'Zha he agreed to travel here and remain for the duration of your stay."
"Assuming Durhan doesn't kill me off, what are we talking here? Specifics."
"He is F'hursna Leroon..."
"He's a Warrior?"
Sinclair was taken aback momentarily at her ability to recognize caste affiliation by name. [Why am I surprised?]
"Wait a minute, F'hursna?"
"Yes, 'the teacher's Master'. That's his title. Now do you understand the significance of what you pulled off on the transport?"
"Wow. Guess I do."
"Anyway, there have been no others of his degree of skill before him or since. He is the one who created the F'hursna Na'Rek. He has taught that technique to very few students over the last 100 years. While intrigued by your Psi rating and his deference to me, it was learning that you have successfully attempted this ritual that convinced him to travel here. He is paying you AND me a great honor. Learn from him, Susan. Be open to whatever he tries to teach you."
Awed, "I promise, I will."
"That's all that can be asked of you."
"Hey, I thought the Shai Alyt forbid all Warriors from associating with the Anla'Shok or risk being outcast in protest of a certain human."
"And you know this how?"
"Ivanova knows everything. You've spent too much time away from me, Jeff. If something is happening that I don't know about, then there's really a problem. You forget, I always make it my business to find out exactly what's going on. I was wondering about Durhan but I suppose they can't do anything about him?"
"No. Durhan and Leroon are untouchable. No one would ever think of crossing that line."
"Well goodie, goodie for me. Am I going to get you into trouble? You know cause problems for you that you don't need. It's been awhile but I can usually see a Boom coming."
"Clairvoyance?"
Indignantly, "I am Russian. We know these things."
"Yes, well your Russian pessimism will have to take a backseat to your Anla'Shok training because the acknowledgment, acceptance and fulfillment of Delight is one of the three principles. Life is too short and the time of darkness is near. Take what you can while you can."
"Ok, delight me with some more tea. I've just about got the hang of this straw."
Pouring the tea and setting out dinner, Sinclair went into the particulars of her schedule.
"Leroon wants an early start with you. 06:00 for 3 hours. From 10:00-12:30 you'll meet with Kailenn for Religious studies. That will include history of the Anla'Shok, the life of Valen and the last Shadow War, prophecies of Valen—try to keep quiet about the things you didn't learn from the station data base. We don't need anyone asking questions."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. So history, prophecies and what else?"
"A complete understanding of the principles of the faith, general rituals and practices as well as those specific to the Anla'Shok, and it will be a time for asking the questions burning in your heart. We all have them."
She thought on this for a few moments and then nodded appreciatively.
"Then of course you meet with Sech Durhan at 14:00 for denn'bok training."
Her only response was a deep groan as Susan struggled to spear a piece of flarn with her fork using her right hand.
"Finally, you meet with me. Unless something comes up on my schedule that can't be rearranged we'll make it dinner time. I did promise free food. 19:00 ought to give you enough time to—recover. Philosophy, politics, and other."
"Other?"
"Other. Each session is a test of not just your abilities but of who you are. The challenges of the Anla'Shok are unique to anything you have experienced previously though you will of course draw on past accomplishments and failures. And, as you are a class of one, you need to be reminded that you are not going through this alone."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. So let's get started. You'll need plenty of rest."
Susan decided that she'd rise at 04:30 so that she could do an hour of exercises before meeting with Leroon. She alternated each day between Tai'Chi and Katas. In addition to clearing her mind, she was able to work out some of the knots and kinks that formed overnight because of her lessons with Durhan. Fannol was not happy about her new morning constitution but he got over it rather quickly once she convinced him to join her instead of just standing around watching.
She found a rhythm to her hectic daily schedule. She was use to 18 hour days on the station so she counted herself lucky to be free an hour earlier. And yet it wasn't the same. The more she did in training, the more relaxed and peaceful she felt. By day 6 she and Fannol added their denn'boks to the morning exercises. The fluid motions helped her to get a better feel for it. It did not take long for her to consider it an extension of herself. Around day 11 they noticed that they had a sizeable audience toward the end of their session. Even in training most Rangers were not out and about at 5:00 in the morning but word had spread of their activity in the garden and it soon became a must see event. Some mornings they alternated denn'bok movements with the Katas and Tai'Chi. It was widely commented that it looked like a dance.
Fannol arranged his schedule so that they could have meals together as much as possible. Since he was no longer acting as her protector he began his denn'bok tutorials and what she called Human Denn'bok 101. (Or H.D. 101 as the name stuck and caught on) He had to admit that he was enjoying himself. Never before had he considered becoming a teacher but this "punishment" opened his mind to the possibility. It felt right.
While having lunch one day in a large group he had to endure Susan's constant, 'I told you so' and one or two "Ivanova is always right' outbursts as he shared his thoughts with the others. He did not understand why learning that he had been one of Sech Durhan's private students compelled her to throw a roll at him from across the table. Needless to say the others were caught completely off guard but they had learned early on that those two had developed their own language and unique style of communication.
"I can't believe that you literally learned from THE Master and had the nerve to squirrel away your knowledge from those who obviously need it most! You should have considered it a great honor that they chose you. In fact, you should have volunteered to do it on your own. The Earth Bible, a holy text, has a saying, 'Do not hide your light under a bush that's what you would have been doing."
Fannol mimicked her annoying head shake, adopted a wry smile and added the tisk tisk noises he'd grown to hate before adding,
"Be careful Susan, you are starting to think like a Minbari." The only response he got was another roll up side the head. {Definitely turning into a smart ass.}
When Leroon first learned that she had successfully attempted the F'hursna Na'Rek he had great difficulty believing it. His Warrior's pride assured him that it was a mistake. He was surprised to find that he held no resentment towards her for it, especially when she explained the circumstances. The entire concept of the human Psi Corp was incredulous to him. But he reviewed the information Satai Delenn sent him when she asked that he recommend a teacher for the human telepath she was sending to Minbar. Alisa's rating, a P10 on the human scale, was not as high as Commander Ivanova's but then again, he'd never met anyone with her potential either.
He had greater obstacles with the Commander than Alisa faced because of their circumstances. Alisa was but 14 years old and her abilities had just emerged. She had not spent a lifetime hiding her gift and her attitude towards it was still open. Where she held curiosity, Commander Ivanova was hesitant but resigned. Leroon could see that she was trying to work past her instincts to shy away from the training. He also had to consider that she appeared to be a rarity if not a novelty. The Universe was complex and he had lived long enough to be certain that she was not alone. The very fact that she had not undergone any genetic manipulation or drug enhancements to achieve this level was his proof that others like her existed. He supposed other humans must have her potential as well and remained undetected because the human Psi test were not able to register someone with such a high rating. When he shared his thoughts with the Commander he could tell that she seemed extremely relieved. Her reaction confirmed that he had to spend a great deal of time building her self confidence in the little time they had. Over-all he was very pleased with her progress.
After the travesty that was her introduction to Sech Durhan Susan was determined to conquer the denn'bok. It would not defeat her and Sech Durhan would not get his jollies by whipping her around like a rag doll for 5 hours each day. She was hardly a Master but her prowess both surprised and delighted Durhan. Though he was careful to conceal that fact least she rest on her laurels and slack off. Susan was beginning to truly love her training sessions with Durhan. In addition to the training he agreed to conduct all of their sessions completely in Vik so that she could gain more practice with the dialect. It took a few days but she was staying on her feet longer and longer. She did a Happy Dance and declared session 10 a High Holy Day when she managed to disarm Durhan and land him flat on his back. When he attempted to censure her for behavior unbecoming an Anla'Shok she scored points by informing him that she was merely experiencing and expressing Delight. He could not argue her reasoning.
He'd seen her potential the day they interrupted her impromptu spar with Fannol. That was his main reason for taking her as a student. He considered it a personal challenge to train her during the short time she would be with them. Realistically, he didn't think she could achieve in 3 weeks what it would take others 3 months to learn in regular Anla'Shok training. Surprise was an understatement when he realized that she was better than most of the advanced students who'd had considerably longer training. When he shared this with her, her only response was, "I am Russian."
[Perhaps these Russians are indeed superior humans. I will have to ask Entil'Zha about them.]
Whatever Durhan's initial feelings toward her, he could not deny that he enjoyed their time together. He was well pleased to find that she did have a Warrior's Heart and achieved his own measure of Delight when his comment rendered her speechless and humbled. She immediately thanked him for the honor. Durhan arranged for her to attend a few of Turval's classes so that she could spar against other students. His pride was unmistakable when she bested all those who were put before her. Durhan was inwardly beaming that she conducted herself with the utmost professionalism and displayed intense concentration, feline agility, and fierce determination. She was graceful, aggressive, cunning, and deadly with the denn'bok.
Durhan was pleased to note on several occasions that Entil'Zha came to observe Susan while sparing with other students. His visits were not looked on with joy by those who had the privilege of noting his presence from the prone position. Susan was never one of them. Though she hardly acknowledged his arrival or departure as she focused completely on those before her.
Sech Durhan knew his young student well. He was quite aware that she was holding back the full extent of her joy at winning and noted it with a subtle look. Later when they were alone she reached up on the tips of her toes and whispered in his ear that the honor of a Happy Dance was reserved for him alone. She was quickly becoming his favorite student.
Susan found her time with Kailenn to be the most rewarding and enlightening. It helped her to redefine the way she viewed herself and the cosmos. Tolerance, patience, and a broader perspective of existence were her rewards. This is where she truly learned to think like a Minbari. She could not get enough of whatever Kailenn put before her. Many nights she had to force herself to put down her readings and go to bed. She also developed a solid foundation for understanding the things she saw in her dreams. Her love and respect for Valen and his accomplishments was limitless. Kailenn was warned that Susan was special. [They did not tell me HOW special she was.] She was an open and willing vessel for knowledge but she was not blind to inconsistencies in Minbari culture. Many hours were spent asking questions while Kailenn gently prodded her to extract the answers from within.
For her part, Kailenn was determined to teach Susan all that she could. Because of the unusual circumstances and the nature of the one on one sessions Kailenn was free to tailor her instructions to her student's needs. They had several outings in Tuzanor which Susan referred to as field trips. Kailenn didn't understand this concept at first and explained that they would not be visiting any farms. They donned their cloaks, raised the hoods and set off to various locations with Anla'Shok following at a discreet distance. Susan was moved by her visit to the Temple of Varinni and found the Star Fire Wheel fascinating. {Not fascinating enough to stand in the circle, thank you very much.} They also took a half day trip to the Sisters of Valeria convent. Kailenn went head to head with her other instructors that they would just have to make arrangements to Susan's schedule because this was an essential part of her development. There she was permitted by special instruction of the Entil'Zha to read the sacred text and scrolls. Susan knew why Entil'Zha did this and it warmed her heart. Yes, it was necessary and beneficial to her understanding.
Some of their most special times together were spent at the Temple of Valen. This was the one place on Minbar Susan had grown to love more than her 'Garden of Eden' back at the embassy.
Kailenn provided her with many study materials to take back to the station and assured Susan that she was just an interstellar communication away.
Her time in the evening with Jeff was precious and she treasured it above anything else. In addition to spending time with her friend. She was learning from Entil'Zha. She also realized she was gaining access that other trainees did not. Their relationship was a menagerie and complex to anyone looking in from the outside. They were all things to each other. Teacher/student, counselor/confessor, superior/subordinate and equals but at all times friend. It was the purest form of give and take either of them had ever allowed themselves to experience with another. They held nothing back nor did they overwhelm. Sinclair knew she would have to leave in a few weeks so he put everything he had into their time together. Some times she was his rock, sounding board and learning tree. Some times he was hers.
Susan spoke openly about her nightmares to him without being asked. In her time on Minbar she'd only had 1 and as she suspected, it wasn't as scary now that she had gained understanding. She was more aware of what she saw though the meaning was not clear. Because of her lessons with F'hursna Leroon she was able to make the distinction between actual events and perceptions or images. He was not informed of the nature of her dreams but his techniques were extremely useful. Susan also had another dream about things to come or things past. While she informed Entil'Zha of the fact, they both knew she was not to speak of them. He did encouraged her to keep a written account.
They discussed current and past Minbari politics and philosophy. Like Jeff, she came to view the Earth Minbari War through new eyes. Her lessons with Kailenn explored and explained why Dukhat was the 'best of them' and what his senseless death did to their entire species. Neither of them felt that humanity as a whole deserved to suffer or be pushed to the brink of extinction for the careless actions of one man, but they had gained new perspective. And like Sinclair, Susan was quickly beginning to think of Minbar in general and Tuzanor specifically as home.
On her 16th night of Anla'Shok training Entil'Zha Sinclair explained her situation. Since his visit the evening after her first lesson with Sech Durhan they had taken to sitting on the floor. It was a bit shocking to the Minbari who served their dinner but when Entil'Zha explained that they would be observing an old Earth custom called a 'carpet picnic' they nodded their approval. Minbari are nothing if not ritualistic.
"You have done very well here my friend . I am not surprised but overjoyed at your success."
"I never knew I could feel the way I do. That I could be what I am or even think the way I do. I am so thankful and honored that you've given me this."
"The honor is mine and the Anla'Shok, you will do great things in the future. Of that I am absolutely certain.
Tomorrow you'll need to see Healer Talenn so she can draw some blood. Go before your lesson with Kailenn."
Susan had quickly embraced the Minbari saying: Understanding is not required, only obedience. She never questioned any directions by Entil'Zha. He noticed that change in her behavior immediately.
"Yes, Entil'Zha."
"You will meet with Sechs Turval, Durhan and myself at 18:30 at my house. Fannol will escort you. Wear something comfortable. You'll also need to pack an overnight bag.
You will leave in 3 days. I'm amending your return trip so that you will not revisit Kintari. You will travel on a private ship with Raislic registry but it is owned by the Anla'Shok and those will be the only ones on board. Fannol will accompany you. They are picking up....cargo from Babylon 5 so I thought we might as well drop some off." They both laughed at that.
Susan was of two minds. While she knew she had a duty to the station and it was more than just a job she'd fallen in love with her life here. She didn't want to be separated from the friends she made her or the lessons she'd begun. She also wasn't happy about entering her life's calling only to be shut off from it indefinitely.
Sinclair picked up on these thoughts. "A wise woman once reminded me that each is called according to their purpose. There is a time for all things. You are called to serve and to lead. What you are feeling right now is no different from all the others as their training comes to an end. You, however, are fortunate to be returning to familiar settings. We need you where you are. When the time comes you will do what must be done. Remember that you are not alone."
"Perhaps you are the telepath, Entil'Zha. You read my mind and my heart easily."
"No, not a telepath but I have a degree of understanding. Now you will have a VERY busy day ahead of you so I suggest you get some rest."
Susan stood and walked him to the door. She bowed to him reverently and then on impulse reached out and pulled him in to an embrace. "I am only an interstellar communication away."
They parted as friends.
Susan had taken time during the last week to purchase and prepare gifts for her teachers and Fannol. Each of them gave her tools and skills to live by and grow from. She cherished all of them but had to admit that Sech Durhan had touched her heart more deeply than the others. She put the gifts for Leroon and Kailenn in her back pack intending to give distribute them at the end of her lessons. She also had something for Sechs Turval and Durhan and decided to give them theirs after the slumber party. {If I'm still alive.} Jeff's gift was difficult but she was pleased with it and hoped he would see what she meant to convey.
Fannol, well, she couldn't let him get off scot free. And of course she had to have the last word. Since Jeff said that he would be escorting her back to the station she decided to wait until they were on the ship to give him his gift. Knowing Minbari customs as she did, he could not refuse the gift nor would he be able to stuff it in the back of a closet. That would bring dishonor to both of them. He would have to display it and it would have to be among those who knew them both so well. That eased the burden of leaving.
She contented herself with the knowledge that he would be forced to walk around Ranger headquarters wearing a bright red t-shirt that with bold white letters that said, "Ivanova is always right." For good measure she included a second one, Ivanova knows EVERYTHING.
At 18:00 Fannol rang her door chime. She was just finishing meditating as he entered. Their eyes met and silent understanding past between them. He had never once voiced his suspicion about what was going on. Those of Fannol's friends who adopted her into their circle had also kept silent but they all suspected the same thing. The situation was just too unusual. Her routine over the last 18 days was very different from the first 2. They knew. The fact that she had survived 3 weeks of 5 hour private lessons with Sech Durhan was enough to make them each hand over their Ranger pins if Entil'Zha didn't give her one of her own.
She was changed. They saw it in her eyes. She surprised those who'd known Fannol longest when they observed that she mirrored his behavior and mannerisms. They also noted that Fannol had changed. What shocked and disturbed them initially they now didn't find strange at all. Somewhere around the end of the first week he stopped searching for the anti Ivanova cleansing ritual and embraced his unusual behavior. She had throughly and completely infected him with her Russian Earther ways. He'd started to unconsciously pick up her mannerisms as well and her foreign brand of humor was not lost on him. Basically, he got the jokes. She corrupted his library by including MANY works by humans though he found it a bit suspicious when she contended Russian literature was really the only thing worth reading. To her credit she included a work of fiction called the Three Musketeers. She even went so far as to give a copy of it to each of her other friends. She said that they'd be able to relate.
Fannol could tell she was nervous. He really couldn't blame her. To have undergone and apparently survived Anla'Shok training alone with such intensity was an accomplishment. But tonight and tomorrow would be very hard. To endure those tests alone would take exceptional strength of character. He could not say this. What he could do is project calm, confidence and his joy at having her enter their numbers. Message sent and received. She smiled.
Commander Susan Ivanova had faced many challenges and hardships in her 25 years of living. She was Russian after all. She survived basic training and boot camp. She survived almost 10 years in Earth Force. She survived Babylon 5. She had no idea how she survived those final 24 hours as an Anla'Shok trainee. It was the worst experience of her life. It was the most rewarding experience of her life.
Anla'Shok were born to their calling. And then they were made through their training. It was a baptism by fire.
She heard the words of an oath that sent shivers down her spine while lighting her heart with joy.
Entil'Zha Sinclair locked her into a steady gaze as she entered the room to take her final step.
"Why are you here?"
"Summoned, I come. In Valen's name, I take the place that was prepared for me."
"Will you follow me into Fire, into Storm, into Darkness, into Death?"
"Yes."
"Then do this in testimony to the one who will follow, who will bring death couched in the promise of new life and renewal disguised as defeat.
From birth through death and renewal, you most put aside old things, old fears, old lives. This is your death, the death of flesh, the death of pain, the death of yesterday. Taste of it, and be not afraid. For, I am with you until the end of time. And so, it begins."
She looked into the eyes of her friend, her teacher, her mentor, her Entil'Zha and with conviction proclaimed:
"We walk in the dark places no other will enter. We stand at the bridge and no one may pass."
"We live for the One. We die for the One."
When Entil'Zha Sinclair clasped her Ranger pin to her robe she felt it throughout her entire body. {1,000 years before me others have come.} It was the single most defining moment in her life. She felt the power of the words she repeated as they reverberated across time, across the stars.
"I welcome you to the future, my Anla'shok."
And when it was over Entil'Zha smiled and kissed her softly on both cheeks in tribute to the custom of her Mother Land. The gesture was not lost on her. Though most of what was happening around her was.
And then the fun started as she realized she got presents. She presented her gifts to them as well.
She didn't expect any of it and certainly not a present from Turval. She was pleased that he thought of her.
But when she opened Durhan's gift she was robbed her of words yet again. A hand crafted denn'bok. The intricate designs on the handle were breathtaking. His family crest. His clan, the Fire Wings. And it bore the mark and words proclaiming that Susan Ivanova was a student of denn'bok Master Sech Durhan. He signed it for all to see. But when she read the inscription at the bottom she broke out in laughter. "May this bring you MANY opportunities to perform the Happy Dance."
"Sech Durhan, you take great Delight in rendering me speechless. I lack the words to express how much you honor me."
"It is a gift well deserved."
The shocker was Jeff's gift. Her Anla'Shok uniform. It confused her. She'd spent the last 3 weeks in the company of Anla'Shok. She knew their garb. The 9 uniforms before her looked nothing like those. These robes were black trimmed in silver with threading the color of the crystal mounting the Mineria Blessing Stone. They bore the emblem of the Anla'Shok as well. Not wanting to suppose that she was to be less than the others, she didn't know what to make of it. So she turned an open and questioning look towards him.
"I told you once Anla'Shok Ivanova that you were called to serve and to lead. You have a path that others will walk but not in the same manner as you. Here you answered the calling of your heart. At the Mineria you submitted and sent up a prayer for serenity and strength of purpose. You were granted the peace that you fervently desired. Your purpose is with the Army of Light you will serve and you will lead from Babylon 5. This I have seen in my dreams and I know it to be true with everything in me. Your strength is the Anla'Shok. It is Tuzanor. And when you leave tomorrow you will carry both of them with you in your heart."
Later when Fannol came to collect her, she had barely pulled herself together. Still awed by the events of the last 24 hours she followed behind him blindly. She really couldn't connect the dots of the last month. Was it just 5 weeks ago that she started having nightmares? Only 3 weeks since she arrived? How her life had changed! And she was to leave tomorrow. Jeff had already arranged to come by in the morning for breakfast. She an Fannol decided that they could have their final morning session a little later since she wouldn't be pressed to make it to F'hursna Leroon's lesson at 6:00. So they would sleep in few more hours and meet at 07:00.
Back at the embassy, he helped her with her packages without inquiring. Turval had also included a case for her to pack her uniforms for travel. Inside she found an ankle holster specially designed to fit a denn'bok she would be concealing for the foreseeable future. {That man is very practical.}
It appeared that the surprises weren't over for the night. When they entered here rooms she carried her things into the bedroom. Out of habit, Fannol began preparing the tea. That's when he heard her, "In Valen's name!"
Rushing into the bedroom he saw what she did and smiled. New luggage. Large enough to hold all of the clothes she had been given for her stay. Already packed. The only things left out were her traveling clothes, meditation candles and toiletries. Someone had taken the liberty of leaving a new gown and matching robe on her bed. Next to it were the civilian clothes she arrived in. {How did they know?}
"All those clothes couldn't be meant for me to keep. Its too much. There must be some mistake."
"No mistake. I thought you were impressed with Minbari hospitality. Elves remember?"
"Well yeah, I guess. But how did they know?"
"That you wouldn't be in a hurry to return to the other style of dress? Susan, Susan, Susan. You keep forgetting that you think like a Minbari. It was Minbari who packed your clothes."
"Oh."
"Hurry and finish so we can have tea. We have plans this evening."
"News to me. What plans?"
"A leave taking ceremony. In your Garden of Eden. But first we have a special stop to make."
"Valen's Temple?" She asked eagerly.
"Of course."
"Leave taking?"
"Did you think your friends would not mark this special occasion?"
"I am honored. Thank you."
When the breakfast dished were cleared away they sat in silence reflecting, contemplating, and simply enjoying the pleasure of each other's company.
"I'll miss our talks and time together."
"As will I. It was good that you came. For both of us. I needed it on a personal level."
"Anytime, for any reason. You call and I'll come home immediately."
"Home. It is, isn't it?"
"Absolutely. Oh, wait a couple of days if you don't see it and then ask Fannol about the gift I got him. I haven't given it too him yet 'cause I know he's capable of digging a shallow grave out back."
"What's the gift?"
"Oh no. That would ruin the surprise. You've got to see this one to believe it. Trust me. You'll want a vid cam handy."
They continued on until it was time to go and her bags were collected. He walked out with her and after a tender embrace they each turned to the work ahead.
"You do not lack self confidence."
"I speak only the truth my friend. You know it. And soon EVERYONE will know it."
"How long until we reach Babylon 5?"
"Not long enough for you to get out of saying it."
[Why am I here?]