Half way through cigarette number three, or is it four? Regardless, I watch the ash land on the back of my hand, and admire for a moment the way it looks like dirty snow against my skin.
Taking another drink from my whiskey sour, that was poured with an all too heavy hand, I close my eyes and try to recall the last time I saw snow.
It takes a few moments, but suddenly it comes to me clear as day. I recall holding Gren's fragile form in my arms as I lifted him into his zipcraft for what I can only imagine was a farewell mission towards Titan. In my mind I can still feel the snow crunch under my boots, the chill running through my body was not from the cold, though to this day I'm not sure if it was from the feeling that a life before me was fleeting, or the realization that my own end is probably not that far off in the distance.
Opening my eyes once more, I toss back the rest of my drink, and flag the bartender down for another. Taking a long drag from the stumpy remains of my cigarette, I shift my gaze across the bar, toward my companion for the night.
Sitting at a table, drink in hand, chatting up our next potential bounty sits Faye Valentine in all her glory.
I watch as she shamelessly flirts with the man across the table from her, thankfully the set up of the bar keeps them from seeing me.
My mind drifts back to days earlier when Jet, Ed and myself sat watching the old video of an innocent little girl who bore such a striking resemblance to our shipmate who was forbade from watching said video. Though from the corner of my eye I could see her watching intently from the hallway, the look on her face still freshly etched in my memory.
We all knew exactly who it was on that screen, though none of us spoke a word about it as the video concluded. Wouldn't want to pretend like any of care, now would we?
I can hear Jet's voice break through my thoughts in the ear piece I'm wearing. I swat at it absentmindedly as if it were a persistent insect. Though his words don't really register with me, and I grumble a half assed reply. He probably thinks I'm drunk, but I'm not, at least not yet.
It's not that I am ignoring him, its just that I am distracted, my eyes keenly fixed on my comrade and our meal ticket, as the bartender places a fresh drink in front of me.
The man says something, and Faye giggles like a school girl, as he places his hand over hers. Suddenly I am filled with an irrational anger, and I'm not sure if I want to slap Faye for acting so dense, or deck the bounty for touching her.
Something in my gut twists, and I finish off my drink in two large gulps, choosing to ignore the nagging feelings for the moment, and try to think of anything else.
Crushing out my cigarette, I quickly light another, and taking a deep drag, let my eyes fall closed once more as I entertain thoughts of a life I long left behind.
Suddenly the clanking of glass wear and white noise of random conversations falls away, and I'm curled up in a warm bed. My arm around soft curves, my nose buried in fragrant blonde hair. I listen to her soft humming as I pull her closer. I try my best to be content, yet my body remains tense, worried that any moment we may be found out.
Another long drag from my smoke, and the illusion fades, though my eyes remain closed. Somewhere in the warped recesses of my mind I suddenly wonder what it would be like to bury my nose in soft violet hair, to forget the world for a few fleeting moments, and share something with someone. The thought is upsetting, and I quickly open my eyes, only to be met by the sight of a fresh drink waiting for me, and thin wisps of ghostly grey trailing from the cherried end of a cigarette. Apparently the bartender knows the look of a man in need.
As I take the first sip of drink number three in such a short span of time, this time I am grateful for the generosity of the bartenders pouring skills. The funds in my wallet are far too thin to keep this up much longer, and I long for the bottle of the cheap stuff back on the Bebop that I know is just waiting for me to crack the seal; and for the embrace of that well worn yellow couch that holds me better than any woman ever could.
Faye is still chatting up our overly friendly bounty, and by now he has moved his chair in closer, leaning over to brush a stray strand of hair out of her face.
I know the plan like the back of my hand, since Jet had gone over it again and again, as if Faye and I were too dense to understand. I know he means well, but then, just as right in the moment, I can feel my patience wearing thin. I'm supposed to wait for Faye to get the bounty out of the bar, and follow them out to make the collar, but I'm sick of waiting.
Lighting yet another cigarette, I down the rest of my drink, this time shaking off the bartender as he nods in my direction.
Leaving some crumpled woolongs on the warped bar top, I move to another table, hell bent on finishing my smoke before making my next move.
My ear piece crackles again, and I hear Jet imploring me to give him the details of what's going on.
"Faye's busy, I've got this." Is my nonchalant reply before shutting off the comlink mid conversation.
Crushing out my half smoked cigarette, I grab a half empty drink from a nearby table as I cross the room, the strangers protest falling on deaf ears as I down what remains and deposit it on another table.
"Oh there you are! Sorry I'm so late." I hear the words pass through my lips before my own brain has a chance to comprehend them, and I see Faye rise from her seat, confusion etched on her face.
I know I am deviating from the plan, but at this point I don't care. Faye opens her mouth to say something, but I cut her off with a hard kiss before she can get a word out. From the corner of my eye, I can see her own widen with what I can only assume is shock.
"Traffic was just awful, I tell ya. Who's this?" I motion toward the bounty, and only half listen as Faye chokes out an answer, introducing the bounty to me. A sudden wave of nausea hits me, and for a moment I'm not sure if it's from the booze, or the mere fact that I had just kissed Faye. Booze hasn't betrayed me that often, so I tell myself that it is the latter.
"We should still be able to make our reservations if we leave now."
Faye gathers her purse from the table and nods in agreement. "I just need to grab something from my car, then we can go. Ok?"
I nod, and lean in, being sure to give a sadistic grin in the direction of the bounty as I kiss her forehead. "Sounds great." Ok, so maybe I am a little drunk.
Without another word I backtrack my way through the bar and for the door. It takes every ounce of concentration I have to keep my gait par the course, until my hand hits the rough wood of the exit.
Sometime later that evening, the bounty already turned in for a monetary cash gain, I find myself and Faye walking down a nearly empty stretch of pier. Though she had remained fairly quiet I am waiting for her to chime in with some sort of snide remark of how she should get more than she did because she did most of the work, on account of the fact that I had drank too much to be a ton of help.
Fortunately for me, the words never come, and though I would never admit it to her face, if she were to have brought it up, she would have been right. I wonder for a moment if her silence is due to her reading too much into that kiss. I hope not, it meant nothing.
She stops at a secluded spot along the railing, and stares down at the inky water below, I join her in silence.
Slowly a grin spreads across my face. " Bet you didn't know you were the only one on the Bebop with some acting chops huh?" I get no reply.
Normally a quiet Faye, is the kind of Faye I enjoy, but for some unfathomable reason, the silence is making me uncomfortable.
"That was me. On that tape." She says without looking up from the water.
"I figured as much." My reply comes out much more cold than I intended, but I don't really know what else she is expecting me to say. By now she should know I am no great conversationalist.
"I know it was me…but I cant remember."
I watch as she bites her lip, and for a moment she looks as if she might cry. I shift awkwardly, and fish around in my pocket for my cigarettes. Placing one between my lips I pause, and add a second. Lighting them both, I pass one over to Faye who accepts with a small nod of appreciation.
The silence now has now become unbearable. I clear my throat loudly. " Ya know, I think there is a casino not to far from here. We could stop off before we head back." At this point I am expecting her face to light up like a Christmas tree at my offer.
"I think I just want to stay here."
My face falls, never would I have expected to Faye to turned down a chance to gamble away her earnings from a bounty. Maybe I was wrong in my perception of her.
We continue to smoke quietly, and when the cigarettes are smoked down to the filter, I light us a fresh round. I focus my eyes on the lights of a ship far off in the distance, and tense slightly as I feel Faye rest her free hand on top of mine.
I glance sidelong at our hands. Through the chill of the night her skin burns hot. " You're alright Faye. You know that?"
"Thanks Spike." Her reply is barely a whisper.
The silence returns once more, though it has lost the heaviness that it once held. Instead of focusing on what is not being said, I choose to focus on the soft lapping of the water against the rocks below, and the warmth of Faye's hand. The sirens call of that cheap bottle and well worn couch slowly begin to loosen their hold on me.
A faint grin forms on my lips well before I am even aware of its presence I'm sure. The quiet camaraderie wasn't what I had in mind, but slowly I become aware of one thing. There were certainly worse ways to spend the night.