Its day 1 in the big brother house. 12 brand new contestants who have
never met each other are going to be kept in the house for a grand total of
14 weeks.
Ok, lets see the profiles of these brave (or stupid) contestants.
For the girls we have:
Emma.
Sarah
Jenny
Hayley
1 Jammie
Lauren
And for the boys:
Paul,
Sean,
Graham
Mark
Robert
woody
Day 1
The first person to enter the big brother house is Graham. Graham is a self-confessed computer freak. In truth no one in the big brother judging panel wanted graham to be in the group, but as an experienced hacker he dug up embarrassing gossip on all of us. Damn him. What would you do!
Sean next. Sean is openly gay. Nothing more to say. He is boring.
Paul. He confused us. He is a womanising farmer from Scotland, yet he seemed all to willing to sleep without with the male section of the board of directors. Hmmm. We threw him in for a laugh anyway.
Mark is the next contestant to enter the house. For his luxury item he brought a dagger. We couldn't be bothered to tell him it's against the rules because he had this mad pyschotic look in his eye…
Woody. A sarcastic nymphomaniac. All that needs saying!
Robert aka Massam, he brings the guitar into the house. No one else who applied had a flammin guitar!! He is really very very sad! But anyway, on with the show.
Sarah. We realised we needed someone to keep the sanity in the house, and townie Sarah was just that. Hailing from liverpool all she brought with her was tracksuits and shell suits. Lovely.
In total contrast we added Jammie aswell. Who could leave her out after she told us she was a satanist and threatened to sell our souls. Eek.
Emma. The non-gay female version of Brian. Hilariously funny and wonderous…yes she paid me to say all that.
Jenny is next. Proclaimed by the big brother pyschiatrist the most likely to go mad. Should be fun….
Lauren is the houses lesbian,
Of course we needed someone who would bring more music to the house. Hayley promises to bring us just that, along with a fiery hatred for massam, who she used to know.
Tension is already rising in the house.
Paul is already trying his moves on Sarah but eyeing Woody up in the corner of his eye.
Emma is making a cake, 5 minutes into the game, as Jenny complained that she was hungry. Mark is eyeing up the knife they are using with that deadly glint in his eye again.
Massam is singing Bridge over troubled water with his guitar, before Mark threatens him.
"LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER! I WILL LAY ME DOWN!"
"Shut it you little p***k! Or this knife will get closely aquainted with your head!" (Big brother apologises for any string language used)
Massam whimpers and runs into the garden shed to cry. Mark laughs.
Hayley is already in the pool along with Paul, who is now trying (and failing) to chat HER up.
"My love for you is like diarreha, I just can't hold it in."
Suprisingly Hayley just giggles. Hmmm, I think we made a bad decision here. Is it to late to change the housemates? Damn.
Woody is testing the bed-springs in both bedrooms.
No one is talking to Sean as he has already spilt the weeks supply of sugar and milk. Damn him.
Jenny is happy. She has a cake! Hehehe!
Jammie is in the garden, and happily telling the chickens that the Devil loves them. They seem to believe her.
Graham has found already tried to hotwire the Big brother microphones in the Diary room, so that the housemates will be able to hear each nomination.
"Will Graham please come to the diary room."
"hello big brother."
"hello graham"
Long silence
"would you please explain why you tried to hotwire the system?"
"erm…well…it seemed like a funny..erm…idea at the..erm..time"
"big brother would like to remind you that any tampering with the big brother system is against the rules. You should be evicted."
"I'm really sorry big brother. (a look that is definetely not sorry) but while I'm here can I ask for more sugar and milk, some prat has spilt it already."
"Big brother will get back to you"
In the lounge area Sean is crying on Woodys shoulders.
"It's…it's..not like…I (sniff)…meant to do it!(blows nose) but..it…it..was..an accident. (snuck) Do…you..think…it.will be o..o..ok?"
"sure it will" says Woody stroking Seans hair. Sean seems happy from this action.
Emma reveals to the group that she was a stripper. All the girls turn their backs to her, (apart from jenny because Emma made a nice cake!), but all the boys suddenly want to be her best friend.
Ok, lets see the profiles of these brave (or stupid) contestants.
For the girls we have:
Emma.
Sarah
Jenny
Hayley
1 Jammie
Lauren
And for the boys:
Paul,
Sean,
Graham
Mark
Robert
woody
Day 1
The first person to enter the big brother house is Graham. Graham is a self-confessed computer freak. In truth no one in the big brother judging panel wanted graham to be in the group, but as an experienced hacker he dug up embarrassing gossip on all of us. Damn him. What would you do!
Sean next. Sean is openly gay. Nothing more to say. He is boring.
Paul. He confused us. He is a womanising farmer from Scotland, yet he seemed all to willing to sleep without with the male section of the board of directors. Hmmm. We threw him in for a laugh anyway.
Mark is the next contestant to enter the house. For his luxury item he brought a dagger. We couldn't be bothered to tell him it's against the rules because he had this mad pyschotic look in his eye…
Woody. A sarcastic nymphomaniac. All that needs saying!
Robert aka Massam, he brings the guitar into the house. No one else who applied had a flammin guitar!! He is really very very sad! But anyway, on with the show.
Sarah. We realised we needed someone to keep the sanity in the house, and townie Sarah was just that. Hailing from liverpool all she brought with her was tracksuits and shell suits. Lovely.
In total contrast we added Jammie aswell. Who could leave her out after she told us she was a satanist and threatened to sell our souls. Eek.
Emma. The non-gay female version of Brian. Hilariously funny and wonderous…yes she paid me to say all that.
Jenny is next. Proclaimed by the big brother pyschiatrist the most likely to go mad. Should be fun….
Lauren is the houses lesbian,
Of course we needed someone who would bring more music to the house. Hayley promises to bring us just that, along with a fiery hatred for massam, who she used to know.
Tension is already rising in the house.
Paul is already trying his moves on Sarah but eyeing Woody up in the corner of his eye.
Emma is making a cake, 5 minutes into the game, as Jenny complained that she was hungry. Mark is eyeing up the knife they are using with that deadly glint in his eye again.
Massam is singing Bridge over troubled water with his guitar, before Mark threatens him.
"LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER! I WILL LAY ME DOWN!"
"Shut it you little p***k! Or this knife will get closely aquainted with your head!" (Big brother apologises for any string language used)
Massam whimpers and runs into the garden shed to cry. Mark laughs.
Hayley is already in the pool along with Paul, who is now trying (and failing) to chat HER up.
"My love for you is like diarreha, I just can't hold it in."
Suprisingly Hayley just giggles. Hmmm, I think we made a bad decision here. Is it to late to change the housemates? Damn.
Woody is testing the bed-springs in both bedrooms.
No one is talking to Sean as he has already spilt the weeks supply of sugar and milk. Damn him.
Jenny is happy. She has a cake! Hehehe!
Jammie is in the garden, and happily telling the chickens that the Devil loves them. They seem to believe her.
Graham has found already tried to hotwire the Big brother microphones in the Diary room, so that the housemates will be able to hear each nomination.
"Will Graham please come to the diary room."
"hello big brother."
"hello graham"
Long silence
"would you please explain why you tried to hotwire the system?"
"erm…well…it seemed like a funny..erm…idea at the..erm..time"
"big brother would like to remind you that any tampering with the big brother system is against the rules. You should be evicted."
"I'm really sorry big brother. (a look that is definetely not sorry) but while I'm here can I ask for more sugar and milk, some prat has spilt it already."
"Big brother will get back to you"
In the lounge area Sean is crying on Woodys shoulders.
"It's…it's..not like…I (sniff)…meant to do it!(blows nose) but..it…it..was..an accident. (snuck) Do…you..think…it.will be o..o..ok?"
"sure it will" says Woody stroking Seans hair. Sean seems happy from this action.
Emma reveals to the group that she was a stripper. All the girls turn their backs to her, (apart from jenny because Emma made a nice cake!), but all the boys suddenly want to be her best friend.