I lost my uncle to cancer last night, this is dedicated to him and anyone suffering from it.
Based on the book: Before I die.
I had to go, I had to run away once again. There insufferable chirping of the latest chasing status song, she doesn't even like drum and bass, I zoned out, picking up my book I had read for over an hour, I got through two hundred pages of bull shit words about a mother who's daughter has cancer. I lay in my bed, just looking up at the grease splattered ceiling, me and my friend where playing with aliens, you know the ones with the goo? I decided to throw it on the ceiling after ripping it to shreds, I found it hilarious, my dad didn't though.
The air travels into my room from the window, it smells like cigarettes, my younger sister Belle and my brother James must be outside smoking but that's okay because I like the smell. They don't live here, Belle lives with her mother in another area and James lives in Leeds. I miss them when there gone but when there here I want to hit them as much as they can and scream at them for even thinking about feeling sorry for me, because there not- there sorry for themselves and how much fake grief they will have to deal with when I'm gone but I'll let them, because I love them anyway.
Belle's heals click against the hard wood flooring of my room, there black with mettle stud's on them. She's really pretty, beautiful even. She has soft flowing brown hair and big brown doe eyes, she looks so innocent but she's not- she's far from it. She's wearing a boob tube gray top and black ripped up leggings. She looks stunning, even in the glow of the night light.
"Are you asleep?" No. I ignore her though, she changes into a gray hoodie and black booty shorts, the one's that ride up you're ass cheeks in the middle of the night before turning of the night light and climbing into my bed. "I love you sissy." She mutters before drifting into a deep sleep, I want to tell her I love her back, but I can't- not yet anyway.
I want to tell her to leave, but I can't. My whole body aches with hatred right in this moment, I want to kick her and punch her but I can't, my body wont let me. "Morning Lisa." My Dad beams, walking into my bedroom, he does this every morning, next he'll go open the curtains, then he'll get Belle up before going downstairs to make everyone breakfast, mine will come on a tray, I wont eat it though, I never do.
"Why don't you get out of bed Li." I hate that nick name, it's horrid. My mum made it up, It reminds me of head lice. I don't know where she got it from though my names lisa, like lee-sa not ly-sa.
"Go away." I mutter, he shakes Belle, telling her to get out of bed, she kisses my head and says she'll be back up in a minute, she takes hours though- talking to one of our brother's friends, there here for band practice again.
I let Belle dress me, that's never a good idea but I feel to exhausted to even try. She puts me in bright green jeans and a gray crop top that only just covers my breasts, I tell her no, that you can see the scars on my stomach from various treatments and operations but she ignores me, telling me that you can barley see them anymore, I know she's lying though, there's a fresh red one, all dry and crackling just beneath my belly button.
She takes me downstairs, the band are around the table, my two younger brother's, Alex and Stephen are playing on there x-box in the living room, Dad's cooking chilli con carnie, how long was I upstairs for? Time seems to fly by no matter what these days.
"Hey Lisa, how are you feeling?" Logan, James's friend asks, taking a sip of the bear Dad has just passed him, I scowl at him before sitting down on the counter top.
"When do you go home?" I ask James, he pauses, counting the days down.
"Three weeks, but I'll be back after two days for a month or so, I might move in for a little while. We're getting a knew band member and he lives near here." I nod pretending to care but I don't, I don't give a fuck about his band anymore, I guess it's great that he's getting on with his life but to be honest the band suck at the moment, the knew guy must really be desperate to belong somewhere to join these loony's. "He's upstairs actually, just on the loo."
"Oh so that's why dad's making actual food then." Usually everything has to be steamed so that it is really, really healthy.
"Your's is in the steamer Lisa." I frown, I want chilli con carnie, I don't want steamed vedge and unprocessed chicken. I want really unhealthy, amazing tasting food, but what would it matter? I can't taste anything now anyway.
"Lisa, this is Kendall." James nods towards the stairs at the entrance of the room where a very tall, very handsome looking man stands. "Kendal this is my little sister Lisa." He waves a hello at me, his big hands look like there about to knock something over and break it but he doesn't, he's very careful.
"Lisa, why don't you call Angela, see if she want to stay the night? Or you could go to her house?" My Dad looks hopeful as he places a glass of water in front of me along with all my tablets, way to freak the knew guy out dad. "She hasn't been over in a while."
"Dad, Angela died remember, she got hit by that truck when she went to by a brand new baby alien." I say with a strait face, swallowing the first of the many pills before popping another pill out of it's packet, man I feel like a druggie right now.
"Not funny Lisa, I mean it- you need to see you're friend's more." Kendall takes a seat next to me, he scrapes the chair along the floor, making a screeching noise, it goes through me like nails on a chalk board.
"I'm not joking, she was going name it bill, after her Dad."
"Lisa, pack it in." James mutter's, I throw him a dirty looks and he pushes my phone towards me. I dial her number slowly, dragging each squish of my finger to around thirty seconds. Her phone goes stairt to voicemail, like always.
"Hi, It's me- Lisa. Just to let you know, I'm not dead so I hope you're not too. Dad says you should come over, so do that. Bye."