Lost
By MiaSanada
Cordellia Chase sat on the front step of the new office of Angel Investigations, the one
without the Angel. She stared up at the sky wondering how her life got so messed up. She had come to
LA to become a star and maybe make something of her life. Now she hunted demons with her friends
and tried to talk some sense into her boss, rouge Vampire with a soul that had definitely recently
turned down some bad streets. It didn't help that she had just had another one of her visions and her
friends and her had just returned from slaying the beast that had been the cause of it. The pain of
those visions both physical and mental always stayed with her for quite a while after the fact. She
wanted so badly to be mad at Doyle for giving them to her but she couldn't. She missed and she
guessed loved him too much to do that. Who the Hell had given him permission to die and leave her
alone. Her last boyfriend had left her alone but he had been unfaithful. She guessed in the long run that
was probably easy then him dying on her.
"What are you doing out here?" asked her friend Charles Gunn as he sat down beside her. She
smiled at him. He always made her feel safer even if a vision had told her that he was the one who
needed protection.
"Just thinking. Wesley still asleep at his chair?" she asked him quietly. He nodded.
"You always seem to be thinking after those visions come to you. Are they really as bad as
they look?" he asked her. She shook her head.
"They couldn't possibly look as bad as they feel," she told him bluntly. He rolled his eyes at her
almost whining face.
"How the hell did a skinny beauty queen like you end up with this? Was it from birth?" he
asked her. She glared at him briefly for the insult but answered the question anyway. She figured it
was time to talk about it anyway.
"No, it was a goodbye gift," she said with a sigh. Charles snorted.
"That's one mother of a gift," he said roughly. She shrugged.
"I've had worst," she said honestly.
"Who was this guy anyway?" asked Gunn finally.
"Doyle. And he wasn't just some guy. He was a friend a very good friend that died. And I miss
him very much. And I guess I should have been angrier with him for handing it to me if it wasn't the
only thing I have of him. I need to have something of him," she said mysteriously. Gunn studied her now
rather depressed face. Doyle, he had heard Angel talks of him but they had never meant. Before his
time he supposed. He must have been important to Cordellia though.
"More than just a friend from you're "Knight in shining armor," face," he said never not
saying exactly what popped into his head. But he new Cordy didn't mind she was the same way.
"I don't know. He died before I found out," she suddenly turned towards him, "Do you want to
hear his last words Charles Gunn?" she asked him. He could see the beginning of a tear forming in her
eye and for some reason it really bothered him. He decided then that she could tell him anything she
wanted to. He nodded at her. "'I guess we'll never know if this is a face you could love,'" she said barely
a whisper. This time a tear did spill down her face. "That's me you know Gunn. Little Miss superficial. I
didn't give a damn about anyone but myself. And because if it Doyle never knew how easily I could
have loved him." She started sobbing.
Gunn never did well dealing with crying woman. So he did the only thing he knew how. He tried
to make her laugh.
"Why was he so worried? Did he have a major acme problem?" he asked jokingly. But Cordy
didn't take it as a joke. She growled softly and turned from him. Her sobs stopped and she spoke in a
low bitter voice.
"He was half-demon. You would have killed him as soon as look at that face. But he died
saving the humans who had treated him with contempt all his life. But I guess it didn't really matter
because he was never really accepted by the demons either being a half-breed. He had no one. And I
guess I can take by your total and utter lack of comforting that I must be just what I think I am.
Thank you Gunn goodnight," she said rising. He grabbed her hand and gently pulled back down. He
grabbed her other hand and made sure she faced him.
"Listen I'm sorry. I don't know how to deal with this kind of thing so I joke. As my friend you
should be able to accept that fault. As for what you said about yourself it isn't true. If it was you
would have left this stubborn guy alone to die the night you had a vision about him. And if it was true
your friend would have never given you the power that you have. Do you understand me Cordy," he said
slowly. She nodded but her tears still feel and he let her go. For a while they sat in silence, but finally
Cordy asked a question that had been buzzing in her head for a long time.
"Whose Alina," she finally asked. Gunn whirled around to face her a distressed look on his
face. He said nothing though. "Hey," she said irritated, "I showed you my scar now you show me yours."
He nodded.
"Alina was my sister. I let a group of Vamps that were giving us a lot of trouble take her.
They turned her into a vampire and then I was the one to stake her," he said quickly. Cordellia let the
story wash over her and the pain he must have felt. Slowly and definitely she wiped away her own
tears and prepared to be the comforter not the comforted.
"That story isn't correct Gunn. You didn't let them take her. You made a mistake it happens.
We're all human. You protect the people in your crew with such passion. Do you know how many people
would be dead now in your neighborhood if not for you? Sometimes we can't save the people we love
but that don't make us failures, it makes it us human. Are you listening to me Charles Gunn," she said
sternly. He nodded and wiped the one tear that threatened his eye away.
"Thank you for rescuing me again. But your still I liar I should have saved her," he said
stubbornly. She took his hand and leaned on his shoulder.
"You did the best you could. I can't fight you if you want to blame yourself. But if you
remember my words I'm sure eventually that you'll let go of that feeling. But let me assure you Gunn
that it'll be a while, I know from experience," she said sighing again. He didn't know why but he took
the arm she was leaning on and put it around her.
"I guess we both feel a little lost. But since we're sharing scar stories I have one more question
about yours. How did Doyle give you his power?" he asked. She smiled for the first time since they
started talking. She raised her head and looked into his eyes.
"Like this," she said sweetly kissing him on the lips. He was caught off guard but kissed her
back. When the broke he just looked at her in shock. "Don't worry its still mine. I wouldn't give my gift
away for anything. It had made me a better person. Goodnight Gunn," she said rising and leaving him
there on the stoop.
"Damn lucky," he whispered to himself, "Doyle my friend you definitely knew how to do
business."
By MiaSanada
Cordellia Chase sat on the front step of the new office of Angel Investigations, the one
without the Angel. She stared up at the sky wondering how her life got so messed up. She had come to
LA to become a star and maybe make something of her life. Now she hunted demons with her friends
and tried to talk some sense into her boss, rouge Vampire with a soul that had definitely recently
turned down some bad streets. It didn't help that she had just had another one of her visions and her
friends and her had just returned from slaying the beast that had been the cause of it. The pain of
those visions both physical and mental always stayed with her for quite a while after the fact. She
wanted so badly to be mad at Doyle for giving them to her but she couldn't. She missed and she
guessed loved him too much to do that. Who the Hell had given him permission to die and leave her
alone. Her last boyfriend had left her alone but he had been unfaithful. She guessed in the long run that
was probably easy then him dying on her.
"What are you doing out here?" asked her friend Charles Gunn as he sat down beside her. She
smiled at him. He always made her feel safer even if a vision had told her that he was the one who
needed protection.
"Just thinking. Wesley still asleep at his chair?" she asked him quietly. He nodded.
"You always seem to be thinking after those visions come to you. Are they really as bad as
they look?" he asked her. She shook her head.
"They couldn't possibly look as bad as they feel," she told him bluntly. He rolled his eyes at her
almost whining face.
"How the hell did a skinny beauty queen like you end up with this? Was it from birth?" he
asked her. She glared at him briefly for the insult but answered the question anyway. She figured it
was time to talk about it anyway.
"No, it was a goodbye gift," she said with a sigh. Charles snorted.
"That's one mother of a gift," he said roughly. She shrugged.
"I've had worst," she said honestly.
"Who was this guy anyway?" asked Gunn finally.
"Doyle. And he wasn't just some guy. He was a friend a very good friend that died. And I miss
him very much. And I guess I should have been angrier with him for handing it to me if it wasn't the
only thing I have of him. I need to have something of him," she said mysteriously. Gunn studied her now
rather depressed face. Doyle, he had heard Angel talks of him but they had never meant. Before his
time he supposed. He must have been important to Cordellia though.
"More than just a friend from you're "Knight in shining armor," face," he said never not
saying exactly what popped into his head. But he new Cordy didn't mind she was the same way.
"I don't know. He died before I found out," she suddenly turned towards him, "Do you want to
hear his last words Charles Gunn?" she asked him. He could see the beginning of a tear forming in her
eye and for some reason it really bothered him. He decided then that she could tell him anything she
wanted to. He nodded at her. "'I guess we'll never know if this is a face you could love,'" she said barely
a whisper. This time a tear did spill down her face. "That's me you know Gunn. Little Miss superficial. I
didn't give a damn about anyone but myself. And because if it Doyle never knew how easily I could
have loved him." She started sobbing.
Gunn never did well dealing with crying woman. So he did the only thing he knew how. He tried
to make her laugh.
"Why was he so worried? Did he have a major acme problem?" he asked jokingly. But Cordy
didn't take it as a joke. She growled softly and turned from him. Her sobs stopped and she spoke in a
low bitter voice.
"He was half-demon. You would have killed him as soon as look at that face. But he died
saving the humans who had treated him with contempt all his life. But I guess it didn't really matter
because he was never really accepted by the demons either being a half-breed. He had no one. And I
guess I can take by your total and utter lack of comforting that I must be just what I think I am.
Thank you Gunn goodnight," she said rising. He grabbed her hand and gently pulled back down. He
grabbed her other hand and made sure she faced him.
"Listen I'm sorry. I don't know how to deal with this kind of thing so I joke. As my friend you
should be able to accept that fault. As for what you said about yourself it isn't true. If it was you
would have left this stubborn guy alone to die the night you had a vision about him. And if it was true
your friend would have never given you the power that you have. Do you understand me Cordy," he said
slowly. She nodded but her tears still feel and he let her go. For a while they sat in silence, but finally
Cordy asked a question that had been buzzing in her head for a long time.
"Whose Alina," she finally asked. Gunn whirled around to face her a distressed look on his
face. He said nothing though. "Hey," she said irritated, "I showed you my scar now you show me yours."
He nodded.
"Alina was my sister. I let a group of Vamps that were giving us a lot of trouble take her.
They turned her into a vampire and then I was the one to stake her," he said quickly. Cordellia let the
story wash over her and the pain he must have felt. Slowly and definitely she wiped away her own
tears and prepared to be the comforter not the comforted.
"That story isn't correct Gunn. You didn't let them take her. You made a mistake it happens.
We're all human. You protect the people in your crew with such passion. Do you know how many people
would be dead now in your neighborhood if not for you? Sometimes we can't save the people we love
but that don't make us failures, it makes it us human. Are you listening to me Charles Gunn," she said
sternly. He nodded and wiped the one tear that threatened his eye away.
"Thank you for rescuing me again. But your still I liar I should have saved her," he said
stubbornly. She took his hand and leaned on his shoulder.
"You did the best you could. I can't fight you if you want to blame yourself. But if you
remember my words I'm sure eventually that you'll let go of that feeling. But let me assure you Gunn
that it'll be a while, I know from experience," she said sighing again. He didn't know why but he took
the arm she was leaning on and put it around her.
"I guess we both feel a little lost. But since we're sharing scar stories I have one more question
about yours. How did Doyle give you his power?" he asked. She smiled for the first time since they
started talking. She raised her head and looked into his eyes.
"Like this," she said sweetly kissing him on the lips. He was caught off guard but kissed her
back. When the broke he just looked at her in shock. "Don't worry its still mine. I wouldn't give my gift
away for anything. It had made me a better person. Goodnight Gunn," she said rising and leaving him
there on the stoop.
"Damn lucky," he whispered to himself, "Doyle my friend you definitely knew how to do
business."