Disclaimer: No.

Second Wedding

Companion piece to Second Glance. Following the birth of their second child and a return to relative normalcy, the Stones decide to get married…again. Francis didn't count on the process being quite so arduous.

"So let me get this straight." Francis thumbed the comforter and grimaced. "You find this both fun…and enjoyable?"

Theresa smiled and pulled Francis away from the bed set. "Yes dear. This store is unbelievable and so addictive. It is a woman's dream."

Francis frowned and stared at the shelves of crystal ware. "It's certainly not my dream store."

Theresa smacked her husband lightly on the back of the head. "Your dream store would involve a combination of guns, skateboards, gasoline, and cheeseburgers."

Green eyes went glazy at the very thought of such a store. "That's pretty close. You forgot skimpy lingerie."

Theresa rolled her eyes and thrust several shopping bags into her husband's already full arms. "How silly of me. Now, I really think we could use some more kitchenware, don't you think?"

"I don't think on that matter." Francis grumbled, trying to balance the load in his arms. This was the fifth store they had been to today to register for their second wedding. Their "real wedding" Theresa called it, in which there would be more people than just the bride, groom, minister, and the minister's wife as a witness. Francis didn't see what the big fuss was all about it. They were married, end of story. Apparently not.

To add discomfort to his list of grievances, Francis had no urge at all to remain inside Bed, Bath. And Beyond a moment longer. He had yet to see another male and anything that looked remotely fun. Just things for the bed, bath, and apparently what lay beyond.

Theresa was brandishing a scanner at the shelves, clicking when she saw something she liked so that someone attending the wedding would buy it for her. The couple was in the kitchen supplies aisle.

"What are you doing? We have measuring cups." Francis whined as Theresa flashed the scanner's red light over a dozen cups.

"Yes, but not the collapsible kind."

"Why do you need collapsible measuring cups?"

Theresa paused, frowned, and pointed the scanner at Francis. "Don't question me."

Francis took a step backward. "Okay, okay."

"Now would be a good chance to replace the china too, I think some of my friends from work would chip in and buy the complete set and it would be nice to have some real silver around." Theresa walked across the aisle to the next, Francis following after.

China and silver catalogued, the two continued throughout the store.

"Don't you want to tag this?" Francis toed an inflatable patio set.

"No." Theresa winced.

"Or this?" Francis pointed out a pitcher in the shape of a pig.

Theresa frowned and narrowed her eyes. "Are you being funny?"

"Of course not." Francis deadpanned.

Theresa held her glare a moment longer and then broke into peals of laughter. "Be serious mi amore. I'm looking for practical things that we need."

"Oh yeah, because we need this." Francis pulled a watermelon shaped serving dish out of one of the bags with a grimace.

"That's a gift for someone else." Theresa hurriedly explained, stuffing the dish back into the bag.

Francis nodded at the inflatable furniture. "I thought that would add some spice to our non-existent patio."

Theresa smacked Francis on the arm and dragged him into the linens department.

Later, at the checkout counter. Francis finally found something he actually wanted.

"I need that." The pyro pointed.

Theresa followed his finger and groaned. "No, no way."

"Either buy that or I want a divorce."

"Francis, c'mon. You can't be serious."

"I have never been more serious in my life. I need that." Francis pulled the object in question from its hook and put it on the counter with the rest of their purchases. The saleswoman looked at Theresa with a raised eyebrow.

Theresa picked it up and looked at Francis. He leveled his most pathetic, pleading look at her.

"Oh, damn that adorable face. Fine, yes. We'll get it."

"Yay." Francis smirked.

"So I see the registering went well." Daisy laughed, opening the door to the Hawkins household for Theresa and Francis.

"It went very well. Didn't it Francis?" Theresa took off her coat and looked at her husband, who was busy rummaging through the bags. "Oh no."

"Virgil!" Francis pulled something out of a bag. Virgil stuck his head around the corner. "Look what I got."

Virgil's eyes widened and a grin burst onto his face. "No way!"

"ShamWow!" The two men shouted together.

"Let's see if is as absorbent as that shrill guy claims it is." Francis tore open the packaging and he and Virgil ran into the kitchen. Daisy and Theresa heard splashing and then delighted laughing.

"What's going on?" Adam walked into the room, holding Devon. Taylor and Jesse were just behind him looking confused.

"Hi mom." Jesse ran into his mother's arms. "Where's Dad?"

Theresa and Daisy exchanged looks. "In there." She nodded at the kitchen. "Discovering the delights of ShamWow."

"They have ShamWow?" Adam dropped Devon gently onto the couch and made a beeline for the kitchen.

"What's happening?" Sharon entered the room, holding a sleeping Maddie. She passed the baby off to Theresa and shooed the other children out of the room.

"Men being boys apparently." Daisy joked.

"How's the bride feeling?" Sharon sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to her for Theresa.

Slowly, so as not to wake her daughter, Theresa sat down and smiled. "Well, its fun making Francis obey my every whim. It's almost like I'm pregnant again, without all the discomfort."

Author's Note:

So I was in Bed, Bath, and Beyond buying things for my dorm when I had a sudden thought. How much would Francis hate this place? The answer: so much. So this came about. Then as I was leaving the store and I saw a ShamWow. You all know what ShamWow is, if not you need to watch more late-night infomercials. This is pretty much how I would react if I bought a ShamWow, and thus how Francis would act. I don't own ShamWow, don't sue me. It's short, but cute.

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