Caroline and the Risk
By T.J
I think it was the strangeness of the mattress that finally woke me. I open my eyes and it was still clearly night-time. A pink glow from my right draws my attention and I turn to look and I remember where I am and why.
Joe had slept with his ex girlfriend and I'd got drunk with Annie. I remember coming here to Richard's place.
"Richard, what's wrong with me?" I recall asking. What had his answer been?
"Maybe you just haven't found the right guy yet."
I'm not sure if that was exactly what he said but I knew he meant well. I don't remember much after that, I think I passed out or something.
I sit up slowly squinting to see through the darkness. I look around then I hear it - a soft snore.
I move quietly and lean over the side of the bed. There he is. I smile at his prone shape, so still and vulnerable in his sleep. I move down on the bed so that my face is looking over his.
His mouth, slightly open, emits another soft snore and for the first time I see him without his mask of indifference. I know his life has been rough, that his school days were hellish and his parents had shunned his artistic talents. From a young age he had built a wall - a hard exterior - to prevent himself from being hurt again. I wish I could take that pain - that horrid past away.
But now in his sleep, his brow smooth without the crinkles of worry or pain, I see the child, the man that needs love and acceptance. His long eyelashes brush his face and I long to reach out and touch him.
He slept on the floor for my comfort and it occurs to me that he has done much for me. He painted me Paris after Del, once again, disappointed me. He'd danced with me when Joe had ditched me for his principals. But Richard was always there always offering his help at my times of need.
This man is an enigma sometimes I think I've broken through that that thick exterior but then he clamps up and I'm at a loss again. Once it only annoyed me when he did that but now it hurts deeply and I realise that my feelings for him go beyond friendship.
I love Richard. I know that now. I've been falling in love with him since that fateful day I hired him.
I reach and gently touch his bangs. It's only then that I notice that his skin is cold. I carefully rise from the bed and gather all the blankets. I unfold them and very carefully, one by one, place them over him. I know it would shock him but I lie on the floor and get under the blankets, lying besides him.
He sighs suddenly and a ghost of a smile appears on his face. I notice his mouth and those lush lips, a full bottom lip that begs to be kissed. How would it feel to take that lip between mine, as I kiss him? I smile into the darkness - will I ever find out?
He rolls over and the blankets are taken from my side. I laugh silently and carefully move closer trying to get back beneath them.
I look at his back and recognise the plaid robe he's wearing. I blush as I recall that underneath that is only his pyjama bottoms.
Still cold and barely covered I move closer almost pressing against his back. I gently tug at the blankets pulling them towards me.
"Caroline?"
A moment goes by as I consider whether or not to let him know I'm awake. "Yes." I reply softly.
"What are you….?" I feel him tense and I am quick to reassure him.
"Richard… Shhh! It's okay. You were shivering from the cold, it only seemed fair to share the blankets."
He doesn't say anything but moves to get up.
My hand on his chest stops him. "Don't get up."
He lies down on his back and is still.
I move closer till I'm lying next to him, our bodies barely touching. "Go back to sleep." I command him.
"But…"
I put my arm around him and he flinches.
"Why do you do that?" I ask him sadly.
"Do what?" He asks and even in the dark I can tell he is nervous.
I turn to face him and his face is outlined in a pink glow. "Why do you tense up every time I touch you. Don't you like my touch?" I question him.
Moments tick by.
"It's not that."
"Richard talk to me." I need him to answer more than I care to admit.
"I can't."
I sigh disappointed in his refusal. I try again. "Does my touch repulse you?"
He seems surprised by the very idea. "No of course not."
I snuggle closer encouraged. "Then what is it?"
"Please don't make answer."
He turns on his side his back to me again but this time it is on purpose and I blink back the tears. Perhaps it is the alcohol in my system that gives me the courage but I find myself moving closer, spooning myself against his back. My arm snakes around his waist holding him tightly. "You don't have to be afraid of me Richard."
"Caroline."
I don't know whether that was a warning or a plea. "Richard why can't you tell me?" I whisper into his ear.
His eyes close and his face betrays his anguish but he answers. "Because it will change things between us."
I smile at his admission and dare to hope that my love will be returned. "But what if it's a good change - isn't that worth the risk?"
"But I don't know if the risk is worth it."
I reach out and touch his shoulder wishing to give him my warmth and strength.
He flinches and pulls away. He turns to lie on his back and his eyes are dark and pained as he looks at me but he remains silent.
"Are you attracted to me?" I ask him bravely, knowing one of us has to take the risk.
He nods slowly.
I know he is scared I can almost feel it radiating off him. I smile proudly at him for his answer. "I'm still here."
His brow creases in confusion. "Huh?"
"I'm still your friend and you've just admitted to liking me." I joke kindly. "Don't you see, you can tell me anything and I'll always be your friend?"
He looks away and I roll my eyes in anger. Oh, no, not at him but at those who have helped mould the man before me. My anger is directed at every one who has ever hurt this kind passionate man.
I look at him and I realise then that he needs something from me - a gesture or a word to convey my thoughts. I lean over and turn his face to mine then press my lips to his.
I hear him gasp but he doesn't pull away. I smile as a gently suck his bottom lip between my lips.
I hear a loud groan then and I run my hand through his hair, a simple gesture but one filled with tenderness and love. His hand touch my back and I suck in a deep breath in arousal.
His hands find there way to my head and the kiss becomes more passionate. It is my turn to groan as his tongue slips into my mouth and I grasp his shoulders encouraging him.
He pulls me closer so I'm lying onto of him and I relish every second. I don't fight his impassioned kisses or his roaming hands. I know he needs this contact - this confirmation of my feelings.
When the need for oxygen becomes too great we break the kiss both panting harshly.
"Wow Richard." I confess. "That was amazing."
He laughs and I am so overjoyed I hug him tightly.
"I love you Caroline."
His breath warms my hair as tears burst forth and my face quickly becomes wet. I lift my head and look into his shining brown eyes. "I love you too Richard."
His eyes close and I can tell he feels as joyous as I do. He hugs me tightly almost painfully but I don't mind.
"I want you."
My heart accelerates at his words and I am more than happy to accommodate him. "Thank god, I want you too." I kiss him passionately touching his body as he did mine but my head begins to throb and pain shoots into my skull.
"What's wrong?" He questions me as I pull away.
I kiss him quickly then joke. "Perhaps we could continue this when I haven't got the worst head ache in history."
He laughs. "That bad huh?"
"Worse." I moan. "But perhaps we should wait any way. I don't want out first time together to be a rushed thing." My fingers tease his lips. "I want to spend a long time making love with you."
He kisses each finger. "I want that too." His smile melts me and I know that my resolve is wavering. "So we'll just sleep." I state quickly hoping his self-control is better than mine.
He kisses my forehead and confirms. "We'll just sleep."
"Good night, Love." I whisper as I snuggle into his side.
We hold each other and not even the cold hard floor can dampen our happiness for we know that when the morning comes we will still be together.
The End.