Chapter One: come out and play
Donatella couldn't dream of anything better than this. Sleeping wrapped up in Bucky's arms, it was intoxicating. She woke up that morning to see gentle snow falling outside the window. It was gorgeous, peaceful. Gentle fat flakes drifted down lazily, quietly coating the noisy city with a peaceful layer. She laid there quietly, sufficiently warm next to her favorite person, his breath puffing gently across her cheek. Don loved mornings like this, where she could just gather her thoughts and wake up on her own terms. She would wait to wake Bucky, knowing he deserved the rest. He had been busy these past few weeks, working enough so that he could take time off for their anniversary. She would still be on leave during it, Tony giving her an extensive period of time off to recover from her shattered collarbone and bruised larynx. He had also given her full access to a therapist, and she was grateful for the ability to be able to talk over everything that had happened.
She was struggling, a lot, to come to terms with what had happened. She gained a brother, and a few days later she had lost him by her own actions. It was really hard for her to feel okay with, and she wasn't quite sure if she would ever be the same afterwards. Bucky, of course, had been extremely patient and helpful with her mental state. He was able to speak from experience with most things, but didn't force her to think any certain way, actually letting her muddle through her emotions on her own.
It honestly made her fall in love with him a little more, she'd given even more of herself to him. And he offered up the same, sharing hushed stories and confessions that made her weep for him, for what he'd gone through. She told him more of what had happened, how she felt after taking a life, and he was so understanding, so concerned, yet he gave her as much space as she needed. He was always there when she needed him, always knew exactly what to say, what to do. Bucky gave her affection when she needed it, craved it, a shoulder to cry on, a strong, sturdy pillar in her fogged up daze of pain and confusion. She felt like the rest of the world was just out of her grasp, but he was always there, a steady beacon to pull her out of that hazy place and bring her back into real life.
They had more time to focus on their relationship, and actually discussed their future. He confessed that he wanted to get married and have kids, he craved that normalcy, the escape from his fucked up life. They still weren't sure if he was sterile or not, but they decided they wouldn't go to find out until they were ready to think about kids, which wouldn't be for a while yet, not until they managed to get their feet under them after the shock of her kidnapping. And she told him that she was nervous that she would be a terrible parent, just like her own had been. He understood, but he refused to let her believe that she could ever be like her parents. He reminded her of who raised her, how wonderful of a person Janita was, and he looked so sure of what he was saying that she believed him. If she could ever be even a little bit like her adoptive mother, she would be happy.
Bucky just wanted her to be happy. And she was, she truly was happy with him, no matter the snide comments Tony would make or the concerned looks that Steve and Sam would give them. She knew they were different, she knew their lives were fucked up and it wouldn't always be easy. But no relationship was easy, she'd had enough to at least know that. And all that she cared about was that Bucky was worth the work, he was worth every small bit of struggle she'd had since meeting him, because the pros outweighed the cons by a few tons.
And he felt the same. He knew that he would do anything for her, to protect her, to make her happy. He made sure to make time for her, always, even if it was just a few minutes each day he'd make sure she knew how much he cared for her, whether it was bringing her a handful of flowers or making her dinner or even just telling her. He could always make her smile, no matter what she was feeling.
Bucky's breaths stuttered as he rolled over, pushing his hair out of his face as he blinked himself awake. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, stretching his arms over his head before turning back towards her, draping his arm comfortingly over her waist. A lazy smile grew over his face as he focused on her, his glimmering blue eyes drooping with sleep. She gave him a small smile back, tracing her hand over his chest.
"Good morning, Baltimore." she teased, and his smile widened.
"I still don't know what that means." he chuckled, pressing his face closer to her neck, taking in a deep breath. "How did you sleep?" he asked, pressing a small kiss to her almost completely healed neck. The bruises were a very pale yellow, and should be gone within a few days. He pecked the spot just behind her ear, inhaling deeply.
"I slept alright. I didn't have great dreams." she admitted. His lips pursed against her skin before he pulled back, eyes meeting hers with a concerned look.
"Was it him again?" he asked, and she frowned before giving a slight nod. He sighed, bringing his hand up to stroke through her hair, which had been dyed back to its normal color after her disastrous roots showed far too much for her liking.
"It was pretty standard, him dead in front of me." she tilted her head into his comforting touch. He frowned again, brows furrowing, and she reached up with her fingertips to smooth out the lines. "It's okay, Buck. I'm fine, I just wish I didn't have to dream about it."
"I wish I could make it all go away." he sighed. She gave a weak smile, pressing her fingers into his cheek and forcing one side of his lips up.
"Trust me, you help more than you could ever know." she laughed. "Now stop looking so sad, I'm thinking about making waffles for breakfast, what do you think?" she asked conspiratorially.
"I think that as long as we have real syrup and powdered sugar, I will have waffles." he smiled, leaning closer to her.
"You eat way too much sugar, you know." she wrinkled her nose as he pressed a kiss to the tip of it. He chuckled as he pulled back, eyes glimmering with mirth.
"You're one to talk, you put peanut butter on everything." he teased. She rolled her eyes, untangling herself from his arms to sit up and glance back out the window.
"I think we should make breakfast and then lay on the couch all day, and watch the snow come down. It's supposed to be a blizzard." she said in a hushed tone, and his smile widened.
"I love the way you think." he sat up as well, stretching once more, and she let her eyes rake over his form. That smooth, tanned muscle, the glint of metal from his arm, the way his shorts hung low on his hips and revealed that small trail of hair… god, he was like a Renaissance painting, he belonged in a museum he was so perfect. How the hell did she ever get so lucky to end up with someone like this? "What are you looking at?" he asked, snapping her from her ogling.
"You." she replied bluntly, and he rolled his eyes at her, shooting her the look that she loved so much. His lips pouted out deliciously, but his eyes were playfully annoyed.
"Take a photograph, it'll last longer." he teased.
"It's take a picture, Buck, not photograph. God, you're lucky I love you." she smiled as she slid out from under the covers, stepping onto the cool hardwood with bare feet. She shivered and grabbed a fluffy white robe from where it hung on the bedpost, wrapping up in it as she felt the chill in the air around her. "Is the heat even on?" she whined, padding out of the bedroom to go and check the thermostat.
"I turned it down last night, something smelled like it was burning." he replied, and she huffed with annoyance.
"Yeah, it was me roasting myself. Will you please start the coffee maker? A hot cup sounds amazing right now?" she asked, shivering as she turned the heat back up. He nodded and stepped past her, of course still shirtless. The cold didn't really bother him all that much.
Snow in March wasn't unheard of, in New York it was pretty much always snowing as long as it was cold enough. She couldn't wait for spring to start though, she really missed the sun. It seemed like whenever she was with Bucky, it was dark and snowy, and they never really got to do anything, like go to the beach, or, well, even go outside without jackets and mittens and boots.
"Do you want bacon?" Bucky asked softly after the coffee maker started. She thought for a moment before giving a vigorous nod. He gave her a slight smile back, opening the fridge and pulling out the package as she began to mix up the batter. She loved their mornings together, speaking in hushed tones as they woke up, working in tandem to make breakfast. It was quiet, private, and it meant so much to her to be able to have someone to hide away from the rest of the world with. They didn't speak after that, both looking out the window at the waking city. It was still slightly dark, the sun still in the middle of rising. It took awhile for the weak beams of light to brighten up the sky in the winter, but that was fine with her.
"How did you sleep? I forgot to ask." Don questioned as she put a plate of waffles on the table, Bucky's precious sugar and syrup already sitting and waiting. She slid into a seat, watching the steam curl up from the surface of her coffee. He slumped down, scratching the seam between his torso and his metal shoulder absentmindedly.
"I had great dreams." he smiled down at her as he started making his plate. "You were in them, so what could I complain about?"
"I'm always with you, don't you ever get sick of me?" she teased, pouring syrup over her plate. He rolled his eyes, giving her a smirk.
"Sometimes. But, I think I'd rather always be with you than always be apart." his face fell after a moment. "You know, I think we should do something nice for Steve. Invite him over for dinner, or something… it's been a year since he, well, lost Peggy." he revealed. Her stomach curled painfully, her heartstrings being tugged at the thought of Steve being alone during this time of year.
"You're right." she nodded, taking a sip of her coffee after she doctored it up. "Should we have him over tonight? Tony too, maybe? They're close."
"No, I'd think Natasha would be better in this type of situation." he gave a sharp shake of his head, and she pursed her lips. He always shot her down when she wanted to have Tony or Peter over.
"If you say so." she took a large bite of her waffle, and he sighed.
"Usually, I'd say no to Tony for no reason. But this time, I'm serious." his eyes pleaded with her to understand. "I want him to feel comfortable here, not like he has to be prepared for a snarky comment or something inappropriate. Plus, Nat was there for him when Peggy died, and Tony wasn't." he explained.
"I believe you." she shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment before continuing. "I think you're right. This time." she added at the end with a small smile. He grinned back, relieved she was seeing it his way.
"Here, a compromise. We have Steve over for dinner with just Nat tonight, just this one time. And then, next week, after we celebrate our anniversary, we can have Peter and Tony over. But only if Sam is not allowed anywhere near this apartment." he held his finger up threateningly. "I cannot handle all three of them at the same time."
"Agreed. I'll hold you to it, no backsies, okay?" she grinned teasingly at him. He gave a weak grin back before picking up his own coffee and taking a large gulp.
"Definitely. Don't worry, I promise I won't back out." he stood quickly, glancing around the kitchen. "Do you know where my cellular phone is, by any chance?" he asked sheepishly.
"Please stop calling it that!" she groaned, and he laughed before picking it up off the counter.
"I'm going to go call Steve. I guess we won't have our lazy day on the couch after all." he sighed.
"Hey, we've got the rest of our lives for that." she grinned.
"Of course we do. Because you're my girl." he smiled.
"Always." she replied as he backed out of the room, a dopey happy look plastered on his face.
As long as they had each other they would be just fine.
…
"So Steve, how did it go with Audrey?" Natasha asked as they sat down to eat. Steve's shoulders tensed, and Donatella was worried he would get offended.
"She didn't even know who the Andrews sisters were. I almost walked out right then and there." he scoffed, and Donatella felt a bark of laughter escape her at his incredulousness.
"Yeah, she definitely wasn't a keeper then." Bucky shook his head with a smirk.
"Steve, you can't dump every girl who doesn't understand your old-timey references." Natasha scolded him, taking a sip of deep red wine. The woman had dressed up for the occasion, in a dark black cocktail dress that hugged her curves tightly.
"I can and I will." he replied, causing the rest of them to laugh.
"How've you been, kid?" Bucky clapped his hand on Steve's shoulder. They were seated at the small dining table, the two childhood friends sitting on one side and her and Natasha just across from them.
"It could be better. There's a lot of cleanup with the rest of the HYDRA stragglers, but Arnold has been a great help." Steve gave a sincere smile to Donatella.
"I still can't believe you named him after the Terminator." Natasha chuckled, shaking her head.
"I didn't mean about work, Steve, I mean how are you doing about Peggy?" a hush fell over the table as they all awaited his response. Steve set his fork down before leaning back in his chair.
"I knew there was an ulterior motive to this dinner. My own best friend won't even invite me over until he's worried about me." Steve joked. Nobody laughed, but Don attempted to give him an encouraging smile.
"You're always welcome to come over, Steve." Donnie said, and he nodded at her before he responded.
"Well, I'm fine. Really. I just keep getting caught up in what could have been…" he sighed, shaking his head, and Natasha placed a comforting hand over his. He gave a small smile in return, and Bucky frowned.
"Steve, you've gotta leave the past where it belongs." Bucky said quietly. Steve nodded, his eyes filling with emotion, and Donatella felt her heart break a little bit.
"It's hard to. It doesn't feel like it was that long ago that she was…" he struggled to find the words, staring down at his palms, a pained expression on his face.
"We understand, Steve." Natasha replied, a strong tone at the table as she gave him a fierce look. "But like Barnes said, the past is in the past. Peggy held a full life, and she wouldn't want you to sit here and feel sorry for yourself thinking 'what if' all the time."
"There's always gonna be a part of you that loves her. But I think it's time to move on, Steve. You can't keep dumping girls because they're not Peggy." Bucky frowned. Steve glanced between the two of them, a determined look coming over his face before he nodded.
"You're right. You're absolutely right. I've been focusing way too much on her recently." he sighed.
"We aren't saying you need to forget her." Donatella shook her head, glancing at Bucky before continuing. "But you need to start moving forwards. We can all tell that you've been stuck in a rut. We just want you to be happy, Steve." Bucky gave her an encouraging smile as she finished, and she gave a small grin back.
"I suppose you'll just have to find a doctor to hold hostage until they fall in love with you." Natasha teased, and Bucky's face fell into a scowl.
"Okay, that is not what happened." he crossed his arms, nearly pouting as Donatella laughed.
"It kind of is, you know." she teased Bucky, and he groaned, dropping his head into his hands.
"Definitely isn't." he mumbled, and Steve clapped his hand on his friend's shoulder.
"I don't know, I did see you throw her over your shoulder and then jump down a few flights of stairs. It feels like a hostage situation to me." Steve shrugged.
"Kinda felt like it in that moment." Don smirked as she sipped her wine. Bucky shot her a look before taking in a deep breath.
"I was only doing that because I didn't want to lose her, I don't know if you remember but we were under attack!" he defended himself.
"Okay, okay, we believe you." Natasha rolled her eyes, sharing a look with Donnie as she hid a laugh behind the rim of her glass.
"So when are you coming back to work, Donnie? Stark has a countdown started, but I wasn't sure what the number was." Steve smiled at her.
"Well, it should be in two weeks." she frowned, swirling her glass. Steve gave a small nod and a grin.
"Well, we'll all be happy to see you come back." Steve replied, and it was quiet for a moment as they ate, the only noises were forks scraping against plates and glasses clinking on the table.
"How have things been going with therapy?" Natasha brought up casually, giving her a sidelong glance. Bucky shot Nat an annoyed look.
"Pretty well, actually." she revealed. Natasha smiled at her, a look of pride coming over her face. "I'm glad you recommended him to me, he's helped me out a lot."
"You go to therapy?" Steve stared at Natasha, a thoughtful look coming over his features.
"Of course. I've had to go through a lot of adjustments since the Red Room. There was no way I could handle it all on my own." she confessed. "It's important to understand when you need help."
"Amen. Glad someone understands." Donatella grinned, raising her glass. Natasha shot her a smirk.
"Well, that is why women rule the world." Natasha chuckled.