Title: Demon World, Meet Modern Technology!
General Pairings: Yuuri/Wolfram, Yuuri/Saralegui, Shinou/Daikenja
Extra Pairings for this Chapter: None
Chapter 1: Pineapples, Motherfuckers, and Awkward Baths
"Murata, at a time like this, your input would be nice."
"I'm not sure how I feel about this, Shibuya. While being able to text makes things easier when it comes to getting a message across more quickly, texting has also caused many problems on Earth. People don't write as well as they used to, and the romanticism of letters being sent is quickly fading away... but there are still a lot of pros to this idea. Still, I can think of way too many cons..."
"Yeah, like accidentally sending an auto corrected message that makes the one you love think you screwed a pineapple..."
"Do I wanna know? ...Okay, I definitely wanna know." Murata said with a huge grin.
"My dad has some unfortunate things happen to him. So does Shouri."
"Ha! Way to go brother of my friend! Still, should we really do this?"
"How many issues could have been avoided if we had simply been able to text each other or call each other when the going got tough? We could also introduce computers so that we can have conferences with kings from other countries without having to travel all the way there, and also since Wolfram always gets so sick from those trips, it's good for him too."
"Ahh, thinking of your fiance, aren't you?"
"Shut up!" Yuuri blushed a little bit, and continued explaining the benefits of this plan. "Plus, if we all just called each other first, we may be able to avoid more wars starting!"
"But people can also communicate much faster, making it to where people all over will experience 'Foot in Mouth Syndrome', and also 'I Think I Will Go Out of My Way to Dig Myself into This Pit Syndrome', and not to mention 'I Feel Like a Colossal Jackass Today Because The Neighbors' Loud Angry Sex Woke Me Up at 3am, So I Will Accidentally Call My Dad a Motherfucker and Go to My Friend's House while Running So Fast I Fall Down a Massive Incline that Should Probably be Illegal in Most Places, and Get into My Friend's Tub with My Clothes On and Go to a Country in Another World After Pissing My Friend Off for Waking Him Up At 3:10, and Then Not Explaining the Problem and Still Refusing to Do So Syndrome'."
"Murata..." Yuuri looked mad.
"Maybe I shouldn't have reminded you about that. Go ahead and go through with this plan, okay? Just promise me that everyone's brains won't turn to mush, and that we can still keep the beauty of the written word. Okay?"
"Fine, but I still need to have words with you about that last 'syndrome'."
"Yeah, yeah... good luck!" Murata took off running. Yuuri decided to save his breath, though he briefly had thought about calling after him. He knew that the 'good luck' also had to do with trying to figure out what the hell happened at 3am. He couldn't help but smile, thinking that as far as challenges go, this one would be pretty fun...especially if he got everybody else involved in bugging the crap out of the Great Sage until he caved and told them about it. After all, how personal could it possibly be?
.X.O.X.O.X.
"Personally, I think this is a good idea."
"Yuuri, this may be a good idea, but if all of the cons in the Great Sage's mind turn out right, is it worth it? How are you going to make something like this work?" Wolfram said as he rubbed some shampoo into his gorgeous blonde hair.
"I have actually been working on this for awhile with Anissina." Yuuri said as he leisurely soaked in the huge bath. Wolfram nearly cracked his skull on the ground by flailing a bit when he mentioned the crazy redheaded inventor.
"Since when, you cheating wimp!? Well, now that I think about it, you two have no chemistry whatsoever. Pun not intended." Wolfram said, going from panicking, to psychotic, to calm in less than three seconds. "Of course, you do cheat with anything with legs." he glared at the soukoku over his shoulder as he went back to scrubbing his hair, mad at him once again for no real reason. Yuuri, being used to this by now, didn't bother to dignify any of his jealous words with an answer and continued to explain why this was a good idea.
"I brought over documents to show her how to build cell towers so we can use the cellphones to communicate, and let her take apart a basic phone that can only be used for texting and calling so she can see how those are assembled. She has figured out how to connect them already and start building those things here. We will start by building towers in Shin Makoku, and then ask our allies Caloria, Francia, and Small Shimaron if they would like these towers as well. Oh crap! I just realized I need to show Anissina how to make satellites or we can never communicate overseas! Dammit! I'll be right back!" Yuuri quickly teleported home to get the information. He was back within a few minutes, and Wolfram was already in the bath, soaking. Where Yuuri came up was in a very awkward place.
"That was fast considering the time lapse." Wolfram said. Yuuri realized he was between Wolfram's spread legs. The Maou screamed like a girl and flailed a few feet away from Wolfram. The blonde thought it was hilarious. He didn't laugh, but he did smile, and his eyes showed that he thought his reaction was just about the best thing ever. Not to mention Yuuri's blush was funny and cute. He was pretty sure that standard tomatoes weren't even that red in most regions. The soukoku gulped, cleared his throat, and then looked away from his accidental fiance, and spoke.
"Shouri found them and knew I'd be right back for them. I was only gone for a few seconds." Wolfram looked at the documents in waterproofed, clear containers. They were like ziplock bags, only bigger, and more useful.
"You were gone for ten minutes here." Wolfram said.
"Wow... we really need to figure out the exact amount of time lapsed between both worlds whenever I leave. No wonder everyone gets so upset when I think I've only been gone for an hour... or a couple of days..."
"I think that kind of study would be more useful than making these towers."
"I'll look into it. I'll dedicate a day just to teleporting between worlds until I figure out whether or not the time elapsed is always the same, or if it varies any." Yuuri quickly dunked his head under to rinse himself off a little better. "I'm getting out." he grabbed a towel and got out of the tub, trying to be as decent as he could. Wolfram, however, was still enjoying making the Maou squirm, so he decided to dry himself off without any shred of decency whatsoever. Yuuri accidentally caught a glimpse of the entire universe, and then looked away quickly, a tomato once again.
"Hurry up and put some clothes on, brat!" Yuuri said, walking away, his back looking tensed up from the awkwardness of it all.
"I'll do that, wimp." Wolfram said affectionately, as well as teasing him. Why? Because this was a lot more fun than being mad at his fiance for every little thing, that's why.
Welcome to the best crackfic you've ever had the pleasure to read! I am up to chapter 7 so far. Reviews help me feel motivated to post faster!
NOTE: I JUST finished the whole series and the OVAs, and I have never played the games, read the novels, or gotten to enjoy the manga, so if I forget how certain characters address each other, it is fine to remind me.
SECOND NOTE: I will throw in some Japanese words like "soukoku", "Daikenja", "ore no Daikenja", and stuff like that at times.
THIRD NOTE: There is a reason why things are going to get so much crazier soon. It isn't just a failure as a writer making characters OOC. HINT: Read the description!
FOURTH NOTE: I don't have Microsoft Word, so I hope I didn't do too badly on the spelling and grammar! If you see any issues, please let me know!
Soukoku=Double black. Having black eyes and black hair is rare in the Demon World.
Daikenja=Great Sage
Ore no Daikenja=My (Great) Sage. It is how Shinou regularly refers to Murata. I interchangeably use the English words 'my Sage' and the Japanese words 'ore no Daikenja' depending on which suits the situation better. I love how he says it though, especially in Japanese. God, I love ShinouXDaikenja! They are probably my current favorite pairing! My OTP!