I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, And am no more worthy to be called your son: make me as one of your hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father."
~~Luke 15:18-19
There was not much that could do this to him.
Not much that could bring such a posing figure such as this to their knees.
And yet here he wept.
Thunder shook the skies under the swirling mess of an archangels grace, fallen or not, he was still one of the Four. One of the ones who had created this masterpiece of a planet, one of the cardinal winds, one of the four elements, he was still Two. Still Second.
Only to Michael though.
He sat there, on his knees, head bowed and tears crashing to the ground louder then anything else in this God Forsaken plain. This was not the picture of evil, not the horned demon hellbent on destruction, this was a son tired of fighting and tired of losing.
A son tired of being alone.
There was many things that was expected of him at his release; vengeance, destruction, Hell on Earth, just to name a few. But as fate would have it, Lucifer had been silent since the time of his release from the cage.
Sam had expected him to come, been prepared and waiting for a battle of wills as Satan tried to goad him into giving permission to use him as a vessel. But there was no such thing.
In fact if he hadn't been the very reason for Lucifer's release he would have never thought that he was really out there waiting to rain fire down on them all and destroy humanity in a heart beat.
No, Lucifer was silent. He hadn't spoken to him, hadn't come to him or tried to contact him in any way, things on his end had been completely and utterly silent.
Lucifer turned tear stained eyes up towards the Heaven's, knowing He wasn't really there but it still felt good to pretend that even though He wasn't around to hear him, there was still Someone there to talk to.
It had been forever since he had last spoken to his Father and he silently wondered if God even listened to him anymore.
Had he been so completely shunned?
He did not want to fight his brother, he knew that he could put up a good fight but in the end Michael would surely kill him, for he could not do so to his brother. The one who had raised him and taught him everything he knows.
"I don't..I don't know if you can hear me anymore...You know I haven't done this in eons upon eons...But...I...Dad?"
Pausing there, as if waiting for some sort of reply he hasn't actually gotten in how long now? A burning bush? Anything? Lucifer sucks in a breath, bowing his head even lower, tears falling onto the blades of grass like little balls of ice.
"Dad...I...I'm sorry...Please Father Almighty...please may I come home?..."
It hadn't been worth it, all that he had done, and though it had taken him this long locked inside of a cage with no one but himself and the voices his mind liked to tease him with, it hadn't been worth losing his family over.
Losing his the love of his Father.
None of that had been worthy of his punishment.
Given the chance, in this moment, he'd take it all back.
Sobs wracked his shoulders at that moment, shaking them in time with the quakes of the earth when it danced to its silent melody, and he hunched. Lightening flashed through the sky as his wings came into being. Large, four in total, and colored so beautifully, came to rest on his back. Splayed out as he bent.
Roses and pinks all in different shades illuminated by bright lightning, and Lucifer bowed completely, bent at the waist with his temple to the grasses. Little drops of water slithered down the blades of green into the soil beneath him.
"Be merciful to me, O God,
because of your constant love.
Because of your great mercy
wipe away my sins.
Wash away all my evil,
and make me clean from my sins."
His feathers shifted in the wind as it seemed to change, in a dance of its own, twirling away and upward in a rhythmic melody that had been in its design since creation.
Still those shoulders shook, still his eyes wept, and his fingers remained together as he lay there face down in the green grass.
"I recognize my faults;
I am always conscious of my sins.
I have sinned against you-only against you-
and done what you consider evil.
So you are right in judging me;
you are justified in condemning me.
I have been evil from the day I was born;
from the time I was conceived, I have been sinful."
The storm raged harder, rain pelting down from the sky, like little knives stabbing into his wings. Cold rain fell, seeping between his feathers, and soaking the wing underneath. But still he kneel there, tears mixing, hid from plain view.
The sky weeping with him.
"Create a pure heart in me, O God,
and put a new and loyal spirit in me.
Do not banish me from your presence;
do not take your holy spirit away from me.
Give me again the joy that comes from your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
Then I will teach sinners your commands,
and they will turn back to you."
A hand touched his wings, gentle and warm, and it was enough that Lucifer sucked in a breath of humbled shock. He held this breath as the wind carried the voice with it, spinning it to his ear.
"I have hoped and prayed to hear your voice again, My Morning Star."
Lucifer shook under the kind voice, soft, and so full of infinite Love.
"Please Father...I bow at your feet...Please let me come home...Please do not reject my humble and repentant heart."
The storm thundered loud and for a moment Lucifer felt fear.
But then that moment passed and he was filled with indescribable calm.
"I have longed every moment to hear those words from you. You have always held a place in My Home, My Light-bearer, My Heylel."
Fingers sifted through his feathers and he sobbed only that much harder.
"I am sorry Father...More then I can express...Please...I beg your forgiveness..."
"And you have always had it. You only need ask for it, My Son."
And then he was full on sobbing, snot and tears mixing, uncontrollable and unending. Waves and waves of raging cries wrenched from deep in his grace. Shattered as it was.
Eons upon eons of solitude, silence, and misery rolling from his wings.
He shook with their force.
But he was not alone.
He was joined on the ground, hands taking hold of his face, turning his eyes upwards with the tenderness of a parents love. Thumbs brushed under his eyes collecting the tears as they fell as he stared straight into those stunning blue eyes.
They shined, glistened with love and happiness, a smile creased an older face.
Dark curls framing him like a halo.
A crown.
"Do not cry, My Child, do not work yourself up so. I will wipe your tears dry and hold you up now."
But that only made him cry harder. More tears to fall. And He was there, thumbs wiping them as they did, arms pulling him into a strong solid chest.
"I will embrace you once more, and carry you until you can carry yourself again, I will love you eternal and warm you wholly. My love, My sweet, My precious child."
Lucifer clutched to Him, hands fisting into His shirt He wore, knuckles popping as he buried himself in that scent. That Warmth. That wholeness.
"Your pain shall cease and your suffering shall end, you will come home to Me, where you have always and will forever belong."
A hand, large and encompassing, but so so warm cupped the back of his head and fingers scratched at his scalp precisely. Tenderly and in comfort.
"And I will heal you, make you whole again, and you shall shine brighter then ever."
Lucifer was floating, it felt like, floating on a cloud so soft and warm that it was too good to be true. His mind was sure this was a trick, a conjuring of false hope, a delusional fantasy designed to break him.
But the body before him was whole, and the chest was solid, and he sank into it more. A hand still scratching at his scalp he felt a chin rest upon his hair.
"But for now I will hold you, shower you in the love that was always meant for you, and we shall never be parted again. For you are My child, and I your Father, and they your Family. And we have missed you with every passing moment."
He drifted off, to a peaceful slumber, wings limp against his back, his face still pressed to His chest with those arms wrapped securely around him.
And then the clouds parted.
The Sun shining brighter then ever.
"But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him."
~~Luke 15:20