I can't believe that he's dead. I don't want to, but I Felt him die... Well, that isn't precisely the truth. I just knew when the Death Bell tolled that it did so for my father. When I talk about Father, I write not of my father the King Randale, but of the Herald-Mage Vanyel. Many do not know of this. In fact, the only people that know that I am the daughter of Herald-Mage Vanyel and King's Own Herald Shavri rather than the daughter of King Randale and King's Own Herald Shavri are myself, Van, Mother, Randale, and Stef. He is was Vanyel's lifebonded so I'm glad that he knew. It was only right. I've always been close to Van. He was the one that first tested me for mind- magic after I told him that I felt him in my mind. I'll always remember him. When I was little, I told him that he felt all blue-glowy and swirly in my mind. He told me that story so many times that I can almost remember. I can just picture the incredulous look that he must have had when I, a mere child with only six years, told him that I felt his aura in my mind. Stefan came to visit me as soon as he reached the castle. He was worn haggard and obviously suffering. We wept together. He was the only one that I could mourn with if one takes the time to think about it. I haven't told Treven yet, although I'm sure that I will eventually. He has so much to deal with, what with being heir and all, so I don't want to burden him with that. My mother and Randale I can't go to. Randale is to sick and Mother is so weak. All that they have the energy to focus on is each other. At first I clung to Stef for comfort, but then I realized that he needed my comfort more than I ever would need his. Like I said before, the two were lifebonded. All I had to do was imagine Treven gone. Imagining that portion of my mind that revolves around him empty. I used my Empathy as well as I could. I'm afraid that there's really nothing to be done for him. Only time will ease the ache that he has. Gods I miss Vanyel. Just knowing that he was around, or would be around, was so much better than this. It's true that you don't know what you have until all of the sudden. you don't have it. When people have told me that before I always laughed them off, but now I know that they were right. When Van is remembered by those who never have or will meet him, I know that they will only remember the part of him that the ballads sing about. In a way that saddens me. Because the part of Van that become depressed, that craved to fit in. In essence, all of his faults will be forgotten. It just makes me want to cry even more. However, the part of me that is not clouded by grief keeps telling me that Crying over that will help nothing. It's not fair! We need him here in Valdemar! He was the only remaining Herald-Mage and now there is no one left! Who is going to train or even recognize if the new trainees have the mage Gift? How will Valdemar protect itself against the Karsite mages? Everything seems so hopeless! I look down at this scraped piece of vellum, knowing that, within a quarter of a candlemark, this tear-stained page will be nothing but ashes. I want to keep it in a way, but there are too many secrets in here. If anyone were to see this, even if it was Treven, I don't think that that would be very good. Much of this is information that mustn't be discovered because if it were. A queen, for that is what I am in all but name, mustn't show weakness.